Him and I

James felt a little bit better after his conversation with Steven, John, and PK but he still had not heard anything from Alex and any good he was starting to feel was immediately sunk. The Knights flew to Nashville on Thursday and all James felt was dread as they flew across the country. He had been planning to visit with his former teammates and grabbing dinner with the group plus Alex. The dinner was still on, but James had no desire to go. He did not want to face his friends and admit he had screwed up the best thing in his life.

When they landed, the team was bussed to the hotel and after dropping his things in his room, James pulled up his uber app and ordered a ride to his house. If he was going to face his former teammates, he needed to face PK first. Even though they had talked over text, James still felt like he needed to apologize in person.

Twenty minutes later, his uber driver was pulling into his driveway and James felt a pang of sadness and regret in his heart. When he had been traded to Nashville he hadn't been very excited about going from a team like the Penguins to the Predators. But then Alex had called him, brimming with excitement that they would be in the same city again and could hang out. In his own moping he had forgotten that Nashville was where she had settled and James started to see a little brightness in the trade.

Alex acted as tour guide when he arrived and she went with him when he went house hunting. He asked her to move in before they even looked at the first house. He had seen her tiny apartment and how much care and love she was putting into turning For Goodness Cakes into what it would become and he wanted to take some of the burden away. What better way than to offer free room and board in a too big for one person home?

Alex had had as much say in the house James ultimately bought as he did. He didn't know it then, but when she was dating Pekka and James was sitting all alone in that house, he figured out that picking it out together was the start of something neither of them realized was happening. Subconsciously James was building a life with Alex, one he loved, but he hadn't opened his eyes to see it.

Now, staring up the front steps towards the door, James felt a flood of memories hit him. He saw it all now.

Just as he worked up the courage to start up the stairs and ring the doorbell, the front door swung open and PK loomed there.

“What are you doing here?” he asked quizzically. “I thought you were meeting us at the restaurant.”

“I wanted to apologize to you, for costing you that cake,” James smiled wryly. “And to tell you in person what I’ve told Steven and John.” PK’s eyes widened in surprise but he didn't say anything so James continued.

“You have every right to hate me for what I did to Alex but no one hates me more than I do. If you lay me out tomorrow night I won’t be mad at you because I deserve it. I know that I messed up and I’m resigned to my fate. I haven't heard from her and that probably means that that’s it for us. So if you guys all pick Alex over me in your life, I understand. She’s pretty awesome.”

PK’s features were stoic as he stood back. “Why don’t you come inside, it's your home after all.”

James smiled sadly as he made his way up the stairs to the door. “It's Alex's home. It's hard to be here without her and I don't think I'll come back after today. I should probably see if my agent can find a lawyer to draw up papers giving it to her if she wants it. This house was her favorite of all the ones we saw and she was so excited and saw all the things we could do with this place to make it home. Her enthusiasm was catching and I made an offer so she could make all those dreams come true. Then I ruined it all by listening to my head and not trusting my heart.”

Alex slid in beside PK and James felt a hundred different emotions flood him. She smiled at him. “I don't want this house if I'm not sharing it with you.”

“You're here,” James said, barely above a whisper. “You're really here.”

“I'm here.”

PK hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. “I'll give you a few minutes but if you need me just yell.”

She whispered something to him and PK laughed before turning and walking into the house. Alex turned back to James expectantly and he crossed the last few steps to stand in front of her.

“Alex,” he breathed out. “I...”

She smiled up at him as she cut him off. “We can talk about how sorry we are later. Just kiss me already you idiot.”

It was all James needed to hear as his arms went around her and he lifted Alex off the ground, twirling her in a circle before setting her down and pulling her tightly against him. Their lips met and James felt everything fade away except her.

“I love you,” he whispered in her hair as he held her on the front steps.

“I love you too.”

“I promise not to mess up like a colossal jackass again.”

She giggled. “I know you'll try really hard but I won't hold my breath that you won't mess up again.”

He frowned as he stepped back. “I resent that.”

She laughed. “You know I'm right.”

He sighed dramatically. “You're always right,” he winked.

“John told me about your group text.”

“Of course he did.”

“I will also try to not to mess up and will tell you less often about how adorable and perfect your friends are. I’m sorry for the part I played in that.”

“My insecurities are my insecurities, Alex.”

“But I helped to contribute to them.”

“And I chose to let them get to me. I’m sorry I let them get the best of me.”

“Just remember it’s you and me, Neal.”

“I like that a lot, you and me,” he replied, pulling her against him. “God I love you,” he told her again.

“Love you too.” She took his hand and led him inside. James pushed the door closed as Alex called out for PK.

“All good?” He asked Alex as he entered the room.

“All good,” she smiled at him.

PK nodded. “You know I'm still gonna make your life a living hell tomorrow night,” he said to James.

“I'd expect nothing less.”

“And if you fuck up with her again, I will come to wherever you are and fuck you up.”

