Too Scared to Love Again

Lynn rubbed her tired eyes, trying to pay attention to Professor Campbell, who was currently going through Kant’s categorical imperative.

The brunette’s fingers all but drummed over the keyboard of her Macbook, once again regretting taking modern philosophy as a subject that year. She pulled her hair into a messy bun, noticing the slightly curly locks that stuck out from her bun, meanwhile she rolled up the sleeves of her orange jersey.

“You look a little bored, Evans.” Hannah, her friend, chuckled, finally putting her pen down, as she practically written down every word that had left Professor Campbell’s lips the last hour.

“I hate my life so much right now.” Lynn told the blonde, before she returned to the notes on her thin screen. “I don’t even wanna use this subject in my education.”

“So you do know what to do after Chapman?” the blonde raised her eyebrows a little, meanwhile Lynn took a swig from her third cup of coffee that morning.

“I was thinking about applying for a job as a teacher or at a bookstore.” Lynn muffled.

“A bookstore? Girl, you wanna write! Why aren’t you just aiming for your dream? You’re shit is good.” Hannah told her.

Lynn shrugged, chewing on her bottom lip. “Most likely not good enough.”

“Oh, jeez. Stop that tortured-artist behaviour you have going on! Why don’t you just send in that last essay you wrote?”

The brunette sighed heavily. The last piece she’d written had been about losing a parent, and not losing them due to illness or a tragic accident. It had been about losing a parent because they chose a different path that didn’t involve their child anymore. It had been about her mother, and despite how much she wanted to revenge the pain she had caused, the local newspaper in Huntington would not be the place to do that.

“Because it’s personal.” Lynn stated.

The class soon ended, and Lynn was a little too excited as she collected her books and stuffed them into her ribbed backpack bag. She threw her bag over her shoulder and rushed out of the class as fast as her legs could carry her. On her way down the marvel stairs, her petite old Iphone buzzed in her jeans, earning her attention as she went to fish it up.

Michelle DiBenedetto to Lynn C. Evans
13:45 PM
Hey girl! Val and Matt have abandoned me once again! How rude. Would you like to go out for lunch?

Lynn C. Evans to Michelle DiBenedetto
13:48
Hey! That’d be great. Espresso House in thirty?

Michelle DiBenedetto to Lynn C. Evans
13:51 PM
Excellent! See you there!

Lynn took her bike and brought her leg over the leather seat. She kicked her foot off the ground, and then placed her feet on the pedal, speeding through the campus that was decorated with bright and warm flowers. The brunette decided to go to Espresso House a little earlier, knowing that she had an assignment she had to write.

After a fifteen minutes ride, she parked her bike in front of the small café. She hooked her fingers around the strap of her backpack, and listened to the sound of the bell as she entered the café, soon being greeted by the barista on the other side of the counter.

Lynn ordered lemonade, and then found herself a spot in the corner of the café, instantly plugging in her charger and opening her Macbook. Her fingers unlocked her password, too caught up in the essay she had to write to notice that the barista had left her cold beverage next to her Macbook.

The brunette had worked her way through two pages. She was writing an essay on Scandinavian fairytales, a subject she found somewhat more interesting than the philosophy class she took. She enjoyed what she was studying, even though she admitted several times that her choice was somewhat random. She had always enjoyed reading – her father had been so proud of her when she learned how to read, and the two of them would read for one another all the time. She had also enjoyed history class in high school, as it was one of the few subjects she genuinely cared about. It therefore just felt natural to end up studying something she enjoyed, and then finding out how it would earn her some money later on.

“Are you doing homework?” Michelle asked, her eyebrows cocked as she took a seat across from the brunette.

“No. I have a hand-in.” Lynn explained, soon saving the work on her computer and then closing her Macbook. “So, enjoying your time back home?”

“Well, let’s see,” Michelle started, placing her index finger under her chin. “My parents are at work most of the time, the guys are in the studio and Val’s crazy busy at work.” the woman sighed, dragging a hand through her lose wavy hair.

“God, that must suck.” Lynn grimaced.

“Yep, but this lunch won’t!” Michelle smiled brightly, as she had already ordered a pastry and coffees for the ladies.

“I hope so. I had a really boring class this morning.” Lynn announced, meanwhile she put her computer back into her backpack.

