Doing Better

Jack never contacted me after that night. Deep inside I hoped he would, but I didn't blame him for disappearing again. I imagined it was hard for him to open up like that, especially to me. Half of me hated him for everything he did to me, including that night. I kept telling myself not to read too much into it, especially after what Lisa said. It was too late. I had to keep telling myself that. I couldn't let him in again, no matter how much I wanted to. Our friendship was over and there was nothing I could do about it, but move on. It was the healthiest thing for me to do for both my mental health and my relationship.

I never told Landon about it, which in ways made me feel guilty, but also relieved. He had a short fuse when it came to Jack as a topic. After telling him about all the shit he put me through he obviously became protective. He hated him, which was understandable. I'd hate my girlfriend's sort of not really ex boyfriend too if I were in his situation.

Every so often I'd shoot Alex a text to see how Jack was doing. Most of the time I'd get short messages claiming he was doing alright. Honestly, I wasn't sure whether or not to believe them. I wanted to, but something in me knew he wasn't suddenly okay. No one could bounce back that quickly.

“Are you excited?” I sat with Lisa at the cafe. It was close to three on a Saturday, so neither of us had any work today. Lately, both of our work schedules had been the exact opposite for the last few weeks it'd been a struggle getting together.

Alex and the boys had their last show of the tour and were on their way home as of this morning. Lisa had been dying this time around. Something about the distance was killing her. I imagined it was because they were officially living together now. Being that close to someone for such a long period of time and then losing them for a couple of months was probably hard. Every so often she'd call me in the middle of the night crying. I felt bad.

She smiled wide, sipping her coffee. I didn't even have to ask. I knew how excited she was and I could tell it was all she wanted to talk about since we sat down. “I miss him so much.” She sighed deeply.

“I know you do.” I flashed her an apologetic smile. I couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for her. “Doing anything special?”

She shook her head. “Just staying home. I booked off all of next week so we can just relax.”

“That sounds amazing.” Lately I'd been feeling worn down at work. I wasn't sure why, but the idea of just ditching for a whole week sounded like a great time.

“You should take a vacation.”

“Maybe.” I shrugged. “One day.”

Up until this point I never felt the need to take time off. I loved my job, even on the bad days. I was doing what I was born to do and I couldn't be more thankful. My boss was amazing, as well as my coworkers. Sure, sometimes it got a bit chaotic and stressful, but it wasn't something a little night out couldn't fix. If I left for more than two days I don't think I'd know what to do with myself.

After coffee Lisa and I parted ways. I walked home, coffee in hand, enjoying the nice Spring weather. It felt like a dream. The birds were chirping and despite the city streets being busy they were somehow still comforting. Once inside the apartment, I ran up the stairs and burst into my house, feeling abnormally happy. I grabbed a beer out of my fridge and cracked it open before flopping on the couch and throwing on Criminal Minds.

I drank about a six pack of beer in the span of four episodes. As the fifth one began I heard my phone ringing from inside the pocket of my hoodie. “Hello?”

“Hey, so change of plans,” it was Lisa, “you know that new club downtown?”

“Uh, no?”

“Oh, uh, well, anyway,” Lisa cleared her throat, “we're going tonight. You in?”

I was already a little bit tipsy, which meant I was in. I jumped off my couch and ran into the bathroom as Lisa gave me all the details. I drunkenly got undressed as we chatted on the phone for a couple of minutes. After that, I told her I'd be ready in a half an hour and hung up the phone. I grabbed another beer from the fridge and hopped in the shower. I played music from my phone and drank as I scrubbed my body clean and belted out all my favourite songs. It was nearly ten at that point. I hopped out of the shower and threw on a black spaghetti strap dress, with a simple white turtle neck tee underneath. I blow dried and curled my hair a little bit, throwing some hairspray in and teasing it to give it some volume. I did my eyebrows and eyeliner slowly, knowing all too well what I looked like when I did my makeup fast and drunk. After that I threw on some mascara and red lipstick. I checked myself out in the mirror. I didn't look too shabby. I grabbed another beer out of the fridge as I called my cab.

I took a couple of sips as I made my way to the closet closest to my front door. I put my beer on the floor and pulled on a pair of black chunky boots. My head spun as I bent over. I giggled to myself and tied my laces. Grabbing my beer I then headed downstairs, chugging the rest of my drink in the lobby before throwing my can in the trash outside.

The cab ride downtown was silent, which I was thankful for. I hated getting chatty cabdrivers that just wanted to know everything about it. To me it was extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I knew they were usually just being nice, but in all honesty I didn't care. I knew nothing about them and I didn't want to know and I just assumed that's how everyone else was.

The city lights flashed against the window. I smiled to myself as I leaned my elbow against the door handle. Overall, it wasn't too long of a cab ride and when we got to our destination I handed the driver a twenty and told him to keep the change. I stumbled out of the vehicle and pulled my phone out of my purse. I called Lisa.

“Hello?” I could hear loud, pounding music in the background.

“Hey, I'm here!” I scanned the sidewalk. There was a line around the block.

“Oh good! Tell the bouncer your name and that you're here to meet the band.” She hung up.