“Yeah, I know, Subby. I won't make the mistake again.”

“I can't believe Tavares forgave you so easily.”

“Why are you surprised? It's John. He's an actual Disney prince. Just ask Alex.”

“I mean, he chased a mugger, tackled him to the ground, and got my purse back,” she said with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

“How is a guy supposed to compete with that?” PK mused.

“You're not,” Alex laughed. “That's why he's John and you're just you.”

PK rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I have better taste in clothes at least. I think John irons his khakis.”

“You have better fashion sense than half the NHL, PK,” Alex pointed out.

“Damn right I do.”

James groaned. “Stop blowing up his ego. Don't we have dinner plans?”

PK glanced at his watch. “Yeah, we better get going so we're not late.”

They got into PK’s SUV and made the drive to the restaurant the guys had picked. PK didn't even need to give his name when they entered as they were whisked to the private room in the back.

“Craigy!” Alex squealed, bounding around the table to hug him. She took the empty seat beside him before greeting the others. Ryan Johansen made his way to James and hugged him.

“It's good to see you, man.”

“It's good to see you too.”

“You excited for tomorrow?”

“More like terrified.”

“Hey,” Pekka said as he entered, gripping James’s shoulder in greeting. “Good to see you, Nealer.”

“You too, Peks.” He grinned and moved around them and headed towards Alex. James tried not to be obvious about it but he watched Pekka as he approached her, leaning down to hug her and then sliding into the empty seat beside her.

“Come on, let's eat,” PK called out. Everyone that was standing sat and James realized the only empty seat was at the opposite end of the table from Alex beside PK. He took the seat and looked to Alex who smiled at him.

“Love you,” she mouthed to him. He winked in return.

James tried not to stare down the table and instead joked and laughed with his old teammates but he couldn't help that his gaze was drawn to Alex every time Pekka leaned in to speak to her, or when he whispered something close to her ear and she giggled, or when his arm slid across the back of her chair and he kept touching her shoulder.

On the inside James felt a white hot rage building but on the outside he kept his features schooled in a casual smile as he engaged with the others, only watching from the corner of his eye. When dessert was served and Pekka leaned in to steal a bite of Alex's cheesecake, he almost lost his shit when he felt PK’s hand clap his shoulder.

“I'm impressed, dude,” he said lowly as he leaned towards James.

“What?”

“I thought you would have made a scene when you figured out Peks took the seat beside her and you were left over here with me. I was positive you might flip the table when he moved in closer but you've kept it together the whole time. I'm impressed. Maybe you learned something from the whole Tavares debacle after all.”

James turned to look directly at PK. “You put him up to this, didn't you?”

“Of course I did. Had to make sure you learned something but most of all, I had to make sure you deserved her second chance.”

“You asshole,” James said, shoving him good naturedly.

PK laughed. “Peks, you can stop torturing Nealer. He passed.”

Pekka slid his arm around Alex again. “I don't know what you're talking about,” he smirked.

“What did you do?” Alex asked, looking between Pekka and PK.

“Nothing,” PK replied.

“Liar,” she shot back.

“We’re just having a little fun at your boyfriend's expense,” Pekka told her.

“Which he deserved,” Kathryn spoke up from where she sat between Roman Josi and Ryan Ellis.

“That I deserved,” James agreed.

“Don't fuck it up,” she warned him.

“Not planning to ever again,” he promised.

PK tossed Alex his keys as they left the restaurant some time later. “Joey’s gonna drop me off so you can take Nealer back to the hotel. Curfews at eleven,” he winked before sauntering off.

James chuckled as he put his arm around Alex. “You think we have time to get reacquainted?” He said close to her ear. Alex blushed and pressed the keys into his hand.

“You drive.”

“Gladly,” he smirked.



Several of James's teammates were hanging out in the hotels lounge when they got back to the hotel. James tried to hurry Alex to the elevators before they saw her but he wasn't that lucky as a chorus of voices called out her name.

“Schmidty!” Alex squealed when Nate reached her first. She had of course bonded with the Americans on the team with Nate being her favorite. “Where's baby Subby?” She asked as she hugged him.

“I don't think he likes that nickname,” Nate chuckled.

“Well I didn't know I was going to end up with multiple Subban’s in my life but here we are. I have to distinguish them somehow. I suppose he could be goalie Subby and Jordan can be baby Subby though...”

Nate steered her towards the group as she mused aloud and James followed. Yeah, he wanted alone time with Alex but he was happy to share her right now. The guys had asked about her after the article about the incident came out but when she wasn't back in Vegas after, they stopped asking but he knew they talked about it when he wasn't in the room.

He was also pretty sure that Flower had instructed them not to mention her name around him too.

Being an expansion team, the guys had bonded more quickly than any team James had been on before. They were a family, and it was a close knit group that extended to significant others and kids too. They were all a team, in it together and Alex, along with Veronique Fleury and Melissa Engelland were the ones helping the younger girlfriends learn the ropes and leading the way with helping out with charity endeavors with the team. Without her, there had been a hole amongst their ranks.

