Mistakes Happen for a Reason
Chapter One
I never really expected myself to be in this position, but then again I never really took the precautions to stop them. I never really took it serious and always thought I was one of those that it would never happen to. I had everything planned out. I was going to a university since I was finishing community college in a few weeks. I was finally moving out of my dad's basement even though he had it remodeled it into something similar to a studio apartment for me. I was going to be a big named actress with a fall back as a psychiatrist. I had it all planned out and now that plan was on hold. One night changed everything. One party changed everything. My crush finally noticing me after six years changed everything.
Now I was in a bathroom with tearstained cheeks as I stared at the little stick in my hand that clearly read PREGNANT across its screen, yet I still couldn't bring myself to believe it. I feel like I can't breathe and it sucks. I'm scared and I can practically feel my heart beating out of my chest. I didn't mean for this to happen. It was one time and we were too caught up in the moment to even think about using some form of protection. It wasn't until my period didn't come on the day it was suppose to, and I'm fairly regular, that I realized the severity of what that one night could cost me.
I took a deep breath trying to figure out what my next step would be. I had no way to contact him and I was scared to tell my parents. Despite all my accomplishments they'd still be disappointed that I was going to have a child out of wedlock. Don't even get me started on the lecture of reckless one night stands my mother wouldn't wait to spew out of her mouth. I didn't want my daddy to be disappointed in me. My mother's opinion no longer mattered. I sighed. What was I going to do?
I know that Mistakes doesn't necessarily equal regret. They can lead to accidents and unexpected events, but it won't bring shame unless you allow it too. At least that's what I'm repeating like a chant or mantra as I stare down at the pregnancy test in my hands hoping that somehow the results would change. I can feel my heart practically beating out of my chest. It's barely been a few minutes since I read it and it's killing me. This has by far been the longest conversation of my life and I was having it with myself. Simply put, I was hating this. The seconds continued to tick by slowly as I contemplated over calling Tyler. The more I thought about what his response would be the more my feelings began to change.
My anxiousness over everything was quickly turning into an overwhelming desire to just ignore it all. To ignore it until I no longer could. One of two things could happen from ignoring it. Either it was a false positive and nothing would happen or I'd end up stuck paying for everything for the next eighteen years of my life. I groaned. I was nowhere near ready for any of this. Not mentally and definitely not emotionally. I jumped in surprise as my phone rang out, but I couldn't bring myself to answer it. Here I was alone in the bathroom scared. As always I'm left to fiend for myself. My daddy did the best he could, but he was rarely around since my mama cheated. Converted basement or not this House is and will always be completely empty. Both parents constantly traveling for work as not to deal with their ending marriage and two elder siblings that leave as soon as our parents do.
How can I even think to bring a child into something like this? I'd at least want then to know their family. Or at least know something about them. I know I'm procrastinating more than I've ever had before, but I can't bring myself to call him. Taking a deep breath I looked at the stick in my hand again and everything broke within me as I dissolved into a pool of tears. It still read the same as before.
Positive.
No no no no. This couldn't be happening. I just saved enough to move out of this desert and now I'd have to stay here. I was going to lose my mind if I had to stay here a second longer. No one was ever here anymore and my mother had managed to actually draw a wedge into my relationship with my father. No one ever asked me what I feeling or if I was okay. Not even when we were younger. I'd have no help or nobody hear to guide me. What will Tyler think? Would he even want this baby? Would he leave me because of it? It wasn't even here yet and it's already going to ruin my life. It's not fair. I did everything right. I used protection most of the time and I had just put in my prescription for birth control and now it's all pointless. I'd be broke, alone and fat within the snap of my fingers. No matter how much I managed to save a child will cost twice that much.
Now I was in a bathroom with tearstained cheeks as I stared at the little stick in my hand that clearly read PREGNANT across its screen, yet I still couldn't bring myself to believe it. I feel like I can't breathe and it sucks. I'm scared and I can practically feel my heart beating out of my chest. I didn't mean for this to happen. It was one time and we were too caught up in the moment to even think about using some form of protection. It wasn't until my period didn't come on the day it was suppose to, and I'm fairly regular, that I realized the severity of what that one night could cost me.
I took a deep breath trying to figure out what my next step would be. I had no way to contact him and I was scared to tell my parents. Despite all my accomplishments they'd still be disappointed that I was going to have a child out of wedlock. Don't even get me started on the lecture of reckless one night stands my mother wouldn't wait to spew out of her mouth. I didn't want my daddy to be disappointed in me. My mother's opinion no longer mattered. I sighed. What was I going to do?
I know that Mistakes doesn't necessarily equal regret. They can lead to accidents and unexpected events, but it won't bring shame unless you allow it too. At least that's what I'm repeating like a chant or mantra as I stare down at the pregnancy test in my hands hoping that somehow the results would change. I can feel my heart practically beating out of my chest. It's barely been a few minutes since I read it and it's killing me. This has by far been the longest conversation of my life and I was having it with myself. Simply put, I was hating this. The seconds continued to tick by slowly as I contemplated over calling Tyler. The more I thought about what his response would be the more my feelings began to change.
My anxiousness over everything was quickly turning into an overwhelming desire to just ignore it all. To ignore it until I no longer could. One of two things could happen from ignoring it. Either it was a false positive and nothing would happen or I'd end up stuck paying for everything for the next eighteen years of my life. I groaned. I was nowhere near ready for any of this. Not mentally and definitely not emotionally. I jumped in surprise as my phone rang out, but I couldn't bring myself to answer it. Here I was alone in the bathroom scared. As always I'm left to fiend for myself. My daddy did the best he could, but he was rarely around since my mama cheated. Converted basement or not this House is and will always be completely empty. Both parents constantly traveling for work as not to deal with their ending marriage and two elder siblings that leave as soon as our parents do.
How can I even think to bring a child into something like this? I'd at least want then to know their family. Or at least know something about them. I know I'm procrastinating more than I've ever had before, but I can't bring myself to call him. Taking a deep breath I looked at the stick in my hand again and everything broke within me as I dissolved into a pool of tears. It still read the same as before.
Positive.
No no no no. This couldn't be happening. I just saved enough to move out of this desert and now I'd have to stay here. I was going to lose my mind if I had to stay here a second longer. No one was ever here anymore and my mother had managed to actually draw a wedge into my relationship with my father. No one ever asked me what I feeling or if I was okay. Not even when we were younger. I'd have no help or nobody hear to guide me. What will Tyler think? Would he even want this baby? Would he leave me because of it? It wasn't even here yet and it's already going to ruin my life. It's not fair. I did everything right. I used protection most of the time and I had just put in my prescription for birth control and now it's all pointless. I'd be broke, alone and fat within the snap of my fingers. No matter how much I managed to save a child will cost twice that much.
♠ ♠ ♠
Something new.