The Academy

Collin and Lola had waited patiently for me to come sit back down with them. At first, they didn’t say anything to me, thinking that it was best to let me “process” what I just learned. I had no idea what Lola knew, but the idea of her knowing was a tragedy and a problem. Collin looked at me while Lola’s face was down in her old book, her hand scribbling down things frantically across the page. When I looked over at her with a glance at her notebook, she stopped dead in her writing and looked at me. Worry had set in her eyes.

“She’s dead, isn’t she?”

My heart sank. My entire body felt like it was floating outside of myself. If time had paused I would have been given more time to think of a response. “Yeah… I’m so sorry, Lola.”

“I already knew she was dead. Don’t give me that pity shit. What good will it do?”

I sighed softly and tried to reach out to her. I didn’t know how to comfort people well, but it was easiest to let her cope in her own way. Lola didn’t seem like the kind of girl who wanted to be touched when she was upset. In fact, I don’t think any girl would want to be touched when they’re upset. I knew that if I held her hand or tried to hug her it would end badly. Physically, I would have my face bashed in by a guard for publicly displaying affection. Socially, Collin would give me a strange look as if to ask me what in the name of Jesus H. Christ was I doing. Emotionally, I don’t think I could conquer a crush in this place. Instead, I was entirely okay letting Lola rave in her own mind. Still, somehow it didn’t leave me satisfied. I wanted to hold her. She’d lost someone close. In here, friendships are faked or ruined immediately by something trivial. In here, friendships just can’t exist without a conflict.

Lola was quiet the rest of lunch. When we all got up to leave, Collin waved us off and we got a head start towards the exit. It was just the two of us, leaving Collin behind in the mix of faces. Her eyes were almost closed, waiting with her books in her hands as people sluggishly moved along. I was shy and fearful to speak, but when she started scribbling down more things in her notebook I was enthused to talk.

“What is in that thing, anyway? Is that your diary or something?”

I reached out to touch it. “No, it’s not a diary. Diaries are for secrets and secrets don’t exist in this place. Everybody knows everything about everybody. It’s inevitable. You don’t know much of anything, do you?”

“Apparently not,” I shrugged. “So what is in it?”

Her hands shut the notebook and she placed her pen behind her ear, hiding it within the strands of blonde hair surrounding her mask. “Well, since we’re in public, I’ll give you the vague response. It’s a notebook full of answers. Well… There’s more than one answer. It’s like a theory journal.”

“Like a conspiracy theory?”

“Yes! It’s about conspiracies. You catch my drift.”

She opened the old pages and let me skim through very briefly. It was more of her turning the pages with her thumb, only allowing me to catch a few words here and there. A few images were scribbled in pencil and everything else was too illegible to read instantly. She looked up at me and she could see that I was irritated. I wanted to read through it. It had caught my interest since I saw the old book in her hands. From the beginning, I always thought it contained something important.

“What,” she said. “You didn’t actually think I’d let you read it, did you?”

I laughed. “No, of course not. Why would you share your prized possessions with a stranger?”

“Oh, ha ha. It’s not personal, Cal. It’s a lot of really good stuff in here! You got to be my closest friend to even touch this thing.”

My shoulders shrugged. “I guess that makes sense. How does one become your closest friend?”

“Well…” She hesitated, sighing a little as the crowd started moving along down the corridor. “I have an opening now for my closest friend, since Julie is gone.”

She didn’t seem too bothered by her friend being dead. Although, I wasn’t sure still what she knew. She could have known Jules was dead, but not known the extent and horror of what actually happened to her. In all seriousness, Lola’s lack of emotion for it was a little bit concerning. I saw through it, though, because I knew how trauma worked. When I lost my grandmother as a kid and went to the funeral, I remember feeling absolutely nothing at all. I was young, true, but spending so much time with her as a kid was enough to make me feel a little about her death. When I saw her body in the box in front of the room of flowers, I couldn’t think of anything except that her body was right in front of me. It was a little too much for me to process at the time, and numbness was an inevitable part in coping. Rather, psychologists call it denial. I didn’t want to tell Lola how things were. If it were me, I would not want someone to explain to me my best friend were dead.

“I’ll come by,” she said cheerfully. “We can talk it over.”

Somehow I didn’t think this was a good idea. She obviously thought little of the situation with Julie to be concerned about sneaking out of her room in the middle of the night. Guards would chew her ass apart if she got caught. I could see her scurrying around in the darkened corridor, the lights every ten feet away illuminating the hall. A hand grabs at her shoulder and she spins around suddenly. My vision comes to an end and I connect eyes with Lola, her blonde hair no longer pulled away from her face but fallen, draped like a blanket, over her cheeks.

