Diary Of Insanity

~♦~ Matt’s Point Of View ~♦~

After we left Lakeview I felt so sick but I wasn’t sure if it was from anger or worry. My sister, my little sister was wasting away. Every time I’ve been in there ever since the first visit she’s been progressively getting worse and worse and it shows.

Today she couldn’t even focus on one spot for more than a minute without getting edgy and her eyes darting about the room. I felt so bad that we hadn’t gotten her out yet but we were going as fast as we could, although right now even that seemed too slow.

We all got into the car to go back to the hotel, I was sitting in the back with Val and my parents were in the front. The air was thick with an awkward silence, we all knew what was on each others minds but no one would dare say the words. There was no doubt about it, my sister was gone.

I sighed as I looked at my mum and dad sitting up front as I wondered how to phrase what I wanted to say. I didn’t want to set my mum off on a crying outburst so I stayed quiet for a while as I debated with myself whether or not I would say it at all.

“When are we getting her out of there?” Val turned towards me and gave me a sympathetic smile, she knew what I was thinking as I waited for an answer.

“I don’t know Matt, I don‘t know.” sighed my mum as she continued to look out of the window. I shook my head, why we couldn’t just walk back in there and take her with us I didn’t know. She didn’t belong in there, she belonged with us.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Mum you saw the state of her, she needs to get out of there now!” I raised my voice in anger but not at my mum, at the fact that we were still nowhere near getting her out and seeing her that frail and talking about the most random things made me so much more angry about the fact that the place was still up and running.

“Matt don’t start.” stated dad as he continued to drive back to the Hilton I couldn’t believe they were acting like this. I could understand it was a touchy subject but didn’t they see what I saw back there?

“No, if we don’t get Jen out of there soon there she wont make it!” mum turned around in her seat slightly so that she could look at me and I could see her eyes were red again. Shit! I didn’t want her to cry!

“Matthew don’t you dare! Don’t you dare say that.” she stated in a warning tone.

“Mum I’m sorry but if we don’t get her out she’s going to die and there’s no point not talking about it because it won’t make it go away!” I said it quieter, looking down as I said the words that everyone else had refused to voice.

“I know Matt but we’re trying the best we can. We’ll have Jenny out of there as soon as possible, nothing bad will happen.” reassured my dad he looked over and took my mums hand.

I sighed knowing I wasn’t getting anywhere with this argument as I turned and looked out of the window, anything to keep my mind off of the situation but looking out of the window wasn’t really helping very much.

♥♦♥♦♥♦♥

Half an hour later and I was sitting in one of the hotel rooms with Val, Zacky, Jimmy, Johnny and Brian. We were watching DVD’s and eating stuff we’d ordered from room service and bought from a little shop down the street.

“So how’s your sister holding up?” asked Jimmy wearily as he leaned over and stole Zacky’s beer who growled at him before getting another for himself. Val looked over at me, her eyes searching to see if I was going to start up again.

“Erm.. Not too good actually.” I stated quietly as I looked down. I didn’t mean to concern any of them but I would never lie to them either. Jimmy looked slightly uncomfortable for bringing up the subject as he took a gulp of his newly acquired beer.

“Matt you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t wanna mate.” Stated Brian as he got up from his seat to change the DVD.

“No it’s alright…”I sighed knowing they would need to hear about it sooner or later. “She’s really not doing good. She’s getting thinner, she can’t string a sentence together that makes sense and she’s on so much medication that all she does is sleep.” I listed all of the more serious problems my sister had.

“Shit..” whispered Johnny as he turned towards Val and handed her a bowl full of Pringles. “Is there nothing we can do?” I shook my head.

“Nah man. My parents are taking care of it.” I sighed as I stated this, knowing that although they were going all they could, it wasn’t happening fast enough.

“I wish you guys could meet her, she’s so much like my mum it’s untrue. The first time I met her she was so cheeky to the nurse I had to stop myself from laughing. She had the same attitude as us, it was like she‘d been with us forever.” I smiled as thoughts of that first day appeared in my mind.

“Why don’t you take them down next time.” suggested Val as she picked out a few Pringles from the bowl before passing it back. “It would be good for her to get to know the guys that way she’ll be more comfortable when she comes to live with us since they’re always around.”

“Is that your way of telling us to piss off and stay away from your house?” asked Johnny, taking the bowl from her and sitting it on the table in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Johnny if I wanted to tell you to piss off and stay away from my house I would just say it and you know that.” she smiled sweetly at him in a contradicting way before turning to me again. “But seriously, I think it would be good.”

“Yeah, you might be right.” I nodded my head as I thought about it a bit more. I would be good for her to meet them, I wasn’t sure how much contact she’d had with people from outside of the hospital but it probably wasn’t much. Plus I did want the guys to meet her and I wasn’t sure how long it would take to get her out of that hell hole.

I looked over at the guys and noticed that all of them looked quite uncomfortable talking about this, they knew it was getting to me but I don’t think an of them knew what to say.