Saving Christmas

Of all the reasons Alex dislikes living alone, the one most wouldn’t guess is the way his cooking skills go completely unused.

He's not your typical bachelor when it comes to the kitchen. Frozen pizzas stacked, barely a swig of almond milk left in the container, bread verging on penicillin, a case of beer filling the fridge door - well, okay he does have quite the beer supply - but mostly he’s prepared to whip something up. Home cooked meals, baked desserts, smoothies, fresh not frozen. He isn't some aspiring chef but it is a hobby that doesn't get enough of a workout anymore.

It's only so much fun to cook for yourself. The time, the effort, the portion, the cleanup. Satisfaction is hard to find in that spirit.

Today though, Alex is thrilled. It’s Christmas Eve and he’s up early - bachelor or not he is not an early riser - preparing dinner for the evening.

“Mom, I know it’s a trek for you guys but I’d actually love to have Christmas here.” He feigned confidence when asking. It’s not that it was a huge deal, they didn't really have holiday traditions so location wasn't important, but him traveling alone to the family was much easier for everyone involved so he knew it wasn’t the most practical idea. After convincing her he wasn’t offering just to be polite and hinting at how this would make the new place feel more homey, his mother responded with a “We’d love to” that only had a tinge of reservation if you knew what to listen for. He didn’t blame her but he also really wanted this. He kinda needed this.

His family is small - parents and a younger sister - the rest of his extended family is across the pond in parts of England. Being the four of them they didn't do much in the way of traditions, the importance was being together. And for Alex right now, it was important to show his family that he was doing well.

Alex (and his mother and his sister) would've liked to get to Alex's the day before Christmas Eve, but they all knew that wasn't going to be an option.
Alex's father owned a local music store and liked to stay open part of the day while everyone else had begun holiday. It was the closest thing they had to a tradition.

“You never know when that last mom will give in and get her kid that starter drum kit they've been begging for,” he’d always reason. Sure enough, it did happen in some form occasionally, so you had to give it to him. His dad would come home and tell them about the lady who just had to get her daughter the guitar she’d been asking for because she heard how important music was in the grand span of learning. Or the father who had no idea what to get but felt like something noisy would keep his son busy. Yep, Dad knew.
So, they were coming Christmas Eve evening, giving Alex time to get everything done by the time they arrived.

After three months this new apartment was finally starting to feel like home and he wanted to show his parents how he was settling in. They hadn’t been over since the move-in and while Alex still wasn’t doing great, he knew it was going to be a good couple of days.

Alex is chopping yams when his phone goes off, cutting into the Christmas music he has on to set the mood. And just 14 seconds into the call his celebratory, joyful mood is destroyed.

“Hey mum, what’s up?” He puts the phone on speaker to keep his hands working freely.

“Hi sweetie. It doesn’t look like we’re going to make it. There’s a huge storm near interstate 70…” The rest of the conversation is a blur, Alex’s disappointment overtaking him, but he does his best to keep the emotion out of his voice. This was the absolute opposite ideal scenario for the day but he didn’t need his mom to feel any worse than he knew she would.

“Well, I mean, I'm sorry for you guys. I’d hate for you to get stuck in the middle. It just sucks you’re going to miss out on this killer meal.” He doesn’t need to sugar-coat it for his mom yet he can’t help overcompensating. She knows better.

“Are you going to be okay? I'm so sorry, Alex.”

“Yeah, I get it. There's nothing you guys can do.” He cracks, hopelessness seeping through.

“Well, we're going to keep a watch on reports and see if we can still make it later. I'd hate for you to do all this work for nothing. We were excited to see the place all set up. And see you!” She sounds sincere enough but they both know it’s a slim chance of the roads clearing so quickly.

“Okay, sure. Just be careful.”

Disappointed is an understatement. It wasn't just the work or money that went into making the meal and cleaning up his apartment. It wasn't the amount of leftovers he'd have. He hadn't seen his family in a few months and it hadn’t been a great few months, either. Despite living in America for most of Alex’s life (and all of his sister’s) their British roots kept them from ever giving Thanksgiving much attention and Alex usually had plans, so they didn’t get together then. This was officially the worst Christmas and half the shitty year had been leading up to it.