“Lola, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I think it’s a little dangerous.”

She scoffs. “I’m not going to get in trouble, Cal. It’s going to be okay, I swear. If I get nervous about it I will go straight back to my room. I’ll be there. Go to bed without me if I don’t show.”

“Lola,” I said in protest.

Before I could say anything else, she was running down the corridor with her books in her arms. Her feet pattered across the tiled floor and she vanished into the crowd of empty faces. That afternoon was spent entirely by myself. Class came and went and I didn’t care for any of it. My head was someplace else, stuck thinking about how much of a regretful and stupid idea this was. Lola could get into danger just like Julie had. She was entirely oblivious about the entire thing. Was she not aware of Julie dying no more than twenty-four hours prior? It was like none of it ever happened. She acted cheerful and upbeat when she spoke, while everything in my mind was full of fear and distress. It was like I was watching a bomb go off in a building above me, while Lola stood watching with a smile on her face.

Collin wasn’t in the room when I got back after my last period class. He had left a piece of paper in the bed I slept in, crumpled up and scribbled in pencil like he was in a rush. “I have extra classes. Don’t do anything stupid.” Thanks, Collin. At least he left a note, right? Sometimes people disappear and you have to hear from your closest adversary that they’re dead. I hoped no one else would get into any trouble. Trust was so important now, and it was so sparse I felt like it was a thin layer of plastic wrap. Collin wouldn’t hide things from me; that was a given. He was a good friend, for the short while I have been here. He was genuine in his words and I could tell he meant it. Jimmy was damaged, and a threatening person, but still a friend to me all the same. I knew if I were in any bad beef with someone I could rely on him. He trusted me enough to tell me about his face. He told me how he felt. If that wasn’t trusting I wasn’t sure what was.

Julie was a complete stranger. Her trust was as good as a crabapple tree. What good was it when every word she said was rotten or profane? I couldn’t judge; most of the things I said out loud had profanity in it one way or another. Still, she was not like anyone else. She was hiding things about herself that I couldn’t crack open. She had so many barriers around her. At least Lola was making an attempt to know me the day we met. Julie was too distant. Maybe that was why Lola didn’t throw up too much trouble over her going missing. Sure, it was a worrisome thing to tell people, but was she really a worthy victim? Little Lola… She was so bold, daring. She was bolder than anyone I had ever known. She was willing to risk herself to sneak away at night. It was all for me. Collin must have known she planned this. Why else would he disappear for extra classes? If there was one thing Collin hated most about this shit hole, it was the extra credit classes people took out of opportunity. Collin was the underachieving type for sure. I wasn’t sure if he lied for me or for Lola’s cause. Either way, he knew something was up. I would not be surprised if he assumed something was going on between us.

Was there? Lola didn’t seem appealed to anybody. She was just roaming. She’d wander and go about the day with no appeal for anything, especially not classes we took. She was a very bright person and had a bubbling personality, but she didn’t seem too interested in boys. This place wasn’t exactly an ad for “singles anonymous.” In fact, we were all just anonymous. Whether we were single or not, it was the last thing on anybody’s mind to score. It wasn’t easier with everyone wearing masks over their faces. People couldn’t judge you or like you at first glance. The way someone walked wasn’t exactly a deal-breaker. What was left? The majority wouldn’t even say hello to people. Out of everyone, what are the odds of someone being attracted to me? It was more likely that people would get to know Jimmy Thompson than to get to know me. Collin knew better than anyone. In the two years here, I assumed he got to know a lot more people. No, he hadn’t. In fact, he now had two friends; not three. It was better than nothing, sure, but it was a lonely place. Lola was alone. I couldn’t imagine losing a friend like Julie. There wasn’t much else I could think of that would make Lola like me. If something happened, it was because of her desperation. Things like love didn’t exist in The Academy.

