Too Scared to Love Again

“Happy birthday to you, happy to you…” Matt’s rusty voice filled the entire room, along with the chords that were being played out by Brian and Zack.

Next to Zack was Jimmy and Johnny, who were both holding up a huge chocolate cake that was decorated with Cynthia’s face on it. The picture showed Cynthia when she was twenty; her hair dyed bright pink and the brightest smile ever on her lips on her first Avenged Sevenfold concert.

Cynthia listened as Matt sang the birthday song, goose bumps filling her bare arms and tears loading her eyes, as the familiar birthday song came to an end.

“You gotta blow out your candles, girl!” Jimmy screeched, taking the cake from Johnny’s grasp and walking towards the birthday girl who had gone completely mute due to the shock that had fallen over her.

“Come on!” both Blair and Lynn chimed, as they walked towards her and nudged her a little, trying to wake her up from her shock.

“You guys are all insane!” the blonde screamed on top of her lungs, meanwhile Jimmy kept waiting for Cynthia to blow the candles.

“Girl! THE CANDLES!” the drummer reminded her, just as Cynthia inhaled a long breath and then blew out all of the candles that Blair had stabbed into the cake.

“Blair… you didn’t forget it?” Cynthia muffled out loud, looking at the ginger haired woman who was now standing next to a smiling Zack.

“Are you completely mental? Of course I wouldn’t forget your birthday! I just brought some friends.” Blair snickered, just as Cynthia threw herself into her arms.

“Oh my God, I love you!” Cynthia let out. “I can’t believe you’d so this for me!”

“Of course I would!” Blair chuckled. “Lynn helped out as well!” she added.

“Lynn? Our misandrist best friend?” Cynthia blurted, their guests shaking with laughter.

“I know, I know…” Lynn sniggered. “But yeah, anything for you, love.” she told her friend.

“What have I done in order to deserve you guys?” the birthday girl announced, tears still whirling in her eyes.

“Hey! I don’t mean to interrupt, but can we take a slice? I’m fucking starving!” Jimmy let out.

“O-Of course!” Cynthia said, still a bit shaky after the breathtaking surprise.

“This better be good!” Matt announced, his stomach growling in frustration, meanwhile Blair cut the first slice of the cake.

“Oh, it is! Zack almost ate the entire pastry…” Blair said, frowning a little at her boyfriend.

“It was just standing there!” the guitarist complained, watching as the ginger haired woman dumped a slice unto Matt’s plate.

“Doesn’t mean you get to eat it!” Blair half-snapped, laughter filling the room, meanwhile she shared some more cake.

“Fuck my ass! This cake is amazing!” Jimmy grunted, his mouth filled with chocolate cake, as Cynthia chuckled at the drummer.

“Blair is a fucking Goddess in the kitchen!” Rebecca replied, forcing her fork through the cake.

Lynn chuckled, as she saw how Susan and Cynthia enjoyed Blair’s infamous chocolate cake that she basically only made when one of the girls in the flat was turning one year older. The brunette enjoyed her slice, and then drowned it with a gin and tonic that she had prepared.

From across where the brunette sat was Brian, his guitar resting next to him, and a beer cradled in his hands. The guitarist looked over at the brunette. Her long hair had been curled and rested against her back, and she was dressed nicer than usual. She was wearing a dark floral chiffon dress that seemed to reach her just above her knees, golden earrings and high-heeled leather boots. Brian could see her sun-kissed and slim legs, as well as the little makeup she had decided to go with for the evening.

“Dude, you’re creeping her out!” Johnny whispered to his friend, nudging him a little, as he snapped Brian out of his fascination, just as he realized that Lynn had noticed his staring as well.

“His favourite activity.” Matt chuckled, earning himself a nice view of Brian’s middle finger.

“Can you please open your fucking presents, C!” Blair announced.

“Are you fucking insane? You haven’t opened your gifts yet?” Jimmy screeched, a terrified expression filling his face. “It’s time to open gifts!”

“We’re in no hurry, yall!” Cynthia let out.

