Diary Of Insanity

~♦~ Jennifer’s Point Of View ~♦~

“Jen, what the fuck are you doing hanging around with these guys?” Matt asked me and I could tell he wasn’t happy about something, I just didn’t know what.

“They’re my friends.” I answered simply as I leaned back into Zacky again, I was starting to get tired again but coming out to meet these guys was compulsory, even if I wasn’t happy about the time they’d picked.

“Not anymore they’re not.” he seethed as he walked past me and over to the car and opening the front passenger seat. “Jen get in the car.” I looked back to Zack who shrugged his shoulders then began making his way to the drivers seat.

“We can talk more later guys.” I said as I turned around and walked towards the car. As I walked past Matt to get to the back door I heard him whisper ‘not if I’ve got anything to do with it.’

Once we were in the car and Zack had started driving again, Matt turned around in his seat slightly so he could talk to me.

“Why the hell were you talking to those guys, in fact how the fuck do you even know them!?” he asked angrily and I sighed knowing it was going to be a long night.

“I don’t know them, or at least I didn’t before tonight.” I huffed as I leaned back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest.

“So what the hell were you playing at? You don’t know them and your hanging out with them at six in the morning? Why are you wandering about the streets at this time anyway!?” he continued to shout and question me.

“I wasn’t ‘wandering about’ I knew where I was going, TJ called to tell me where to meet them and as for hanging out. It was strictly business.” this only eared me the most disapproving look possible, even Zacky looked at me worriedly through the rear view mirror. “Not like that! I told you I’m clean.”

“I’m warning you, you stay away from those guys. No arguments about it.” Matt seethed. I didn’t know why he was so angry and it was starting to get to me. He was being anything but rational about this.

“Or what? Your not my dad.”

“I might not be dad but I’m your brother so I’ve still got some control over who you hang out with and I told you, your not hanging out with those guys ever again! What the fuck are you playing at, huh?”

“Oh, go fuck yourself.” I so wish I hadn’t said that, I could see the offence in his eyes and immediately felt guilty about it. Who was I to say something like that to someone who’d done nothing but help and take care of me? “Matt I’m sorry I didn’t mean it.” I whispered as I leaned forward in my seat to touch his shoulder but he pulled away as Zack pulled up outside his house.

“Forget about it. Come on lets get you inside, we can talk about this later.” he said calmly as he got out of the car and walked up to the front door of the house, waiting for Zacky to let him in. Both I and Zack got out of the car at the same time and he walked around so he could walk up the front steps with me.

Once inside Matt and Zack went into the kitchen to supposedly get some beer but I knew they were talking about me. I walked quietly into the living room and curled up on the couch, I was tired but I wouldn’t go to bed until I was sure everything was okay between me and Matt. A few minutes later they both walked into the room, Matt sat on the opposite couch and Zack sat next to me so I could cuddle into him.

“Jen, I think you should listen to your brother on this one okay. Those guys are bad news.” he whispered into my ear and I groaned.

“Zack you both have no choice in this matter. I need to keep in contact with them and I’ll be doing just that. You can deal with it or hate it but either way it’s not going to change.” I kept myself calm as I said this but that’s more than what I can say for Matt.

“The hell it’s not!” he shouted. “Jen don’t you get it, those guys are fucked up! They’ve corrupted god knows how many lives and that’s just in the last year, you can’t be anywhere near them.”

“Yes Matt I get it!” I shouted as I got to my feet. “I understand that they are fucked up and I understand that you don’t want me anywhere near them but I need them, not for myself but for a friend. I don’t give a shit what you say I can and can’t do because frankly its not up to you how I live my life, that’s my call.”

“Babe please, just do as he says, for me. I know what these guys have been into and I don’t want you anywhere near it, you could get hurt.” I turned around to see Zack looking up at me asking, pleading, me with is eyes to just give in to what Matt wanted. But I couldn’t.

“Whatever they did I’m sure it’s not that bad, I’ll only be hanging wit them for a couple of weeks, months at the latest.” I tried reasoning with them but this statement only got Matt even more angry which I didn’t think was even possible.

“Not that bad? Jennifer they sell drugs to high school kids for a living, they promise girls the world just to get them into bed and then trash their reputations and lives!” he shouted. Granted, I didn’t know any of that.

“Matt your just gonna have to trust me, I’ll be careful. But I need to do this.” I said quietly. “I’m going to bed.” I walked over to Matt and kissed him on the cheek before walking back to Zacky and kissing him before I made my way up to the room I’d been sharing with Zack during the time I’d been spending here. But I didn’t shut the door and go to bed, instead I listened to what they were saying to each other.

“God, why does she have to be so damn stubborn all the time?” I heard Matt complain from the living room.

“Dude you know what she’s like. You tell her not to do something and it’ll just make her more committed to doing it. I understand where your coming from though, I’m not happy about this either but we‘re just gonna have to trust her.” I heard Zack answer, it was like he was trying to sit on the fence with this one. As though he were trying not to take either side.

“I’d be more wiling to trust her if I knew what she was getting into… How the hell can we protect her if she doesn’t tell us what’s going on?”

“I know, I feel the exact same but shouting at her only pushes her away and makes her go further on the defence. We won’t be able to change her mind no matter what, but we can still make sure those guys don’t fuck with her.”