Doing Better

I took a long drag of my joint as I blankly stared at the bushes located across the yard. It was around midnight and the party inside was just hitting it's climax. People from all over town were here, drowning themselves in liquor to celebrate the end of the semester. I yawned tiredly. If it had been up to me I probably wouldn't have shown up tonight. Not because I didn't want to, but because I was exhausted. I didn't sleep the night before due to the fact that I was up all night studying for my last exam this morning. Thanks to Martin though, I was here and I was actually having a pretty decent time.

“Yo!” Martin slammed open the screen door, which caused me to jump. I turned around and saw him smiling. “We're doing shots, you in?”

I finished my joint quickly and dropped it on the ground, stomping it out before joining him inside. A group of about ten or so people were gathered in the kitchen. Our friend Alex was pouring a handful of shots at a time and handing them off to random people. A couple of people stared at their glasses in disgust, while others downed them quick and handed the empties back to Alex to repeat the process.

I followed Martin who pushed his way through the crowd of people until he was standing next to Alex. He smacked him lightly and smiled, “Frankie and I are in.”

Alex glanced over at us and smiled back. “Frankie I didn't even know you were here!” He poured a pair of shots, which Martin grabbed for the two of us. We downed them without hesitation and handed them back to Alex.

“Yeah, I was upstairs with Lisa for a bit.” Lisa was Alex's girlfriend. I had a couple of classes with her. I wouldn't call us friends, but when we drank together we just always got along. The two of us could talk for hours about absolutely nothing when there was alcohol in our systems. “Then I went for a smoke.”

Alex nodded his head and poured us two more shots. Half of me wanted to stop drinking. Mostly because I was at that good stage of drunk where everything is fuzzy enough to be enjoyable, but you're not at the point of getting a killer hangover the next morning. I knew I couldn't though, not because I was being forced, but because my sober half had gone out the window about an hour ago.

I downed the shot and sighed deeply. That one burned a little.

“I'm in too.” A tall lanky guy with stubble on his face slid in next to me. His hair stuck out everywhere and was dark with blonde streaks throughout it. I'd never seen him at one of these parties before.

“Hey!” Alex added another shot glass to his never ending routine of pouring. He handed the bottle of liquor to one of the other guys and picked up a shot glass of his own. “A toast to this fucking party.”

The four of us grabbed our glasses and clinked them together before downing our final shots. Alex and Martin winced after they'd finished. I chuckled to myself and placed my glass back on the counter.

“I need a beer.”

“Me too.” The tall guy said. “What do you want?” He walked over to the fridge and I followed. The both of us scanned the contents that were inside. Most of the beer was pretty shitty, like Old Milwaukee or Bud. I sighed deeply and settled for a Pabst, mostly because it basically tasted like water. Jack grabbed one too and the two of us cracked them open.

“I haven't seen you here before.”

He shrugged. “I'm more of a bar person than a house party person, I guess.” He took a long sip and sighed. I guess he was thirsty.

“Fair enough.” I responded. Small talk wasn't my forte, even while I was drunk. When it came to interacting with people I was extremely awkward. I never knew what to say or do.

“What's your name?”

“Frankie.” I took a sip. “You?”

“Jack.”

I nodded my head. “You, uh, you know Alex?”

“Yeah. I'm his band mate.”

So this was one of Alex's allusive band mates. He always spoke about them, but never in great detail. All he ever talked about was Lisa and how much he loved her, which was sweet, but after a while kind of got annoying. I imagined it was because they were still in their honeymoon phase, but whatever.

“Cool.” I didn't really know what else to say.

“How do you know Alex?”

“It's a weird story.” I didn't know why I said that. It wasn't weird at all. It was perfectly normal.

Jack raised his brow. “You gonna' to tell it to me?”

“Oh, uh, I mean, it's not that weird, I guess,” I tried to retrace my steps so I didn't look like an absolute idiot, “my friend Martin works with Lisa and I have some classes with her and sometimes we hang out and then Alex and her started dating and we met that way and uh, yeah.” I sounded like an absolute fucking idiot. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

“You're right it wasn't weird.” Jack chuckled as he took a sip of his beer.

