Doing Better
fake love
Slowly, as weeks went by I knew that I was going to have to break up with Landon. He wasn't what I wanted anymore and after giving it some time I finally knew that. I called him at the two in the morning one night. Told him to drive to my house and that I'd meet him on the street. We sat outside my apartment building in his car. I think he knew it was coming. He seemed nervous. I felt awful about the whole thing, but I just needed to do it. Rip it off like a band-aid so to speak. I played with my hands inside the pocket of my hoodie. I wasn't really sure how to go about breaking up with someone without hurting their feelings.
“Look,” I sighed deeply, adjusting myself in the passenger seat so that I was facing him. I bit my lip and watching his nervous expression fall to sadness. “I think we should break up.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to explain why or like...” I glanced outside, wondering if I should even continue talking or if I should just get out and leave. “...I don't really know how to do this.”
“It's fine.” He tried his best to put on a smile, but I could tell he was still hurting. “I understand.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “You're still in love with what's his name.”
I raised my brow. “Is it that obvious?”
He sat back in his chair and let out a heavy sigh. “I mean, yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “He called you once when you were in the shower at my place. I remember you telling me you weren't talking, but I had my suspicions.”
I felt like complete and utter shit. Something about how calm he was being was making this harder. I wanted him to feel sad or angry. I wanted the things I did to hurt him so I could truly realize how much of a shitty person I was. I didn't want to just get away with it. I wanted the consequences. I wanted to get a chance to say I was sorry.
“I've been cheating on y-”
“Yeah, I know.” He looked down at his hands, which were clasped together tightly, resting on his lap. “I know you weren't actually going to interview people. I'm not stupid, Frankie.”
I frowned. “I'm sorry. I don't think you're stupid.”
“Well I am for thinking you'd choose me over him, aren't I?” His voice raised a couple of octaves. He turned towards me, glaring angrily.
“No.”
“Whatever.” He grumbled. “I'm over it. Just get out.”
I swallowed hard and opened the car door. I debating staying longer to try and talk to him, but I knew it wasn't worth it. I mean, it wasn't like I was trying to win him back. I went and did what I had to do and it was done now. Sure, it wasn't the easiest thing I've ever had to do, but it definitely wasn't the hardest either.
I made my way back to my apartment and fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I called Jack. He picked up after a few rings, yawning loudly into the phone. “Morning.” I chuckled.
“It's eight in the morning. What do you want?” He grumbled. He wasn't a morning person.
“I broke up with Landon.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I'm sorry.”
“It's okay, it was a long time coming.” I let out a small yawn. I wasn't sure what would happen between Jack and I now that Landon was out of the picture. Would we start dating or would we just keep it casual? Either way I was kind of okay with whatever happened. I'd grown a lot since the last time we were seeing each other.
“You okay?”
“I think so.”
“Okay.”
“When are you coming home?” I wanted to see him, especially now that we didn't have to sneak around so much. We could be out in the open and not feel like we'd constantly have to be looking over our shoulders. I was excited.
“Uh, next week, I think? I'm not sure. Why?”
“I want to see you.”
He laughed. “Oh, gross.”
I rolled my eyes. “Shut up. You want to see me too.”
We chatted for a while about various nonsense. He updated me on how work was going, while I merely just listened. Honestly, I didn't have a whole lot to say. Other than letting go of Landon I hadn't been up to much of anything other than work. Jack egged me on, trying to get me to think of something interesting to talk about. I knew he didn't want to get off the phone just yet. As much as he hated to admit it, I knew he missed me. I smiled to myself just thinking about it.
“I'll let you go since you have nothing interesting to contribute.” He said jokingly.
I rolled my eyes. “Wow, okay. Rude.”
“It's only the truth, my dear. Anyway, love you.”
“I love you too.”
Telling each other we loved one another had become oddly casual. In all honesty, I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. Sure, the idea of knowing he loved me was great, but the way we said it felt useless. We threw the term around so much it didn't really feel truthful anymore. Maybe it was just me over thinking things or whatever. I wasn't sure.