Nothing in the kitchen needed his immediate attention, especially now, so Alex left everything and decided to go for a walk. He wasn’t quite going to cry from frustration but he did sniffle as he pulled his boots on. It was, of course, freezing outside, but he didn’t want to be in there anymore, not right this second. He knew he didn’t have anyone particular to be mad at, it’s just the way things were, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t shitty. He probably shouldn’t have even asked them to come. Obviously, he shouldn’t have. Now he’s going to be alone, the way he has been alone for the last few months and honestly fuck this whole thing.

Alex is walking with a determined pace despite not having any destination. As he rounds the first block his adrenaline starts to slip and the chill of the air hits him, settling in. He doesn’t have anything inside the apartment waiting for him and now he’s cold.

As he makes his way back up the path to the complex’s entrance he recognizes his neighbor Jack inside, seemingly checking the mail. Alex doesn’t know much about Jack but occasionally notices his mail piled above the boxes, so he snickers to himself at catching the guy actually checking his mailbox.

Alex is hoping he can get by with a nod and a smile. Talking to anyone right now and having to fake holiday cheer is the last thing he has any interest in.

“Hey, Alex! Merry Christmas Eve,” Jack calls out, giving a small wave as he pulls a tightly stacked pile of mail out of the cubby. Jack smiles brightly at him before frowning back at the heap of paper in his hand.

“Yeah back at you, man.” Alex's response is subdued but he tries, giving a closed-lipped smirk. It’s already more than he was prepared to give.

In the three months Alex has been living here he hasn’t gotten to know any of his neighbors too well but at least had casual niceties with a few of them. Smiles, waves, “how’s it going.” The easy things. He was barely a shell of the social butterfly he used to be. Getting to know people who happened to share a living space was hardly a priority.

As Alex is about to pass Jack and head inside, Jack catches him off guard and continues talking.

“Surprised to see anyone around here. Most people are away so the building gets weirdly quiet.” Jack turns all attention from his mail to Alex.

“Oh, yeah. I hadn't really even noticed.”

Their parking garage was scarce. There were mostly young people in this complex, people Alex probably should've had some connection to at this point, so they likely had families to visit and potential in-laws to impress.

Alex doesn’t particularly feel like continuing this conversation but it's not like he’s in any rush back to the rest of forever alone. The silence lingers but so does he.

Jack takes the opportunity to go on. “I was supposed to go to my parents’ but they had to head back home two days ago ‘cause my grandpa isn’t doing too well. What are your plans?”

Jack tosses more than half the stack of mail into the recycle bin kept there for that exact reason and looks at Alex indifferent. “It’s all fucking junk anyways.”

“Ahh. Well, my parents and sister were supposed to come over but they’re a couple hours east and can’t make it due to a storm.” Saying it out loud feels worse than it should.

“Oh shit. I'm really sorry, man, that sucks.” He looks more genuine than he sounds but Alex doesn’t take it personally. It’s not like Jack knew how excited Alex was. Also, Jack’s family obviously has a worse situation but Alex doesn’t have much capacity to be sad for anyone else right now.

“Oh, thanks. Sorry to hear about your grandpa, too.” He hopes his voice gives some concern.

“He's like 84 and I've only met him twice so it sucks I’m not there for my mom but I'm not missing much. I have work in a couple days so I can't really take the time off to fly around the world.”

“Oh. Well still. That really sucks. Sorry.” Alex nods his head along, unsure of what else to add that doesn't seem too prying, although he's pretty sure Jack wouldn't hesitate to tell him.

Jack was pretty chatty. It wasn't the worst thing.
Because listening to Jack is a welcome break to the shit in his own head.

“So, you’re just hanging around at home?” Alex knows it’s a lame question, even his own voice sounds stupid in his head, but it is kind of nice having someone to interact with.

“Yep. My friends are all out of town at their parents or their in-laws and shit. Probably wearing itchy sweaters and trying not to get shitfaced to make good impressions. Fuckin’ losers.” Jack laughs at himself but the callous brings a genuine smile to Alex’s face.

