Only Forever

“What do you say we give it a shot?” Jackson pleaded with his bright green eyes to Amelia. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Amelia scoffed, not sure if she was saying no because she didn’t want to ruin her long beloved friendship with the one person who had stuck by her through everything life had thrown her, or if she just didn’t see her best friend like that.

“Jackson, I’ve told you before-“ She started before he cut her off

“Yea, I get it. You “don’t want to ruin our friendship”. But what if we’re not ruining anything Mia? What if we’re just prolonging the inevitable? I know you think we belong together too.”

Amelia tried hard to not laugh at what Jackson had just said. She loved her best friend dearly, but feared of what could happen if they did try to take that step. “Jackson, you know it wouldn’t work. We’re great as friends. Why does that need to change?” Amelia questioned. “Where is this all coming from anyway? What happened?”

“Maybe I just figured it was finally time to tell you. That it was finally time to have it said out loud. To let you know how much I really care for you”

“Jackson that’s all very sweet, and you know how much I appreciate you and our friendship, why do we have to ruin that?”

“Are you saying you don’t feel the same Mia?” He asked moving in closer, pushing a strand of hair behind her left ear placing his right pointer finger under her chin. “That you don’t feel the same connection I do? That I have since we first met?” he asked placing his forehead against hers.

“Jackson, I…I don’t know what I want right now. Alex and I just broke up, I just, I can’t right now. I can’t make this kind of decision right now.”

Jackson pondered his next move, and decided to go for it. He leaned down placing his lips on Amelia’s, waiting for her reaction. Much to his surprise, she kissed him back. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into him. She reached her arms up around his neck, feeling herself smile into the kiss. She panicked, and pulled away.

“Jackson, I’m sorry. I have to go” She said flustered grabbing her purse and walking out of his apartment.

Amelia walked down the busy street, trying her best to keep a quick pace to make the subway to get home. Her phone rang, she didn’t even have to look to see who it was. She knew it was him. All these years, all she had ever wanted was what had just happened. But now that it’s happening, is it really what she wants? The past ten years she had dreamt of that exact moment, every different way it could pan out. She never pictured he’d be the one to say anything first. The last ten years she had spent with meaningless boyfriends who she had tried so desperately to make something of them. But there was always something wrong with them. Too clingy, to detached, too into work, not motivated enough. And the same person was always there to pick her up when they would do something wrong to hurt her. Between each one that had cheated, to the one who just didn’t acknowledge her existence after six months. Jackson was always ready with a shoulder to lean on and her favorite comfort food, his 5 cheese mac and cheese. She always knew she could count on him, she couldn’t lose that, couldn’t lose the friendship she had cherished and fought to keep well for so long.

Amelia walked up the stairs to her apartment, kicking her shoes off at the door turning the lights on. She threw her keys on the rack and her purse on the couch. Shedding her couch she hit the voicemail button on her phone to see who wanted what while she was out.

“Amy it’s mom! Awh hunnie I’m sorry to hear about you and Alex, your sister told me. Listen sweetie if you need anything just give me a call. Don’t forget you can always come home. Love you baby, talk to you soon”
Amelia smiled at her mom’s caring message, but deleted it nonetheless. The next voice was one she wasn’t expecting to hear just yet.
“Mia, it’s me. I-I’m sorry. I took a chance. I probably shouldn’t have. You probably hate me right now. Please don’t hate me. I get it if you need time before you talk to me again. I crossed a line today. Just let me know you got home okay, you don’t have to say anything other than that. I just, I –“ the machine cut off, leaving Amelia to wonder what he was going to say next.

Amelia ran a bath, dropping her favorite bath bomb into the soaking tub letting the water get to a suitable temperature. Walking back into the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of wine and placed it on the wooden bath tray she gratefully invested in. Closing the door behind her, she pulled her hair into a bun undressing for her bath. “Alexa, play Demi Lovato radio” she said to her echo dot kept in the bathroom.

Demi Lovato’s track list began playing through the speakers as Amelia lowered herself into the perfect temperature bath. She sipped on her moscato and read her book, losing herself in the time she spent in the bath. She heard her phone ring, leaving it to go to voicemail, not wanting to deal with anything, or anyone for that matter right now. This was her time alone. No work, no school, no ex’s, no future. Just her, in that moment.

And it was that moment she knew what she wanted. She knew what needed to be done, and exactly how to do it.

She jumped up out of the bath wrapping a towel around herself pulling the plug on her bath tub. She looked over at the time, 6:04. She freshened up her makeup, pulling her hair back down fluffing out the beachy waves that had formed. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror before walking to her bedroom. Opening her closet door she looked for the perfect outfit. She pulled a red button down sheer blouse with dark blue jeans and her go to zip up boots. Under the shirt was a simple black tank top. She threw her leather jacket on, taking one last look in the mirror before she left. Perfect. She thought to herself. 6:43 the time read. Just enough time to get to the subway for the 6:50 train. She was going to go fix the mistake she had made earlier.