“Actually we are!” Susan reminded her. “Some of us have classes early tomorrow.”

“Yeah, and I wanna go out and dance!” Kath added.

“There you have it! Come on, birthday girl!” Blair chimed, just as Donna picked up a gift and dumped it into Cynthia’s lap.

“This is from me and Gloria!” the dark brunette smiled brightly.

“She’s such a sweetheart!” Cynthia clasped her hands together, meanwhile she looked at the heavy and loose package in her lap. “Should I be careful when unwrapping it?” she asked.

“For God’s sake, Cynthia!” Susan let out. “Just unwrap it!”

“Yeah!” Rebecca and Kath said all together.

“Okay, okay!” the blonde shook her head, meanwhile her fingers started scratching at the present.

Cynthia started working on the wrapping, thrilled as she unwrapped the gift from her boss, and found a rather expensive bottle of her favourite white win, along with some bath bombs from Lush and a box of chocolate.

“Oh my God! This is too nice!” she exclaimed. “Thank you so much, Donna!”

“Don’t mention it, honey!” Donna chuckled. “Next one!”

“This is from me and Nancy. She was so sad that she couldn’t make it!” Susan let out, meanwhile she handed Cynthia her next gift.

“For Christ’s sake! Her father’s on deathbed!” the blonde said out loud. “And thank you so much!” she added.

Lynn watched meanwhile Cynthia moved on with her gifts, just as she noticed that her glass was empty. She had already emptied what was left of Blair’s bottle of gin. The brunette therefore decided to see if she could find her bottle of mojito, which she knew she had hid in the back of her closet.

Lynn left her spot, just when Cynthia started unwrapping the present from Rebecca and Kath, who had, as always, decided to go all in. The brunette shook her head a little, still taken aback that Cynthia’s friends still loved to shower her with gifts, which mostly consisted of skincare, queer theory books or booze. Lynn paddled into her bedroom, and then kneeled in front of her closet, searching for the bottle she had bought months ago, but yet not opened.

Just as she got back on her feet with her fingers wrapped around the bottle, she noticed a familiar silhouette from her door entrance.

“I can see you.” Lynn let out, watching as Brian peeked up from the door.

“How’s the wound doing?” Brian asked, smiling almost shyly, with his hands shoved into the pockets of his torn jeans.

It had been almost a week since Brian had followed Lynn to the hospital in order to get some help with the nasty wound she had gotten during her shift. Since then she had finally stopped wearing the thick bandage, and was now just left with a little scar on the inside of her sun-kissed arm.

“It’s healing very well.” Lynn told him. “It was really sweet what you guys did for Cynthia. She’ll never shut up about this.”

Brian chuckled a little, meanwhile he shrugged. “Of course. It was nice helping out.” he commented.

“I have something for you.” Lynn suddenly said, taking him by surprise.

“Something that’s not a punch in the face?” he blurted, unable to prevent himself.

The brunette snorted a little, rolling her eyes at him. “I almost wish it was that.” she confessed.

“But no, I actually got something for you as a thank-you-for-driving-me-to-the-hospital-gift.” she explained, a bottle of red wine in her hand.

“What? Seriously? You didn’t have to.” Brian said to her, meanwhile she handed him the bottle that was decorated with a nice silk bond with his name on it.

“I know, but Cynthia and Blair literally shamed me to do it, so don’t worry, I’m not actually that nice.” Lynn assured him.

“Jesus… Lynn, thank you very much.” Brian said, unsure if he should give her a hug or not.
“Don’t mention it.” she replied rather nonchalantly.

Brian then let his eyes take in the sight of her bedroom. It was rather wide, with light painted walls and dark wooden floor made out of tree. She had a big bed, followed by thin curtains and a wide window that invited the sunlight into her room. Pictures of her and her friends filled the wall, as well as some pictures of her and her father, making Brian wonder where her mother was.

“You’re a divorced kid, aren’t you?” he suddenly asked, placing his index finger under his chin.
Lynn turned around, noticing how he was studying the pictures of Lynn and her father.

