The Academy

I got the worst sleep I ever had in years. I can’t remember a night before this one where I sat up in bed unable to fall asleep. Meanwhile, Collin seemed eager to fall asleep. In fact, as he laid down to go to sleep, he yawned and was off almost instantly into a dreamland far from this one. That was how it felt; a dreamland. This place felt unreal. I almost wanted to pinch myself to wake up from wherever I was, but it was no use to anyone. I knew this wasn’t a dream. I knew this was all entirely real and nowhere near a dream. It was rather a very unreal nightmare. An improbable nightmare, maybe, because it was definitely nothing I would’ve seen myself doing. Being awake was worse, I came to realize. I was certain no one would want this kind of dream, and that any nightmare in your slumber would be as peaceful as this.

“Go to sleep, dude,” Collin whispered.

I was hanging one leg over the edge of the bed with my other crossed and my foot pressed into my thigh. I was slouching forward, a migraine in my temples starting to brew. How was it possible for anyone to sleep when there was the underlying sound of people crying in other rooms and the thump of boots walking up and down the corridors. When the footsteps got nearer and nearer to our door, I was quickly push myself backwards to lay down in the pillow, closing my eyes until the footsteps dissipated down the hall. I heard the keys on the guard’s belt loop jingling relentlessly as he passed, and it gave my heart a boost of energy to beat and pound faster. Collin sat up quickly once the guard passed and whispered in an angered tone.

“If they catch you awake, they’ll pull your ass out of bed and make you do those drills tomorrow. Just lay down and go to sleep…”

“I can’t.”

“You have to.”

“Collin, I don’t like this. I’m scared.”

Sighing, Collin came over to my bed and slumped down onto the edge, looking at me in the dark. Despite being unable to see him, I could feel his eyes lingering on my facial features. He patted my shoulder reassuringly and tried to sooth my anxieties. It was, as expected, unhelpful and useless. He became calm and didn’t seem as frustrated. I could tell he understood. He must have known this feeling all too well. Being here for as long as he had been, I expected a lot of these nights awake. Collin didn’t seem like the tough kind of person, but he definitely made me look like an amateur at it.

“Everyone has a rough first night here. That’s sort of inevitable. You get used to the footsteps and bitching out there,” he refereed to the screams. “I used to think I’d be up all night forever. I’ll tell you what, though. After you’ve been here for so long, sleep becomes a blessing. Rather, it’s a privilege. If you don’t sleep, you’ll be too tired for whatever happens tomorrow. You need as much energy as possible in this place. Try to push it all out until morning. Trust me, this whole heap of shit will still be here when you wake up…”

He got up off the bed and climbed back into his own. Sluggishly, he rolled over and pulled his blankets up over his shoulders to meet his chin. My breathing had slowed and I somehow felt a little better. A little. It wasn’t easy to relax, my any means, but it was somehow comforting the things that Collin said. The door was locked. The pillows weren’t too uncomfortable, and blankets could be a lot worse in fabric. I’d say, under the circumstances, that I was in pretty good hands. Even if the night was waning, it was intense with creepy vibes and ominous sounds outside. Being unable to see the things that were outside the locked metal door were intimidating, but I had to keep telling myself “no one can get in.”

I laid down and tried to close my eyes. The ceiling was empty and dark, which made closing my eyes not all that difficult. I was scared to sleep. I’d never wanted to sleep somewhere like this. I’d never had a roommate ever, and I barely knew this guy. I could be blind to his awful behaviors and be easily beaten in my sleep by him. It was horrible to imagine someone so nice like Collin could turn out so wretched. He couldn’t be. He just couldn’t be. I didn’t see any evil in him. Although, you can’t ever be too sure about complete strangers. My friends weren’t the greatest, either, but at least I could tell when they were lying or screwing me over. With Collin, and with everyone else in this place, it was undeniable that they were tightly closed books under locks and keys. Collin knew everything far better than I did! He would know; he’s a second-year student. Being here for a day is hardly anything, but from what I went through I wasn’t happy.

