Hands

I felt like Jessica Rabbit, in a red silk gown that touched the floor. The right hand of the man I was beginning to hate was pressed firmly against my lower back, fingers occasionally brushing against my behind that caused me to tense every time.

I stood beside him, gazing around the room as he talked with old bald men, sleazeballs in expensive suits that could pay for my tuition. I grabbed a glass of wine from a passing waiter as I thought about the fact that Jack had paid for mine. I closed my eyes, taking a gulp of the rich red liquid, zoning out for just a moment before his hand grasped the material of my dress for a split second, just enough to get my attention.

I pretended- as I always did- and turned more towards him, my body pressing to his side even though it made me feel sick. A fake smile plastered on my face as I adjust the hair that was tumbling over my shoulders, awkwardly with the hand that held a small gold glitter clutch.

The wine glass in my other hand was soon empty as my feet ached from the ridiculously thin heels Jack had made me wear. I placed the empty vessel back on the tray of another waiter, wishing I had a full one back in my hand.

“I’m going to use the ladies room,” I told him quietly, placing a hand on his bicep, to get his attention and fake affection. He merely nodded, a slight bob of his head. There was no verbal response, no acknowledgment of my presence.

I felt a vibration in my clutch along the way, the phone that I had told Jack that I left at home. I picked up the pace, finding my way through the maze of people inside the expensively decorated building. My heels clicked against the marble floor as I found the ladies room, opening the door and pushing it closed.

I hesitated for a second, glancing at the stall doors, finding them all open, meaning no one was present before pulling out my phone. There was a text from Yoongi, under the name Yvonne, hoping to keep him from being found out by Jack.

Y: I miss you already, I’m sorry if I took it too far.

I hadn’t texted him after our encounter that morning, not because I didn’t want to, simply because I couldn’t without jeopardizing his safety. My thumbs hovered over the keys, unsure about the message I truly wanted to send. Before I could think anymore about it, I typed it out and hit send, locking my phone and stepping towards the mirror.

I fixed my hair a bit, pulling out my lipstick from my clutch, the same bright red as my dress. I swiped it over my lips wondering if Yoongi would be turned off by my text.

L : I wish you had kissed me.

Y: Next time.

I read the message over and over. A slow smile growing on my face, open lipstick still in my free hand. I was in too deep already, how much worse could I make it?

L: And when will that be?

I waited. A couple more minutes of pampering my appearance before picking up my phone again. Still no message. I locked it and put it away in my purse once again, stepping out of the washroom and heading back in the direction that Jack had last been.

He wasn’t there when I arrived, so I set out searching. If I was gone longer he might become suspicious.

I soon found him, speaking to a man not much shorter. His black dress shirt was very obviously tight around his arms, that were frighteningly muscular, and chest, a red tie draped over top. I cast my gaze slightly downward as I approached, lifting the bottom of my dress as to not step on it. His dark hair was slicked back, a scar cutting through his facial hair on his left jaw.

“Darling,” I said, a sickeningly sweet tone that I had gotten good at faking.

“Ah, there you are. I was worried another man had swept you off your feet,” Jack commented, chuckling darkly as his arm snaked around my waist, pulling me in tight. He gave me a quick glance sideways, knowing my sugary tone was faked, hinting at the situation from earlier that morning.

There was something about the atmosphere between the two that was off- something I was missing. The other man scoffed, bringing his drink to his lips, smirking as he eyed me up and down. His gaze made me uneasy.

“Yes, well, I’m sure we’d see to that, now wouldn’t we, Mr. Williams?” The man said, his voice deep and gravely. It suited his appearance.

“Most certainly, Mr. Peters,” Jack responded.

The two of them tapped their glasses together before taking a drink. I watched on in confusion, knowing there was a deeper meaning to their comments, something more sinister.

“Leia, dear,it seems I’m in need of another drink. Would you mind?” Jack commented after he had downed the contents. I stared at him for a moment, feeling Mr. Peters gaze on the side of my faze.

I took the empty glass.

“Of course, sweetie,” I grinned tightly, lifting my dress slightly again to strut towards the bar. I didn’t mind, as long as it meant I got away from the two. The bar was busy, and as I waited, glanced over my shoulder to make sure Jack was still in conversation before pulling my phone from my clutch. There was another text from Yoongi.

Y: I only have a couple days left here. I want to see you tonight.

A floodgate was opened in my gut, releasing thousands of butterflies that thrummed wildly. I swallowed hard, staring at the text. Biting my bottom lip, I responded.

L: Send me your address. I’ll text you when I’m there. Late, tho. Don’t text me until then.

He responded immediately with the address of his hotel. I deleted all the other texts as the bartender took notice of me. I ordered another drink for Jack, as well as myself as I slid my phone back in the clutch. I grabbed the glasses as they were placed in front of me, turning back to find Jack, wanting the rest of this night to go by quicker. As I approached, I watched the two men shake hands, Mr Peters slipping something into his pocket that Jack had handed him, though I wasn’t able to see what.