Amelia stood outside the front door to his building, wondering if this was the right decision. “This is fucking crazy. This is by far the most insane thing I have ever done” She said to herself walking up the stairs to the front door. “What if he changed his mind? What if he realized it was just a momentary lapse in judgement and he didn’t mean any of it?” She said out loud.

“Just do it. What’s there to lose?” an older woman sitting outside said to her.

“Uh, how long have you been there?” Amelia asked the elder woman embarrassed by her questioning.

“Honey, you are a beautiful young woman. Do it and own it. Be confident. Go tell that man you love him. So what if you’re crazy, we all are. But if he meant what he said, he loves all of your crazy. Every last bit of it.” She smiled and took Amelia’s hand. “Go get him, you look like a woman who knows what heart ache is. You can handle whatever is thrown at you now”

Amelia smiled, “thank you” she said to the elder woman. “I owe ya” she laughed

“Go get em sweetheart!” the older woman cheered on as Amelia let herself in the building with the key he had given her.

Amelia stood in the elevator, waiting to get to the 6th floor. The elevator stopped at every floor with people getting in and out. She tried to prep herself, figure out what she was going to say. But no words came to mind. She finally reached the sixth floor and stepped out of the elevator to the empty hallway. She turned to her left, and stared at his door.

As she walked over, she thought about the last ten years. The laughs, the trouble, the schooling they went through together. The good times they had between dinners, late night bitch fests, study sessions, and drunken nights out. She thought back to her conversation with the older woman outside, “Just fucking do it Mia” she said to herself and knocked on his door.

“Coming!” he yelled from the far end of the apartment.
She heard the lock turning to unlock, holding her breath as he opened the door.
“Mia?” He asked unable to believe what he saw in front of him. “What--”

“So, I’m gonna talk, and you’re gonna listen okay?” She said waiting for his to respond. He nodded, pulling her into the apartment closing the door behind her, giving her the cue to continue. “I’m an idiot. And before you try and tell me otherwise, remember, you’re the one listening right now and you can make a rebuttal after. From the god damn day I met you, I knew that you were going to be something special to me. I never knew what, but I have enjoyed these past ten years with you as my best friend. I always knew I’d be stuck with you forever, in the best way possible. Jackson, you’re my best friend. You’re the only person I let call me Mia because you know how much I hate how pretentious it makes me sound. But after five years I finally got over it. Jackson, I love you. I always have. And today, when you said all of that, I was scared. I was terrified to take that shot with you. To take the chance. But I realized I have to stop living in fear, stop being afraid of what could go wrong and be excited about what could go right. I love how you know when I’m cranky and you stop by work with coffee for me or when you cover me with your favorite blanket when I fall asleep on the couch when I don’t mean to. I have always felt the same way about you as you said earlier. I was afraid of saying something and ruining everything we had as friends.” She took a deep breath before speaking again, “So Jackson, how do you feel about ruining this friendship in the only way we know we were supposed to do?” She asked holding her breath waiting for his answer.

Amelia stood there standing in front Jackson for what felt like an eternity before he moved. He shuffled his arms from leaning against the wall, to gently crossing them over his chest. His mouth curled up on the left to a half smile; Amelia felt her heart catch in her throat, feeling it drop to her stomach. She didn’t know how to feel about what was happening, she was beginning to wonder if she had made a huge mistake. It was then she noticed his smirk, she knew every one of his faces, this was a face that she had never noticed used towards her.

Jackson stepped towards her, grabbing her hand in his and pulling her inside the threshold. He took her purse, setting it on the table by the door where she always put her purse. He took her jacket off, hanging it up on the coat rack. She began thinking it could go either way at this point. Either he was going to let her down gently, thinking she was crazy for showing up and pouring her heart out to him. He led her to the living room, standing where they had stood just hours ago.

“Oh Amelia” He chuckled pulling her into a tight hug, leaving her still confused. He kissed the top of her forehead, “God I was hoping you’d come back tonight” He said holding her face in his hands. “You’re not an idiot. You are, however, one of the most difficult people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. You are the biggest pain in my ass, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. You are the greatest person to have come into my life, exactly when I needed you to.” He smiled lightly brushing back a strand of hair that had fallen forwards.

“Jax, you haven’t answered my question yet. And you’re super cute and all with what you said, but the suspense is starting to hurt” Amelia laughed

“God I love you so much” He laughed crashing his lips onto hers. Amelia’s face curled up into a smile as she stifled a small laugh. Jackson pulled away, “What’s so funny?” he asked staring into Amelia’s dark green eyes.

“I’ve just waited, oh, only forever to hear you say that. I didn’t think it would ever actually happen.” She smiled up at him.
“Only forever huh?” He laughed

“Just a short forever” She chuckled. “I love you Jackson”

“I love you too Mia” He smiled leaning down to kiss her, picking her chin up with his pointer finger. “Can’t believe it took us ten years”

“Like I said, only forever”