He mulls the idea of inviting Jack over in his head even as his mouth is saying the words. “Hey, I'm still getting everything together for dinner but since it was intended for four people, and there's definitely even more than that, if you wanted to stop by…”

Jack's face lights up. “Dude, that sounds awesome! Dinner? Yeah, I’d love to.”

Alex smiles wide and earnestly. It’s not the day he was planning for but at least he won’t be completely alone. He’ll take his spazzy neighbor for now.

“I’ll go set this shit down and head up. Apartment three...?”

“Eighteen. Awesome. I’ll leave the door unlocked, so, whenever.”

Alex heads back to his place with a little skip in his step that is nothing like the hunched, aggravated style he left with. When he opens his apartment door he is overtaken with the smell of food - ham is in the oven, breaded buffalo mac and cheese from scratch is baking below, apple-walnut stuffing is resting next to the stove - and he is thrown back into this. He’s ready to finish this project he started. He’s not sure Jack has the palette for all this, but he’ll appreciate it. That’s enough for Alex.

It’s only a few minutes later that Jack is slowly opening the door, a bottle of white wine in one hand and a bottle of red nestled in his arm. Sure, he was invited but Alex appreciates he's not throwing doors open to homes he’s never been in.

“Holy shit, it smells amazing in here.”

Alex is suddenly thrilled he invited Jack. “Thanks! I’ve been up since like seven getting everything going,” he replies over his shoulder. He has returned to the yams he abandoned when this became the worst Christmas ever. He’s ready to attempt some redemption.

Jack stands at the end of the kitchen counter, “Where should I put these? And, do you need help with anything?” Alex figures he offers because it's the polite thing to do.

“Nah, I’m good. I got everything out to set the table but we could just eat in front the TV instead? And you can open one of those anytime.” He sets a corkscrew next to the bottles, catching Jack’s eye to smile at him.

Jack looks around a bit, walks over to the small tree catty-corner from the kitchen next to the television. It’s got lights and tinsel but only a few ornaments. Alex was more focused on the food than the decorations, deciding his money was better spent on that than atmosphere.
“Wow, you did all this on your own?” Jack marvels at what he can see on and around the stove. Alex has a feeling Jack is living that bachelor lifestyle. Not that he knows much about him, but that mail situation was an indicator to his suspicions.

“Yep. Do you cook at all?” He makes sure to keep the question light. Doesn’t want to scare off his only guest already by being judgy. He doesn’t even care if Jack is simple, it’s not like Alex’s enjoyment of cooking had gotten him anything but an unappreciated hobby.

“Well, I can put a mean bowl of cereal together. Whip up some Eggos in the toaster. Sometimes I get fancy and throw a frozen pizza in the oven. So basically. Nope.” Jack laughs at himself but doesn’t show even a hint of embarrassment. It’s kind of endearing.

He expertly opens the bottle cabernet though and that’s all the skill Alex needs right now.

Alex grabs some glasses from a cabinet, takes the mac and cheese out of the oven and slides the marshmallow covered yams in with one fluid motion. The kitchen is his comfort zone. Jack generously fills their glasses and moves to put the bottle of white in the fridge.

“Wow. I just have like, jelly and beer. What’s it like to be a real adult?” Even in Jack’s self-deprecation a waft of confidence comes through and Alex isn’t sure how he does it.

“You can’t cook just out of necessity, you have to like it in order to not hate it, I think. It’s like a creative outlet for me. They say when you’ve been making the meal you don’t get to enjoy it as much but honestly, I’m stoked. I’ve missed cooking.” Alex finds himself rambling. He’s been a bit starved for attention.

“A cute dude who likes to cook? And cooks fucking awesome? Okay, how are you single?” Alex knows the question is a joke, and the compliment is probably a joke, but the words stiffen him nonetheless. He gives a nervous laugh, taking a slow drink and making himself busy readying the honey glaze for the ham. He hopes Jack will continue talking before Alex has to give an answer. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility, Jack occasionally followed up himself in response to questions. It was probably some attention-seeking thing - something Alex could honestly see himself getting annoyed at - if Jack wasn’t the best and only person around right now.