I managed to close my eyes and breathe a little easier after Collin went back to his bed. When the dark settled and the noises seemed like background noises and ambiance, I could fall asleep peacefully and forget everything that happened. I didn’t remember a single dream until after I woke up. It was well passed midnight, but nowhere near morning. I could feel a draft of cold air creep up my legs and spine as I rolled over onto my stomach. My arms had followed the cool touch under my pillowcase, feeling my hands meet with two forces of warmth. The cool felt so nice on my arms, but for the rest of me it was freezing. The blanket at my ankles, I sat up on my hip and looked down in the dark for the covers. I groped in the dark at my bed but there was nothing there as I expected. Had it fallen onto the floor in my attempt to sit up? When I looked down at the floor to search for my blanket, my hand touched something that did not, at all, feel anything like a thin cotton blanket.

Collin’s body laid on the cold floor with his back on the cold surface. His face was upturned to the ceiling and his limbs spread apart as if he were floating in mid-air then clashed to the floor. But he didn’t fly. He had bruises with no explanation, and a cut across the rim of his nose where his glasses would rest. He was moaning when I touched his arm on accident. The hurt in his voice was excruciating just to listen to. Hearing him, my body was filled with chills and I couldn’t help but race to my feet and kneel down behind him to turn him on his side. By the looks of it in the dim lighting, blood had been seeping from his nostrils and pooling in his mouth. For all I knew he could have choked on his own blood and died. Right then and there, my heart began to race and my forehead began creating little drips of sweat in the corners of my hairline.

“Collin,” I whispered. “Collin, what the hell happened to you?”

He raised his head with difficulty and looked up in my eyes. He wanted to say something but was interrupted by a gleam of light entering the room. Following it was a sound so unsettling it raised goosebumps on my arms. The door to our room squealed open and lights blinded us as the whole dorm hall lit with lamplight. A loud, obnoxious click made an echo as the entire hall lit.

“Collin,” I managed to whisper, “I don’t know what’s going on…”

He saw something I hadn’t, and I didn’t know what it was until I was face down on the cold floor and having hands grab me from behind my back. “Face in the dirt, new beef! I’ll cut you ear to ear if you move.”

In the distance, I heard hollering and heavy footsteps coming down the hallway. I knew those footsteps to be guards. I recognized sounds more clearly being here, but when the kid on top of my punched me in the side of the head, all I could hear was ringing. A loud, relentless ringing made my head spin. I couldn’t help but feel like the entire room was spinning around me. In an instant, the boy was off of me and I could hear a little through the ringing. I heard men yelling at the boy and I could see Collin getting hurled up off the cold floor by a man in uniform. He helped Collin onto his bed and then started to pull me up to my bed, as well.

“Kid, can you hear me?” His voice was a blurred echo in my ears, and my eyes wouldn’t open all the way for me to see clearly.

“Collin…” I turned my head to look at him from my pillow. “Collin… Is he okay? Is he okay..?”

Before I could hear anything else anyone was telling me, my vision failed entirely and I no longer felt pain. I fell asleep or fell unconscious or something, because the next thing I remember was waking up in an infirmary with bandages over my eye and side of my head. At first, I thought I was back home laying in my own bed in my own room. Sadly, I saw Collin laying behind the curtains next to me in the nurse’s infirmary and knew exactly where I was. He was awake, laying propped up against his pillows with an ice pack over the bridge of his nose. He held it there with a bruised knuckle of a fist and bloodshot eyes. He looked horrible. He looked like a cat that survived getting clipped by a car. In all honesty, though, he must’ve felt better than he looked because I, however, felt like I was thrown off a bull.

Caughenour was standing beside the bed I was in with his arms crossed, the weight of his body on one foot. His eyes were lowered and his one eyebrow was furrowed as if he was angry and confused at the same time. I was confused, as well. I couldn’t remember what happened to us. I tried to sit up and immediately became overcome by pain all over. He came close and told me to lean back. I did as told. I wasn’t in any shape to disagree with this guy; he would have me pinned face down on the floor with my arms behind my back in one swift motion. Collin looked over at me and moved his body to the edge of the bed. He was still in his nightwear. So was I. Only we wore different colors. These pajamas were blue, like the hospital gown color blue; not even the good blue. Somewhere along the way we were changed into these. I could faintly remember waking up with the worst focus, and I was being escorted at the arms by two guys, telling me to sit, stand, lay down, and sleep. It was all a blur, though, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t pick out details.

“Medicine is still wearing off,” the man said. “You two need to take it easy for a few hours. Then off to your fourth class.”