I sat up on my bed after classes, kicking off my socks and leaning over my lap. That was when my worrying got worse. That scene in my head had come back and haunted me. If for some reason Lola didn’t make it here, it would be my fault and I’d feel like the worst human being alive. Collin didn’t come in. I expected him to because of habit, but then reminded myself that he was someplace else. Maybe he genuinely, all of a sudden, started caring about his participation academically. What am I thinking? I would imagine Collin home on the computer jerking off and smoking weed like there was no tomorrow. In fact, I could imagine his dorky glasses fogging up from so much weed. I think anything is better than classes. If people had the stuff to occupy their time the way I imagined Collin did, hail to them. It definitely wasn’t my thing but sometimes that’s okay. It burned when I tried it. Maybe I was doing it wrong, but when I felt the smoke hit my lungs in that tingling sensation I wanted to die. It felt like I would die. Everything in my body was on fire and that first hit was also my last. Weak, I know. My friends didn’t let me hear the end of it when I couldn’t take another drag.

“What’re you doing?”

A voice startled me out of my head and my gaze shot up in the doorway where I saw Lola. She shut the door quietly and came into the room, sitting down on the edge of Collin’s bed. Her eyes were blazing with vibrance in the dim lighting of the room. The sun was going down outside and I felt chills running through me. She looked at me for what felt like forever. I hadn’t taken off my mask yet, and I was honestly dreading that moment. She didn’t have any hesitation about reaching for her mask, pulling the band from the back of her head and pulling the plastic back behind her face. Her skin was fair and soft. The lashes of her eyes seemed so much longer and her eyes were clearer. I was taken back by her beauty. I knew she was beautiful, but to see her without the mask was even more unexplainable.

“Well,” she said impatiently. “You can’t keep your mask on all night.”

I hesitated, staring at her face with absolute awe. She was mesmerizing. Her beautiful blonde strands of hair fell down over her shoulders, longer without the mask holding her hair up. It fell in cascading waves down her breasts and her eyes beamed when she realized I was staring. I drew my gaze away from her and reached behind my head to unstrap my mask. She stopped me and looked at my clothes in confusion.

“Wait, what if you’re ugly?”

“Wow, thanks,” I beamed uncomfortably. “I’m not ugly.”

Her laugh was intoxicating. “I’ll be the judge of that!”

She stood up and came over to my bed, sitting down across from me with her legs folded contently. She reached her slender fingers up to my face and grazed my cheek, her hands grabbing the mask. I felt her pull up on the mask and take it off of my face, the cool air from the outside flooding into my cheeks. It felt like life had rushed back into my body. I thought I would collapse and faint from fear but she didn’t say anything when I had revealed my face. She just stared. It was exactly how I reacted. I felt like I was finally meeting Lola for the first time. I think that was how she saw it, as well. Her eyes grew with surprise when her face met mine, and the space between us became closer and closer. I felt like I was trapped in a spider’s web, tangled in Lola’s embrace as she jerked forward to wrap her arms around me. It was sudden and her arms were like a shield around my neck. At first I could not move my arms. It felt like my entire body was paralyzed. Her body was easily fit against mine. I reached my arms around her and laid my hands on the small of her back. I felt my fingertips touch the bottom of her shirt, her skin inches from my hands. Her body was a wonder. I lost all thought in my mind and closed my eyes, hugging her with intense compassion. It was like no other hug mattered until now.

I felt her sadness. She pulled away from our hug and took a glance at my eyes. She couldn’t help but let the tears swell up in her eyes and I noticed the ball of her nose becoming pink and her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. It was like the mask had lifted all of her emotionless strength and let out the girl she was inside. She let me see every inch of her sadness. She opened up to me and allowed herself to cry. What was it about my presence that made her feel secure enough to trust me? Emotions were a burden to carry, but an even bigger burden when you try leaving them with someone else. I knew it better than anyone; you can’t let people help you if there are too many problems. I lost friends over trying to ask for help. I was either “overdramatic” or laying out too much for them to look at. Either way, I was surprised she allowed herself the emotions.

“I’m sorry,” she hurriedly said, shaking away her tears. “I don’t know why I’m hugging you.”

I smiled a little. “I do.”

“I just miss her. I miss Jules so much. I cared so much about her.”

I nodded, trying to make her feel like I listened to her. “I understand. She was a good person. Lost, maybe, but she was a good friend to you.”

“Yeah, very lost. She was trouble but she and I got into trouble together. We did everything together. She roomed with me our first year here. It was like a sleepover every night.”

I looked down, feeling pity in my heart and a headache brewing in my temple. There was only so much I could do for her. I felt useless because of how much she hurt. How do people take care of others every day as a job, a career? I felt bad for psychologists or social workers or therapists. People would annoy me too much for me to ever take that on. Props to them.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to cry about this to you. I’m so inconsiderate.”

“You’re not,” I said softly. “You’re coping. I get it.”

