Skin + Bones

♪Mounika - YouMayWithoutMe♪

Cecilia stood in front of the bathroom mirror as it began to fog up from the heat of the shower running. With her hands at her sides, she looked herself over, criticising everything she saw. Her hair was unruly from having the windows open in Jimin's car, looking as if it hadn't been brushed in weeks. Her makeup had been wiped off and her eyes were red and swollen from crying.

Cecilia felt disgusting, looking at herself. She picked every little thing apart. From the way her top lip was too thin, to the way that a shadow was cast below her belly. Her eyes wandered back up. She had a trail of little of faint hairs leading to her belly button, accompanied by stretch marks on her hips. She thought her breasts were too large, that they looked unattractive. That her arms looked strange, that they were too chubby. Her collarbones didn't show like other girls, and she certainly didn't have a jawline that looked like it could cut glass.

She felt so...ugly.

She rubbed at her runny nose, sniffling and pulling her eyes away from the mirror. She stepped into the shower, welcoming the feeling of the warm water running over her shoulders. Closing her eyes and relaxing into the feeling, she thought more about what had happened earlier.

The girl that had called Jimin’s name had approached their table, leaving Cecilia silenced. Her hips swayed suggestively as her skirt went with it, showing off her long thin legs. They were so smooth and free of any blemishes. She looked like a doll. Her face matched the same description. Perfect. Flawless. A walking talking doll.

Cecilia's stomach twisted when she saw the way Jimin looked at her. With fondness in his eyes and a smirk playing on his lips, a light dusting of pink over his cheeks. It was the same way she looked at him.

He likes her. Fuck. He likes her, Cecilia thought to herself.

“Hana, this is my friend Cecilia,” Jimin said, gesturing to her after they had greeted each other. Maybe she imagined it, but she thought there was a bit of emphasis on the word friend. Hana hadn’t even noticed Cecilia beforehand. Not even a glance her way.

“Oh,” Hana said simply, dark brown eyes glancing to the plump girl sat across from Jimin, a bit of chocolate sauce still on her lip. Her eyes roamed for what felt like forever, taking in Cecilia's features, however it was likely only a couple seconds.

“Nice to meet you,” She smiled sweetly.

Cecilia smiled back tightly, trying to control the sinking feeling of her heart as she watched Jimin grab Hana's hand.

“Join us! Do you want any ice cream? I can go get it for you,” Jimin asked, excited.

He's just being nice, don't over react. Cecilia told herself. She tried to ignore Jimin's lingering hand, which played with her slender fingers.

“Sure,” Hana giggled at Jimin's awestruck gaze, “You know what I usually like, right?”

He nodded excitedly before standing, “I'll be right back,”

And he was gone. Leaving the two girls at the table. Hana sat down gingerly on the wooden seat before resting her hands upon the table top. Her nails were done, long and painted a pretty pink. Cecilia looked to her own, her nails bitten down to stubs.

“How long have you known Jimin?” Hana asked, trying to make conversation.

“Oh, uh, not long,” Cecilia responded, “A month or two,”

“Well that would explain why he's been so busy then,” She giggled, a sweet sound that made Cecilia feel sick. She thought her own giggle sounded like a seal, and her full laugh like a donkey.

“What do you mean?”

“He hasn't had any time to hang out with me. Guess you're the one who's been keeping him busy,” Hana winked.

Cecilia had no clue what she was referring to. Sure, her and Jimin were close, but certainly didn't seem to be as close as he was with Hana. They didn't really hang out that often outside of taking the bus together.

“Oh, sorry,” Cecilia said, looking around at the other tables, seeing people smiling and laughing. It was the exact opposite of her feelings at the moment.

“That's okay, I mean the boy does fall in-” Hana had begun to say when Jimin returned, placing a sprinkle dipped ice cream cone in front of her face.

Suddenly, Cecilia didn't feel like eating hers.

Hana thanked him before eating the sweet treat. Jimin began talking to her, his eyes never leaving her. Cecilia felt invisible. She stayed quiet, hands holding one another in her lap, fiddling nervously. She wanted to leave. She wanted to leave so bad before she burst into tears right then and there.

The opportunity arrived when Hana had spilled a bit of ice cream on her leg and Jimin jumped up to run back inside and grab some napkins.

Cecilia pulled out her phone, pretending she had felt it vibrate.

“Oh, jeez,” She faked, “I need to go, there's a uh, family emergency,”

She quickly stood and shoved her phone back into her pocket.

“What? Is everything okay? Why don't you wait till Jimin's back, he can give you a drive,” Hana asked, concerned, surprising Cecilia. She didn't seem like a nasty person, in fact she was quite friendly. It made Cecilia feel worse.

“Oh uh, that's okay, I don't live to far from here,”

A lie. She lived too far from there for walking to be acceptable, however she couldn't stand to hang around for another minute.

“Alright, well I'll tell Jimin you had to go, but it was nice meeting you!” Hana smiled, “I hope everything is okay,”

“Thank you, it was nice meeting you too,” Cecilia said, rushing to throw her purse strap across her torso before Jimin returned. He certainly wouldn't let her walk knowing just how far she lived.

Her feet briskly moved, trying to get away and out of sight from the ice cream parlor before the tears couldn't be contained anymore. Her eyes became an open dam, flooding her face and falling off of her round cheeks to hit the cement that stayed a steady path underneath her.

Why are you like this? She thought to herself, grasping the strap of her purse with both hands, tightly.

She felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, pulling it out to see her screen lit up with Jimin's face. It was a ridiculous photo he had taken on the bus on the ride home, forcing her to set it as his contact photo. He had tried to take one of her for his phone, but she simply covered her face each time he tried.

Cecilia ignored the call, sending it to her voicemail.

She walked. She walked and she walked and she walked. She was barely halfway home. Her phone vibrated again in her pocket. She was again greeted by Jimin's face. And, again, she ignored it.

He tried at least three more times. She ignored them all.

She made it home, the sun beginning to set. Her parents greeted her happily and she simply replied monotonously. By that point, Cecilia was feeling numb, a feeling she always got after having the kind of cry she did. Numb and empty.

She was running on autopilot.

A text made her phone vibrate on her bedside table a couple minutes after she had flopped down on the soft surface, exhausted, hair still damp from the shower.

Jiminie: at least tell me you got home okay?

Cecilia: yes.

She locked her phone and left it, even after it vibrated again three times.