I found it horrible how I just woke up from having the life knocked out of me, and no one blinking an eye about it. Off to class? I wasn’t in any shape for class, let alone even walking anywhere without help. Collin didn’t seem phased at all. He sat there with his ice pack like nothing about their medical practice was jacked. I rolled on my side to look over at Collin as he sat there. We were left alone long enough to give each other pained looks and rolled our eyes. He shrugged and I automatically knew what he was conveying. They didn’t care. They couldn’t give a rat’s ass if we were sick, dying, or bleeding internally. I could see from Collin’s face that the stitches on the bridge of his nose were poorly done, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if they got infected. Incompetent as they seemed it definitely showed. Nurses sat together talking and giggling over cups of hot coffee. Caughenour was flirting with one of them and we had to pretend not to see it happening when he looked over at us.

“This is such shit,” I said under my breath.

Collin coughed to get my attention, a look on his face that said, “Shut it, you idiot! You’ll get us both kicked out of here.”

I should be grateful to get a few hours in the infirmary. I just wasn’t. Nothing about this was worth being grateful over. Was it too hard for them to stitch up his nose properly? Was it too much to ask for a little medicine for this headache instead of body aches that would never go away in one day? How was I supposed to function in classes with the worst migraine I have ever experienced? It was horse shit. Utter horse shit. It didn’t matter to them. But Collin already knew. He knew it all. He’d been here plenty of times before, I assumed, and knew just how little they cared about us. After spending another hour and a half in the bed, laying there with an ice pack, Collin and I were escorted to our room to change and get our things. When we were ready to leave the room, we were sent to our classes, apart from each other. I wouldn’t know anybody in those classes. I wouldn’t be in any position to participate or even move to write on a piece of paper, but I cooperatively put on my mask and walked down to the classrooms.

I could only count on lunch. There I could see Collin and sit and just be silent. No one talked much in lunch anyway, even though it was the only place to do it. I figured people talked too quietly for anyone to notice waves of chatter. I was guilty. It felt like every conversation was a whisper. My throat would give out by the second semester from just whispering. In the anger management class I was put in, our supervisor was mumbling on and on about behavioral problems and the causes. I didn’t pay much attention. It was like regular schooling. Only here, if you failed a pop quiz, they wouldn’t mark you down a letter grade; they'd instead mark you down for detention. Classes like this, I gathered, were mandatory. Without a word, those sadists had Collin and I out of there into the war zone all over again. We separated and went to individual rooms, and I became nervous without a buddy to keep me company. Even when we weren’t allowed to speak in class, Collin made everything feel a lot safer. Just this presence was enough to make me feel a lot better. It was something rare in this place I soon came to find out the hard way.

The forty minutes of free time were the ones I counted on, and I imagine so did everyone else. I managed to find an empty seat and waited for Collin. I held up a sign on a piece of lined paper that had his name on it, so he knew where to find me. When he slumped down into his seat an laid his head on the table beside his tray, I knew then exactly how he was feeling. He clung to his hand and rested his bruising face against the inside of his mask. Grunting under his breath, I knew there was pain in his body that could only disappear with time. He took his time sitting up, managing to push some canned peaches under his mask to eat.

“Hurts, doesn’t it,” he murmurs.

I felt the stings in my face, as well. My entire body felt numb to the aching but I knew it was there. Maybe I was just in shock, but there was something more about it than pain. It wasn’t pain to my body but to my ego. My first day and I’d managed to make enemies I didn’t even know about. I was irritated. Collin shoved his food around the tray and forced himself to eat bits here and there. I couldn’t even pick up a plastic spoon. The attempt of making a first was just too painful. I didn’t want to write or raise my hand in class, and I certainly didn’t want to speak. Half of it was embarrassment. Half of it was pride. In here, I had nothing and if I had my pride taken… what was left? Most people didn’t even know each others’ names. Those were stolen, too. They take away your identity and your life and strip you of all hope, then toss you into the battle field to fend for yourself.

“We were lucky,” he moaned. “Most people who end up with their heads to the floor aren’t taken to the infirmary. We were lucky.”

I didn’t believe in luck much, but with that as a comfort I would say it was indeed luck. People were so miserable. I felt myself becoming miserable, too, and the lingering tension of everyone else was suffocating. I could see why some kids would turn to their fists for control. If you couldn’t control your life, you could try to control someone else’s.

“Yeah, I guess we were.”

Collin sighed. “You’re not off to a good start. In fact, why don’t you just off yourself now? It’d save you the beatings. Those guys who jumped us are animals.”

“We’re all animals in this place,” the words escaped me.

“They’re going to come back, you know that, right?”

