Status: Chapter 17|Updated 03.03.2020
Hold on Tight
[Seventeen] Am I not supposed to?
She tried to keep the tears at bay as she allowed her body to deflate against the wall of the elevator as it made its way up to her apartment floor. It had been a long night, one she spent squished between Brayden and the back of his couch trying not to constant just break out in tears. She couldn't believe that she had allowed herself to fall for it all again. The charm she had thought she steeled herself from all those years ago. Yet, even though the pain she felt as she practically ran from that Boston bar almost crippled her, somehow the pain she felt as she mad her way back to her apartment was so much worse.
She felt stupid. Everyone knows not to give an asshole another chance - that once an asshole, always an asshole.
No matter how excited he seemed to be.
That was what she kept going back too. The fact that he was so excited. It didn't make any sense to her. The dance in the park, the meeting his family, the fact that he fought so hard - why would he do all of it just to... not show up.
Haley shook her head as the elevator doors signed open. She was so focused on finding her keys in the mess that was her purse, she didn't notice that body laying in front of her apartment door until she almost tripped over.
"What in the..."
"Haley?"
Her stomach clenched as she met the tired brown eyes of the man she spent the whole night crying over. "What are you doing here, Tyler?"
"I-" She watched as he tripped over his own feet as he used to stand up, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes. His hair was sticking up all over. His head and his clothes were rumpled as if he had slept in them all night. "Is it morning?"
Haley rolled her eyes and pushed past him to her door. "Yeah, Tyler. It's fucking morning."
"Haley, wait, let me explain-"
She yanked herself away from him as his hand landed on her wrist. "Explain what, Tyler? Explain why I waited for you to show up for over an hour last night? Explain why I cried myself to sleep over you, again, for you just being you?" She let out a dry laugh. "Or! How about you explain why I, even for a fucking second, thought you that had changed?"
She turned away from him and forced her apartment door open. "Just leave me the fuck alone.
"No!" Tyler pushed her door open before she could slam it in his face. "No, I'm not going to leave you alone. And I'm sorry that you did all of that - I promise, it's not what you're thinking - Haley, please."
Haley gripped her hair in frustration and looked at him like he was stupid. "Are you kidding me? And what am I thinking, Tyler?"
He looked at her with pleading eyes as he took a couple of steps in her direction. "Your thinking that I just fucked you over. That I took the easy way out and just didn't show up. You think that I'm the same asshole I was in Boston and you're pissed at me." He chanced reaching for her hand. "but you also want to know why I didn't show up, because I have spent fucking weeks just trying to get you to say yes."
Haley rolled her eyes and walked away from him, ignoring his outstretched hand and trying not to let him see how on point he was.
Tyler followed her to her living room, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of her after she sits on the couch. "I went to a bar before-"
"Are you fucking-"
"I know!" Tyler held his hands up in front of his body, a sheepish look on his face. "I know, Haley, just... listen. Okay?"
He waited from her hesitant head nod before rushing to continue.
"I went to a bar before I had to pick you up. But I only had one shot. I promise - I wasn't going to fuck this up again. But Jamie - he was the one who called me to the bar - he was plastered. I mean, I have never seen him as drunk as he was last night." He shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "He got in a fight with his girlfriend. A potential relationship-ending fight and he was a fucking mess. So I took this shot, knowing that I shouldn't and knowing that Jamie was out of it, but I still did it. And then he ordered more and he took more and I couldn't leave him there like that."
His eyes were haunted when he looked at her. "There was a girl that recognized us, and fuck, Hal, he started to flirt with her. He was talking about going back to her place, and I couldn't let him do that. He loves Avery and Avery would have been absolutely destroyed. He kissed her, and I grabbed him."
Haley sighed. "Why didn't you just-"
"I was going to call you, to tell you what was happening, but he thought I was calling Avery and he threw my phone into a glass of beer." He smiled weakly at her. "I know how this sounds. God, it sounds like a stupid excuse, but I promise you, I didn't just stand you up. As soon as I dropped him off at his place and told Avery about what happened, I came straight here. I didn't remember what Brayden's address was - I had only glanced at it before Jamie started acting like an asshole - but I remembered your apartment building from that night I drove you home after the park."
Haley didn't know what to say. Out of everything she thought she was going to hear from him, never did she think she would actually believe the story he would spin in order to get her to believe him.