She pulled her old book from behind her and laid it out on the bed. It sat there with no movement. I wanted to reach for her but Lola’s eyes were gazing at my hands too deeply that I was afraid to. Her fingers traced over the book cover and I knew she was debating whether or not to open it.

“I have to know I can trust you,” she said quietly.

“It’s not like we’re sharing data from a secret organization. It’s just a book full of stories. Think of them like that.”

She scoffs. “They’re not just stories, Cal. This is full of answers. It’s the equivalent of a president’s journal. No one can see what it says; that’s just the way it is.”

Something was off. She had turned very serious and her gaze became deadly. I felt a tension rise in the room. I felt a vapor of it fog around my face as I became warm. It was something I’d never felt before. Was it really worth knowing? Rather, was the book really worth knowing what was inside? I saw genuine worry in her face. It was something she didn’t shake off easily. If anything were this serious to someone it meant a great deal to trust someone else with it. I wanted to know what was in it more than anything else. If this book was full of answers like she said it was, I wanted to know them all.

“You’re not kidding about this, are you?”

She shook her head.

“It has answers.”

She nods.

“They’re answers about… this place?”

She nods. “They’re not just answers about this place. They’re answers about Julie. I think I know what’s going on here.”

“What’s going on then?”

Lola’s eyes fell to the book and she opened it, revealing page after page of information. Headings at the tops of pages were in bold pen, scribbled with lines in between the bubbled font. Every word was neat despite the scribbly handwriting. I couldn’t make it out from where I was sitting, because reading upside down was never that easy for me. She hesitated before handing me the book. She let go of it as its weight fell into my hands. She looked up at me and sighed as if letting go of it were the hardest thing in the entire world to do.

“Borrow it for awhile,” she said. “When you’re done with it you can give it back. Only read it in here, though. Collin can’t read it. He’d think we’re both bat shit crazy.”

My eyes wandered as she stood up from my bed. “Wait, Lola. You’re not staying?”

“I’ll stay if you want me to.”

She went over to the door and looked at me the entire time. Her hair ran down her back, catching light as the sunset shined through into the room. I hesitantly got up from my set on the bed and went over to her. She stared at me the whole time. I froze when I got about a half a foot away from her. Our faces were closer than before. She reached her face up and pressed her lips against my cheek. I felt the softness of her touch and the luscious texture of her lips on my flesh. It was a moment of peacefulness. She gave my worst days a burst of blissful heaven. Safe in my arms, she held onto me as she had before. She clung to my body and tugged at the back of my shirt, playing with it with her fingers. When I looked down at her I felt my face flush.

“What was that for,” I asked shyly.

She shrugs lightly, smiling. “I just felt like it.”

I felt like I was floating. The world around me seemed to disappear and all that was left was Lola and me. She made me smile and I couldn’t help but allow myself to kiss her. My face leaned down and our noses touched at first, shyly making my way to her lips. She didn’t fight. She was gentle and reluctant. Her eyes closed and I felt mine do the same. There was a silence in the air and I could hear my own heartbeat in my chest. She was breathing heavier, and I knew the air had grown thin in contrast to the tension before. Then she slowly pulled me down with her onto the mattress of my bed. I pulled her up onto my chest, her face inches from mine. Our kisses became harsh and our arms were tangling around each other like vines of a chain-link fence. She kissed back with so much passion and laid on me with such confidence. She laid over me like an angel, hovering her head against the space above mine, her lips only touching mine a couple of times before I got an annoyed smile across my face. Such a tease. When she got off me, I was both disappointed and grateful. If she hadn’t stopped I was afraid of being too disrespectful; Lola was not like Julie at all. She was too fragile, in a sensitive state, and the last thing I wanted was to hurt her with empty promises of romance.

“I should go,” she smiled softly. “I’d rather stay but… I have to go before I get caught. Lights are out in a few hours. If I’m not back they’ll send a search and destroy squad out for me.”

I chuckled but it wasn’t out of humor. I didn’t find any humor in her getting caught, but for her sake I wanted the mood to stay positive. She looked at me before going over to the bed where Collin slept, picking up the mask from the sheets.

“I can’t be seen,” she said, “physically or psychologically.”

My heart sank into my chest with relief she didn’t forget it. I couldn’t imagine what they would do to her if she’d forgotten to put it on. In my head I was wondering how anyone could forget their face. Her hands pulled the mask back on over her face and she slumped her shoulder in disappointment. I didn’t bother putting mine back on. She locked eyes with me and I could hear her let out a forced sigh.