I knew exactly. When someone jumped me outside my school at home, no one was around to help me off my ass. Why was this place going to be any different? I knew from then that life wasn’t going to be easy with scum like that roaming around. But to kill yourself? What a joke.

“Off myself,” I asked. “That’s going to stop it. You think that’s the solution?”

“It was for my roommate.”

I froze. Sometimes personal information is best left to be personal. I frowned and looked down at my food. He couldn’t tell that I was frowning under my mask, but it showed in my body language; my shoulders all slumped and my chin so close to my tray it could touch the peaches. Sighing, I lifted my face and shook my head with regret. I wish I’d forgotten he said that. I felt awful for Collin. Seeing something like that is only something out of a nightmare or The Shawshank Redemption. It was like Collin snapped me out of the trance I was in and managed to say something a little less depressing.

“…and stop with the damn sign. Who are you, my limo driver?” He crumpled up the paper and tossed it at my mask, landing in my eyes before falling into my food. “I don’t wear laces, you idiot.”

I looked under the table and down at his sneakers. Indeed he had no laces. It was odd because until now I didn’t notice. I thought of my own shoes.

“Should I not wear laces, too?”

He scoffed. “Sure, we’ll be a new gang around here. Tripping on your laces is no longer an issue.”

“Okay, smartass. No laces.”

“Not here,” he said hurriedly. “Don’t undo them here. They’ll think you’re gonna choke somebody with those things. Wait until later.”

I obeyed and lifted my hand away from my sneakers, pretending to itch my leg before placing my hands back on top of the table. Collin nodded in approval and I relaxed. He felt a little more comfortable about eating and scarfed down what was remaining on his tray. The rest of lunch was decently quiet. Not many voices were heard. A boy got escorted out for throwing peaches, but, other than that, it was very peaceful. Collin and I managed to talk more about those idiots who beat us. He said that they weren’t even in trouble for what they did to us! How unfair could this place get? Apparently they were let off with a warning. Collin wasn’t too happy about it, but he didn’t seem to throw a tantrum or anything.

“They’re smug bastards,” he said. “Guys around here make deals with the guards. You do something for them and they get you out of The Pit. It’s a win-win.”

I shrugged. “Smart. What do the guards want that we have?”

“Every so often the faculty gives out these cards. You fill one out and people from home and bring you something, or mail you whatever you ask for. Once a month, really. It’s not much but if you get the guards whatever they want, you’re golden for the rest of the month.”

“Like a trade.”

“Like a trade.”

I thought about it for a moment. I remember seeing “no smoking” signs all over the place. It was an insignificant thing to see when I first got in, but the more I paid attention the more I understood. The guards couldn’t smoke. Caughenour is probably a smoker, I thought. It would be hard asking for cigarettes, though, considering my parents never took me as a smoker. Not to mention they would be very unhappy if I started; or that they thought I was smoking. It wasn’t for me, though, and I could use some free-bees around here. Knowing there was a way to make ends meet with the guards, I wondered what it would take to get those idiots off our cases. I imagine porno magazines or extra lunches would be sufficient. However, if it wasn't enough I would need a new plan. Collin snapped his fingers in front of my face.

“Hey,” he demanded, “get your head out of your ass! This isn’t daydreaming class. Don’t get any stupid ideas. “Guards don’t fall for that shit too easy nowadays. Believe me…”

“You’ve tried?” I asked it as if he didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Actually, yes. I wanted Caughenour to give me two days off my Pit visit, but instead he spits in my face and laughs me off; like I’m some kind of sick joke. He makes deals with those goons with druggies outside the walls. You better have somebody who can get some dope. I don’t even think you know someone to give you cigarettes…”

He was right; I didn’t. None of the people I knew, not even Donovan, smoked cigarettes. It was always weed, but never cigarettes. I wouldn’t know where to find a drug dealer even if I wanted to. I am positive Donovan knew exactly who to get it from, seeing as his source was local. I was, however, in no position to go asking that sick bastard for some smokes and dope. No way, not in a million years. Collin knew I was a softy, as if he already saw past my aggression. He laughed at me through his mask eye holes and shook his head with disappointment and pity for me.

“No, you wouldn’t pass that test, Cal. If I couldn’t, no one in their right mind would attempt.”

“Oh, yeah? Why is that?”

“I’m irresistible,” he said mockingly, waving his arms at his sides like an idiot trying to be suave. As if he even knew what that word meant.