I furrowed my brows, confused, but continued towards them regardless. I kept my questions to myself, simply watching and tuning out Jack speak to others for the rest of the night. Conversations about stocks and shares, nothing which interested me.

My lip was caught between my lip as my thoughts eventually drifted to Yoongi, wondering what kissing him would be like, what it would feel like. Would he be gentle? Would he be a demanding kisser, pushing against me, always wanting more?

I took a shaky breath, hoping Jack wouldn’t notice as my thoughts became filthier, imagining Yoongi’s hands on my body, grabbing me, holding me, caressing me. Jack’s hand touching my hip drew me out of my fantasy- shattering it.

“Well, it has certainly been a wonderful evening, thank you for hosting the event Mrs. De Luca,” Jack smiled at the middle aged woman standing across from us. She was dressed as elegantly as every other woman here.

I glanced up at him, seeing his defined jawline and olive eyes, which flickered to me for just a moment, hand never leaving my body. As I watched and waited for him to wrap up his conversation I realized just how tired I was starting to feel, my eyes staying shut just a few seconds later when I blinked. My feet were aching, causing me to wince as I shifted my weight, the straps digging in, certainly leaving bruises. I only hoped I’d able to stay awake long enough to sneak away later.

It wasn’t until we were sat in Jack’s vehicle, that the sleepiness overtook me, my eyes falling shut as my head lolled lazily to the side. Not much longer and I was being awoken, signifying we made it back to his apartment. Jack said nothing to me the whole time, the ride in the elevator silent, the walk to the bedroom- silent. It wasn’t overly odd, we didn’t really speak that much but I expected some sort of comment about the night.

We wordlessly changed for bed, him crawling in as I headed to the bathroom to clean up. When I returned he already seemed to be asleep, so I slid into my side, startled when I felt his arm wrap around my waist from behind. He pulled me tight to his body, curving against mine. It felt odd, uncomfortable, like unmatched puzzle pieces.

“Thank you,” He whispered, pressing a light kiss to my shoulder. I stared straight ahead at the grey wall of his bedroom.

“For what?”

“For behaving,” He chuckled lightly, squeezing me tighter for a moment, “You should behave that way all the time, honey,”

My stomach churned, wanting nothing more than to throw his arm off of me and run. But I couldn't. So I stayed perfectly still, hoping he couldn't detect the stiffness of my body.

“I’ll try, dear," I responded.

Jack scoffed.

“That’s what I love about you. So disobedient, so wild. It’s infuriating but so addicting,” He nuzzled into the crook of my neck, voice slightly muffled.

However, instead of the physical touch, now I was focused on that word. Love. What did Jack know about love? Certainly nothing if he considered what we had to be love.

I hummed slightly before responding, “Goodnight, Jack,”

Ending the conversation, I reached up and turned off my lamp, but he didn’t let go of my body. I lay awake for a while longer, staring into the darkness, listening to his breathing, trying to figure out when would be the best opportunity to sneak away. My eyes soon adjusted to the dark as they drifted from the wall towards the dresser where my clutch sat atop. My phone was still hidden in it. Beside it, sat a photo frame of Jack and I, from a vacation he coerced me to going on. We were standing on a beach somewhere in the caribbean, my pale skin sunburnt. The only thing I remember was laying on the beach all day while Jack attended meetings. A vacation for me, business for him. Typical.

I took a deep breath, slowly sliding out from his grasp, tiptoeing towards the dresser. I grabbed the clutch, lifting it without a noise and heading towards the door. As stealthily as possible I opened the door, slipping out and closing it behind me. I hurriedly made my way towards the front door, trying to navigate in the semi-darkness by memory. After grabbing my jacket, I was out the door, shoes on, pulling out my phone as I stood in the elevator.

L: on my way.

I stuffed my phone in my pocket, pulling my hood up before the elevator came to a stop at the lobby, keeping my head low as not to alert the staff of my identity.

The night was cold as I hailed a taxi on the mostly empty streets. I gave the driver the address, sitting back and waiting till we pulled away to push my hood back down. With every corner the driver took the knot in my stomach tightened. Somehow, I knew I was going to get caught. I knew I would be punished. I knew this was all wrong, yet I couldn't seem to stop myself, couldn’t tell the driver to turn around, couldn’t go back up to Jack's apartment and curl up in his bed with him.

After living under his control for years, I was finally doing what I wanted. This thought was cemented as the taxi stopped outside of a hotel, so I paid him quickly and hopped out, pulling my hood up again.

L: I’m here.

Y: In the lobby.

I shuffled into the building, hands in pockets, feeling so ridiculously nervous. I saw him standing by the elevator, fiddling with the case on his cellphone. I saw him before he saw me, so I watched for a moment as he checked his reflection in the metal doors of the elevator. He wore glasses, thick black frames, a red flannel and a white t-shirt with black sweatpants and running shoes. All I wanted to do at that moment was hug him, he looked so soft.

I pulled my hood down before approaching him.

“Hi,” I smiled shyly, holding my hands together in front of me.

Startled a bit, his eyebrows raised before a small smile threatened his features.

“Hey,” Yoongi breathed, dark eyes scanning my face and I remembered I had taken off my makeup.

