Too Scared to Love Again

“What do you want for dinner, C?” Lynn asked quietly, loading her basket with more vegetables, as Cynthia was already way ahead of her.

The blonde looked like hell, to say it at least. She hadn’t showered during the last two days since her birthday, and the makeup from the party was still to be found in her face. She was dressed in her dirty Dr. Martens and a pair of torn jeans and a dark hoodie. She had stuffed most of her hair into her hood, well aware that she looked like crap, meanwhile she kept loading her own basket, filling it with liquor and candy.

Lynn had dealt with the silence treatment for two days now, and it was utterly exhausting. Cynthia was still not telling anyone anything. Blair was still hangover, and was currently whining about how much her head was throbbing, and Lynn was battling her guts, as she knew she soon had to ask Cynthia what had happened.

“Cynthia, I asked you a question.” Lynn announced to her friend, who this time turned around a little.

“I don’t care.” she muffled underneath her breath. “I’m not eating dinner.”

“Cynthia…” the brunette sighed. “Tell me what’s wrong. Seriously.” Lynn insisted.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Cynthia said.

“Then why were you crying your eyes out on your birthday? You had so much fun!” Lynn told her.

“Funny how things can change….” Cynthia mumbled rather darkly.

Lynn pressed her lips together, trying her best to swallow the desire of grabbing a hold of her friend and insulting her in front of the entire store. Cynthia had always held her guards high up, and it had almost cost it her own life at one point.

The brunette glanced over at her roommie, as she was reminded of what fifteen-year-old Cynthia had gone through on her own. The blonde who was now proud of her body, had once hated it to the point where she became severely ill. Cynthia had been a girl who had struggled her way through her own bulimia during her teens, and nothing petrified Lynn more than the idea of losing her like that again.

Cynthia’s eating disorder had almost ruined her lots of times, and after her last hospitalization Lynn had promised herself that she would never let Cynthia crawl into that hellhole again.

“Cynthia, talk to me.” Lynn stated. “You don’t get to shut me out again.”

“Lynn, I’m fi-” Cynthia tried, but was soon cut off by her friend.

“That’s exactly what you said shortly after I found you passed out in your own puke. Don’t you dare shut me out of this. What’s you is me. We’re in this together.”

Cynthia looked up at her friend, her eyes heavy with tears again, as she worked every day in order to conceal her earlier life as a bulimic. The blonde could soon feel Lynn’s tight and comforting grip around her hands, as her roommie gave her hands a gentle squeeze.

“Come on, sweet. Talk to me.” Lynn insisted. “You know you can.”

“Lynn…” Cynthia sighed.

“We’ve known each other for way too long. Tell me.”

“Asher wants to take a break.”

There was a wave of emotions that went through Cynthia’s body, as she fought against the tears in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to be vulnerable in public.

The blonde grabbed her basket and then continued to fill it with essentials, leaving Lynn behind. The brunette kept staring after her friend, not sure what to say, as she was pretty much lost for words. Asher had been the love of Cynthia’s life for months now, and things had been going so well. Her friend had barely managed to shut up two days ago about how much she missed him, and that very same day he had decided to take a break from her.

Who the hell is this guy?

The anger boiled inside of Lynn, and she could feel the annoyance fill her entire body. She buried her teeth in her bottom lip, feeling the taste of blood that filled her mouth, meanwhile Cynthia was moving over to the cashier, ready to get home and continue to be buried underneath her sheets.

“What’s up, L?” Blair asked, poking her friend, as Lynn had gone completely mute.

“We gotta do something to cheer her up, B. Right away.”

“Operation make C happy again!” Blair exclaimed happily.

♠ ♠ ♠

Cynthia was sitting in her large bed, lots of pictures decorating the surface of her sheets. The blonde was digging through old photos, noticing how immensely she had changed since she first got ill and till now. She crossed her feet, and then went to scoop up some of the ice-cream from her bowl. A bucket of Ben N Jerry’s had been left in the fridge, and the blonde was currently enjoying the ice cream with a good old beer that rested on her nightstand.

A soft knock fell against her pale door, and she soon noticed how a tiny finger pushed it open rather gently.

“Honey?” Blair voiced in her velvet tone, peeking her head inside and letting her tight curls slip over her shoulders.

“What is it?” Cynthia sighed under her breath, collecting the pictures as fast as she could and then stuffing them back into her box.

