I Don't Want to Fall in Love... With You

Despite having not seen Elijah in two days, I was still riding high on the feeling of having finally established our relationship. No longer could we claim confusion, this is as real as it was going to get.

We passed the time by texting and sending pick-me-up morning and night selfies. It was odd to look at the bottom bubble on my screen and register that he wholly meant to send love hearts.

Seriously, I was so happy that I even outshone Emily. Her date went fine, she said, she was seeing him again this Friday. She wasn't too happy her dad found out about it, but at least telling her he figured it out on his own wasn't a total lie.

We were eating lunch. Me, my two granola bars and a bottle of Mountain Dew. Her... well, there's not enough words in the dictionary to describe what she had. It was colorful, that's all I can input.

I was twirling a dried slice of raspberry around my tongue when my best friend and I caught onto the boy who showed up late to his favorite time of day.

To say Ryan looked absolutely different would be a massive miscalculation. That spiked hair which used to glow brighter than the sun even on its best day, was now blacker than the darkest of nights. He didn't don his jersey either and instead opted for a more pricked-and-preened appearance. I would be lying if I said that he didn't look like the poster child for a gentleman.

Old Anya would have labelled him edible.

Sitting down at his table, he greeted his friends with a curt nod before scouring the hall, noticing every gawking head.

Emily scoffed from opposite me. She threw her Pop Tart down, insisting he'd just ruined her appetite.

Since it's something I somehow always let happen, he and I connected eyes. A smirk instantly took shape, bringing me out of my reverie.

I turned back to her, popping the last of my granola in to my mouth.

"You know? I'm not even jealous." She rolled her eyes as she assessed him a little more. "Looks like I dodged a bullet, actually. He's another douche underneath all that talk."

I mumbled in agreement, but I couldn't help feeling like there was still more to this than I'd ever allow myself to care.

Putting him to the back of my mind, she filled me in a little bit more about her date. Her suitor was amazing, she gushed, Friday couldn't come fast enough for her.

I was happy for her, really, but for whatever reason, I couldn't focus on her. She faded into nothing when my sight drifted back to the boy in question.

I didn't realize I was spacing out again, until a colorful shape clouded my view.

Blinking fast, they slowly came into view and I resisted groaning when Toby produced me a shy smile, awkward as ever.

Emily, not tasting the atmosphere, called out to Marcie Cartel when she passed by. The girl looked taken aback, but my best friend jolted out of her seat faster than I could say traitor.

Toby sat down on the end of the table, a square away from me. He looked like he hadn't slept for days. Which would be stupid.

"C-can we talk?"

Honestly, I didn't want to. I knew I'd done him wrong and should apologize for my actions, but I couldn't stay focused on him when Elijah's face kept popping into my head every other second.

My mobile pinged on the table, highlighting a new text from the devil.

"You're beautiful, always.❤️"

I'd forgotten somewhere along the day that I sent him a fresh picture. I'd just got out of bed and was tending to the bags under my eyes – I still couldn't believe I sent that to him!

True enough, Elijah had seen me at my worst growing up. When puberty struck and I was smacked with a face full of pimples. Although I bet he didn't think about those days much now.

"Anya?"

My smile dropped, realizing Toby was still here.

"Look, I'm sorry about Friday, I just..." I cocked my head, staring at the table. "I shouldn't have jumped on you like that. I crossed a line that I made, so I apologize for the confusion you undoubtedly have."

"I'm n-not the one confused."

I blinked, then looked up to meet his eyes.

True to his word, he grinned sheepishly. It showcased no abhorrence, no bewilderment about our predicament; nothing negative whatsoever.

I was astounded. I expected to be slut-shamed and unfriended on all social media platforms.

"Why?"

"Because I d-don't h-have to lie."

When my expression didn't change, he laid an elbow on the table and reached for my hair. The glossy strands looked to be made of pure gold by the way he fondled it.

I could sense the hundreds of eyes that were resting on us. Normally, I wasn't center-topic for any conversation, but I wasn't getting out of this one.

"Toby..." I began.

"I-I won't give up. I really... really... like you and I-I have for years." His smile this time was sad, bringing me down with him. "But I-I know when your attention is elsewhere. I d-don't want to be the t-thing you use to make a guy j-j-jealous."

I lurched forward to grab his hand, holding it back to my shoulder. For some reason, the others just faded into the background, I forgot about all of them to focus on my friend.

"That's not what this is! Sure, there is someone I like, but I never–" I paused, deciding to start again. "I swear I didn't mean to use you. I did something stupid and I wish I hadn't, you deserve better than that."

"See, when I k-kiss you, I'm only t-thinking about you. And when we did, I t-thought to myself, this is it. T-this is how quickly the world stops. But I knew."

He swallowed, eyes of blue wonder finding mine. I'm not even sure I breathed.

"I-In my fantasy, when I'm kissing you, you're kissing m-me."

Setting my hand back down, he lifted himself off the chair and stood, much to my sudden desire to cradle him close and never let go.

My vision was blurry, so I directed my head back down to face the plastic surface. Having him see me like this, after everything, it wouldn't be fair.

And, in spite (or because) of the rapid change in our relationship, I couldn't do that to him.

He did leave. In time too, as the warning bell signaled to get us back in gear. The sharp wail echoed loud in my ear and when I rose up, I hoped my fellow students would be whisking off in an effort not to be tardy.

As I exited with the crowd, ignoring their jabbing gazes, I took one more swift glance around.

Falling on Ryan and his friends, I stop walking. People bumped into me on their way by, including his posse, but it was hard to be mad about when the only feeling in your body was suffocation.

He didn't move, either. He was standing, clutching his bag strap on one shoulder, before shaking his head and striding forward.

"What?" I squeaked out.

Passing by me, the smirk that took up residence on his face was a look I'd never seen before. At least, not on a teenager.

"If my competition is Little Nicky, then I don't think I have a lot to worry about. Let the games begin."

Pushing down my anger, I was glad he swerved round me, otherwise his face would meet fists. And boy, would it feel amazing to clock him, maybe it would input some form of providence.

Leaving me in the canteen alone, I debated going after him and screaming how my life is not a game, but then I thought better of it. I'd only be sinking to the level that he anticipated of me if I did.

Well, Mr Scott, I think you'll find that I'm much more mature than you ever gave me credit for!

I mean, if I wasn't, then why else could Elijah stand to date me?