Status: one shot
This Christmas
1/1
Lights are everywhere as I walk by on this snowy road full of kids and happy couples I couldn't help but smile, a sad smile. It felt like it was jut yesterday since we've walked together on this road. It was a pretty memory to return to. I remember the way your teeth shined when you smile at me and the waves of your hair and how they sway together with the wind when it blows. I just smile at the memory. The people passing by smiles back at me. I feel happy for them. It's almost the eve of Christmas and yet here I am dying to get back to my apartment with a paper bag in hand from the convenient store that I stopped by just to grab several bottles of wine and alcohol. I forgot to buy some when I was doing the grocery but I'm sure that if you were with me then I wouldn't be out here walking in the cold right now. To my defense, I haven't even realize that it's almost Christmas up until now; The only reason why I did was because this morning I woke up, missing the feeling of your arms hugging me and then I remembered the fight we had two weeks ago and the way you looked from behind as you walked out of the door. Feeling disconnected to the world since then, I finally checked my phone to know the time and looked at the date. Shit it's Christmas is what I first thought. Feeling oh so festive and such, rush to the convenient store I did.
Getting back to my apartment, I took out the key from my side pocket. I couldn't help but shiver at the movement that I made. It's so damn cold; Colder when you're alone at this time of year. I took out the key and opened the door, turned on the lights and sigh. I'm back at my place, no more seeing other people pass by, no more social interaction for me. I went in and kicked my shoes out, set the stuff I was holding to the dining table and bolted to my room. Closing the door to the room that used to be ours but now, only mine, I couldn't help but notice how empty this place is without you. I'm laying down at the bed and putting all of the covers. I sighed, probably my millionth sigh for this day. Checking my phone, it read 8:30 pm it's still so early to turn the day in but what can I do? There will be no Christmas for me this year, I suppose. I can't help but ponder on the fact that this is how I'm spending my Christmas this year.
Last year was fun. How could it not be, when you were there with me. I remembered how happy you were when you showed me you got tickets for the holiday festival at the local park. Even though you knew that I hate socializing and being in a crowded place I still went with you because I know how much you love those places. Looking back, I realize that I enjoyed every moment of it. Walking around hand in hand, your jet black hair seemed to perfectly bounce just above your shoulders with every step that we take, your eyes shining brighter than the lights you seemed to enjoy so much. I could almost feel myself craving for the street foods that we ate that night and we ate a lot; and the sound of that little hum you make in sync with the Christmas jingles, you've always had a beautiful voice. I'll never forget the most memorable part of that night, you practically drag me to the center where a lot of people gathered. It was almost time for the fireworks, the main show of the night. You were focused on the sky waiting, like a little child waiting to unwrap his gifts and I, on the other hand, was focused on you. I heard the first firework go up and I swear your smile couldn't be more brighter then. I smiled back. The whole time I just continued to watch how happy you were, I didn't care about the crowd that I would usually be bothered about. You were all that I could see at that moment. It was then that I realized how much my love for you was.
I opened my eyes. I reached for my phone next to me only to look at the time, it was 10 pm now. I sat up finally giving up on sleep. How can I sleep when every time that I close my eyes you're all that I see? Suddenly I had this sudden contemplation, is this really how I wanna spend this time of year? Christmas only comes once in a year and like most people, I also want to join in on the festivities. I want to somehow have fun because this holiday has really been special to me and I don't want to spend it alone, like this. I hopped off the bed, grabbed a scarf and my coat. Speed walking out the door, I stopped by to wear my shoes and get the car keys that I almost forgot, almost. Instantly I knew where I was heading, to the festival. Hoping the tickets still hadn't sold out. Maybe I could relive every moment last year so that I wouldn't feel alone on this holiday, I was thinking.
~
"Two tickets please" I said. The guy probably looked at me weird since first of all, I was all alone and second it's a little late to be buying tickets but he still went with it. I on the other hand, face palmed myself internally for making the mistake. I can't help it, I was used to buying two all the time.
I handed my ticket to the staff and proceeded to walk to the park. I saw a variety of twinkling lights, the food kiosks and the memories, they somehow made their way back to my brain. I could almost feel your hand on mine dragging me along as you excitedly rush towards anything that attracted you. I clenched my teeth, a measly attempt at trying to stop the tightening feeling in my throat.
There were also a lot of kids,their parents and some couples that only made me feel nostalgic, only made me miss you even more. This doesn't really feel like Christmas at all. Maybe this was a bad idea, I thought but as I go along I could see people walk to the best place the fireworks could be viewed. I went with the flow of people rushing by. When I got there, as if on cue, fireworks started lighting up the sky. Minutes passed by and the only thing I'm thinking of is how you would've loved this view right now Kells, I hadn't even realize the tears that started to fall from my eyes. A slipper thrown to my chest is what made me look away from the sky. I thought it was only the kids playing but to my surprise there you were, right in front of me, with your pj's and a messy hair, one foot was missing the slipper that you threw my way.
