Doing Better

Things between Jack and I were alright after our conversation. We would talk on a daily basis, even if it was just a couple of messages or a quick phone call, we were always in constant communication. I was glad things between us didn't just end at that moment. He meant so much to me that I wasn't sure if I could handle him just not being around anymore. What we had was weird and complicated, but it was all I had so I felt like I needed to protect it, even if it meant throwing him into the arms of another women from time to time.

I knew Lisa thought I was being an absolute idiot. Every time the topic was brought up she'd get frustrated and would have to change the subject immediately, even if she was the one who brought it up in the first place. Something about the idea of Jack and I not establishing out relationship made her feel uncomfortable. She didn't understand the idea of being with more than one person. I mean, for the longest time I never thought I would either. The idea of monogamy was something I thought I wanted and sure, I did want that eventually, but right now it wasn't in the cards for me. Settling down wasn't something that stuck out in my mind. The only thing that did was Jack.

It was July now, which meant their tour was over. Alex was already home taking up all of Lisa's time, while Jack was currently on his way home. He'd been in Los Angeles doing a couple of interviews and working with Alternative Press on some things. He seemed really excited about it. I was happy for him. As much as he liked being in a band he really enjoyed doing his own thing too. He was weirdly into investing, which was something I really didn't expect from him.

He showed up at my door around nine at night with a six pack of beer and a bouquet of flowers. I smiled wide and hugged him tightly. It had been months since I'd seen him. He felt warm beneath my fingers. I ran my hand up his shirt and felt his chest. He laughed, pushing me off. “I need to lay down. I've been on my feet all day.”

We threw the flowers in a vase with water and each grabbed a beer, leaving the rest in the fridge. We laid in bed and talked and drank and just relaxed with one another. It felt nice, the two us talking face to face. I put my beer on the nightstand and laid against him, resting my head on his stomach and closing my eyes.

“Tired?”

I nodded my head. Work was insane today. With it being the end up the month deadlines were tight and everyone was rushing to get things done. Thankfully, with my workaholic tendencies I was able to get everything done. Regardless though, I was still exhausted.

“How about we go to sleep and tomorrow we round up the gang and go on a bender?” Jack raised his brow.

“Yes please.”

We arranged for everyone to meet at my place around nine. At eight I began getting ready, throwing on a bit of makeup and curling my hair before getting dressed. I grabbed a pair of black jeans with rips at the knees and a low cut black body suit. I slipped into both, admiring myself in the mirror for a couple of minutes before throwing on some red lipstick and a nice satin bomber jacket. Once I was ready I entered the living room to see Jack chugging back a beer, smiling in my general direction.

“Aren't you eager.” I joked.

He shrugged his shoulders as he finished off the last of his drink. He was about three beers deep at this point, which didn't surprise me in the slightest. Jack loved to drink.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, checking the time. “They should be here any minute. We should probably book a cab.”

“I got it covered.” He pulled out his phone and began madly texting. He wandered around the house as he typed. “Okay. We're good.”

Everyone arrived after around ten minutes. We said our hellos and hugged each other tightly before running downstairs to the cab that was waiting out front. We piled in, sneaking sips of rum from Jack's flask. I rested my head against his shoulder the whole way there, closing my eyes tiredly. As excited as I was to go out I was still pretty tired for some odd reason. Jack didn't say anything, normally he'd brush me off since nobody was supposed to know about us, but since he was drunk he didn't really give a shit.

When we arrived Jack paid the cab driver and we all walked into the bar. There wasn't a line outside. Not that it mattered. With the guys we could get anywhere without a problem. Jack, Rian, and Zack made a b-line for the bar, while the rest of us slowly followed behind. I glanced at Alex who was smiling at his friends.

“They're insane.” He said.

“Yeah?” Lisa gripped his arm tightly, smiling up at him. You could tell she was absolutely in love with him. She was always attached to him, grinning ear to ear like a tiny child with it's favourite toy. Honestly, it was pretty funny to look at sometimes.

“I don't know how they can binge so much,” he shook his head, “like they were drunk pretty much the whole tour.”

“Yeah Jack's been drinking all day.” I added.

Alex raised his brow. “You were hanging out?”

I bit my lip. At this point I figured Jack would've already told Alex. They were best friends who discussed everything. Even back when we'd just met the only thing Alex would talk about was his best friend Jack and how they basically shared a brain. I knew it was normal to not tell someone absolutely everything, but for some reason it felt weird. Like he was hiding me away.

“Nah, he showed up a bit early, but he told me.” I lied.

Lisa glared at me. I knew she wouldn't tell Alex. She wasn't the type to spill secrets that weren't her own. I knew it was eating her up inside though, having to keep important information from the person that mattered most to her. I felt bad.

Alex nodded, basically brushing off the conversation once we caught up to the rest of the guys. Jack handed me a Pabst and winked. I rolled my eyes, smiling. He always knew how to get me. “Thanks.”