Tyler mistook the reason for her slow head shake and desperately gripped at her hands. "I know it sounds fucking nuts, but we can go over to Avery's now and ask her. You can take a look at Jamie and see that he is hungover as fuck right now. Haley-"
"I believe you!" She shouted over his panicked words, a small smile tugging at her lips at the fact that he was so anxious to lose her. "I don't need to ask Avery or see Jamie, Tyler. I believe you."
His mouth opened and closed in surprise. "You-you what? You believe me?"
She giggled at his disbelief. "Am I not supposed to?"
His shook his head quickly. "No! No, you are, I just- I expected more of a fight, to be honest. Avery is literally at her house waiting for us to drop by-"
"If I'm being completely honest, I wasn't prepared to believe anything you had to say, but - did you really stay here all night waiting for me to get home?"
Tyler shrugged. "I didn't get out of Avery's until around midnight, I didn't have my phone, and I didn't want you thinking what you so obviously were. I didn't really know what I was going to go. I was either going to get here before you left Braydens or wait for you to leave the next day. I just had to see you to explain."
Haley closed her eyes and leaned forward so that her head was resting against their clasped hands. She didn't know how she was feeling, which was so common for her lately that she continuously questioned what was happening to her. She was a songwriter, feelings were what she did. She knew every inch of herself so well that she should be able to put a name to the fury of emotions that seemed to swirl inside her.
She didn't understand why she was still so angry at him. She believed him - the look in his eyes was one that she had only ever seen when he was being one-hundred percent certain about what he was saying. She saw it the very first time he asked her on a date, every time he kissed her during those first six months of their relationship, and the nice in the park when he asked her to dance. Yet - there was a weight in her chest that wouldn't allow her to just say it was okay and move on like nothing had happened.
Was it because she was just waiting for him to disappoint her ever since he came back into her life?
He must have felt her indecision because lifted their hands up to get her to look at him. He had a small, almost hesitant smile on his face, his eyes soft and tender. "Let me make it up to you. Dinner. Tonight."
"Are you actually going to show up this time?"
He flinched. "Yes. Of course I am, Hal. You can even come with me if you have doubts."
"Come with you?"
Tyler shrugged. "Well, I have to go home and check on my dogs and shower. I really need to get a new phone, which I'm going to have Jamie pay for. You can come with, see my home, meet the new dogs, say hi to Marshall. Or, you can trust that I am going to come back to pick up around 5."
Haley started at him, searching his eyes for a minute before she sighed. There wasn't really an option. She knew that if she chose to follow him around, it wouldn't be healthy. He would know she didn't trust him, and although she didn't - not 100%, at least - she knew that she needed to let him prove himself to her if she wanted to move forward with him. She needed to put some kind of faith in him if they were ever going to make it. And it started with this. "I'll see you at 5, Tyler."
She knew what he was doing the moment she set her eyes on the Italian restaurant he picked for the night, her mind flashing back to their very first-first date. That night, though painful to remember, had stayed with her through every first date she'd been on after it. It had been messy, it was slightly awkward, but to her - it was perfect.
Flashback
Haley was nervous. She didn't know what to expect, walking into the Italian restaurant Tyler texted her the address of. She was about to go on a date with a hockey player - specifically the hockey player everyone in Boston was talking about. And not in a good way.
She couldn't help but silently question what his motive was. Was it a date that had a potential to lead somewhere? Was he going into this with only one thing in mind? A thing he most defiantly wasn't going to get unless he lasted at least 6 dates.
She didn't have time to dissect her own worries before she found herself inside the restaurant and staring wide-eyed at the hostess in front of her.
"Hello, welcome to Nonna, do you have a reservation?"
Haley gulped, suddenly wishing she had put aside her excitement enough to ask Tyler for more details - like what name was on the reservation or whether she was supposed to just walk back to the table.
"Uhm - I'm meeting someone? Tyler Seguin for 6:30?"
And then, as if the universe was warning her that maybe this date wasn't such a good idea, in the most cliched fashion the hostess' previously open and friendly smile shuttered into a blank stare before she escorted Haley to a table in a secluded corner where Tyler was waiting with a large grin.
The reaction reinforced all of her worries, but before she could talk herself into just apologizing and walking away, Tyler had her hand in his and was leading her to the chair that was directly next to him.
She raised an eyebrow and questioningly looked at him.
