Status: Will be updated every 2 comment!

Too Scared to Love Again

Chapter 34

“Fuck! Why won’t you pick up the God damned phone?” Lynn cursed under her breath, her finger touching the screen on her phone, this time without any success as it had already died out an hour ago.

The entire library had been left in utter darkness. Her books were still laying open on the table, and she was once again facing the unlucky path her life had chosen for her. She dragged a hand through her hair, not caring that she freed her bangs from the scrunchy that had tied it all together in a loose ponytail.

The exit door to the library was suddenly opened, the sound of it instantly bringing Lynn up to her feet, as her dark eyes saw a figure moving along the darkness that had completely fallen over the entire room.

“Blair?” Lynn muffled, convinced that it wouldn’t be anyone else as most people didn’t visit the library this late on a Friday night.

She was soon met by a strong light that completely blended her eyes at first. When Lynn opened her eyes again, she was met by the last person she had wanted to see.

Are you kidding me? She thought to herself, clearly not happy with her knight in shining armour.

“Why are you here?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“That’s a way of greeting someone.” Brian responded rather dryly.

“Did Blair send you over?”

“Nope. I came all by myself,” he announced. “Blair had some things she had to take care of.” Brian added.

“Did you even let her know that I asked for her?” Lynn asked, her eyebrows almost disappearing into her dark hairline.

Lynn’s comment made Brian grimace. He didn’t exactly seem so happy about her commenting, but he also had to remind himself that she was mad at him due to a very valid reason.

“Why can’t you just thank me and let me take you home?” he sighed, eyeing her and noticing how the reaction spread across her face.

Thank you? I didn’t ask you to come!” Lynn protested furiously. “You’re the last person I wanted here!”

Brian clenched his fists. He had no idea what had gotten into him. Lynn had made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want any contact with him, and even though he knew he had hurt her, he couldn’t settle down with the idea of not having her in his life.

“Okay, you know what? We’re not leaving this library until we’ve made up!” he said, waving his tattooed finger at her.

“WHAT?” she let out, her voice echoing through the tight hallways. “You gotta be kidding!”

“Nope!” he shook his head and then drew his hands into the pockets of his jeans, clutching the white card from inside his jeans.

“Brian!” Lynn stated through greeted teeth, so angry that she had to work really hard in order to not jump at him. “I’m not playing with you!”

“I’m not playing either! I’m sick of this!”

You're sick? You’re the one who fucked up!” Lynn pointed out, her voice rising every time she spoke like a ticking bomb reaching the end.

“Yes, and I wanna make it up to you. So fucking let me do that!” Brian yelled back at her.

Lynn crossed her arms over her chest. The anger soon vanished and was instead replaced by an endless disappointment she had only felt once in her life before. It was the kind of feeling one was left with after their expectations had been crushed by someone else. The feeling only certain people in your life was able to leave you with – it was the feeling of finally daring to lower your walls, only to get slapped across the face by disappointment once again.

“Brian, I don’t want you to make it up to me. You’re not the guy I thought you were.” Lynn suddenly said, this time her words appearing as a vulnerable, almost painful voice.

His dark eyes searched for hers. He knew what he was doing; the way she was crossing her arms over her chest, allowing a stray of hair to fall over her shoulder meanwhile she kept staring at the tip of her worn out shoes. She was shutting him out. She was throwing him out of her comfort zone, and Brian knew if he didn’t make things okay again, he wouldn’t be let in ever again.

“Lynn, please… This is killing me,” he let out, rubbing his fingertips against his temple. “And I know this my fault. I know I hurt you, but this is all very knew to me.”

“Didn’t seem like it when that girl asked for you.” Lynn rolled her eyes.

Brian looked at her, he frowned a little before he cleared his throat. “Look, I stopped dating after Michelle and I were done. I’m obviously not the one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and the only kinda contact I’ve had with women has been physical.” He admitted.

Lynn tore her gaze away from her shoes. The brunette looked up at him. Brian shrugged, his dark eyes searching almost desperately for hers. Brian seemed, for the first time, very genuine as he spoke to her.

“And I know this sounds like utter bullshit, but it’s different with you. I haven’t felt like this in a long fucking time. Lynn, you make me feel like a fucking teenager again,” Brian told her, grimacing a little before continuing. “So, when you showed up at my doorstep…” he trailed off, throwing his hands up in the air meanwhile he looked like he tried to find the right words.

“You freaked out.” Lynn finished for him.

“Yes,” Brian sighed. “And that doesn’t justify how I acted. But that’s the only explanation I can give to you, Lynn. I didn’t do it because I wanted to hurt you. I did it because that was the only way I know of.”

Silence fell over them shortly after Brian had given his reason to her. The thoughts just kept circling inside her head, and she had never felt this confused and overwhelmed in a long time.