As she greeted his teammates with hugs and smiles, James stood back to watch her and again thank his lucky stars to have her in his life. He didn't deserve Alex, but he was damn thankful to have her.

“Thank god you're here,” Marc Andre said as he swept into the room, pulling Alex into a hug. “You're boyfriend was such a baby when he got his teeth knocked out.”

“Karma,” Alex winked.

Flower laughed. “And he's a pain in the ass when he's grumpy.”

“Always has been,” she agreed.

“But if you're here he should be much easier to deal with. We missed you.”

Alex smiled as she slid into James’s side. He put his arm around her and squeezed her affectionately. “I missed you guys too.”



Alex woke up the next morning with a smile on her face. After they were able to leave his teammates, she and James spent an hour in his hotel room talking and hashing out their feelings. Then there had been a lot of kissing before Alex left. She felt really good about where their relationship stood and where they were going in the future.

She loved James and he had hurt her with his accusations but him showing up at Brad Richard’s house, missing a game, and the sincerity of his words, made the wall she had built up begin to crumble. When he had left Prince Edward Island, she was left with only her thoughts so she had called Steven to yell at him for giving her up, and he had in turn questioned her about what she was feeling.

After talking to Steven, Alex wasn't surprised when John called.

“I heard Nealer got scratched so he could lay his heart out for you.”

“Steven has a big mouth.”

“Yeah, he does. Seriously though, he came?”

“He came.”

“And?”

“He apologized and laid his heart out. And then he left.”

“He left? The next day, right?”

“No, like twenty minutes after he got there.”

“But why? I mean he came all that way.”

“He said he wanted to give me space so he left.”

“You're going to Nashville though, right?”

“I haven't decided. I'm still mad.”

“You might be mad but you love him and you’ve never stopped.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I love him with my whole heart.”

“I know he put a crack in it but I still think you can trust him with it. I don’t think he’ll ever make a mistake like this again, and he knows Stammer, Subby, and I will murder him if he screws up again.”

“I’m glad y’all like me better than him,” she laughed.

“You’re prettier. And you send us brownies and cookies. Tell him I said good luck against Nashville when you get there and see him.”

She smiled. “I’ll tell him,” she promised. “Right after I tell him to make them regret the day they let him get away.”

Alex had coordinated her flight to Nashville with PK after that. She was in Nashville when John texted two days later to tell her about James’s text to him, PK, and Steven and she made PK show her the exchange. She knew she had made the right choice to come to Nashville to support James but it just made everything more clear. There was a lot of blame to share for what had happened but she wanted James in her life more than she wanted him out of it.

The dinner with his old teammates had been planned months earlier, when the schedule had first come out in a group text, and Alex was sure that James would show up to face PK before facing the other guys. When the car had dropped him in the driveway, Alex had watched him standing in the driveway, looking up at the house with a forlorn expression. She had listened just inside the doorway and had been just as surprised as PK at how quickly James surrendered in defeat.

She hadn’t had a plan for what she was going to say to him or when but hearing him say he would give up his house to her made her step out of the shadow to face him. The look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know; all she wanted was to kiss him and for him to hold her. When he did, everything felt right. He was home, wherever that may be.

While James visited the dentist in Nashville, Alex spent the day of the game with PK and his family. Not only was it James’s first game back in Nashville but it was the first time PK would ever play against one of his brothers. When Malcolm had been picked up on waivers by the Knights, PK had called Alex and asked her to keep an eye on his brother for him as he got his first real shot at being an NHL goaltender. He had been pressed into service as the number one soon after and Alex and James were there to help him deal with his own injury struggle soon after. Now that he had returned, and just in time for this game, Alex felt a sense of pride for him that the rest of his family felt too.

Alex made her way into Bridgestone Arena later that night with mixed emotions. She was happy to be there supporting James but it was also incredibly weird to think that 5 months ago she was in this same place cheering her heart out for him as he competed for the Stanley Cup and now that team was the enemy. She wasn't sure how she was going to keep herself from cheering for their old friends but she was positive that no matter how the night went, it would be emotional.

Her seat that night was in the end behind the net Malcom would defend twice and sat proudly in her Golden Knight’s Neal jersey. During the first period the Predators played a video tribute to James and it made Alex tear up as she clasped her hands over her heart. The camera in the arena planned to James who stood and acknowledge the cheering crowd who gave him an ovation in recognition of his three years there.

During the second period he shot an incredible one timer from a deflected puck from his knees and when it sailed past Pekka, Alex stood up and cheered the loudest. The game went to shootout and Alex crossed every finger she could and held her breath until the sixth skater came out against Malcolm and he made one last save to give the Knights the win.

She jumped up and screamed, so happy that James got the win against his former team and Malcolm came out on top over PK. She loved Nashville, but she was a Vegas girl through and through now.