I walked over to the bouncer who was probably the largest man I'd ever seen. He was at least 6'4” with the largest stomach I'd ever seen. His eyes scrunched together to glare in my direction as I walked towards him. I could tell he was going to try to turn me away, but thankfully that wasn't going to happen.

“Hello, uh, apparently I'm on the list.” A couple of people at the front of the line groaned and cussed me out. I paid no mind to them though. “My name's Frankie. I'm here with All Time Low.”

He pulled a clipboard out from behind his back and scanned it before flashing me a fake smile and letting me inside. People screamed angrily as I walked past. I thanked him and made a b-line straight for the bar.

The place was busy as hell. People of all shapes and sizes danced around every corner of the building. I had to push my way threw to get to the bar. When I finally got there I breathed heavily. I was feeling severely claustrophobic. One of the three bartenders smiled at me and walked over. “Hey there.”

“Hi, can I get a beer?”

“Anything specific?”

“Pabst.” He cracked one open and handed it to me. I handed him a five and he gave me the change. I smiled in his direction and turned towards the dance floor as I took a sip. It was going to take me ages to find Lisa in this mess. I pulled out my phone and sent her a text, fumbling with the letters a bit.

Where aree you?/

VIP BOOOOTH come on upp

I turned back towards the bartender. “Hey, uh, do you know where the VIP section is? I have a couple of friends there.”

He leaned against the bar. “Go around the left side of the bar. There's a hallway. It's at the end.”

I thanked him and followed his directions. At the end of the hallway were a couple more bouncers crowded around a roped off section. I politely told them my name just like I did outside and they instantly let me in. Lisa and the rest of the band were sitting on a giant couch.

I nearly froze when I saw Jack. He was standing in front of the rest of them shotgunning a beer.

I awkwardly stood at the entrance staring, until Lisa noticed me. In her drunkenness she squealed loudly and ran at me. She pulled me into a tight hug and jumped up and down. “You didn't get lost!”

“I didn't!” I replied back. “Hey guys.”

“Frankie!” Alex, who I could tell was also wasted jumped up and ran towards me, pulling me into a hug and lifting me in the air. He spun me around, which made me feel slightly sick. When he put me down I breathed heavily and smiled. “Hey Alex.”

“I'm so excited you're here this place is the best!” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the couch. He plopped me down next to Rian who was too busy texting to even notice me. Alex stood in front of me and handed me a shot of what I assumed was vodka. “We've been getting free drinks all night, so bottoms up.”

I raised my glass and downed it. I could tell it was cheap, but I didn't care too much at this point. I was way beyond tipsy and officially wasted. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open sometimes and my head spun in circles. I was still having fun though.

Lisa sat on the other side of me and began talking about how the rest of her day had been since I'd last seen her. I only half paid attention though. Every so often I'd glance at Jack who would staring at me. I couldn't tell if he was mad or not. He looked so neutral. Whenever I'd look over, he'd be glancing my way, sipping his beer as he pretended to be engrossed in whatever Zack or Alex was saying. At point he raised his brow in my direction, which I wasn't sure if I was imagining or not. I cocked my head to the side and scrunched my face up in confusion. He raised his brow again and all I could do was shrug.

“Uh, hey, uh I'm going to go out for a smoke.” He took the last sip of his beer before throwing it in one of the trash cans at the corner of the room. He motioned me with his chin to follow and without hesitation I did. I told Lisa I was going to the bathroom and followed behind him about a minute after so it didn't look too obvious. Once I got in the hallway I panicked for a second. I couldn't see him anywhere. I looked back and forth and wondered if he actually wanted me to go with him. I sighed deeply and glanced at one of the bouncers who pointed to a door across the hall. “He went out there.”

“Thanks.” I followed his directions and found myself in a side alley. Jack leaned against the wall, staring at the ground. I closed the door behind me and stood next to him, crossing my arms over my chest. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He pulled a pair of joints out his pocket and handed me one. I couldn't help, but smile. I put it in my mouth and he grabbed his lighter, lighting the end of mine before doing his own. We puffed in unison, staring at the ground. Every so often I'd take a sip of my beer.

“How are you?” I broke the silence.

He shrugged. “You?”

I shrugged back. I wasn't sure why though. It wasn't like I was doing bad or anything. I was honestly great. I had nothing to complain about.

“What's wrong?” He turned to face me, leaning his shoulder against the wall. He took a long drag and blew smoke in my face.

“I don't know.”

“Okay.” He moved closer.

My heart started pounding. I could feel his breath against my face. I breathed him in. He smelt like weed and sweat and cologne and the whole thing felt familiar. It took me back. The alley way, the weird space in between us, the feelings. Everything. I could feel Landon bubbling up at the back of my head, but I wanted him to go away. I wanted everyone to go away except for Jack. Except for us together. All this time I knew I missed him, but I wasn't aware of how much until now. I missed his stupid face and the way everything seemed okay and how nonchalant about everything he was. How he didn't give a shit about anything, except for me.

We both closed the space between us at the same time. He wrapped his arms around my hips and pulled me close, while I hooked myself around his neck. Our lips moved together, our tongues dancing, our teeth biting. We enveloped each other for I don't know how long before we pulled away, breathing heavily.

“I missed you.” Was all I could muster.

He grabbed the back of my head, gripping my hair tightly in his hands as he pressed his forehead against mine. “Fuck, I missed you too.”