If Jack finds his response, or lack thereof, odd, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he takes the utensils Alex had pointed out and starts setting their places at the table. He insists the meal is too grand to have in front of the television and the Christmas striped tablecloth is should be put to use. Alex is secretly glad.

While Alex is in the final stages of cooking he learns a lot more about Jack. His family is from Lebanon, which is a pretty wild story compared to Alex’s simple background from England. He doesn’t love the sales job he has but he gets to talk to a lot of people and it affords him enough. “Work shouldn’t be your whole life anyways,” which is kind of a dismissal but a nice change of pace from the philosophies Alex used to live with. Jack loves music and he and Alex are excited to find they grew up worshipping a lot of the same bands.

It’s not deep conversation but it’s easy and Alex is happy to have conversation. With anyone. Jack doesn’t stay quiet long and it’s kinda nice. By the time they sit at the table and start in on their first plates it’s only a matter of time before Jack turns the conversation towards Alex.

“You haven't been here long, right? Did you live with your parents before?”

“No. I lived with my girlfriend.”

The answer comes out easier than Alex anticipated. The warm buzz of alcohol has settled him, given him a calm that he couldn’t seem to achieve before. It is the first time in months he was able to mention her and his past life without feeling overwhelmingly upset. Deep down, he knew the buzz was a cover for all of that, but right this moment it was nice to have.

“Oh, bummer. I’m sorry man. She's missing out on this?” He asks incredulously, reading Alex’s sorrow sprinkled tone.

Jack’s face noticeably drops though. Like he understands immediately so much more of Alex’s life and behavior. Or, at the very least, understands he brought up something awkward that Alex probably didn’t want to talk about.

Alex was still struggling with the whole thing, and while he didn’t feel like revealing the extent of how fucked over he’d felt, it was safe to give the gist. Jack didn’t really need to know that Alex was utterly heartbroken. That he had settled into what he assumed would be the rest of his life and had that ripped away from him for reasons he still didn’t fully understand. Jack definitely didn’t need to know that Alex wasn’t even close to accepting his new life without her yet and every day was an uphill battle. Nope, Jack didn’t need to know that his mere presence right now was helping Alex keep it together in a way he’d had no obligation to do in months.

But in attempt to keep from weirding his guest out, Alex answers carefully. Now trying to put Jack at ease more so than himself.

“Yeah, uh. It was a thing. We were together four years but she turned 28 and she just wanted something different. She worked a ton and didn’t have a lot of time for us, I guess. Then she wasn't actually ready to settle down. So, I guess we hadn’t been on the same page for a while. But, uh. This area is cool. That’s actually why I was having my family over. I didn’t take the breakup too well, but I’ve been doing better. I wanted them to see I was doing better.”

At no point during this event did Alex see himself opening up to his impromptu guest and he was almost regretting it. Jack shifted from side to side, Alex feeling awkward about spilling any feelings since Jack was mulling over a response for a beat too long.

“Dude, fuck her. I’m over here saving your Christmas, whatever she’s doing probably sucks.” It wasn’t the most eloquent statement but it gave Alex a genuine laugh. He was starting to figure out that Jack’s charm - or whatever - was a mix of helpless puppy, cute but messy, with a level of sincerity you didn’t quite expect.

“Oh my god. And with that, I need a refill.” It is actually his second refill, which means it’s time to open the bottle of wine Jack put in the fridge. Alex sure was glad the dude brought more than one.

They both got through another round before conceding.

“Fuck man I am stuffed. That was so great!”

“Seriously so glad someone was here to enjoy it. And there's sooo much left. Feel free to take some home. Upgrade from those pizza rolls for a couple of days.” Alex was on a new level of comfort at this point. He was relaxed, he was well fed, and there was no doubt Jack could take some jabbing.

“Hey, I live in a bachelor's paradise. No need to disrespect the pizza rolls.” Alex rolled his eyes but laughed both with and at Jack. He was glad there were no signals to distinguish the two.

