Diary Of Insanity

~♦~ Jennifer’s Point Of View ~♦~

Today was the day. I was leaving this god forsaken place and the only time I would ever return was to get Charlie out. Well maybe I’d visit again after that so I could burn it to the ground but that’s in the future.

I was currently sitting on my bed, anxious and scared and both for two entirely different reasons. Scared because this would be my first time outside of Lakeview’s grounds in near enough two years. I couldn’t help but wonder if the world would be the same and I didn’t know what to expect, I’d forgotten what it was like to be free.

Anxious because I had only one more hour left here at the most and that Blake guy still hadn’t shown his face, he was supposed to come early this morning with my stash of meds but I was still waiting and I needed to get them quickly so I could put them in my bag before the nurse came.

I drummed my finger tips on the top of my bag which had everything I owned in it, which wasn’t much. Just a few things from my adoptive parents that I couldn’t bring myself to let go of.

The door suddenly but slowly opened and I jumped slightly. I was freaking out, Blake still hadn’t got here! But when the door opened more and the same tall, dark headed boy from a month ago walked in, I let out the breath I’d been holding and stood up.

“Where the hell have you been, you were supposed to be here hours ago!” I stated angrily but quietly.

“In case you haven’t noticed princess, security on your room is pretty damn tight. Even if you are leaving today they still don‘t trust you.” he muttered back as he lifted four small bags out of various pockets in his jacket and trousers.

A smile instantly spread over my face at the sight. “So how much did you get me?” I asked anxiously as he walked over to the bed and opened the bag, taking out one of my jumpers and the baby shawl I had from my adoptive mum.

“Okay, these ones are the pain killers she gives you whenever you freak out and do yourself damage.” he noted as he dropped one of the small bags into my bag. “These are the antidepressants, these are the mood stabilizers and these ones are neuroleptics, otherwise known as antipsychotics.” he stated as he put each little plastic bag into mine before placing the shawl and jumper back on top.

“Thanks, I don’t know how to repay you.” I smiled as I zipped up the bag after he’d finished putting everything back into it.

“Ah, first time’s free. But you’re a friend of Char’s so I don’t wanna see you again.” I gave him a confused look and sat on the bed. “ Charlotte told me about what’s going on.”

“What do you mean, what’s going on?” I asked just as confused as before.

“She told me about why you didn’t want to tell anyone. Look, there’s enough in that bag to last you a month after that you get yourself some help. Those are the terms.” he stated as he walked over towards the door.

“And what if I don’t want to get help after a month?” I asked.

“You make up your mind now.” he stated harshly as he walked back over to me. “Either you promise me that you’ll get help when you run out or I’ll take the stuff back now and you’ll be fucked right from the start. Trust me, I’m usually all for another customer but I’m doing this for Charlotte. You get help, for her.” he stated and all I could do was nod my head.

After that he turned swiftly around and walked out of the door without turning back around again.

I sighed as I leaned back on the bed, closing my eyes so I could try to evaluate my situation. I couldn’t believe what I was doing, I was smuggling drugs out of a so called hospital. Drugs which I hated more than the people who gave me them. Okay maybe I don’t hate them more than I hate Anne but that’s beside the point.

I didn’t have very much time to think about anything because under ten minutes later Anne appeared to tell me that my family were here to pick me up. I felt my heart start pumping viciously as I stood up, picked up my bag and headed towards the door. I’d always wanted out of here but now that it was happening, to say I was scared would be a major understatement.

We walked down the corridors quietly not saying two words to each other. I felt quite sick but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the fact that in a few more minutes I’d be leaving the front doors to Lakeview Institute for the first time in two years or of it was because they hadn’t medicated me today and I was craving.

As we neared the front of the hospital we walked past the doors that lead to the TV room and I saw Charlie standing with a smile on her face. She nodded her head then waved to me but I could tell that her smile was sad and forced. I waved back to her and remade my promise that I’d come back for her, soon.

Then I was pulled from my thoughts as Anne pushed open the door into the reception area, I hadn’t been here since the day I was brought in. Standing in front of the main desk was my mum, dad and Matt and I couldn’t help but smile.

Charlie was right a family was the best thing you could ever know. Mine barely even knew me and still for the past few months they’d stuck by me and even done something I thought would never happen, they set me free from my hell.

“Hey Jenny.” smiled my mum as I walked over to her and gave her a tight hug before moving onto my dad and doing the same thing then Matt.

“You ready to go?” asked my dad as he smiled down at me as he rested his hand on my shoulder reassuringly.

“Erm I… I think so.” I smiled weakly back. This was it there was no going back now, not that I wanted to of course. I bit my lip and turned around to look at Anne who stood with an emotionless glare.

“Goodbye Anne. I still hate you.” I smiled before I was led outside and down the front steps of Lakeview into the open world I’d been separated from ever since I was seventeen.

“You want me to take your bag?” asked Matt as we walked towards the car.

“No thanks I can manage.” I rushed, not wanting him to take it in case somehow he found my pills. But he took it as me being agitated from the experience and smiled at me before whispering to me.

“It’s okay now Jen, don't worry about it.”