Let Her Love, Let Her Live

Eliza’s mother’s Christmas tree wouldn’t be going up this year. It was always the starting point of their family’s Christmas celebration; not to mention the favorite of the decorations. The tree had to be just-so. Her mother would spend days positioning branches, wrapping lights, and placing ornaments until it was absolutely perfect. After that, nobody dared move an ornament if they valued their life... and even with that knowledge, it was everyone’s favorite. It’s the house warm, in both temperature and emotion, and it just made Christmas... Perfect. Eliza had anticipated the decorating of her mother’s tree year-round and was always filled with such joy the day it was finally finished. She didn’t know what to do now that it wouldn’t be put up in the slow, perfectionist manner her mother had. Now the boxes just laid in her mother’s basement, gathering dust.

Losing a loved one right before the holidays is always hard, no matter the circumstances... but Eliza has never dealt with such a loss before. Less than a week ago, she had announced to her mother that she was pregnant. A joyous occasion; one that her mother continued to fawn over, even when she wasn’t conscious enough to hold a conversation. Eliza had never known her father; to her knowledge, he didn’t even know she existed, so growing up it was just her, her brother, and her mother and no other family close enough for her to be able to bond with. She did have an aunt that lived in the Midwest, but she had only met her a few times in her 27 years. Her mother’s funeral would actually make the fifth time.

Eliza pulled a box from the top shelf in the basement, the box that contained the sentimental ornaments. These ornaments were mostly handmade by Eliza or Eli when they were in school, or cartoon ornaments she had picked out herself at the store. Nathan came down the stairs as she pulled the box off the shelf and jogged over to her.

“Excuse me, I’m gonna pretend like I didn’t see that.” He huffed, taking the box from her hands and placing it on the concrete floor. Nathan, Eliza’s fiancé, was overly protective of her and their bun.

“They’re ornaments, I think I can handle it babe.” Eliza countered, reaching for the box of generic bulb ornaments. Once again, Nathan took this box from her hands, then stacked it on top of the other box.

“Please, let me do the lifting. You boss me around and I’ll get it done. Promise.” He kissed her forehead and placed a hand on her tummy, causing her to blush.

“Mom’s tree will never be the same without her putting it up, but I thought maybe I would try at our place.” She pointed at the box the tree was in for Nathan to pull down.

“I think that’s a great idea and I’m sure she would have loved it. The only thing I’m worried about is... Well, I don't think this giant tree is going to fit in our tiny apartment."

"Oh it'll fit, even if I have to move out the couch or the TV." Eliza picked up a roll of lights and started towards the stairs. It was so strange for the house to be so empty and quiet. It wasn't homely like it had always been. Upstairs, she was met by her little brother and her dog. Eli snatched the roll of lights from her hands and glared at her.

"I know you didn't just carry stuff up these stairs." Eli was four years younger than Eliza, but towered over her and had a full beard, making him look like the older sibling. He had dark brown hair, much different than Eliza's auburn hair and he had a much sharper definition to his face; similar to that of their father that they never really knew.

Eliza rolled her eyes and scoffed, "They weigh a whole 10 pounds tops. Once again, I'm not an invalid."

"Just shut up and take the help for once." He argued, swinging open the front door and heading out to her car with a box that he had brought up earlier. Eliza's dog, Kemper, pawed at her feet and whimpered. She stooped down and picked up the small terrier and followed the boys out to her car. The 12 year old Sentra was loaded down with her mother's decorations; so much so that she knew they wouldn't be able to see out of the back windshield. The tree spanned the length of her backseat, and on top were two boxes of decorations and a roll of lights. She circled her car and looked in the trunk, which was also loaded down with two more totes of random decorations. She reached over her head and shut the trunk hard to make sure it would latch with the totes inside.

"I'll be following behind you two to help you take stuff up into your apartment. I'm gonna stop for pizza along the way, you guys want any?" Eli offered, swinging his lanyard back and forth as he talked.

"You know we're always down for pizza. We'll chip in, see you at home." Nathan didn't give Eli a chance to protest them helping to pay. He plopped down in the drivers seat and started the car. Eliza took the opportunity to walk back into the small, ranch style brick home and look around. The furniture was still as it should have been, dishes in the sink that her mother had used just days before she passed. She slowly headed toward her teenage bedroom, still decorated with the same posters of random celebrities and photos from her high school years. She took a seat on the edge of the bed, laid back, and allowed herself a few moments to cry. She had been trying to stay strong, really to keep Nathan from worrying, but she knew keeping it pent up would only make things worse. She hugged her old body pillow and sobbed quietly, trying to keep her breathing steady while watching the door to make sure nobody caught her. Before she really noticed, she had cried until she drifted off.