“Be careful out there,” I said softly.

“You get some sleep.”

“With all of this reading I have to do? No way.”

Smiling, I looked down at my lap and held her book in one hand. She let out a small laugh before reaching for the doorknob, opening it, and leaving without another word. When she had gone it felt like the world was creeping back in on me. I wasn’t happy she left, but a part of me really wanted to be alone with the book. I immediately tore open the cover to the first page and slaved over the words with my eyes. I laid back against the pillow and read the words on the pages. It was so strange. It was a bunch of notes that someone could consider chicken-scratch, but to me it was all important. There were so many entries in the book that I was starting to think it was a diary. All night I sat up reading the pages after pages with a longing for answers. If I were going to have a lengthy conversation with Lola about it, I needed to everything that was in the book first.

Entry #22

I saw something horrible today. I don’t mean horrible like usual fights in the cafeteria or classes horrible. I watched a guard beat the shit out of someone with their wand. It was like watching a murder go down, but that came later. I sat on the floor crouched down behind a corner in the hall as he beat the hell out of the kid in a classroom. He was covering the kid in blood and even knocked his mask off. I’d never seen so much blood before. The stuff I saw was all burned up from setting fires, but never beating someone to a pulp before they died. I’m terrified. What if he saw me? Can they even do anything about it if I saw? What a stupid question. Of course they can. They can do whatever they want here. I’m sure if that guard didn’t kill the kid like he did, he would’ve offed himself anyway.

Entry #23
Here is what I know for sure:
1) Guards are complete psychos.
2) The boy who got beat up isn’t here today. No one else knows but me.
3) I think the second part of #2 was supposed to be #3.
4) Three people killed themselves this week, including the boy who got beat.

The worst part of seeing that kid die, was that I was there to know exactly how he died. They still claimed it was a suicide. How many suicides were they covering up? It sickens me to think this, but I think they’re killing them off. I’m having theories in mind. My first theory is: They all want to kill us. We’re all either too criminally unjust for society, or they’re all psychotic lunatics who want the thrill of the kill. Either way, what kind of sick freaks are they?

Entry #24
There was someone outside my room last night. Julie was asleep, so I didn’t bother making any noise. Why would I? Unless I wanted guards in here at three in the morning, busting down the door, trying to kill me, I was not going to say a word. If they knew what I saw, it’s immediately game over for me. Hell, with the way things are going I wouldn’t be surprised if they kill Julie, too.

I couldn’t read anymore. I looked up from the page and saw Collin wander into the room with his hand full of books. He noticed my face staring down at the book and grinned. I heard a small chuckle under his breath as he threw his mask onto the table next to his bed, the grin still growing across his lips.

“I see you’ve started reading through Lola’s conspiracies.”

I arched an eyebrow. “She let you read it?”

“We’re friends, aren’t we? The three of us are friends. We share everything.”

I was taken back. “So you know exactly what’s in here? She just wants me to read the whole thing?”

“I know. I know everything. She just wants to give you perspective. If you really want the rundown I can gladly give you a chicken-scratch version.”

I pushed the book aside and left it on my bed. “Go on. I’m listening. Is it true about that guard who killed a kid?”

“Which one? There’s obviously more than one kid who died. Conspiracy number one is that they’re just killing us off. I think it’s because our parents can’t deal anymore. That theory isn’t at my top of the list. Theory number two is that they’re experimenting. You remember that drug. That stuff that stung inside you like a mother… Anyway, that stuff isn’t given to you by a doctor. Lola had that shit pumped into her once like it was dehydration fluid. Those sick people wanted her to suffer for something. She never says what she did. Not that it matters.”

“So she’s not lying?”

He chuckles. “Lola is a lot of things but she sure isn’t a liar.”

I looked down at the book and tried to wrap my head around why she had written it to begin with. She must have known something everyone else didn’t; seen things no one else had. Of course, a murder was one thing but the reason behind it was even more important. To kill a kid for no reason at all was a horrible thing. To see it… I couldn’t fathom.

“She must’ve been scared shitless,” I murmured. “If she’s not lying, then tell me everything that you know is one hundred percent true.”

He sighs and leans back into the mattress, slouching uncomfortably. “She’s right about the guards being savages. That kid was in our class. He didn’t show up after that, so I knew then that she wasn’t lying. I read it a few days after she said it was “finished,” so it’s not like everything was dumbfounding to me. I’m not stupid enough to believe this place at all. You stay here more than a few months and you’ll see that it’s corrupt.”