He pushed past our friends, throwing his arm around me. The rest of the group looked at us with confusion, which I tried to ignore. Drunk Jack didn't give a shit, which was something that kind of worried me. If he wanted to keep this whole thing between us a secret why was he all of a sudden throwing it out the window? I get alcohol can affect your mind, but he wasn't that drunk. He was tipsy at the most.

He pulled me in close. I swallowed hard and whispered in his ear, “what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought you didn't want them to know.”

He pulled away, flashing me a quick smile before releasing me from his grasp and wandering away from the group.

I looked at Lisa wide eyed and mouthed the word bathroom. She understood and the two of us excused ourselves from the rest of the group. She locked the door behind her so it was just us inside. I sat on the counter, swinging my legs back and forth as I tried to form my thoughts together. He was acting weird.

“Spill.” She stood in front of me, crossing her arms grumpily.

“I have literally no fucking clue what's going on right now.” I responded.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he's being weird. Whenever we're in public, even when it's just the two of us we don't really act like a couple. We just sort of hang out. The only time he's like this is when we're alone at one of our house's or at a hotel.” I took a deep breath. “He told me he didn't want to be exclusive, but that he also didn't want a lot of people knowing, especially you guys, because he knew it was piss everyone off.”

“Well he's right.” I rolled my eyes. I was over Lisa being overprotective. I could handle Jack on my own. “Seriously, Frankie, are you sure that is what you want?” She motioned towards the door.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“That. Him.” She motioned again, glaring angrily. “Do you want to be with a guy who wants to hide you away, while he fucks other girls?”

“He cares about me.” I frowned. Something about Lisa was off. I could tell. She never got this angry about anything. She was always kind and peaceful and overall just mature. She knew how to handle things when they got messy in the most appropriate manner possible. She was the person who gave you a shoulder to cry on. Not the one who screamed tough love at you.

“No he doesn't.”

I felt tears sting my eyes. I didn't feel like crying, not tonight, but I knew if she kept yelling it would. I hated when people yelled at me, especially when it came down to things like this.

“Look.” she sighed deeply, walking towards me. She grabbed my hands in hers and took a deep breath before meeting my gaze. Her eyes looked sad, hurt even. I had no idea where her head was at or what she was thinking, but I definitely didn't like it. It scared me. “Alex told me some stuff and it's not my shit to tell, but I just need you to keep your guard up, okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you should ask Jack.”

“I don't want to ask Jack.” I responded angrily. Why did he always have to fucking lie to me? Did he not think I would find out somehow? Did he think he was the only person I talked to? Did he think I was fucking stupid? I couldn't help, but think of a million scenarios in my head. My brain ran a mile a minute as I stared at Lisa's lips. She spoke slowly, calmly even, as she said the words I never thought I'd hear.

“He has a girlfriend, Frankie.”

I broke. My body gave out completely. I sat on the counter feeling absolutely nothing, but heartbreak and angry. How could I have been so stupid to think I was the only one he actually loved? Tears rushed down my face as my breathing quickened to the point where I began gasping for air. Lisa held me tightly as my body heaved up and down. I had no control. The feeling of panic rushed through my body like a wave of regret. My limbs grew numb and my head began to fuzz up as I rested my head in my hands. I closed my eyes as tight as they could go as I screamed. I fucking hated him.

That went on for about twenty minutes before I finally gained what little composure I had left. I went into one of the stalls and grabbed some toilet paper, wiping my nose as I looked in the mirror. The makeup I had put on earlier was smudged down my face, which was red and balloon-like. I ran some paper towel under the tap and scrubbed my face until there was nothing left. Lisa stood beside me, showing as much support as she could.

“I'm going to go home.” I sighed deeply.

“Should I say anything?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't really care anymore.

Lisa pulled me in for a hug, rubbing my upper back. “I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you sooner, but there wasn't a right time.”

“How long did you know?”

“About a week.”

“Okay.” I sniffed. I could feel the tears trying to start again. I wiped them away with my hand, taking a couple of deep breaths before pulling away and adjusting my clothes. “If he asks just tell him to fuck off or something.”

Lisa nodded. The two of us left the girls bathroom. She covered me as I snuck out of the building and hailed a cab. She handed me a twenty and hugged me goodbye. I told her I'd call her in the morning. After that I pulled out my phone and blocked Jack's number. I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I was over it. As much as it hurt to know what he did to me I knew it was for the best. He wasn't the guy for me. He was the guy you dated before you found the one.

I got home and drank the rest of the beer in my fridge, while watching Parks and Rec. Around two in the morning I passed out on the couch. I was so drunk I didn't even realize that when I woke up the next morning that Jack had tried to show up. I locked the door behind me, knowing he'd come. According to what I had heard from Lisa, he'd tried to break the door down. Him, Alex, and her had shown up. The two of them were trying to get Jack home, but he was too pissed off at me to do that. He ran at the door full speed trying to open it. This went on for twenty minutes before they finally managed to drag him home. Before they left though, he wrote a note on a receipt from Lisa's purse and slid it under the door.

I'm sorry. It read.

When I found it the next morning I cried.