Skirts vs. Jeans

Vic, Jaime and Lexi were swimming. Me, Tony and Mike were sitting with our stuff, the new couple sharing a banana split.

I had my legs pulled up to my chest, my arms wrapped around them and my cheek resting on my knees. I sighed.

"Okay, Kells, you're getting annoying." Tony said, turning and facing me. "That's like the fith million time you've sighed, what's up?"

I shrugged and pulled my face off my knees, pulling my arms away and letting my legs lay out in front of me. "I dunno. Just a crap day."

"We're at the beach, man. At least fake being happy." Mike said, peering at me.

I stood up, brushing off sand that got on my ass. "I'm going to go for a walk." I walked away from them, walking along the beach.

After my half an hour walk, I walked back to our group, seeing the others were out from the water. I stood a few meters away and just stared, watching them smile and laugh.

Since when did my life become a bloody reality TV show? Since when was I in a fanfiction? Or your typical romance anime. It's annoying and I hate it. I hate myself for being this way. I hate myself for being stereotypical. I just... Hate myself.

I took in a deep breath and shook my head, walking over to the group. I gave them all a grin and jumped on to Vic's lap, chatting with everyone.

———

We were all going for the last swim before we headed to Lexi's house for the night. Jaime, Lexi, Tony and Mike were playfully fighting in the water. Me and Vic stood away from them, talking to each other.

"Are you okay, Angel?" Vic asked, bringing his arm up from the water and pushing some hair out of my face. "You've been off all day. And don't say nothing, I can tell your sad."

I sighed and stepped closer to him, wrapping my arms around his middle and nuzzling my head under his chin, looking at the horizon. "I honestly don't know.." I whispered.

"I've just felt shit all day. I woke up and just felt like a robot, then my brain pointed out everything bad about me and my body, then my brains been spitting nonsense and just-.... I feel like crying."

"Oh, Kells.." Vic moved his hand, resting it on my cheek and making me look at him. "You're perfect to me, okay? Your flaws are what make you perfect."

"I love you, from the brown roots of your hair to the dirt under your toenails. Your personality it- oh don't get me started. You're so sassy and such a diva, but you have the looks of an innocent doll. You can be sweet and compassionate, but as soon as someone steps out of line, you put them back in place."

"You're an amazing person, okay? Don't listen to the haters, to the assholes who need to put people down to make themselves feel better. We're teenagers, our brains are just being hormonal, we're going through changes, you're going to feel that way."

"But, you will always be perfect to me. Actually, that's not true. If you ever cheat or something like that, then.. Yeah. But, remember that I'm always here if you ever feel down. I don't care if it's ten at night or three in the morning."

"I love you, Kellin Quinn Glitter Bostwick. I. Love. You."

I had tears in my eyes as I gazed into Vic's eyes which also had tears. I pressed my lips to his and kissed him softly but passionately.

His lips moved in sync with mine, his strong arms holding me close and making me feel safe. His tongue entered my mouth and we had a battle of dominance, him, of course winning.

We eventually pulled away for air, taking big gasps of oxygen in. "I love you too, Victor Vincent Fuentes."

He grinned at me and I grinned back. Vic pressed his lips back against mine and we kept kissing. Fireworks were going on in my stomach, a celebration. I really am truly in love. I love Vic Fuentes.

———

We were at Lexi's now. We were all huddled in her living room under blankets. Her and Jaime were sitting in a large recliner, a large warm blanket over them and a pillow.

Mike and Tony stole the couch and were cuddled together on it, sharing two large blankets and two pillows.

That left me and Vic stuck on the floor. Vic sat leant against the couch, a blanket draped over his shoulders and back. I sat in between his legs, a blanket that was pooling at my waist and a pillow on top of my lap.

We were watching movies. Horror movies to be exact. A horror movie marathon. Only, Jaime and Lexi fell asleep. So it was just Me, Vic, Mike and- oh wait no, Tony's asleep.

"Are you two still awake?" Mike whispered.

Vic hummed. "We are. You tired Mikes?"

"Yeah. Alright if I go to sleep?" The youngest brother asked.

The eldest nodded, only realising that Mike can't see him in the dark. "Yeah, go ahead."

A few minutes later and the living room was filled with four different snores. A soft, feminine one. A small, cute, pig like one. A very quiet baby one. And a loud, but not disturbingly loud, snore.

I hummed in content and grabbed the remote, turning the volume up more. I snuggled more against Vic.