Brian kept glancing at Lynn. She soon drew her hand through her hair again, before she pressed her lips together until they turned pale and appeared as one thin line. It looked like she wanted to say something, but then decided to drop it. Her teeth soon scratched her bottom lip, meanwhile she shifted her weight from one foot and over to the other.

The sight of her was making his stomach flutter. The silence was literally killing him, and he soon scratched his chin with the tip of his fingers.

“Lynn… please say something.” Brian let out, unable to bite back the desperation that was spreading across his entire face.

“I don’t know what to say to you,” she all but whimpered, shaking her head a little. “I almost trusted you.” Lynn confessed.

“I want you to trust me!” he told her, daring to take one step closer to her. “You can trust me.”

“I don’t think I can,” Lynn shook her head. “I’ve heard that before, and that didn’t exactly went well.” she added rather bitterly.

“But I’m not like the others.” Brian stated, a slick smirk curling up across his thin lips, which made Lynn roll her eyes at him.

“You are, Brian. You’re exactly like the others.” she half-snapped back.

“Lynn, I don’t know what happened to you, but you can’t let whatever experience you had decide how to cope with similar situations.” he said to her, going back to his serious attitude.

The brunette looked up at him, this time her eyebrows moving in a way that signalized to him that his comment had hit a soft spot. Her face was frowning at the guitarist, before she clenched her fists at her side.

“You have no idea what I’ve been through. You don’t get to tell me how to deal with shit in my life, Brian!” she stated coldly, obviously annoyed by the way he assumed he knew things about her that he didn’t.

“I don’t know whatever you’ve been through because you won’t tell me!” he waved a meaty finger at her. “Why won’t you open up to me, Lynn? I wanna help you, I wanna understand you. Stop making it so fucking difficult!”

“Oh, so I’m the one making things difficult?” Lynn raised her eyebrows at him, as well as her voice. “I was pretty straight forward when I told you how I felt! You, however, has never been that honest with me!” she told him, pressing the tip of her finger against his broad chest.

“Stop acting like that’s your problem!” Brian half-spat at her.

“I’m not acting! I was honest with you!” she growled back.

“Yes, you are! You keep saying that you’ve been the honest one this entire time, which is bullshit, Lynn. I get it! You got fucked over by some dude in the past, but you keep taking that shit out on everyone else! That’s fucking exhausting!”

The words from Brian’s lips hit her like an arrow through her chest. The anger was literally boiling inside of her, and she could feel her entire face heat up with anger, as she clenched her fists to the point where she was convinced her nails were cutting into the inside of her palms.

“You wanna know what happened to me, Brian? That so-called dude who fucked me over was my fiancée! He cheated on me several times because I was taking heavy sleeping pills because I had to take care of my mentally unstable father! So yes, it’s hard for me to trust others. It’s hard for me to let people in, when people tend to leave or fuck me up!” Lynn literally screamed at him, her dark orbs stinging with tears to the point where she was almost impressed they didn’t explode in her eyes.

The brunette inhaled a long and shaky breath. Her hands were trembling and as she looked inside her palms, she could see weak marks that had been carved into her skin after her nails. She cursed to herself, so beyond furious that she didn’t know what to do.

“Lynn…” Brian sighed, his face completely pale, as he looked totally overwhelmed by the words that had just rushed out of her mouth.

“Don’t bother, Brian. Just give me the fucking card so I can get the hell out of here.” Lynn sighed, rubbing her fingers into her eyes, hoping to get rid of the tears that hid inside her dark orbs.

The dark-haired man looked at her. She looked like a complete mess as the tears kept crawling down her cheeks, leaving her dark eyes and sailing down her pinkish face. The sight of her was literally hurting him, as he caught her wrist in his hand before she drew it through her hair.

“Come here.” Brian said, slowly pulling her into his embrace and feeling her trembling and shaky body against his chest. He could tell Lynn was trying to hold back, and he knew it was hard for her to let him hold her like this. Despite this, Brian kept holding unto her, almost like his life depended on it, while running his long fingers through her tangles.

“It’s gonna be okay. You won’t have to experience that again. Ever.” he promised to her.

“Y-You can’t be sure.” Lynn shook her head, soon tilting her head back and looking up at him.

Brian grabbed a hold of her chin with his hand, running his thumb against her soft skin. “Yes, I can. I won’t let you go through anything like that. Neither will Blair or Cynthia. Not on our watch. Okay?” he stated, his eyes holding on to hers.

Lynn didn’t know to say, so instead of talking she drove herself into his embrace again. Brian held her tightly, letting her cheek rest against his shoulder, meanwhile he made small attempts of comforting her in other ways by rubbing her back and pecking the crown of her head.

“Lynn, you’ll be okay. I’m here for you this time.” Brian told her, holding unto her for a little longer and reminding her of this specific message several times.
♠ ♠ ♠
Heyyyy! I know that I'm the worst when it comes to update, but post-high school life is sooo busy and I'm barely home these days :-(

Anywayyy, let me know what you think!