I sipped mine too. Why did Martin even allow me to come here with him? Was I always this embarrassing? Did I always sound like I was having a stoke or something? What was wrong with me? I mentally slapped myself in the face over and over again as I sipped. I stared forward, refusing to make eye contact with Jack. I could feel my face growing warmer the longer I stood next to him. Why couldn't I just be cool for like five fucking seconds?

“You want another one?'

I blinked a couple of times and glanced at Alex who was now standing next to Jack. I wiggled my can, realizing there was barely any left. I nodded my head and Jack grabbed another one. I took the last sip and set the empty on a counter a few feet away before grabbing the next one and taking another long, much needed sip.

“You guys meet?” Alex crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, just now.” Jack replied. “Told me the crazy story of how you two met.” Alex looked at Jack confused, while I rolled my eyes and pretending like everything that was happening, wasn't actually happening. Jack smirked. “Where's Zack and Rian?”

“Rian's out sick and Zack ditched out.” Alex shrugged. “You know how he is.”

“Pussy.” Jack shook his head, while Alex laughed.

I continued to drink and scan the party, while Jack and Alex talked. I felt like I was eavesdropping, even though I could barely hear what they were saying. Just physically standing there made me feel weird so I flashed them a small closed lipped smile and made my way back outside. I pulled another joint out of my pocket, as well as a lighter and lit it up. I took a couple of puffs as I closed the screen door. I felt a little better.

For a couple of minutes I stood by myself in silence, feeling the cool April breeze dance against my skin. I wandered over to the patio table and sat down. I rested my beer on it and sat back and closed my eyes. Every so often I'd take a drag or a sip, but the whole time I remained silent. Being alone was kind of my happy place. It gave me time to recharge.

I heard the screen door move. I opened my eyes and turned my head to face whoever was coming. I was surprised to see Jack. He sat next to me, resting his beer on the table. “Can I have some?”

I handed him my last joint and my lighter. He looked shocked, but said nothing. He cupped his hand over the flame and took a couple tries to light it. When he got it he handed the lighter back and adjusted himself in his chair. We both sat in silence and stared forward. For some odd reason this time around I didn't feel as weird about being so quiet around him. Maybe it was because I was more drunk or stoned or maybe because I just didn't care anymore. Either way it was nice.

“Do you like these parties?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I was pretty indifferent about them. Sometimes they were really fun, but there were nights like these where I would much rather be at home relaxing.

“You don't talk much do you?” He laughed.

“I barely know you.” I responded. I turned to face him. He was staring at me, which caused my face to grow hot again. “Why do you want me to talk?”

“You're cute.”

My flesh felt like it was basically burning off. “O-oh.”

He moved his chair closer to mine. I could feel my heart beating faster than ever, my hands began to sweat, and I could feel my breathing grow heavy. I tried my best to make it seem like on the inside I wasn't on the verge of exploding. I bit my lip and looked away for a split second. When I looked back Jack was standing above me. He was smiling.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

He leaned forward, placing his hands on the armrests of my chair. He swallowed hard and leaned in. He closed the gap between us. Our lips connected and almost instantly I felt my stomach do a flip. Our tongues clumsy danced with one another, while the rest of us remained separate. After a while, I became comfortable. I put out my joint and grabbed his shirt, pulling him downwards so he was kneeling in front of me. I sat at the edge of my chair and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He moved his hands down to my hips and we continued to kiss. The whole thing felt surreal. It wasn't every day a guy just kissed you at a party or maybe it was. I didn't know.

We pulled apart gasping for air. At this point my legs were basically wrapped around him and I was playing with the collar of his shirt. One of his hands rested on my side, while the other cupped my face. We smiled at each other and let go.

“Uh, thank-you.” I wasn't sure what to say, but the second the words came out of my mouth I knew it wasn't that.

“No problem.” He responded. He stood up from the ground and offered me his hand. I took it. Both of our hands were sweaty as hell, but I don't think either of us cared. “We should probably get back to the party.” He hoisted me up to my feet and began walking to the door. I grabbed our beers, following behind.