“Oh, is that so? Blair and Cynthia told me you wanted to become a writer. Have you gotten your work published before?” Michelle asked, placing her elbows on top of the table.

“Well, kinda. I had an internship in New York a year ago. I spent time with my uncle, who works for the New York Times, but it wasn’t anything big.” Lynn shrugged.

“What? That’s freakin’ awesome!” Michelle let out, her jaw nearly hitting the table. “Show me some of your work! Please!” she practically pleaded.

Lynn could feel a veil of nerves crush into her body. She had always been shy when it came to showing people her work. That wasn’t because she wasn’t satisfied or proud of what she did, but because she knew she wasn’t the best. Most people in her literature class wrote excellent essays and texts. Some of them had already gotten job offers due to their abilities, and Lynn wasn’t there yet. She wasn’t confident enough to send in her own work to newspapers and expect them to be swept off the ground.

She wasn’t as good as her fellow students, and that reality made her keep her work to herself.

“I don’t think so.” Lynn chuckled lightly. “I’m not really that good.”

“I think you’re just being shy,” the brunette stated firmly. “I bet you’re pretty damned good, but okay. I can wait. When your first book is being published you can’t hide it anymore.” Michelle added with a snicker, which made Lynn roll her eyes.

“No, true. Who have you been hanging out with during your time here?”

“Except for my beloved family, I’ve been spending an awful amount of time with Brian.” the brunette confessed. “Not exactly the answer you wanted?” Michelle giggled, as she saw how unimpressed Lynn was.

The brunette wrapped her fingers around the dark coffee that had been placed in front of her, taking in the sight of the tart that Michelle had ordered for her. “I’m just a little surprised, to be honest.” Lynn admitted.

“Let me guess,” Michelle said. “You’re surprised that we manage to stay friends after being together? I get that a lot.”

“I guess I don’t really have a poker face,” Lynn sniggered. “But yeah. It surprises me, but in a good way!” she reassured the brunette.

“Well, he’s been my best friend since kindergarten. He’s a diabolic fucker, but I love him very much.” Michelle told her.

“But have you seen him with other women after the two of you broke up?” Lynn asked, genuinely interested in the past they shared.

Lynn had no idea of how Brian would be in a relationship. He appeared to her as a guy who enjoyed a good company, and she had to admit that Michelle didn’t exactly strike her as the most emotional person, so she was really curious about how they reacted to each other’s partners.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t bother me,” Michelle announced rather quickly. “I mean, Brian doesn’t do girlfriends,” she chuckled. “The man’s a womanizer to the core. Of course he was faithful when we were lovebirds, but after that? Not so much. He enjoys hooking up with women and forgetting their names before he leaves their bedrooms.”

Lynn grimaced a little. Sure, she had had her one-night stands and it had been a long time since she searched for something more than a good fuck. However, she had a hard time believing one could practice a life-style like that in the long run without investing personal emotions in the relations. The idea of using people for sex scared her, because to her, making love was the most intimate thing one could do with another person.

“You aren’t surprised, right?” Michelle snapped her new friend out of her thoughts. “I mean it’s Brian! The man loves women, especially when they’re naked and have their heads underneath his sheets!"

Lynn grimaced once again. This time it was due to the ugly images that Michelle invited into the brunette’s head. “Okay, I’d rather not talk about women and Brian.” she expressed.

Michelle chuckled out loud, her high-pitched voice filling the almost empty café. “I think you guys would make one hell of a couple!”

Michelle’s comment made Lynn’s jaw nearly hit the ground, as she looked at her, slightly offended.

“Excuse me?” Lynn cocked her eyebrows. “Have you forgotten the part where I rejected Brian? You know, the entire reason as to why we started talking.” the offended brunette reminded Michelle of.

“I know, I know! And I freakin’ adore you for doing that, but I also think that you’re exactly what he needs!” Michelle announced, unable to hold back the laughter that was trapped in her throat.

“Are you trying to pair me with your ex-boyfriend?” Lynn’s eyebrows looked like they were about to end up in her hairline while she spoke.

“Maybe!” Michelle cracked with giggles. “But in a sweet way!”

“There’s nothing sweet between Brian and I!” the brunette protested. “Nothing at all!”

“Sure, sweetie.” Michelle wiggled her eyebrows, the mischievous smile still playing on her lips.

“God, I hate you!” Lynn rolled her eyes.

“Aw, now we’re definitely friends!”