Why You Love Me

“Hey, Suga-chan?”

“Yes, Tooru?” He answered from beside me, the room shrouded in complete darkness.

“When did you know that you were in love with me?”

Four years ago, I met the gray-haired male at a practice match. Both of us were just first years in high school, lucky to get starting positions with our senpais. I was excited for the match, my cocky personality well known as I hung off of Iwa-chan when I caught sight of him.

Sugawara was pulling on the back of his friend's practice jersey, a nervous look in his eyes as he stared over at my team. His honey-brown eyes met mine for a single moment, but from what Iwa-chan told me, I froze in place like the awestruck teenage boy I was. I couldn't help it though; my little bisexual heart had never seen a boy so beautiful; I was amazed my jaw didn't physically drop.

I became even more shocked once the game began and I quickly learned that the boy played the same position as I did. A part of me felt as if I could relate to him and it didn't take long for his look of nervousness to turn into one of confidence. Iwa-chan slapped me in the back of my head as my sets were suffering and I almost melted as Sugawara chuckled at the action from his side of the court.

That day, we lost that practice match. I knew it was my fault, but what happened after the match determined my feelings.

I stood by the water fountain, hearing someone approach me from behind, and I prepared to bring my cocky personality out of the dark when I heard, “That was a good game, wasn't it?”

I turned around, puffing up my chest, preparing a retort as I caught sight of honey-brown orbs. My mind almost shut down as I fumbled, “A-A-Yeah, it was. It's been a while since a team has been able to beat mine.”

He laughed softly, covering his mouth as a blush burned my cheeks. I gave an awkward smile, rubbing the back of my neck before he held out a hand and said, “Sugawara Koushi; most of my friends call me Suga though.”

My face burned even brighter as I took his hand and said, my confidence slowly building back up, “Oikawa Tooru.” I shook his hand, smiling before we were loudly interrupted by two shouts:

“Trashykawa!”

“Suga!”

We both turned around to look at our friends before I audibly sighed. “I've got to go,” We said at the same time, our words overlapping each other before he stuttered out, “I-I guess I'll see you around?”

“Yeah.”

Sugawara rolled over in bed, pressing his chest against my back as he snaked an arm around my waist, one of his hands sliding up into my shirt.

His fingers were cold against my toned stomach and I flinched a little as he whispered, “Tooru, what on earth are you talking about this late at night?”

“Curiousity killed the cat. You know my 3 a.m. thoughts are random, Suga-chan,” I said with a small chuckled and he sighed.

The second time I ran into the older male was our first Interhigh tournament. Karasuno didn't get very far so my team didn't have a chance to play them, but I ran into him while waiting for my next match.

“Suga-chan!” I cheered as he began to walk past me in the corridor. He looked down because he had lost his match, but his eyes lit up when he saw me.

“Oikawa-san, it's good to see you again,” he said, approaching me as I leaned up against a wall. A soft smile played his lips as he stared at me with bright honey-brown eyes before he asked, “How have you been? It's been a while.”

“Busy. I heard about your last match; it's a shame we're not playing against each other,” I said and he just shrugged, looking down.

“There's always extra practice matches and Spring High,” he muttered, putting his hands in his pockets a second before pulling out an older cellphone. He opened it up, clicking a few buttons before holding it out to me.

His cheeks showed the dust of a blush before he asked, sheepishly, “Can I get your number? I-I'm not able to text back that often because I'm busy, but I think it'd be nice if we could talk somewhere else besides matches.”

My heart thumped in my chest as I took the phone from his hands, punching in the name “Tooru-chan ;)” and my number on the numberpad.

He smiled as I handed him the phone back, and his eyes traveled to the screen before he raised an eyebrow. “Tooru-chan? Is that what you preferred to be called?”

“I'm odd; I use given names very causally, especially mine,” I said and he smiled.

“Suga, we're leaving,” Someone called and the shorter male turned around for a moment.

“Why do I have deja vu?” He muttered before saying to me, “Good luck at your next match, Oikawa-san. I'll be sure to text you my number later.”

I watched as he ran away before I was drug off by Iwaizumi, heart still racing a few moments later.

“Your 3 a.m. thoughts always get you in trouble, also, Tooru,” my lover muttered, snuggling his face into my hair. I could feel his breaths on my neck as I sighed.