The rest of the day was uneventful. I laid around the house preparing some pages for the magazine, while messaging a couple of people from work. A couple of us were in a group chat together and it was a good way to the get continuous feedback. Other than that, I basically sat around doing nothing, but eating leftover pasta and drinking beer, while watching TV.
“Look,” I sighed deeply, adjusting myself in the passenger seat so that I was facing him. I bit my lip and watching his nervous expression fall to sadness. “I think we should break up.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to explain why or like...” I glanced outside, wondering if I should even continue talking or if I should just get out and leave. “...I don't really know how to do this.”
“It's fine.” He tried his best to put on a smile, but I could tell he was still hurting. “I understand.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “You're still in love with what's his name.”
I raised my brow. “Is it that obvious?”
He sat back in his chair and let out a heavy sigh. “I mean, yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “He called you once when you were in the shower at my place. I remember you telling me you weren't talking, but I had my suspicions.”
I felt like complete and utter shit. Something about how calm he was being was making this harder. I wanted him to feel sad or angry. I wanted the things I did to hurt him so I could truly realize how much of a shitty person I was. I didn't want to just get away with it. I wanted the consequences. I wanted to get a chance to say I was sorry.
“I've been cheating on y-”
“Yeah, I know.” He looked down at his hands, which were clasped together tightly, resting on his lap. “I know you weren't actually going to interview people. I'm not stupid, Frankie.”
I frowned. “I'm sorry. I don't think you're stupid.”
“Well I am for thinking you'd choose me over him, aren't I?” His voice raised a couple of octaves. He turned towards me, glaring angrily.
“No.”
“Whatever.” He grumbled. “I'm over it. Just get out.”
I swallowed hard and opened the car door. I debating staying longer to try and talk to him, but I knew it wasn't worth it. I mean, it wasn't like I was trying to win him back. I went and did what I had to do and it was done now. Sure, it wasn't the easiest thing I've ever had to do, but it definitely wasn't the hardest either.
I made my way back to my apartment and fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I called Jack. He picked up after a few rings, yawning loudly into the phone. “Morning.” I chuckled.
“It's eight in the morning. What do you want?” He grumbled. He wasn't a morning person.
“I broke up with Landon.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I'm sorry.”
“It's okay, it was a long time coming.” I let out a small yawn. I wasn't sure what would happen between Jack and I now that Landon was out of the picture. Would we start dating or would we just keep it casual? Either way I was kind of okay with whatever happened. I'd grown a lot since the last time we were seeing each other.
“You okay?”
“I think so.”
“Okay.”
“When are you coming home?” I wanted to see him, especially now that we didn't have to sneak around so much. We could be out in the open and not feel like we'd constantly have to be looking over our shoulders. I was excited.
“Uh, next week, I think? I'm not sure. Why?”
“I want to see you.”
He laughed. “Oh, gross.”
I rolled my eyes. “Shut up. You want to see me too.”
We chatted for a while about various nonsense. He updated me on how work was going, while I merely just listened. Honestly, I didn't have a whole lot to say. Other than letting go of Landon I hadn't been up to much of anything other than work. Jack egged me on, trying to get me to think of something interesting to talk about. I knew he didn't want to get off the phone just yet. As much as he hated to admit it, I knew he missed me. I smiled to myself just thinking about it.
“I'll let you go since you have nothing interesting to contribute.” He said jokingly.
I rolled my eyes. “Wow, okay. Rude.”
“It's only the truth, my dear. Anyway, love you.”
“I love you too.”
Telling each other we loved one another had become oddly casual. In all honesty, I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. Sure, the idea of knowing he loved me was great, but the way we said it felt useless. We threw the term around so much it didn't really feel truthful anymore. Maybe it was just me over thinking things or whatever. I wasn't sure.
The rest of the day was uneventful. I laid around the house preparing some pages for the magazine, while messaging a couple of people from work. A couple of us were in a group chat together and it was a good way to the get continuous feedback. Other than that, I basically sat around doing nothing, but eating leftover pasta and drinking beer, while watching TV.