“Yeah,” she replied. “You too?”

“Yup.” Brian confirmed.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Lynn shrugged, not entirely sure how to respond to the fresh information.

“Don’t worry. They fell in love with other people, and I could never be mad at them for doing so,” Brian assured her. “What about you?”

Lynn started chewing on her bottom lip, realizing that this would probably ruin the peachy lipstick she had decorated her lips with.

“My mother left my father a couple of years ago.” Lynn explained.

“Oh, I’m sorry I brought it up.” Brian said, realizing that she had been hesitating a little about sharing this information with him.

“Guys! You don’t get to hide inside here!” Cynthia opened the door, screeching at the two of them, as they both jumped at her sudden appearance.

“We’re coming!” Lynn assured her friend, who was currently holding unto two bottles of tequila, before Jimmy too stepped into the room.

“Look what Jimmy got me!” Cynthia said, waving the bottles happily in the air.

“You’ll regret that!” Lynn pointed out to the drummer, who only grinned wickedly.

“No way! She’s my new drinking partner!” Jimmy proclaimed, meanwhile he hugged Cynthia from behind, not aware of the affect he had on her as he did so.

“Okay, but come on! Stop flirting with her, Haner! Let’s do shots!” the drummer exclaimed, earning himself a bright smile from Cynthia.

“Yes! Come on, Lynn!” Cynthia said, handing one of the bottles to Jimmy, and then using her free hand to grab a hold of her roommate.

♠ ♠ ♠

Merely an hour and some shots later, the group had managed to make it to the bar. Donna had called it a night before that happened, and been picked up by her wife, Gloria, who also had to give Susan a lift, as the poor girl was getting up early for class the next day. So now it was only a couple of ladies from Dreams and Avenged Sevenfold, all of them slipping passed the guards and into the club.

“Shots! Shots! Shots!” Cynthia squealed out, her fingers hooking around Jimmy’s wrist and all but pulling him towards the bar, which wasn’t a very difficult task as he chased happily after her.

“They’re dangerous…” Zack murmured, as Blair only giggled in his arms.

“It’s her birthday!” the ginger-haired woman told him. “Let’s get a booth!”

“What do we want tonight, Kath?” Rebecca chimed, her eyes scanning through the menu, looking for something other than beer for once.

“I’ll have a margarita.” the dark-brunette stated firmly. “It’s been a while, and I’m really in for that tequila tonight.”

“Wow. That’s not many times you’ll hear someone say that…” Matt grunted from his seat, chuckling as these women just kept surprising him all the time.

“Oh, Kath is a fucking monster when she gets a hold of tequila!” Rebecca exclaimed.

“I’m not!” Kath protested.

“You got a fucking tattoo one time!” the pink-haired woman pointed out, meanwhile the men from across the table laughed out loud.

“Really? You did that?” Johnny quipped from his seat, already digging into his beer.

“She did.” Rebecca smirked.

“How old were you?” Brian asked, narrowing his eyes a little as she did look quite young compared to the rest of them.

“That’s irrelevant.” Kath pressed her lips together, and then scooted out of the booth, paddling towards the bar.

“How old was she?” Matt asked, genuinely curious.

“Ask Lynn. They’ve been neighbours.” Rebecca shrugged, before she then followed her co-worker.

“Fifteen.” Lynn responded, still not sure what she wanted to get.

“Seriously? Then she was a lot older than Jimmy.” Matt chuckled.

“Well, he’s fucked up though.” Zack reminded his friend, an arm resting around the back of the couch.

“What are we having, Lynn?” Blair asked, snatching her friend’s attention as she placed her hand on top of hers.

“I was thinking about a whiskey sour.” Lynn responded, as she had barely given the menu any attention at all.

“Mh. That’s tempting.” the ginger-haired woman responded. “Oh my God, Cynthia’s going to have the worst headache tomorrow.” she giggled, meanwhile the rest of the table turned their heads and glanced at the dance floor.