“Why can't you just answer the question, Suga-chan?” I whined, my hand on top of his and I interlaced our fingers.

“Tooru, roll over if you want to know badly enough.”

We texted each other casually over the span of two years and hung out rarely. I became excited every time it came to see him, but as time moved on, I began to think that our friendship was all I was ever going to have with the older male.

In my third year, I tried dating other people to chase him away, but each boy and girl only caused me heartache. Spring High that year made me finally realize my feelings as his honey-brown eyes studied the game, studied me. That whole game, I wished that he was playing as the setter, not my former kouhai.

I was shocked though when Karasuno pulled through and won the game. Though it doomed my team's chances of going to nationals, I was happy for them; I was happy to see a genuine smile on Suga's lips.

“Congrats, Suga-chan,” I said, approaching him after the game as he stood in the corridor. A blush lit up his cheeks as he smiled, “Thank you.”

My heart thumped in my chest before he looked around for a moment and asked me, “Are you busy this evening? I, uh, want to celebrate my win with one of my best friends.” He smiled slightly and I glanced down at my phone, checking the time.

“Don't get ahead of yourself, Suga-chan. You're not at nationals yet,” I joked before asking, “Are you staying with someone in Miyagi tonight?”

He nodded his head before saying, “I have a family friend who lives not far from the gym and they don't mind me spending the night with them. Besides, I do haveone important win to celebrate; it's not everyday that Karasuno gets to admit they defeated Aoba Johsai,” he chuckled lightly as I sighed.

A text from Iwa-chan flashed on my screen as I muttered, “I have to go. Do me a favor and text me when your match is over; we can decide on a place then and I can meet you at seven.”

He nodded his head and I walked away, pulling my lip between my teeth.

Slowly, I shifted my body to where I was facing Suga, feeling his nose brush mine. He gave me a soft kiss on the lips as his arm wrapped around my waist. His cold fingers slid up the back of my shirt and I shivered, moving closer to him before I whined, “Suga-chan.”

“Mm, Tooru, you also know how I get this late at night,” he mumbled against my lips and I pushed up against him for a moment before breaking the kiss.

I ran my fingers through his my hair as I said, “Suga-chan, stop avoiding the question.”

I sat in my favorite ramen shop, my hands folded in my lap as I was waiting for my friend to arrive.

Suga had texted me earlier, mentioned that he was going to be late, but it didn't bother me much. It gave me time to seize my heart from racing so much.

I took a quick sip of my drink as the gray-haired male approached my table, a small smile playing his lips. He had cleaned up nicely, exchanging his jersey and shorts for a pale blue button down and a pair of slacks.

“I wasn't expecting you to dress up so nicely just to have dinner with little 'ole me,” I said, glancing down at my plain v-neck, cardigan, and jeans. To be honest, I had been deciding on what I was wearing for two hours.

He laughed softly, running a hand through his hair before he said, “I told you I wanted to celebrate. It's only important.” A blush spread across his cheeks as a smile cracked across my face.

“Just admit it; you wanted to look nice for me, Suga,” I cooed, my voice taking a flirtatious tone. His eyes widened slightly as my face burned and I tore my gaze away from him.

“I, uh, I... Sorry,” I squeaked a quick apology and he just shook his head.

He chuckled softly, brushing it off before muttering, “You're fine. I'm glad you agreed to meet me though; we never get to hang out much for being such close friends.”

“Hah, that's true, but both of us have been busy with volleyball and college exams... Speaking of those, have you decided on where you want to go?” I asked, taking a sip of my drink, putting in my order as our waitress ran by.

He looked as if he was thinking hard for a moment before saying, “Tokyo. I'm perfectly fine from where I'm from, but I want to be in the city for once; change things up for a while.”

“It seems we have similar plans, Suga,” I said softly as he glanced up and smiled.

“Really? That'd be great. I mean, Asahi is going to work and I think Daichi is planning on staying around Miyagi for school. I didn't want to be totally alone in the city,” he said.

My heart thumped loudly in my chest as I thought about Suga and I being the only two who knew each other in the city as I too didn't know anyone graduating with us who was leaving.

“Oikawa, your face is really red,” Suga said and I covered my face for a moment before shaking my head.

“Hah, it's just hot in here,” I said, shrugging my cardigan off.