“You don’t say…”

“Hey, wise guy, you’re in for a treat. You could beat this shit if you wanted. So could I and so could Lola. We could all get out of here, because of Lola’s snooping. You’d be amazed how many lawyers here fucked us over. We’re all slaves to them. A number, even, is far more accurate than what we are now. If we died, they cover it up. They couldn’t give a rat’s ass if we died. They want to push us so far.”

“Push us?”

Collin pushed his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose. “They want to see how long we’ll last. See, the four years we’re required is the time they keep us. We’re not here for this bull at all.”

“Collin, I was falsely accused of vehicular man”-

“Screw the vehicular manslaughter, Cal! You know that’s fake. Those cops would’ve found prints, shoe treads in the mud… You can’t sit there and tell me, after what you’ve told me about your case, that it was all true. You’re innocent. I’m innocent. Lola… She’s a lab rat like the rest of us; she’s just guilty.”

Sighing, I pushed myself to the edge of the bed and leaned my elbows onto my knees. I felt my hands clench themselves around tufts of my hair, stroking my own hair for comfort. It sounded so crazy. It all sounded like words from the mouth of a madman. Was it all mad, though? Collin was trustworthy. Whether I wanted to hear it or not, Collin was going to lean into me with it all.

“Cal,” he said softly, “I wish there was an easier way to tell you this, but we’re all just experiments in here.”

I shook my head and looked up at him angrily. “That makes literally no sense! What are they experimenting then? Tell me that.”

“They want to watch us squirm in here. Lola and I did some digging. We weighed all of this crap in, and we think there’s a sure fire explanation for this. It’s not much, because we have no proof, but there’s a lot of stuff we have written in that book. There are things we can and can’t explain.”

“What’s the reason, Collin?” I demanded.

He sighed impatiently. “They want to see how long we’ll survive in here. Whether we last the four years, they mark you down as a survivor. Lola snuck through the files in the Headmistress’s office. She found a file of one of the “graduates” that went here, and his file was marked down in green with a stamp. They marked him as a survivor. It’s sick. It’s all one big sick joke to them. It’s a game.”

“They want to watch us.”

“Exactly. They want to see who will survive, how they’ll survive, or how long before we snap. Snap, in this case, means how long it takes before we off ourselves.”

My throat felt stiff and dry, barely managing the words out of myself. “They want to see how long before we kill ourselves?”

“Or how long before we get killed by the guards,” he added.

I could feel an expression of disgust cross my cheeks and crinkle my face in the edges. My chest was barely moving, the breath in me seemingly vanishing altogether. Collin was still and collected. He was calm; perhaps too calm. For the circumstances, he was awfully cheery, in fact, and I felt a sickness in the pit of my stomach from it. My face burned, half with anger and half with discourages. I was afraid of what to hear out of his mouth next. I skimmed through the pages of the notebook and tried to piece together the facts from what I heard, hoping what Collin said was fiction from a bad horror movie.

“Lola said it’s secretive. She only trusted you and me with it. Why? What’s in here that we have to hide?”

I almost found my question too daunting. It felt too real. Asking it was a second of panic, and the aftermath few moments when the room fell quiet were deadly. It was so tense; so unsettling. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.

“We know how to get out,” Collin said plainly.

“What?”

“Lola and I have been trying to make a fool-proof plan since we got here. She and I were friends off the bat, both having the same goal. Everybody else is too scared to try. Would you try? In all honestly, Cal,” he murmured, “would you try it?”

I didn’t hesitate. “No. I wouldn’t try to. We’d get killed on sight. Who knows what kind of things they have in this place? They could have a full security team with pistols and machine guns, just waiting for someone to do something stupid.”

“That’s what we’ve already thought of. I’m like twenty-thousand steps ahead of you.”

It was hard to believe. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious! Lola and I live for this shit.”

I shook my head, trying not to be too blatant with him. However, my expression pretty much said it all. It was still half twisted in disgust with this place but opened up a small portion of hopelessness. My eyebrows had furrowed and my warm cheeks became cool again. I hung my head and tried so hard not to let the story consume me. It was horribly useless to think of getting out of this place. I was here for such a short time but it felt like years. Every moment dragged on and I only dreamed of getting out of here. However, there’s no room in here for dreaming. It’s no use believing in fiction. Collin looked at me from his bed and pulled his glasses onto the bridge of his nose. He opened his hands and I threw the notebook to him. He opened to a page and fell quiet, preparing to tell me another story.