Cynthia was currently spinning around, her hands locked with Jimmy’s, as they moved to the music phenomenally. Their bodies looked like they were made for one another, meanwhile Jimmy kept following the blonde, their hips bumping into each other on the dance floor.

“Somebody needs to capture this. She’ll fucking scream tomorrow!” Blair announced.

“No need for that. It’s already all over Instagram.” Johnny chuckled, looking down at his thin screen, and then handing it over to Blair.

“Oh my goodness! Lynn you have to see this!” Blair shrieked. “Asher will lose his fucking shit!”

“Who’s Asher?” Matt asked, a beer cradling in his hands.

“Her boyfriend.”

“Cynthia’s got a boyfriend that’s not a member of Avenged Sevenfold?” Johnny cocked his eyebrows, genuinely surprised.

“Well, somebody has to pleasure her in real life when ya’ll are already doing that in her head!” Blair told the guys.

“Please!” Lynn said, frowning a little at the imagines in her head.

“Love you too, pumpkin.” Blair blew her an innocent kiss.

Lynn only shook her head, as she noticed how Rebecca and Kath had returned, lots of drinks along with them. “Here you go, sweet!” Kath half-sang as she shoved two whiskey sours into Blair and Lynn’s directions.

“You’re an angel.” Lynn smiled, running her thumb over the apple of Kath’s cheek, before she embraced the straw that came along with her beverage.

The drinks kept filling up the table, and Matt and Rebecca took turns in handing out free drinks to their friends. Cynthia and Jimmy visited the booth a couple of times, only in order to grab a new shot, before they returned to the dance floor again. Johnny and Kath seemed to hit up very well, and Zack and Blair were being very much in love in the corner of the booth. Lynn and Rebecca were conversing, and Matt and Brian had just returned from a smoke outside.

Just as Lynn was about to take a shot that had been left all by itself for a dreadful long time, she noticed how a phone started buzzing. She had heard it at least two times before, but figured it wouldn’t mean anything if she avoided the call, considering it wasn’t her own. The brunette looked over and noticed that the phone was Cynthia’s, and that it was Asher himself who was calling her.

Lynn chewed on her bottom lip. She was unsure whether or not she should answer, and as she stuck her hand inside, she realized that he had left some quite aggressive messages as well.

“Hi, Ash. It’s Lynn. What’s up?” the brunette said, holding unto the shot, knowing that she would need it soon.

“Where is she?” he stated coldly.

“She’s having fun right now. What is it?” Lynn sighed a little.

Asher and her had realized quickly that they didn’t have much in common when they first met, and Lynn had always considered it her job to be sceptical towards Cynthia’s boyfriends.

“Give her the fucking phone!” Asher all but demanded, voicing it in a way that made Lynn frown.

“Can I take a message? It’s her birthday, and she’s obviously having fun at the dance floor right now.”

“I don’t care, Lynn. Let me talk to her!” he half-slurred, and Lynn could already tell that he had been drinking.

Cynthia had been opened up about his earlier alcohol problem that he confessed to her early in their relationship. He had a habit of grabbing the bottle when everything became too much, and Lynn knew he barely drank now as a part of his recovery. Therefore she hesitated whether or not she should hand that phone over to Cynthia right now.

“Let me talk to her!”

“Are you drunk? Look, call her tomorrow, okay? Get home and get some rest.” Lynn stated calmly.

“Lynn, I’m not fucking playing! Give her the damned phone now, or else I’ll fucking drive to Huntington!” he warned.

“Asher…” Lynn sighed. “Please don’t do anything stupid. It’s her birthday and she’s been missing you all day.” the brunette reminded him.

“Give her the phone, Lynn!” Asher barged.

Just as Lynn was about to protest, Cynthia snatched the phone out of her grasp, so drunk that she could barely stand on her feet when she pressed it against her ear and drunkenly spoke to him.

“Asher! I’m so fucking drunk right now, you won’t believe it!” she slurred, just as Rebecca instantly got on her feet and caught her friend before she hit the floor.