Jack reminded Alex of a version of his past self. Not in a bad way, just different priorities. Jack went out a lot, partied, wasn't worried about fitting society’s definition of “adult,” even in his late twenties. Alex found comfort in that. He wasn't there anymore but he understood it. He was having to start his life over and Jack seemed like someone he could have a good time with and there wasn’t anything else he needed more in his life right now. Jack wasn’t tying himself down to someone in the meantime and wasn’t trying to prove anything. Alex’s closest friends were always so busy they had barely been around for him after the breakup, so the idea that someone could be more available to him was certainly enticing

Then again, Alex had had a lot of wine.

“So, I know you don't have any plans the rest of the night. I’m solo. Do you wanna watch a movie or something? I’ll help you clean up after. It’s like the least I can do.”

Alex lets out a yawn. “I can’t guarantee I won’t fall asleep but yeah man, stick around.”

They end up settled on the couch watching some cheesy, terrible Lifetime Christmas movie. Something about a girl reliving Christmas Eve and going on different dates. They’re not even convinced there’s a plot. They crack jokes until they both start to nod off, food coma and alcohol buzz taking over. Not to mention Alex had been up early.

It can’t be long when Alex wakes up with his head rested on Jack’s shoulder and Jack’s weight equally propping him up. He stirs a bit but ends up nestling into Jack more. It’s kinda shameless but Jack's warm.

“What did I miss?” Jack asks through a yawn and takes the opportunity to slump down in his seat, scooting his body closer towards Alex’s as he speaks. If Alex thought he was shameless Jack outdid him by a mile.

“Okay, I have no fucking clue what’s going on here but going on a date with Zack Morris every day is a Christmas miracle I would not be mad at.”

Jack breaks into a giggle that rumbles in Alex's ears. Turning to the flick was a joke but seeing 90s dream boy Mark-Paul Gosselaar as the star piqued their collective attention.

“Agreed. It's really a treat getting to spend my Christmas Eve with two hot guys. Thanks for the invite.” Alex knows he’s still buzzed, passed buzzed really, but Jack sounds a lot less jokey than before. He turns his head the slightest bit to eye Alex and Alex hasn’t done this in a really long time but he’s pretty sure he’s reading this right.

He looks up to meet Jack’s eyes - which are a deep brown Alex momentarily loses himself in - and smiles, moving to sit up. “Hi.”
Jack furrows his brows but gives a smile and even toned “Hi” back.

“Can I kiss you?” Alex knows it comes out sheepish and unsure but it’s the best he’s got right now.

Jack simultaneously stumbles out an “Uh. Yeah” as he moves forward to connect with Alex.

Alex reacts smoothly enough before he loses his nerve. It’s been so long since he has done this kind of thing. Kissing someone for the first time, kissing someone new. Kissing.
The kiss is slow and shallow. There's a sweetness and warmth between them. Tentative the way a first kiss should be.

When they part Alex laughs, low like it’s supposed to only be for himself. But Jack’s right there, offering a smile although he has no idea what’s going on. And then when Alex’s devilish sounding laugh goes on for a beat too long Jack starts to back away, puzzlement washing over his long face.

“Did I do something...weird?”

The laughter dies down and Alex smiles wide, shaking his head. “No, sorry. I just. For about an hour today I thought this was going to be the worst Christmas ever. Which was just going to fall in line with the rest of the year anyway. But it wasn’t.”

Alex is rambling and Jack might find it adorable and amusing except he no doubt liked the kissing better and would rather get back to that.

“You’re welcome,” Jack interjects, hand coming up to cup the side of Alex’s jaw. “I saved your Christmas and you are so welcome.” His tone is dignified but he breaks into a smirk almost immediately.

Alex shifts away, rolling his eyes dramatically and softly says, “You’re ruining the moment, man.”

“And you’re rambling.”

“I just.” Alex stops. Gives up entirely because dude stop talking. No words are going to be better than making out. He grabs a handful of Jack’s shirt and gently and tugs him forward, reattaching their lips and not hesitating to take the kiss deeper.

Alex can’t remember the last time he let himself lose control like this and he feels it paying off immediately. He pulls at Jack till Jack's on top him, legs and thighs and hips falling into place. The room feels small, intimate. Dim but the glow of the TV; quiet but the sounds of their movement; crisp but warm in their space.

