Mistakes Happen for a Reason

Chapter Two

Four weeks.

For four weeks I've been carrying around this secret and it's killing me. It's been weighing me down like a bucket full of rocks. Between bathroom breaks from the turning in my stomach and our classes it was becoming easier and easier to avoid Tyler. I felt stupid. For years all I wanted was Tyler to notice me. To take me into his arms and kiss me in a way that would leave me both breathless and speechless and now here I was avoiding him at all cost. It was the least I could do. I had already ruined my own life, there was no reason to ruin his also. The best thing I could do for him was to just stay away altogether. I'd deal the heartbreak some other time.

Besides, Tyler was the least of my worries. I was going to fall out if I didn't get something in my system that would actually stay down and soon. If it wasn't clear I had decided to keep my child. I had thought about all month long and I believe this was what was beat for me. For several reasons actually. I wouldn't be alone anymore. There would be someone here who would love me unconditionally and whole-heartedly. With the few degrees I had managed to get I could get actually get a decent paying job and be able to spoil my little monster to it's little hearts content, but first I had to get through these next few months.

After a quick google search I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't try to eat anything solid until the nausea faded. A lot of women were saying unsalted crackers and a ginger ale was the best bet to calm my churning stomach. I planned to go to the store after class, but the churning prompted me to just skip my classes for the day and go back home. Sadly I wasn't the only one with that idea. As I pulled into my driveway I was startled by the sight of Tyler sitting on my front steps. I guess I could no longer avoid any of this. It's was probably best to just get tired over with already. Getting out of the car I went and sat next to him. The both of us were silent as we just sat there. I wanted to say something, anything, but I was too afraid that if I opened my mouth I'd start crying. I didn't want to cry anymore. If I started crying I was positive that he would ask me why and I just couldn't tell him. It wasn't fair of me to ruin his life like this, but it also wasn't fair to withhold this from him. It was his child also. I had no idea what to do anymore.

"What's going on Summer? Why have you been avoiding me?" he asked. He was straightforward. There was so much pain and hurt in his voice. I felt bad doing this to him. I at least owed him some kind of an explanation, but I couldn't being myself to open my mouth. "I don't get it Summer. You said you were okay with what we did. You said you wanted to. You said you didn't regret it, but now you're avoiding me like I have an incurable disease. I thought you were different, but if you're only going to play games play them with somebody else. I'm not your toy to play with." he spat as he stood up and walked off. He didn't spare me a second glance as he began to walk away. I don't know why, but the words managed to come up like vomit.

"Tyler I'm pregnant." I breathed before dissolving into tears. "I know what we did was just a one time thing and it only happened because we both had a little too much to drink, but I've decided to take responsibility for my actions. Only my life has to be ruined because of this. You can hate me all you want, but I want to keep my baby. I won't force you to be around or pay for anything. I accept full and sole responsibility, but I do apologize. I apologize for this and I understand if you never want to see me or talk to me ever again." I honestly don't know what I was expecting from telling him that I was pregnant.

Did I want him to turn back and try comfort me? Have him tell me all the things that I was desperate to hear? Did I really want to put the pressure on him of always being there for me throughout this process? I didn't want him to put his life on pause for a decision I made without thinking about how it would hinder him. Without thinking about how it would affect him. I also didn't want him to completely ignore me, get in his car and drive off without uttering a single word to me... Which is exactly what he did. I said nothing more as I grabbed my bags and headed inside the house and straight to the basement. I knew this would happen, I shouldn't have believe it would be otherwise. I shouldn't have allowed myself to think it was possible for something other than rejection. I cried myself to sleep with my hand on my belly. If my child would have no one else, they'd always have me.