"Kellin?" I was not expecting to see you here right now. You probably thought I looked like a mess.
"Idiot. I've been calling you out for a while now" I was still looking all surprise but I noticed that you looked like you probably cried too. I still haven't said anything as I didn't know what to do.
"Vic, why don't you just come here and let's make up already?" You said and this statement made me feel all giddy inside as I picked up your slipper and made my way to you. My gift came just in time. The greatest gift I could ever ask for. It was you.
Getting back to my apartment, I took out the key from my side pocket. I couldn't help but shiver at the movement that I made. It's so damn cold; Colder when you're alone at this time of year. I took out the key and opened the door, turned on the lights and sigh. I'm back at my place, no more seeing other people pass by, no more social interaction for me. I went in and kicked my shoes out, set the stuff I was holding to the dining table and bolted to my room. Closing the door to the room that used to be ours but now, only mine, I couldn't help but notice how empty this place is without you. I'm laying down at the bed and putting all of the covers. I sighed, probably my millionth sigh for this day. Checking my phone, it read 8:30 pm it's still so early to turn the day in but what can I do? There will be no Christmas for me this year, I suppose. I can't help but ponder on the fact that this is how I'm spending my Christmas this year.
Last year was fun. How could it not be, when you were there with me. I remembered how happy you were when you showed me you got tickets for the holiday festival at the local park. Even though you knew that I hate socializing and being in a crowded place I still went with you because I know how much you love those places. Looking back, I realize that I enjoyed every moment of it. Walking around hand in hand, your jet black hair seemed to perfectly bounce just above your shoulders with every step that we take, your eyes shining brighter than the lights you seemed to enjoy so much. I could almost feel myself craving for the street foods that we ate that night and we ate a lot; and the sound of that little hum you make in sync with the Christmas jingles, you've always had a beautiful voice. I'll never forget the most memorable part of that night, you practically drag me to the center where a lot of people gathered. It was almost time for the fireworks, the main show of the night. You were focused on the sky waiting, like a little child waiting to unwrap his gifts and I, on the other hand, was focused on you. I heard the first firework go up and I swear your smile couldn't be more brighter then. I smiled back. The whole time I just continued to watch how happy you were, I didn't care about the crowd that I would usually be bothered about. You were all that I could see at that moment. It was then that I realized how much my love for you was.
I opened my eyes. I reached for my phone next to me only to look at the time, it was 10 pm now. I sat up finally giving up on sleep. How can I sleep when every time that I close my eyes you're all that I see? Suddenly I had this sudden contemplation, is this really how I wanna spend this time of year? Christmas only comes once in a year and like most people, I also want to join in on the festivities. I want to somehow have fun because this holiday has really been special to me and I don't want to spend it alone, like this. I hopped off the bed, grabbed a scarf and my coat. Speed walking out the door, I stopped by to wear my shoes and get the car keys that I almost forgot, almost. Instantly I knew where I was heading, to the festival. Hoping the tickets still hadn't sold out. Maybe I could relive every moment last year so that I wouldn't feel alone on this holiday, I was thinking.
~
"Two tickets please" I said. The guy probably looked at me weird since first of all, I was all alone and second it's a little late to be buying tickets but he still went with it. I on the other hand, face palmed myself internally for making the mistake. I can't help it, I was used to buying two all the time.
I handed my ticket to the staff and proceeded to walk to the park. I saw a variety of twinkling lights, the food kiosks and the memories, they somehow made their way back to my brain. I could almost feel your hand on mine dragging me along as you excitedly rush towards anything that attracted you. I clenched my teeth, a measly attempt at trying to stop the tightening feeling in my throat.
There were also a lot of kids,their parents and some couples that only made me feel nostalgic, only made me miss you even more. This doesn't really feel like Christmas at all. Maybe this was a bad idea, I thought but as I go along I could see people walk to the best place the fireworks could be viewed. I went with the flow of people rushing by. When I got there, as if on cue, fireworks started lighting up the sky. Minutes passed by and the only thing I'm thinking of is how you would've loved this view right now Kells, I hadn't even realize the tears that started to fall from my eyes. A slipper thrown to my chest is what made me look away from the sky. I thought it was only the kids playing but to my surprise there you were, right in front of me, with your pj's and a messy hair, one foot was missing the slipper that you threw my way.
"Kellin?" I was not expecting to see you here right now. You probably thought I looked like a mess.
"Idiot. I've been calling you out for a while now" I was still looking all surprise but I noticed that you looked like you probably cried too. I still haven't said anything as I didn't know what to do.
"Vic, why don't you just come here and let's make up already?" You said and this statement made me feel all giddy inside as I picked up your slipper and made my way to you. My gift came just in time. The greatest gift I could ever ask for. It was you.