"You tired Angel?" He asked. I shook my head.

"No.. Are you?"

"I actually am." He chuckled lightly. "Can we get in a more comfortable position so I can sleep?" I nodded and shuffled away from him.

He laid down a bit away from the couch and put the pillow that was on my lap under his head. He pulled the blanket that was on his shoulders over his body.

I leaned down, pecking his lips lightly. "Goodnight, Viccy."

"Night, Angel." He smiled softly, pecking my lips. Minutes later, his snore was heard. I smiled.

I shuffled closer to the TV and turned it down. I sat close with the blanket wrapped around me and finished watching the movies.

———

It was six thirty in the morning and I'm still awake. Fuck me. I looked at the time on my phone again, confirming that it was early in the morning.

I was sitting outside on Lexi's porch watching the sun rise. It's pretty cold. I mean yes, I'm only wearing booty shorts and a shirt that doesn't exactly fit me, with a blanket wrapped around my small frame, so of course it's going to be cold.

I heard the door open and I looked up and over, seeing Lexi give me an odd look. I gave her one back.

"I know why I'm up." She said. "But why are you?"

"Couldn't sleep." I shrugged. "Why are you up?"

"I usually get up at this time, but I'm just peeing then going back to sleep." She sat down next to me, shivering slightly. "Why couldn't you sleep?"

I just shrugged and stared out at the horizon. "Too many thoughts buzzing around in my head. Like bees."

She chuckled. "If you're saying your brain is the bee movie-"

"Oh god, not the puns." We both laughed.

"You wanna come back inside?" She asked. "It's pretty cold." I nodded.

We both stood up and walked back inside. Lexi went and peed then cuddled back up to Jaime and fell asleep. I went over to Vic and laid down on his chest, pulling my blanket over my body.

So, I want to be a girl. But why? I've always been jealous of how girls looked, yeah. Of there curves and features. But does that really mean I want to be a girl?

I hate my body, I really do. I'm a stick, I'm too pale, I'm a male but look to feminine. But when I want to, not feminine enough.

With these thoughts, they lead me back to other things. Maybe my mums right, maybe I am a disgrace, an abomination. Why would anyone love someone who wants to change their genders? It's just.. Weird.

You can't change your genders. Your born that way, and you will forever be that gender. You can get surgery to change parts, get boobs, get a dick. But forever on you birth certificate, it says your real gender.

You can never get away from it, it always taunts you. People bully you for it, either 'you have a vagina, but you want a dick? What the hell freak? You a dyke?' Or 'you have a penis, but want a vagina? God, what a pussy. Man up'.

Transgenders aren't freaks. It's not weird to get surgery. Maybe to some people, it's odd and confusing. But they just don't get it, they don't understand what's going on in your brain.

How much you hate your body. How much you wish you could just tear off your skin, your details, your features, and replace them with what you want to look like.

Of course normal people want to tear off their skin and become their dream body. But, you don't have genitals that you want to rip off. Sure, when girls have periods they want to be a guy, but that's a stupid reason.

You have to actually want it, for a reason. So people may not have a reason, but they simply feel more comfortable being that way. Male. Female. Genderfluid. Non-binary. Whatever the hell.

For me, is because I think girls are beautiful. Fat or skinny. Black or white. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, yes. But girls just have a certain shape.

I wish to have boobs. Curves. An ass. A vagina. A bit of chub maybe. I wish to be female. I want to be female.

I bit my lip and pulled my phone out. I went on to notes and made a new one. One of them was all my positive thoughts about the thoughts of being a transgender. The other one was the negative thoughts.

———

It's nine and people are starting to wake up. Also, my phone died like half an hour ago so I started watching the news.

"Kellin...?" I heard someone mumble. I looked over, seeing Mike sit up. Huh, last person I thought to wake up first. "How long have you been up..?" He asked with a yawn.

I shrugged, looking down at the pretend watch on my wrist. "Good morning Mike. And I've been up since.. Nine yesterday morning."

Mike stared at me. "You mean.. You didn't sleep..?"

"Yep!" I confirmed. "Not a wink."

"Fuck..." He mumbled. He stood up, carefully manoeuvring around Tony, then made his way to the bathroom.

"You still haven't slept?" Lexi asked. I looked over to her, seeing her and Jaime start to sit up.

"Wait.. Kellin, you haven't slept?" Jaime asked in a concerned tone.

I nodded. "Don't stress, I'll be fine."