“How are you really doing?” she asked, crossing the room and soon plumping down in front of Cynthia, placing her cold hands on top of her knees, feeling her skin through the fabric of her grey sweatpants.

Blair was dressed in an orange crop top, along with a pair of tight leather shorts and platform boots.

“Not so good.” Cynthia confessed.

“Is it because of Asher?”

“What else?” she shrugged.

“Sweetie, please don’t push us away.” Blair all but pleaded. “We care so much about you, and the last thing we want is for you to feel anything but good.”

“I know, and I love you guys so much. I just need to cope with this on my own.” Cynthia muffled under her breath.

“Do you think you can cope with it at Matt’s place? Perhaps dressed in something less comfortable than sweatpants?” Blair suggested, unable to resist the wide smile.

“What?” the blonde stuttered.

“We’re kidnapping you!” Lynn exclaimed from the door entrance, already dressed and styled for whatever they were doing.

“Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?” Cynthia frowned as she got to her feet and looked at Lynn, who was dressed in a pair of old jeans, a Pulp Fiction shirt and vans.

“I have no idea where she is.” Lynn shrugged. “But come on!”

“No, but seriously!” Cynthia grabbed a hold of the brunette, preventing her from leaving her bedroom.

“Who the hell are you and what have you done to Lynn?”

“Maybe you’ll find out later!” Lynn only winked playfully at her blonde friend, and then disappeared out of the room.

“Okay, get dressed now! And get a fucking shower, babe!” Blair all but hissed, shoving a couple of articles into Cynthia’s hands and then pulling her into the direction of the bathroom they all shared.

The ginger-haired woman then paddled into the living room, where Lynn was already waiting, scrolling through a couple of channels, trying her best to make the time pass.

Zack V to Blair F. Jones
18:00 PM
How's it going? Did it work? :pp

Blair F. Jones to Zacky V
18:03 PM
Of course it worked! It’s me!
We’ll be there in twenty<333
Remember to tell the guys to keep their mouths shut!!!!!

Zack V to Blair F. Jones
18:05 PM
Jeez….. Yes, for the sixth time!
Jimmy’s looking forward to see her hahah.
He said he’s never met a girl that drink like that!

Blair F. Jones to Zacky V
18:08 PM
LOL…. She CAN’T drink like that! Good God, you should’ve seen her the day after her birthday! She threw up all over the bathroom…

Zack V to Blair F. Jones
18:10 PM
Well, maybe she’s even more like Jimmy than we all thought :pp
Babe, I gotta go and help Matt with the grill.
Have fun and don’t wear too much clothes. You know where you’re sleeping tonight;)

Blair rolled her eyes as she saw his last message, and then decided to shove her phone into the pocket of her dark leather shorts. She could feel the warmth that crept towards her pale cheeks every time she texted with him. She had crushed at people before, but this time it all felt so differently. It had been years since she really dated someone in the long run, mostly because most people didn’t approve of the work she had. Therefore she had ended up hooking up with customers and enjoying that lifestyle, but now it had been almost a month since she hooked up with someone, and for the first time in her life it didn’t bother her.

“You have it bad.” Lynn chuckled, nudging her friend, who only glared back.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re smiling like a real idiot every time you talk to him, and I’ve tried to talk to you for like five minutes now.” Lynn pointed out.

“Don’t be stupid! I’m not smiling!” Blair protested, not realizing that the smile on her lips only turned bigger.

“Yeah, right…” Lynn rolled her eyes.

“I’m serious!” Blair insisted.

“I can see that, with the scarlet colour on your cheeks.” the brunette teased.

“Oh, shut up, Evans!” the ginger-haired woman frowned, just as the last roommie stepped into the living room.

“Do you approve?” Cynthia asked, still somewhat miserable, meanwhile both Lynn and Blair looked up at her.

Cynthia was dressed in a grey cropped cotton jersey that didn’t meet the waistband of her grey torn shorts, exposing her pierced belly button. Underneath her shorts was a pair of new fishnets that Blair had grabbed on her way home, and she was also wearing her infamous Dr. Martens.

“Stunning!” Blair got up from her seat and strode towards her friend. “You look rad!”

“I still feel like shit.” Cynthia admitted underneath her breath.

“You won’t after this night!” the ginger-haired woman said, and then grabbed a hold of Cynthia’s hand, leading her out of the apartment.