“Sure, you could add jokes all you want, but I got to get out of here. We didn’t do what we were convicted of! So why not get our lawyers to bash heads and get us out of here?”

Collin threw down his plastic fork onto his tray. He placed his hands on the top of the table and pressed his palms hard against the tabletop. He looked at me through those eye holes with a deep, menacing stare.

“You listen to me, you little shit,” he warned. “You better shut it with that bull because none of us are going anywhere. You can go cry about it to your mommy and daddy on your next phone call in a month, but the rest of us here are going to keep our mouths shut. You wanna know what happens to wise guys like you; guys who want out; who think they can get a free pass in a place like this? Go look at Jimmy Thompson.”

I was almost baffled. He couldn’t see my face from behind my mask but it was obvious I was shocked. My eyes were wide and I could feel sweat running down my neck. He could’ve killed me with those eyes if looks could kill. I had never seen Collin like that, and I was positive I’d see more of it. He reminded me of a mean dog; I’d try to pet him but he’d snap his jaw of jagged teeth at me and snarl.

“Who’s Jimmy Thompson?”

Collin took a deep, harsh breath in and exhaled it out like a windstorm. I could see him gather his composure before relaxing his hands back into his lap under the table. “You haven’t seen him yet?”

I looked around the lunch commons at the blank expressions on the masked individuals. “How could you see anybody in this place? They all wore different faces.”

“No, you’d know exactly who I’m talking about if you saw him. He’s probably on the next lunch.”

I imagined trying to offer up something good to Caughenour. I thought about how I’d approach him and how he would react to me standing in his space; a felon like me, as if I were unworthy of his air or some bull. I would make the most amazing offer he could ever be given but he’d knock my teeth through my hard palate, no doubt. The idea gave me chills, and my teeth began to feel harsh and tense in my gums. Collin kept looking around for a familiar stranger while I ate the rest of my slop. His face came back to mine and he knew then where this Jimmy guy was. By the idea I pictured, he must’ve had some seriously messed up shit happen to him. Did they bash him like a rock until he split?

“Four rows back, two over,” he said. “Look, but don’t stare.”

Right next to the garbage was the table four rows back and two over. Just as Collin said, there was an oddly shaped guy sitting there at the end of the table, by himself. He wore a white mask like the rest of the guys. However, I noticed something about his posture. He slouched, slumped over a full tray of food. I got up from my seat and walked casually, slowly, over to the garbage. When I reached the trash and could see into the remains of peoples’ lunches, I could also make out Jimmy Thompson clear as day. His mask from far away was white. Up close, it was an off-white tone with a large black crack going down his left eye hole. I could make out the left side of his face perfectly. In fact, I could see it all too well. In a panic, I couldn’t process what I had seen on him. It terrified me as shock, not fear. I ended up staggering backward onto the floor, dropping the tray on the tiled floor.

I felt eyes on me. I had gasped at his face and now everyone had eyes on me, not Jimmy. Who would stare at him like I did? Nobody would. They probably knew it was a mistake for good reason, because Jimmy was off his seat as soon as I hit the floor with my ass. He was tall. He had dark hair and the blackest eyes. I’d never seen someone so intimidating and threatening in all my life. He looked at me and I could see his chest move as he took in harsher, bigger breaths. Everyone watched, and some even gathered, to see what would happen to the guy who stared at Jimmy Thompson.

“Everyone sit the hell down,” I heard a voice boom.

It was Caughenour, as expected, ready to beat everyone who didn’t sit down within three seconds. He had to push people away to make room to see us. He saw Jimmy standing there and me on my ass. I felt his hands lift me up off the floor to stand again. I felt very vulnerable being underneath a crazy guy like Jimmy.

“Mr. Thompson,” he said softly, “I think you should take a step back. Take it easy.”

He talked to him with little anger. His eyes became softer, full of pity, and his shoulders dropped to a relaxed state. Jimmy obediently sat back down over his untouched food. He placed an open hand on his shoulder and spoke softly to him; something none of us could hear. Then his eyes met mine. He had changed completely. That gentleness was long gone and I felt a shock of fear and surprise run up my arms like electricity. He had grabbed me by the wrist and glared at me.

“Don’t you know you’re not supposed to stare at people?” His voice was low and a vicious growl. “Huh? Don’t you know that?”

“I do now,” I said eagerly, a frantic plea stuck in my throat.