I felt Suga's hand slide out of the back of my shirt and he sighed softly. His breath was hot against my face and I licked my lips, still tasting his on mine.

He buried his face into my neck as he mumbled, “It feels like it was so long ago.”

“So, um, you're just down the road from me?” I asked as the two of us were walking back to the house where he was staying tonight. His hands were shoved in his pockets and a part of me was wishing that he'd allow one of them to brush mine occasionally.

I noticed the longer that our “celebration” went on, the more my racing thoughts became known. I had been shamelessly flirting with Suga throughout the entire night and my mind knew what it wanted, but I knew I had to keep it caged.

At least that's what I thought.

“Yeah, it seems like it,” Suga said, glancing up at me, a soft smile on his lips.

“At least I was able to walk you home,” I muttered and he chuckled softly before stopping in his tracks, becoming quiet.

“Suga?”

“Oikawa, what's on your mind?” The older male asked me and my eyes met his honey-brown orbs.

“What do you mean?” I stuttered and his eyes narrowed at me.

A frown found his lips as I raised an eyebrow at him before he said, “I know we haven't hung out much this past year, but I've known you long enough, Tooru, to be able to tell that something is bothering you.”

I took a deep breath as he stared at me and I rubbed the back of my neck. My mind was still racing a hundred miles an hour and as the thoughts began to escape their cage, I approached Suga. He stepped back, leaning against a fence as his eyes stared up at me, searching my face.

I was gnawing at my lip before I took a deep sigh. “Sugawara, I have to tell you something,” I said, swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat.

“Toor--”

I hooked a finger under his chin, lifting his face up before kissing him softly. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I felt his soft lips barely push back against mine before he shoved me away.

His face was a deep shade of crimson under the streetlamps as he stared up at me and I blurted out, “I like you, Sugawara Koushi.”

“Was it? We've known each other since we were fifteen; it's been seven years now?” I said and he hummed softly, nodding his head.

“Seven years is quite a while,” he hummed before he placed a soft kiss on the side of my neck.

“When did I first love you though?”

I never heard anything from Suga after that night. I sent him countless texts and the occasional phone call, only for all of them to go unanswered. That night, after I spoke those poisonous words, he disappeared from my life as if he was never there.

I went to college in Tokyo, never hearing from him, and I couldn't help but feel alone. Not long after I began classes, I met a few people I played against in high school matches and tried to make friends, but I never forgot about Suga.

It wasn't until a drunken college party during my second year that we met face to face once again.

As any other party I attended, I was heavily intoxicated and getting a little frisky with a classmate. Tonight, it happened to be Kuroo Tetsurou, a known flirt and a native to Tokyo. I had to admit that he was a great kisser as his lips moved fluently against mine, my arms wrapped around his neck. He had me backed up against a nearby wall and my fingers were tangled in his mess of black hair.

I glanced up at him with heavy-lidded eyes when he pulled away, the sound of music slowly returning to my ears. He leaned down next to me and said over the sound, “I'm gonna go get a drink. Do you want anything?”

“Something with vodka; don't care what,” I hummed, voice slightly seductive as he smiled before walking away.

I continued to lean against the wall, swaying my hips with the beat of the music when I caught sight of three males; one with a shaved head, another with spiky black hair and a blond tuft, and then, the gray-haired male I used to be familiar with.

“Suga,” I said under my breath without realizing it. My whole body tensed up at the sight of him and my heart began to race. He was glancing around the room before his honey-brown orbs met mine and he quickly looked away.

I frowned, glancing down at the floor until I felt someone nudge my shoulder and I looked up to see Kuroo.

“What happened while I was gone? You look depressed, Oikawa,” the taller male said as I took my drink from his hand before throwing it back as if it didn't phase me.

“Just a few bad memories, Tetsu-chan,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around his neck, “It's nothing too important.”

“Ah!” He cheered and I jumped at the sudden shout.

“What, Suga-chan?” I asked, burying my face into his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat.

“I've loved you a long, long time, Tooru.”

My head and back were sore as I rolled over in bed. I didn't remember much after I saw Suga because of all the drinks, but could assume I slept with Kuroo as I caught a whiff of his overpowering cologne.

“Mm, Tooru-chan,” I heard a soft, sleepy voice say as an arm was wrapped around me and I glanced over to see Suga fast asleep to the left of me, another person to my right.