Jack has one arm under Alex’s shoulder, fingers reaching through his hair. The other is keeping balance next to Alex’s hip, his thumb working over Alex's side where his shirt has risen the tiniest bit. It’s the only skin contact they have but the warmth of Jack’s mouth and movements are radiating through him.

Alex is so close already and Jack has barely touched him, both of them fully clothed. Jack lifts his head to watch Alex, listens to him groan deep in his throat and feels him writhe as he moves against him with more pressure. Alex’s reaction is to grip Jack’s hips and own up.

“Yeah?” Is all Jack says. There’s judgment behind it but Alex could not give one fuck right now. He couldn’t tell you the last time anything had felt this good and he had no shame in reveling in it. To have someone eagerly give him exactly what he needed was so fucking good. He lets out a few groans of “there” and “fuck” and he’s done for, fingers holding tighter. Two deep breaths later and Alex is blinking his eyes open, ready to retaliate. “Fuck you. It’s been a while.”

Above him, Jack bears the grin of a total asshole. It’s knowing and victorious and smug and Alex knows it’s earned and also kinda hot. He wants to stare at that grin but he wants to kiss it off more. He wastes no time moving a hand between them to give Jack more friction, teasing him outside of his jeans. Jack doesn’t gripe, continuing to move his body against the pressure. Alex has no interest in being selfish so he quickly moves to undo Jack’s belt, reach in and wrap a hand around him. He assaults Jack’s neck, trying to give more than he needed.
Jack gives a low laugh, the exasperated air hitting Alex’s face. It turns into a soft gasp in Alex’s ear as he tightens his hand and Jack leans down. “Fuck. You’re pretty good at this.”

He doesn’t see Alex roll his eyes for the hundredth time or smirk but he does feel the tremble that shoots through Alex's body. Alex drags his free hand under Jack’s shirt and along his side, giving the lightest touches along his spine while not being nearly as gentle elsewhere.

“You don’t have to hold out, Jack.” Alex’s voice is low and tender in Jack’s ear. It might have been a while but Alex wants to make this easy. Jack moves his hips to help out and it doesn't take much more before he is restless and panting on top of Alex.

Jack gives him the lightest kiss before he shifts off of Alex and sits upright, fixing his jeans and letting Alex do the same. “Clothed humping and a dry handjob. Christmas 2002 has been awesome.”

Alex laughs and appreciates how light the mood still feels. “Who knew your reward for checking your mail today would be free food and an orgasm. That’s how you be an adult.” Alex has no qualms about snarking back.

“Wait. The orgasm is free too, right? Goddammit, that’s how they get ‘cha.”

Alex can’t even keep up with him and honestly doesn’t want to. This day has been insane and at this point his brain is shorting out.

“We should clean up. The kitchen.” Alex can’t keep up with jokes but maybe he can get ahead of them.

They don’t say much in the process but it’s relaxed. They’re both still kind of sleepy and slow from the last few hours. Alex makes Jack containers to take while Jack does dishes, he figures Jack probably doesn’t have much Tupperware of his own and it’s not like he doesn’t know where to find him if he doesn’t return them. Alex guesses he’ll be more than happy to bring them back.

Jack is drying his hands as Alex rearranges the fridge for his own leftovers. “You fed me. I got you drunk. We both came. This has all been so great but I am dying to go change.” Jack overstates his point with a gesture to his crotch. “Don’t think I’m running out on you.”

“Yeah, whoever decided to make the kitchen a priority was incorrect. Here. Take these.” As Alex pushes the containers towards Jack his phone starts to ring, vibrating his pocket. “It’s my mom so I gotta take this.”

Alex answers the phone as he opens the apartment door for Jack who has his hands full. “Hi mum… no, it’s actually been okay. Hold on a sec.” Alex moves the phone from his ear to his chest, hoping to muffle the mic.

“Hey Jack.” He calls out, halfway down the hall.

Jack turns enough to look over his shoulder.

“Thanks for saving Christmas.”