It seemed to do a lot, actually. My response had eased his fist on my wrist and let it fall to my side. He still glared, but he didn’t look as angry or as if he wanted to throw me across the room like a sick new sport. Caughenour stepped back a little and gestured over towards Collin. He looked at me and his posture showed concern; one arm raised in a paused movement before he would strike someone if necessary.

“Go sit down,” he said blankly. “Don’t make me tell you twice… You didn’t know. Just… go sit down.”

He went off through the doors and left another guard in his place. When he was gone I hurried back over to the table where Collin sat. I was sweating bullets. Collin immediately started talking but the words were an echo in my head. I could only hear my heartbeat in my ears and the pounding of my newly developed headache. He shook my shoulders as I began to calm down a little.

“Cal,” he yelled. “What the hell? I told you not to stare! Is that a complicated concept? That is what happens. That’s what you get, Cal.”

I couldn’t think of anything else to say but, “What happened to Jimmy Thompson’s face?”

I couldn’t forget that face. He could have scared the nightmares out of my head, and the image of those things on his face was a nightmare in itself. He had these burns. These shriveled scars that seemed to be an unfathomable pain were haunting. Jimmy was by far the worst person in this entire place; not because he was horrifying, to say the least, but because he sincerely looked like he wanted to kill me. He didn’t seem to want to fight me with his fists outside on the gravel, but stab me in the neck with a homemade shiv. In here, I imagine that wasn’t all too difficult to pull off. Coming from a threat like Jimmy Thompson, I couldn’t predict what was coming my way. But why? I only looked at him! I didn't have to say a word for him to stand up and stand over me like a giant. Collin cleared his throat and tried to piece together a timeline for me.

“He smuggled in cigarettes for Caughenour. Last year, he called up some buddy asking for some pot but he couldn’t get that. So, what’s he do, he asks him for smokes instead. Like that was a better choice. You smuggle something into this place, and get caught by anyone other than Caughenour, you’re done.”

“Done?”

“They torture you in here,” Collin said lowly. “How else would he have gotten them? He didn’t fall into a grill in the kitchen. No one goes back there. It’s locked up unless you’re staff.”

My stomach felt strange. It felt like something was moving around in my belly trying to escape. I didn’t know what to think. How could anyone think?

“Caughenour isn’t a bad guy, Cal. He’s probably the least of threats in here. Just remember that. Jimmy was taken to The Pit after his “treatment” and left him there for a week. Caughenour wouldn’t have burned his damn face, but… The Pit is inevitable.”

The scabby looking burns on Jimmy did not look like any cattle prod burns or a flat iron. In fact, they looked worse. They looked discolored, like they were once infected. “Those burns were from something way more powerful than a simple clothing iron, Collin. You’ve seen him!”

“No, no,” Collin said with disbelief. “You think they're that kind here? We’re not talking about irons, you’re right about that. They use acid.”

I could feel my mouth fall agape at the sound of those words. “Acid?”

“Poured it all over his face, they did. They didn’t even wait to take off his mask. It got all over it. They refused to give him a new one. It’s a scorched mess now. That crack down the eye is from the acid.”

“They burn you in here… Why?”

He just shrugs. I didn’t want it to be true but I couldn’t erase that sight. How could someone do something so vial to a person; to a kid? Jimmy hadn’t done something that terrible, after all. He brought in cigarettes, not an explosive device or a gram of cocaine. It’d be different if it were, I’m sure, but to burn someone’s face with acidic liquid was just insane. I couldn’t imagine the pain he had to have felt, sitting back in one of those chairs like in a barber shop, feeling that hot and cold mix of pain in you face. I could only imagine a flame of acid, smoking from your skin, as it hit the pores. I felt pity and fear all in one. I’d never imagined a place like this existing. If Collin didn’t have the answers to my questions then who would?

When lunch ended I was still in shock. People went here and there and I someone felt like I was standing still. It was like realization. What if something like that happened to me? They’d pin me down like poor Jimmy Thompson and torture me until I felt sorry for myself. I tried to understand. I tried so hard to accept that Jimmy was just a messed up kid with a messed up face, and that someone like him wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have that face. Before that happened, I could only imagine a Jimmy Thompson with a rough, chiseled face and a booming, angered voice. Now, though, it was like he had no voice at all. I didn’t understand, because something that horrible isn’t put into words unless they come from his mouth. I prayed I never heard his voice.