Diary Of Insanity

~♦~ Jennifer’s Point Of View ~♦~

I opened my eyes slowly as the light flooded in. It took a few minutes before the memories of yesterdays events came back to me. Oh god, what had I done? I’d turned on my parents when they were only trying to help me. Now they probably thought of me as a liability and were regretting ever looking for me.

I couldn’t believe I’d let it happen. I couldn’t believe I’d blown my chances of ever being with my family, of ever being free of this place. I had finally found people I could hold close to my heart after almost two years and already I’d taken it away from myself.

I sighed as I slowly slid the covers off of me and sat up in bed. I had to be careful not to move to fast or I’d get a killer headache. I wiped my eyes and yawned before realising I wasn’t alone in the room. Across the room from my bed was a chair and on that chair sat none other than Anne.

“You know there’s this little thing called privacy, ever heard of it?” I asked viciously.

“Maniacs don’t get privacy. They get dosed.” she sneered.

“Oh lucky me.” I faked excitement as I slid slowly around so I was sitting on the bed looking at her. “so, you gonna tell me why you’re here or do I have to guess?”

“You think your really smart, don’t you?” she sneered again as she stood up and walked closer to me.

“Actually I’m thinking about going outside. Is that an option today or am I under house arrest?” I asked opinionatedly.

“Don’t get smart with me you vicious little animal.” she pointed her finger at me and gritted her teeth.

“Then don’t patronise me.” I looked her dead in the eye, never looking away or blinking.

“Aren’t you even the least bit worried. You just blew up on your family. Do you honestly think they’re gonna want you after that?” she sneered as she leaned in closer to me before whispering in my ear. “You have absolutely no one.” before she walked back over to her seat and sat down again.

“Well in case you haven’t noticed, I’m used to it just being me. So I think I’ll get along just fine. As for being worried, I thought us ‘mental patients’ didn’t have consciences so doesn’t that mean I’d have nothing to worry about?” I wasn’t going to show her it bothered me.

She was about to reply to me when the door opened and in walked a very pissed looking Chloe. She looked over to Anne and crossed her arms.

“What are you doing in this room, in fact, what are you doing in this building? I thought you’d been taken off duty for the next few days.” she asked slightly confused but more so angry.

“I was just checking up on my patient…” Chloe then cut her off before she could finish what she was saying.

“Well she’s not your patient for now. So get out.” she snarled as she pointed at the door. Anne glared at her before leaving.

“Hey, how you feeling?” Chloe smiled at me as she walked over and sat down on the bed next to me.

“Bad.” I looked up at her and sighed. “I fucked up big time.”

“No you didn’t Jen…” she started but I cut her off before she got the chance to continue.

“No Chloe. I went off at my parents. My own flesh and blood and I verbally attacked them. What if it had been worse, what if it had been physical? I don’t know how I could have ever lived with myself if anything had happened!” I yelled in frustration as I jumped up off the bed. This action was instantly regretted as I felt the searing pain flood my head.

“Ah fuck!” I sucked the air in through my gritted teeth and sat back down again. Calming down some before I continued. “that was my only chance for a family and I blew it. They probably think I’m some crazy, unstable bitch now.” I sighed angrily.

“Jen they aren’t angry and they don’t think your crazy. They asked me to keep an eye on you.” she sighed and put her arm around me, pulling me into a hug. “they saw what Anne did and they know the dose she gave you was too high. They’re worried about you being here.”

“So I have caused them trouble, just in a different way.” I sighed. “why do I always screw up!?” I yelled as I put head my head in my hands and rested my elbows on my knees.

“Hey, look at me.” demanded Chloe softly as she lifted my head up so I was looking at her. “You do not always screw up. You hear that? You have to deal with the situation your in and your doing it in the only way you know how. It’s not your fault, don‘t blame yourself.”

“You know Chloe, I think that if it wasn’t for the fact that your here, I probably would have given up a long time ago.” I smiled as a few tears came to my eyes. I hadn’t ruined my chances of having a family

“Don’t say that Jen…” she smiled back slightly as her eyes glazed over slightly from the tears she was holding back.

“No, it’s true. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve had someone in here with me all this time, I most likely would never have began fighting back. I’d probably be dead by now.” she shook her head. “Chloe we both know it’s true. The doctors here, they don’t care about what happens to me. All they care about is making sure they get a pay check in the end.”

We sat on the bed and had one of our three hour long emotional spills. Both telling the other things about what was going on inside of our heads as we gained advise from each other.

She convinced me that there was nothing to worry about and that my family wouldn’t desert me after what had happened the previous day. She told me that she had assured them it was the first time in almost a year I’d had a ‘turn’ and they seem okay with it. A little shocked, but fine none the less.

I think there may still be a chance for everything to turn out fine. In the end.