Lynn’s eyes widened at how drunk she had gotten, and when she looked around the booth, she noticed that Kath, Johnny and Matt were outside smoking, and Blair and Zack were nowhere to be found – or at least not somewhere Lynn wanted to see right now.

“Are you okay?” Brian asked, a gentle hand resting against her shoulder, as he took a seat next to her, pushing a cold beer into her direction. “You seemed a little worked up, so I thought I should buy you a drink.”

“I don’t need you to buy me a beer.” she stated, just as firmly as ever.

“I know, but I wanted to.” Brian told her. “Just like you wanted to buy me a wine.” he sniggered.

“That wasn’t me!” Lynn protested, her fingers circling around the cold glass.

“Of course it wasn’t.” Brian spoke rather teasingly, which made her nudge him as hard as she could with her hand.

“God! You’re such a…” Lynn trailed off, not sure how to word herself.

“Jerk? Dickhead? Idiot? I’m pretty sure you’ve said that before, honey.” he smirked, flashing his infamous grin at her.

“You’re such a boy!” Lynn let out. “And it drives me crazy!” she followed.

“I drive you crazy?” Brian cocked his eyebrows, sounding genuinely surprised, meanwhile he looked at the brunette.

“Yes, Brian! You do!” she snorted.

Lynn could feel the temper inside of her increase, and soon it felt like her cheeks had caught fire. The way her heart beamed against her chest made her feel so extremely anxious, and she could soon feel the way the two of them locked eyes, recalling a warm sensation that she wanted to kill right away.

Brian studied the brunette. She suited the smudged and almost faded lipstick on her lips. He liked that she had freed her hair for once, and allowed to so elegantly slip down her back. Lynn looked at him in a way that she had never looked before – in a way many women looked at him, but it still felt so different because this time it wasn’t just any woman – it was Lynn Evans.

Brian took advantage of the little space between them and decided to gently brush a stray of hair out of her face, using the back of his thumb, as he at the same time felt his skin grace the side of her cheek.

It was a burning sensation that followed the line he created with his thumb, and Lynn was convinced that if he stepped closer to her, her entire body would catch fire. Her throat had gone completely dry, and even though she still hated every man that had ever crossed her mind except for her dad – she couldn’t find that hate towards Brian right now.

And that scared her.

Just as she was about to open her mouth and let go of the next offense that rested on her lips, Cynthia interrupted the two of them by leaning over them and snatching her purse aggressively.

“I’m leaving!” she spat harshly, all the earlier happiness completely faded in her voice.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Lynn hurried to her feet, chasing after her friend who was all but storming towards the door, not even caring that Jimmy was yelling her name, two shots resting in his hands.

“Everything!” Cynthia claimed, just as firmly as before, meanwhile she picked up her speed, making it impossible to chase her without jogging after her.

“Cynth! Please, stop! We can talk about it! You and me – we can always talk about it! Talk to me, angel!” Lynn said, her hand grabbing a firm hold of Cynthia’s shoulder and all but jerking her closer to her.

“I hate this birthday, Lynn!” Cynthia turned around, her eyes so heavy with tears that they all just waved down her cheeks.

“Sweet…” Lynn muffled, instantly driving her friend into her arms and pulling her as tight as she could into her embrace.

Cynthia was hysterically crying, shaking like never before, meanwhile her tears soaked through the fabric of Lynn’s thin dress.

“Baby, please talk to me.” Lynn’s voice had reached the point where she was practically begging her roomie to tell her what was going on.

Cynthia had always been very sensitive, yet very good to hide it. She barely cried, and would always hold it back and drown her sorrows in a big bottle of whiskey, some angry rock’n roll and lots of dark chocolate. She was not a crier, but right now it felt like an entire river was rushing down her eyes.

Inside people were still unaware of that Cynthia and Lynn had left the bar. Rebecca was doing shots with Jimmy and Matt, Blair and Zack were still busy doing whatever they were doing, and Kath and Johnny were letting loose on the dance floor. The only one who had managed to see that something was terribly wrong was Brian, who was staring out of the window, looking at the sight of Cynthia who was still buried in Lynn’s embrace.