A shriek left my lips as I heard Kuroo say, “The fuck is going on,” at the intrusive noise.

Suga's eyes slowly opened as he glanced at me, then Kuroo before muttering, “Were am I and why am I only half clothed?”

“You mean you don't remember any of it? What about you, Oikawa?” Kuroo asked, astonished as the two of us shook our heads.

He chuckled softly, smiling before he said, “Well, Oikawa, you had quite a few drinks and I'll admit, I was nowhere near sober, but nowhere near as drunk as you were. I knew that you kept looking over at Sugawara over there all night and sometime, the liquid courage had hit you enough to go over and talk to him. I don't know what kind of past you two had, but upon being reunited, you both were all over each other.”

I looked over at Suga and his eyes were wide as his face burned a deep red before he stuttered out, “Then... How did we end up here, and did anything conspire after that?”

“You two weren't going to be separated apparently because, Oikawa, you approached me sometime afterward and was also hanging off of me, asking if we could go back to my apartment and I agreed. You both came with me and well, before anything could progress too, too far, you both ended up falling asleep cuddled up together,” the black-haired male said and I blinked for a second, trying my best to remember what had happened, but my mind was a blank slate.

“How long is a long time, Suga? I just want to know and you're dragging it out,” I whined and he chuckled softly, kissing the top of my head before running his hands through my brown curls. He held me a little tighter against him and I let out a soft sigh.

After we left Kuroo's apartment, Suga and I ended up walking down to a small coffee shop. Neither of us spoke a word to each other on the way there and I noticed that he was staring down at his feet for the most part. I wanted him to say something, or for me to say something, but I couldn't just come up with the words.

The two of us ordered our drinks and took our seats at a small table, taking sips of the caffeine before Suga finally spoke to me, “It's been a while since I've seen you; I was shocked to run into you last night. I-I honestly don't know how much I drank, but I know that it was enough to try to forget you all over again.”

“I-I'm sorry for what I did. I know I shouldn't have kissed you that night and I'm sorry that I ever did. I wasn't thinking and I--” I stuttered out before he cut me off.

“No, don't apologize for what you did, Oikawa-san. I didn't mean what I said in a bad way, even if it came out that way. I was trying to forget you because... because...” He chewed at his lip as he struggled to find his words before he said something softly under his breath.

“What is that?” I asked, feeling like my heart had stopped in my chest.

“I was trying to forget you because ever since I met you, I've had this feeling in my chest that makes me feel like I can't breathe. I couldn't stand it not talking to you for long periods of time, which is why I was always texting you to see how you were doing. I was always wishing you could hang out more, but I knew that we were both always busy between volleyball and school. It took me years to figure out what exactly that feeling was because I had never felt it before... It wasn't until you kissed me that night that I realized what that feeling had to have been, and I was so in shock that I pushed you away and ran off like I did. I didn't mean to leave you like I did and that was stupid of me to run off like that, and just completely drop off all contact with you, but I didn't know what else to do. I was scared. I was terrified, I didn't know what to do because I didn't how to proceed. I ran away because I also had feelings for you too, Oikawa,” he said, his face becoming more and more red with his speech and took a small sip of his coffee after he finished. He was looking down at the table and my heart beat rapidly in his chest.

Without a second thought, I stood up from my seat, leaned over the table and kissed him on the mouth as I could no longer hold back the feelings that had been building in my chest for years now.

“I love you. I know that for a fact now,” I whispered, breaking the kiss for a moment before I felt him smile against my lips.

Suga chuckled softly before he said, “You already know the answer to the question, that's why I've been stalling.”

My face heated up in a blush before I mumbled, “I know, but I always love hearing your answer whenever I ask the question. I think it makes me fall more and more in love with you every time I hear it.”

He smiled softly, tilting my head up to where I was looking up at him before he said, “I've loved you ever since the moment I met you. How could I not love you? You're beautiful, a sweetheart, and you're entirely perfect in my eyes.”

I laughed softly before he leaned down and kissed my lips as he held me tightly to him before he said softly, “Now, can we go to sleep? You and I both know that we have jobs that we have to get to early in the morning and you know how hard it is for you to get out bed when you're tired.”

I nodded my head and whispered, “Goodnight, Suga-chan. I love you.”

“Goodnight, my dear. I love you more.”