Sequel: Heaven Tonight ›
Gone with the Sin
Love preys the living and praises the dead
“Jez, are you fucking serious right now?” Razzle angrily questions as we get into the next hotel room. “You hooked up with Ville Valo?”
“Almost hooked up!” I correct him. “And it’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” He scoffs. “The man is a good 20 years older than you.”
“He’s only 14 years older.” I roll my eyes. “And yea, it’s not a big deal. I’m a big girl and I can handle myself.”
“How did you even meet him?” He asks. “You said I would be pissed off. Why is that? Did he hit on you at a bar or something?”
“Him and Mige kind of stopped me from getting raped at a show in California.” I reply quietly, waiting for Razzle to explode in anger. He just looks at me with an unreadable expression. His eyes are soft but his muscles are tense. “God knows what would have happened if they haven’t stepped in.”
“I thought Vic was with you for most of the shows in California?”
“She had to leave early.” I tell him. “Some kind of work emergency or some shit.”
“She must feel so fucking guilty.” He muses, a sigh escaping his lips. “But that does explain why you’re suddenly all over Ville. He saved you. You think you owe him.”
“It’s not like that.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not all over him because I feel like giving him my body is the only way for me to repay him. He’s interesting and is actually interested in me.”
“Or he can be picking up on the fact you’ve been in love with him since you were 15.” He counters. “Every thought maybe he’s just fucking using you. He knows you love him and feel like you owe him. That’s why he’s acting interested and encouraging your behavior.”
“Why are you being such a fucking asshole?” I yell at him. “You’re acting like a jealous boyfriend right now. Can’t you just be happy for me?
An annoyed sigh escapes his lips as he runs in fingers through his hair. “Look I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want you to get your heart broken but some guy that’s not even going to remember your face once he leaves this country.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I sigh. “But let me have this moment then. Let me live this lie. Because you’re right, he’s not going to remember me once he goes back to Finland. But I’ll have these memories for the rest of my time. This’ll be a fun story to tell the grandkids someday.”
“And your heart?”
“It’ll heal.” I assure him. “I’ve survived the worst and came out on top. Thanks to you and Vic. And I’m sure you loveable assholes will be there for me through this.”
“I hate seeing you go through shit like this.” He admits before pulling me into a hug. “I feel like I have to protect you from the world.” I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest. “You and Vic are so fucking important to me. You’re the only family I truly have and I just want to protect you guys from everything.”
“You can’t protect us from everything Razz.” I mutter into his chest. “You got to allow us to make our mistakes and learn from them. And this’ll be the biggest lesson I’ll learn. Please don’t protect me from this.” He says nothing, only kisses the top of my head. “I love you Razzle. Remember that.”
“Always.”
“Almost hooked up!” I correct him. “And it’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” He scoffs. “The man is a good 20 years older than you.”
“He’s only 14 years older.” I roll my eyes. “And yea, it’s not a big deal. I’m a big girl and I can handle myself.”
“How did you even meet him?” He asks. “You said I would be pissed off. Why is that? Did he hit on you at a bar or something?”
“Him and Mige kind of stopped me from getting raped at a show in California.” I reply quietly, waiting for Razzle to explode in anger. He just looks at me with an unreadable expression. His eyes are soft but his muscles are tense. “God knows what would have happened if they haven’t stepped in.”
“I thought Vic was with you for most of the shows in California?”
“She had to leave early.” I tell him. “Some kind of work emergency or some shit.”
“She must feel so fucking guilty.” He muses, a sigh escaping his lips. “But that does explain why you’re suddenly all over Ville. He saved you. You think you owe him.”
“It’s not like that.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not all over him because I feel like giving him my body is the only way for me to repay him. He’s interesting and is actually interested in me.”
“Or he can be picking up on the fact you’ve been in love with him since you were 15.” He counters. “Every thought maybe he’s just fucking using you. He knows you love him and feel like you owe him. That’s why he’s acting interested and encouraging your behavior.”
“Why are you being such a fucking asshole?” I yell at him. “You’re acting like a jealous boyfriend right now. Can’t you just be happy for me?
An annoyed sigh escapes his lips as he runs in fingers through his hair. “Look I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want you to get your heart broken but some guy that’s not even going to remember your face once he leaves this country.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I sigh. “But let me have this moment then. Let me live this lie. Because you’re right, he’s not going to remember me once he goes back to Finland. But I’ll have these memories for the rest of my time. This’ll be a fun story to tell the grandkids someday.”
“And your heart?”
“It’ll heal.” I assure him. “I’ve survived the worst and came out on top. Thanks to you and Vic. And I’m sure you loveable assholes will be there for me through this.”
“I hate seeing you go through shit like this.” He admits before pulling me into a hug. “I feel like I have to protect you from the world.” I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest. “You and Vic are so fucking important to me. You’re the only family I truly have and I just want to protect you guys from everything.”
“You can’t protect us from everything Razz.” I mutter into his chest. “You got to allow us to make our mistakes and learn from them. And this’ll be the biggest lesson I’ll learn. Please don’t protect me from this.” He says nothing, only kisses the top of my head. “I love you Razzle. Remember that.”
“Always.”
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