Tyler let out a small laugh and she could have sworn his cheeks turned a little pink. “Sorry, I - uh, you can sit across from me if you want. I just didn't - uh, God this is embarrassing. I just wanted to sit next to you."
It was then, that despite everything in her head telling her to walk away, she realized that it was already too late.
She felt stupid. Everyone knows not to give an asshole another chance - that once an asshole, always an asshole.
No matter how excited he seemed to be.
That was what she kept going back too. The fact that he was so excited. It didn't make any sense to her. The dance in the park, the meeting his family, the fact that he fought so hard - why would he do all of it just to... not show up.
Haley shook her head as the elevator doors signed open. She was so focused on finding her keys in the mess that was her purse, she didn't notice that body laying in front of her apartment door until she almost tripped over.
"What in the..."
"Haley?"
Her stomach clenched as she met the tired brown eyes of the man she spent the whole night crying over. "What are you doing here, Tyler?"
"I-" She watched as he tripped over his own feet as he used to stand up, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes. His hair was sticking up all over. His head and his clothes were rumpled as if he had slept in them all night. "Is it morning?"
Haley rolled her eyes and pushed past him to her door. "Yeah, Tyler. It's fucking morning."
"Haley, wait, let me explain-"
She yanked herself away from him as his hand landed on her wrist. "Explain what, Tyler? Explain why I waited for you to show up for over an hour last night? Explain why I cried myself to sleep over you, again, for you just being you?" She let out a dry laugh. "Or! How about you explain why I, even for a fucking second, thought you that had changed?"
She turned away from him and forced her apartment door open. "Just leave me the fuck alone.
"No!" Tyler pushed her door open before she could slam it in his face. "No, I'm not going to leave you alone. And I'm sorry that you did all of that - I promise, it's not what you're thinking - Haley, please."
Haley gripped her hair in frustration and looked at him like he was stupid. "Are you kidding me? And what am I thinking, Tyler?"
He looked at her with pleading eyes as he took a couple of steps in her direction. "Your thinking that I just fucked you over. That I took the easy way out and just didn't show up. You think that I'm the same asshole I was in Boston and you're pissed at me." He chanced reaching for her hand. "but you also want to know why I didn't show up, because I have spent fucking weeks just trying to get you to say yes."
Haley rolled her eyes and walked away from him, ignoring his outstretched hand and trying not to let him see how on point he was.
Tyler followed her to her living room, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of her after she sits on the couch. "I went to a bar before-"
"Are you fucking-"
"I know!" Tyler held his hands up in front of his body, a sheepish look on his face. "I know, Haley, just... listen. Okay?"
He waited from her hesitant head nod before rushing to continue.
"I went to a bar before I had to pick you up. But I only had one shot. I promise - I wasn't going to fuck this up again. But Jamie - he was the one who called me to the bar - he was plastered. I mean, I have never seen him as drunk as he was last night." He shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "He got in a fight with his girlfriend. A potential relationship-ending fight and he was a fucking mess. So I took this shot, knowing that I shouldn't and knowing that Jamie was out of it, but I still did it. And then he ordered more and he took more and I couldn't leave him there like that."
His eyes were haunted when he looked at her. "There was a girl that recognized us, and fuck, Hal, he started to flirt with her. He was talking about going back to her place, and I couldn't let him do that. He loves Avery and Avery would have been absolutely destroyed. He kissed her, and I grabbed him."
Haley sighed. "Why didn't you just-"
"I was going to call you, to tell you what was happening, but he thought I was calling Avery and he threw my phone into a glass of beer." He smiled weakly at her. "I know how this sounds. God, it sounds like a stupid excuse, but I promise you, I didn't just stand you up. As soon as I dropped him off at his place and told Avery about what happened, I came straight here. I didn't remember what Brayden's address was - I had only glanced at it before Jamie started acting like an asshole - but I remembered your apartment building from that night I drove you home after the park."
Haley didn't know what to say. Out of everything she thought she was going to hear from him, never did she think she would actually believe the story he would spin in order to get her to believe him.
Tyler mistook the reason for her slow head shake and desperately gripped at her hands. "I know it sounds fucking nuts, but we can go over to Avery's now and ask her. You can take a look at Jamie and see that he is hungover as fuck right now. Haley-"
"I believe you!" She shouted over his panicked words, a small smile tugging at her lips at the fact that he was so anxious to lose her. "I don't need to ask Avery or see Jamie, Tyler. I believe you."