“Oh, sorry,” I looked down, hoping my hair helped as I held a hand up to cover my face, “I had to get ready for bed- and I- I’m wearing pajamas and-”

“It's cute,” He cut me off, stepping closer and pulling the hand away from my face. I expected him to let go, but he held it tightly. He reached behind him and pushed the elevator button.

“I look awful, please. I’m sorry, I should have-”

“Leia, stop,” Yoongi said sternly, causing me to shut my mouth. I let the smile take over my mouth, feeling heat reach my cheeks.

Then it was quiet. Not an uncomfortable quiet, but the kind of quiet that makes you appreciate the others simple presence. We stepped into the elevator and I stared down at our hands. His large palms- long nimble fingers intertwined with my small chubby ones. I had always hated my hands and fingers, and although they sounded opposites, ours looked like they were made for each other.

The smile didn’t leave my face the whole ride up, even as Yoongi pulled me down the hall and towards his room. I wondered if he shared with any of the other guys or if he had his own.

“Are you okay if we…?” He trailed off, jabbing a thumb towards his door, the keycard paused in front of the lock.

I nodded, not having a problem being in a room alone with him- it was exactly what I wanted in fact.

He pushed the door open, allowing me to enter first, locking it behind him with the deadbolt. I should have been scared- a man I barely knew and I was locked in a room with him. However, I was anything but scared.

I slipped off my shoes and shrugged my jacket off, surprised when Yoongi took it and hung it in the small closet by the door. I surveyed the room as he took his own shoes off.

“Sorry, it’s kind of messy,” Yoongi said meekly, rubbing the back of his neck.

There were clothes spilling out of multiple suitcases, empty bottles lining the small table in the room.

“I don’t mind,” I responded honestly. Sometimes it was nice to be in places that felt more lived in than cold hard modern decorated spaces such as Jack’s.

“Do you, uh, want a coffee or anything?” He asked, stepping towards the small kitchenette.

“Yes please. Tea,” I smiled, slowly stepping towards his bed. It was haphazardly made, the pillow cases wrinkled from a couple nights sleep.

“So, is this just your room?” I asked, folding my hands in my lap as I sank onto the edge of the bed.

Yoongi's eyes watched me carefully.

“Yeah. We don’t have to share anymore,”

I nodded.

“Namjoon is on that side of me and Taehyung on that side,” He explained, pointing left and right.

“Ah,” I nodded again, “Well, that's good, at least you get some privacy,”

I watched as Yoongi swallowed.

“Yeah, uh, they can be pretty loud sometimes especially when I’m trying to sleep,” He laughed lightly, turning off the electric kettle before pouring hot water into two mugs.

“Oh, I’d imagine. You guys all seemed like a very noisy group from what I saw,” I smiled as he brought the finished tea over.

“We can be,” Yoongi took a sip, “Why don’t we sit over here?”

He started towards the couch. I saw him swallow hard once again before sitting down. With a smirk, I followed, sitting across the sofa from him, curling my legs under me.

The room fell silent as we sipped our tea. We both knew what we had said through text- that much was obvious. There was a new tension between us, one that didn’t exist that morning, one that was far more powerful than when he had merely kissed my forehead. No, this one was compelling, pushing us towards each other but neither moved, waiting on the other to make the first move.

As I took my last sip, I placed the mug on the coffee table, letting my legs stretch across the cushions and press my feet against the side of his thigh. His hand came down to rest on them, placing his own mug down, before turning to face me.

“You’ve got bruises,” Yoongi's dark brows furrowed, inspecting the marks on my feet.

“It’s from my shoes tonight, it’s nothing,” I giggled as he touched a sensitive spot. I shouldn’t have because it gave away a weakness.

“Ticklish?”

“No,”

He did it again, making me giggling and kick my foot back from his touch.

“Your body says otherwise,” He smirked playfully, beginning to tickle the same spot mercilessly.

“Yoongi! No!” I cried out in laughter, trying to pull my foot away, but his fingers were wrapped tightly around my ankle. Only did he stop when my foot collided with his shoulder, hard. I gasped, sitting up as he winced in pain.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry! I said stop!” I frantically apologized, reaching for his injured body.

His hands caught my wrists midway, using the force to push me back, laying me down on the sofa. My breath caught in my throat as he leaned over me, grasp on my wrist loosening.

“You have the most beautiful laugh,” He whispered, breath fanning over my skin. He was far too close causing my heart to thud wildly against my chest. He could probably hear it.

I turned my head to the side, bashfully.

“You do,” His hands left my wrists, using one to hold himself above me, the other grabbing my chin to lightly turn my face back to his, “You are so beautiful, Leia,”

His eyes darted back and forth between my eyes and lips, as I subconsciously stuck my tongue out to wet them. My eyes were wide, staring back at him in a wonder that I couldn't describe. I hadn't felt anything like it before.

“Yoongi,” I whispered, pleading. For what? I didn't know. For something, anything. I wanted to feel him, to taste him, to hold him, to have him.

“Yes?” His eyes continued to dart back and forth.

“Please,”