Kemper stirred Eliza awake about twenty minutes later, jumping on the bed and licking her face. When she sat up on the bed and wiped her face, she noticed Nathan leaning against the doorway, watching her.

"Baby, what are you doing?" He asked softly. He came over to the bed and stroked her cheek, then pulled her against his chest. She didn't have to answer; he knew she had been having a horrible time and was trying her best to stay strong. She again started to sob and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. Nathan picked her up, bridal style, and carried her out to the warm car before going back and locking the house up. She fell asleep again on the short drive home; Nathan knew she had been exhausted from not only the stress of the events during the last few weeks, but also from trying to keep her composure at all times. It was just too much for her to handle anymore. When arriving at their apartment complex, he gently nudged her until she stirred awake.

"We're home baby, looks like Eli is already here. Let's get inside and get some food on your belly." Eliza nodded and got out of the car, then up the stairs to their little studio apartment. They didn't live in the best complex around, nor the best part of town, but it was what they could afford at the time. Eliza was a waitress at a local bar and Nathan ran routes for the local newspaper in the wee hours of the morning before going to the local community college. He was working on a degree in computer sciences, slowly but surely. Eventually, he wanted to have a career that would allow Eliza to stay home with the baby and not have to worry about money or where they lived every again.

Nathan watched Eliza climb the stairs and go inside their apartment with Kemper at her heels before he grabbed the roll of lights and one of the totes of Christmas decorations. The went upstairs and set both of them down beside the front door. Eli had a large pizza on their kitchen table with paper plates already set out for all three of them. Eliza grabbed a small piece, then went straight for the bathroom to take a hot bath. Eli leaned against a counter in the kitchen and rubbed his face.

"She's handling this a lot better than I thought she would... Then again, she did just pass up pizza and run away." Eli didn't look to be handling it well himself either. He had dark circles and bags under his eyes, which showed Nathan that he either hadn't been sleeping at all, or just not well.

"She's hanging in there. She had a little bit of a meltdown after you left, but she'll be okay. What about you, though?" Nathan grabbed a plate and a couple slices of pizza before tearing into one.

"I'm hanging in there too, man. Just glad we've got you around to help us out. Mom really loved you, y'know." Eli finished up a slice and then went outside to get more things from Eliza's car. It was unseasonably cold for November in Kentucky. For the last few years, it had stayed in the 50s and 60s up until Christmas. January was when it started getting noticeably colder. Eli grabbed a tote and stacked a box on top before making his way back upstairs and setting the boxes down beside the set Nathan had brought in. All that was left was a tote and the tree, and he could tell that their living room was not going to be able to handle all of it. He noticed that Nathan was gone, probably checking on Eliza, so Eli made the last two trips himself and made sure her car was locked up before grabbing a couple more slices of pizza and heading out the door to go to his own job at a local factory.

When Nathan heard the front door shut, he popped his head out of the bathroom and noticed the rest of the boxes in the living room, but on sign of Eli. He peeked out of one of the windows and saw Eli driving away in his grandfather's old Dodge truck. When he went back to the bathroom, Eliza was stepping out of the tub and wrapping a towel around her small frame. Nathan wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.

"You remember the ultrasound is tomorrow morning, right? I know you have the route until 6 and then class at 10, but it's at 8 so I think we should be in and out in time and I'd really-" Eliza rambled, obviously nervous.

"Baby, I remember. I'll come and pick you up after my route and we'll go. Then we'll get breakfast together and I'll drop you off at work before I have to go to class, okay?" Nathan chuckled softly and lead her to the bedroom and watched her as she got dressed. He had only known her for a few years, but had learned in that time that Eliza had been a sickly child. No one knew if she was going to live to see a year old, and here she was at 27, healthy and pregnant with their first child. Still, he worried about her health and now the baby's, as he knew her immune system was still more fragile than others. She was thin and didn't have much muscle mass about her. Her long, auburn hair reached about the middle of her back, but was thinner than what you would expect for how long it was.

He watched as she slipped on a pair of cotton shorts and one of his oversized t-shirts, then climbed into bed and covered up. He picked up Kemper and sat her down on the bed before kissing Eliza's forehead, and going to make sure the door and windows were locked and the leftover pizza was in the fridge. After he did his nightly sweep, he changed into comfy clothes and laid down to get a few hours of sleep before he had to be at the paper for his route.