Another Love Letter
12.23
My memories with you are so vivid. When I think of you I get overwhelmed with what we were and had but never of my thoughts of what could’ve been. With you, I just looked forward to the next time I’d see you - even seek out that moment. No other expectations, just being in your presence would be enough. Even to this day when I hear a song I’ve heard when I was with you it takes me back. When I’d do extra work just to run into you. When I’d be leaving, and take the other way just to see you. Or when you risked getting fired to just leave and walk me to my car that one day.
Do you remember when I rejected your kiss and then I began to cry and you still wiped my tears? I was crying because I thought I made the wrong choice. I cried because it was too late to have you. I had made the decision to be with someone else only hours ago yet I was already proven wrong..
I remember going up to you on rainy nights, just as happy as ever. I would’ve never guessed my happiest moments would be at work but.. you. I even didn’t mind when you’d do shit to make me mad. Like that one day I was talking to you and you just walked away when I was mid-sentence because you saw her. I may have cried - I may not have. I pondered for what it seemed like forever, wondering if I was good enough, how to look better, how to come off more… Like her…
That one day you called me out the blue and said you had an epiphany and promised to make more time for people you cared about, and that I was one of those people? But you never did show more effort, not really.. No.. But I’m no better, I know this. Because I’m unsure, I’m wary. When I have those memories of you I’m not sure how to feel, you don’t feel like just anybody. But maybe I’ll just chalk up my reservations about you, and just say you’re just another I’ve lost to bad timing. And that’s fair enough, not everything can work out. You have too much on your plate yourself.
I was yearning to see you when you got back! But I figured I fucked up and there wouldn’t be a next time. But alas, out of the clear blue, you texted me saying you were in front of my house that one night when I got off work. I was nervous to see you for the first time in months. Felt like years. It didn’t feel the same though.. You were still you, but I’m not the same me. When you held my hand I felt nothing.. Believe it or not I was more so sad than relieved by this. I’ll always let you in, due to the fact you are my nostalgia of 2016, you are the best thing I took from that year. I am hoping you can evoke those emotions within me once more so I can once more have such vivid memories…
Do you remember when I rejected your kiss and then I began to cry and you still wiped my tears? I was crying because I thought I made the wrong choice. I cried because it was too late to have you. I had made the decision to be with someone else only hours ago yet I was already proven wrong..
I remember going up to you on rainy nights, just as happy as ever. I would’ve never guessed my happiest moments would be at work but.. you. I even didn’t mind when you’d do shit to make me mad. Like that one day I was talking to you and you just walked away when I was mid-sentence because you saw her. I may have cried - I may not have. I pondered for what it seemed like forever, wondering if I was good enough, how to look better, how to come off more… Like her…
That one day you called me out the blue and said you had an epiphany and promised to make more time for people you cared about, and that I was one of those people? But you never did show more effort, not really.. No.. But I’m no better, I know this. Because I’m unsure, I’m wary. When I have those memories of you I’m not sure how to feel, you don’t feel like just anybody. But maybe I’ll just chalk up my reservations about you, and just say you’re just another I’ve lost to bad timing. And that’s fair enough, not everything can work out. You have too much on your plate yourself.
I was yearning to see you when you got back! But I figured I fucked up and there wouldn’t be a next time. But alas, out of the clear blue, you texted me saying you were in front of my house that one night when I got off work. I was nervous to see you for the first time in months. Felt like years. It didn’t feel the same though.. You were still you, but I’m not the same me. When you held my hand I felt nothing.. Believe it or not I was more so sad than relieved by this. I’ll always let you in, due to the fact you are my nostalgia of 2016, you are the best thing I took from that year. I am hoping you can evoke those emotions within me once more so I can once more have such vivid memories…