His mouth opened and closed in surprise. "You-you what? You believe me?"
She giggled at his disbelief. "Am I not supposed to?"
His shook his head quickly. "No! No, you are, I just- I expected more of a fight, to be honest. Avery is literally at her house waiting for us to drop by-"
"If I'm being completely honest, I wasn't prepared to believe anything you had to say, but - did you really stay here all night waiting for me to get home?"
Tyler shrugged. "I didn't get out of Avery's until around midnight, I didn't have my phone, and I didn't want you thinking what you so obviously were. I didn't really know what I was going to go. I was either going to get here before you left Braydens or wait for you to leave the next day. I just had to see you to explain."
Haley closed her eyes and leaned forward so that her head was resting against their clasped hands. She didn't know how she was feeling, which was so common for her lately that she continuously questioned what was happening to her. She was a songwriter, feelings were what she did. She knew every inch of herself so well that she should be able to put a name to the fury of emotions that seemed to swirl inside her.
She didn't understand why she was still so angry at him. She believed him - the look in his eyes was one that she had only ever seen when he was being one-hundred percent certain about what he was saying. She saw it the very first time he asked her on a date, every time he kissed her during those first six months of their relationship, and the nice in the park when he asked her to dance. Yet - there was a weight in her chest that wouldn't allow her to just say it was okay and move on like nothing had happened.
Was it because she was just waiting for him to disappoint her ever since he came back into her life?
He must have felt her indecision because lifted their hands up to get her to look at him. He had a small, almost hesitant smile on his face, his eyes soft and tender. "Let me make it up to you. Dinner. Tonight."
"Are you actually going to show up this time?"
He flinched. "Yes. Of course I am, Hal. You can even come with me if you have doubts."
"Come with you?"
Tyler shrugged. "Well, I have to go home and check on my dogs and shower. I really need to get a new phone, which I'm going to have Jamie pay for. You can come with, see my home, meet the new dogs, say hi to Marshall. Or, you can trust that I am going to come back to pick up around 5."
Haley started at him, searching his eyes for a minute before she sighed. There wasn't really an option. She knew that if she chose to follow him around, it wouldn't be healthy. He would know she didn't trust him, and although she didn't - not 100%, at least - she knew that she needed to let him prove himself to her if she wanted to move forward with him. She needed to put some kind of faith in him if they were ever going to make it. And it started with this. "I'll see you at 5, Tyler."
She knew what he was doing the moment she set her eyes on the Italian restaurant he picked for the night, her mind flashing back to their very first-first date. That night, though painful to remember, had stayed with her through every first date she'd been on after it. It had been messy, it was slightly awkward, but to her - it was perfect.
Flashback
Haley was nervous. She didn't know what to expect, walking into the Italian restaurant Tyler texted her the address of. She was about to go on a date with a hockey player - specifically the hockey player everyone in Boston was talking about. And not in a good way.
She couldn't help but silently question what his motive was. Was it a date that had a potential to lead somewhere? Was he going into this with only one thing in mind? A thing he most defiantly wasn't going to get unless he lasted at least 6 dates.
She didn't have time to dissect her own worries before she found herself inside the restaurant and staring wide-eyed at the hostess in front of her.
"Hello, welcome to Nonna, do you have a reservation?"
Haley gulped, suddenly wishing she had put aside her excitement enough to ask Tyler for more details - like what name was on the reservation or whether she was supposed to just walk back to the table.
"Uhm - I'm meeting someone? Tyler Seguin for 6:30?"
And then, as if the universe was warning her that maybe this date wasn't such a good idea, in the most cliched fashion the hostess' previously open and friendly smile shuttered into a blank stare before she escorted Haley to a table in a secluded corner where Tyler was waiting with a large grin.
The reaction reinforced all of her worries, but before she could talk herself into just apologizing and walking away, Tyler had her hand in his and was leading her to the chair that was directly next to him.
She raised an eyebrow and questioningly looked at him.
Tyler let out a small laugh and she could have sworn his cheeks turned a little pink. “Sorry, I - uh, you can sit across from me if you want. I just didn't - uh, God this is embarrassing. I just wanted to sit next to you."
It was then, that despite everything in her head telling her to walk away, she realized that it was already too late.
♠ ♠ ♠
