Bury Me

I lean my head against Ian’s shoulder as I blankly stare out the café window. I can’t believe I just did that to Jared over the phone. How did it get like this? I would have never done this to him in the past.

“Earth to Willow.” Axelle says as she waves her mimosa in my face. “You alright there?”

I lift my head off of Ian’s shoulder and nod my head yes. “I’m good. I’m still hungover as hell. I think twenty five is finally kicking in.” I tease.

Ian ruffles my hair. “Can’t hang with the adults, I see. Twenty six is going to be really rough on you.”

I push his hand away from me. My phone lights up on the table showing that Jared text me for the fifth time. I’ve ignored him for at least twenty four hours. I might be considered the worst girlfriend leaving him hanging like I did but I don’t know what to say to him. I can’t take it back because I’d be lying to myself if I did.

I know that I love Jared. I knew that with every ounce of my being but something deep within begged for more. I don’t know anything outside of Jared and his world. I knew if I could wait just a little longer, he would be home. I’d be graduated; we would be free to do whatever we wanted….as long as it wasn’t public.

How would I be the next time he left? Would I spiral out of control, again? Would I be less stressed because I’m no longer in school, but what about work? I still would have to wait up to a year or maybe more just to see him in between tours. I sound pathetic, I know. I signed up for this life style and he was never going to quit doing what he loved and I would never ask him too.

I gently grab my phone from the table. The screen lights up as I scroll through the phone numbers. I take in a hesitant breath before pressing my father’s number. I feel my hands lightly tremble knowing that I can ruin everything with a single text message. ‘I’m going to see if I can get my diploma before graduation…is that spot still open at the firm?’ I quickly press send and exit out of the message.

I take a deep breath in and set my phone back on the table. My eyes meet Axelle’s and I know the guilt is showing on my face. Ian lightly drapes his arm around my shoulder.

“I won’t ask questions because you look guilty but I hope you didn’t do what I think you just did.” Axelle’s eyes are piercing my soul and she’s searching for an answer, an answer that I can’t give her much like I did to Jared before.

My phone lights up and shows my father has text me back. I lightly grab it and read his text message. ‘Of course honey. Anything for you. I’m glad you came to your senses. Keep me posted.’

I slip my phone into my purse. “Nah. I’m not that sneaky.” I lie. “But I uh. I should get going. I um. I need to go clean my house after our destruction the other night.”

Ian lets me slide out of the booth. He grabs me into a tight hug and gently kisses my forehead. “Hey,” He quietly whispers. “I don’t know what you’re going through but we’re here for you, kitten.” He lightly pulls away and pats my shoulder. “Ok?”

I nod my head. I feel guilty but I don’t want to show it. “I know.”

Axelle remains seated. “Are you just going to walk or do you need a ride?” her brows furrow and those eyes could easily put me to death if she stared long enough.

“Nah. I’ll just walk. It’s not that far.” I feel at ease as I walk out the café door.

I hope I’m making the right choice. If everything was meant to be then it would all fall into place. That’s how life worked right? Let him go and if it’s meant to be he will come back to me? I never believed in that sang. I don’t know why I’m trying to convince myself of it now.

When I arrived at my front door I am confronted with the last person I’d suspected to be confronted with. She usually didn’t come by unless it was emergency oriented. I feel nervous as I walk closer to her. She looks at me with concern resting her eyes but not the panic kind like something bad had happened. She’s looking at me with that worried mothering look. Jared must have talked to her.

“Hey, Constance.” I give her a light hug and expect her to let go but she’s not letting go.

“Honey, I think we should talk.”