Lovesong
One and Only
Whenever I'm alone with you I feel whole. I lay next to you and I feel so lucky to be to be this girl. To be the one who sees the way you smile in your sleep and feel your heartbeat against me. To be the one who feels the rise and fall of your chest and keep your secrets safe inside of me.
I lay here in the dark of your bedroom and it feels like we are the only people who matter in the universe. The warmth I feel radiating between us makes me feel whole. The way you look at me makes me feel giddy like we're back in high school. You being the hot guy in a band and me being the nerdy girl who plays D&D at lunch who never stood a chance. Yet, you looked my way and you haven't turned away since the first glance.
I'm so lost in my own thoughts I don't feel you stir next to me. I'm too busy staring at the ceiling smiling to myself. Thinking how I'm so lucky.
You wrap your arms around me and I can feel the butterflies causing a riot in my chest, the intense fluttering of wings, it gives me goosebumps. You press your lips to my shoulder and I feel like I'm floating above my body. I want to fall asleep but I don't want to miss any moment I have with you.
Because this is the beginning of the end; I know this.
"I'm going to miss this." Your raspy whisper startles me back to reality and I feel my chest cave in, pieces of rib falling into the depths of my lower body cavity. The sinking ship that is my heart. The only response I can muster in my small voice, barely a whisper, "It doesn't have to be forever." But I know it might be. Moving away to follow your dreams usually comes with new opportunities, and it scares the hell out of me that this might be it.
I roll to my side to look at your face, placing my hand just below your ear so that my thumb lines up with the beauty that is your jaw, "I'm going to call you every day. I'm going to miss you every day." I want to tell you everything going through my mind. My fears, my dreams, my feelings. I want to pour myself out to you until I'm empty and out of words until everything becomes an incoherent mess of word-vomit.
This is my happy place, laying here with you in the dark while the world sleeps around us. Listening to the whirring of the air conditioning that never seems to cool us down, half covered with a blanket that is far too thick for the season. Your hair a disheveled mess, tangled together under the glow of the moon coming through your window. This is my happy place, where I feel most at home; I don't quite feel like it's the end of our entire story. I just know this is the end of our chapter in life, at least the parts where we're together. The parts where I can reach out and touch your face and trace circles around the freckles on your chest.
I pull myself closer to you, looking up into your sleepy eyes and I tell you I love you. You chuckle in response, "Yeah?" I can feel the tears coming up, overflowing and my voice cracks. "Yeah. I always have." Because I've always known. When I met you, it was like the world stopped but the ground I was standing on was still spinning and I couldn't catch myself. It was instantaneous. One look and I was yours, and throughout all these days, weeks, months, seconds, hours, minutes and years we've spent together, nothing has changed. I am still the ocean and you are still the moon.
I cherish all the moments we've spent together and am always leaving wanting to turn right back around and fall back into your orbit. I could spend forever in your arms if you'd only let me.
"Kiss me." I feel your lips touch mine and it's an electric shock. "You don't have to go." My voice is barely audible at this point, I'm so close to falling apart. "I do though. I have to, I can't be here anymore. I need to." An avalanche of all the pieces I'm made of fall into oblivion. "You can come with me." But I can't, I am perpetually frozen and stuck in this place for far too many reasons that I can't explain in words. So, I just curl into you, as close as I can.
"I'll always love you."
Closing my eyes, I take a breath and just try to save and remember every detail about this moment. Listening to your heart beat, hearing you breathe next to me, the way you smell, the way your arms are around me and how genuinely happy I feel inside even though I'm breaking.
"I will always love you."
I lay here in the dark of your bedroom and it feels like we are the only people who matter in the universe. The warmth I feel radiating between us makes me feel whole. The way you look at me makes me feel giddy like we're back in high school. You being the hot guy in a band and me being the nerdy girl who plays D&D at lunch who never stood a chance. Yet, you looked my way and you haven't turned away since the first glance.
I'm so lost in my own thoughts I don't feel you stir next to me. I'm too busy staring at the ceiling smiling to myself. Thinking how I'm so lucky.
You wrap your arms around me and I can feel the butterflies causing a riot in my chest, the intense fluttering of wings, it gives me goosebumps. You press your lips to my shoulder and I feel like I'm floating above my body. I want to fall asleep but I don't want to miss any moment I have with you.
Because this is the beginning of the end; I know this.
"I'm going to miss this." Your raspy whisper startles me back to reality and I feel my chest cave in, pieces of rib falling into the depths of my lower body cavity. The sinking ship that is my heart. The only response I can muster in my small voice, barely a whisper, "It doesn't have to be forever." But I know it might be. Moving away to follow your dreams usually comes with new opportunities, and it scares the hell out of me that this might be it.
I roll to my side to look at your face, placing my hand just below your ear so that my thumb lines up with the beauty that is your jaw, "I'm going to call you every day. I'm going to miss you every day." I want to tell you everything going through my mind. My fears, my dreams, my feelings. I want to pour myself out to you until I'm empty and out of words until everything becomes an incoherent mess of word-vomit.
This is my happy place, laying here with you in the dark while the world sleeps around us. Listening to the whirring of the air conditioning that never seems to cool us down, half covered with a blanket that is far too thick for the season. Your hair a disheveled mess, tangled together under the glow of the moon coming through your window. This is my happy place, where I feel most at home; I don't quite feel like it's the end of our entire story. I just know this is the end of our chapter in life, at least the parts where we're together. The parts where I can reach out and touch your face and trace circles around the freckles on your chest.
I pull myself closer to you, looking up into your sleepy eyes and I tell you I love you. You chuckle in response, "Yeah?" I can feel the tears coming up, overflowing and my voice cracks. "Yeah. I always have." Because I've always known. When I met you, it was like the world stopped but the ground I was standing on was still spinning and I couldn't catch myself. It was instantaneous. One look and I was yours, and throughout all these days, weeks, months, seconds, hours, minutes and years we've spent together, nothing has changed. I am still the ocean and you are still the moon.
I cherish all the moments we've spent together and am always leaving wanting to turn right back around and fall back into your orbit. I could spend forever in your arms if you'd only let me.
"Kiss me." I feel your lips touch mine and it's an electric shock. "You don't have to go." My voice is barely audible at this point, I'm so close to falling apart. "I do though. I have to, I can't be here anymore. I need to." An avalanche of all the pieces I'm made of fall into oblivion. "You can come with me." But I can't, I am perpetually frozen and stuck in this place for far too many reasons that I can't explain in words. So, I just curl into you, as close as I can.
"I'll always love you."
Closing my eyes, I take a breath and just try to save and remember every detail about this moment. Listening to your heart beat, hearing you breathe next to me, the way you smell, the way your arms are around me and how genuinely happy I feel inside even though I'm breaking.
"I will always love you."