Doing Better

Work had consumed my life since October, which had it's pros and cons. Pros: the CEO of the company was retiring, which meant the position was up for grabs. I knew I was still too new to be considered apart of the running, but the head of my department was and according to her she needed a replacement. Also, it was an amazing distraction. Cons: it had been nearly a year since I'd seen any of my friends in the flesh and it was starting to get to me.

Every so often I'd talk to Lisa, but that was about it. Alex had messaged me a couple of times just to see how I was doing, but I never responded. Not because I didn't want to, but because I would see the message, make a note to respond, and almost immediately forget. My life had become a nonstop whirlwind of meetings and deadlines.

I called Lisa, hoping she'd answer, but she never did. Everything just went straight to voice mail. I figured it was because she busy with her new job. In the beginning I'd leave messages, updating her on my day or just to say hello, but nowadays I just hung up when they automated message appeared. After a while I wondered if she was truly busy or if she was ignoring me. I wouldn't blame her if she was. I never felt like I was the greatest friend.

One day though, sometime around August Lisa called me. I was in my office, working on one of the bigger stories of this issue. I almost didn't answer it. I was so focused in my writing I barely glanced at the call display on my phone. When I saw her name my heart stopped and I picked it up. “Hey!” I nearly screamed.

“Oh my god. You finally answered!”

“I know. I'm sorry. Work is insane.”

“Yeah, same here.” She sounded genuinely excited to talk to me, which made me feel a lot worse about the lack of communication. All this time I thought she had just given up on me. At this point I was honestly surprised to hear from her. “How are you? What are you doing this weekend?”

“I, uh, nothing really.” I pulled up the calender on my computer. The only thing I had to do was lead a meeting on Thursday morning and interview a client later that night. “I'm free this weekend.”

“You're coming to the launch party, right?”

I raised my brow. I swear they just had a launch party last year. “What?”

“Oh, uh, their new album is getting a revamp.” She replied. “They're adding a couple of songs and releasing a special edition thing. I'm not too sure, but they're hosting a party at some bar on the east side of town. You in?”

Despite it being over a year since I'd last spoke with Jack I knew I wasn't ready to see him again. In fact, I didn't think I ever would be.

“Um,” I swallowed hard. “I don't think so.”

“Oh.” She sounded disappointed.

“Yeah, I just remembered I got a lot of work to do. There's talk of me getting a promotion and I really need to buckle down on that.” I needed to make the right excuse. As much as I wanted to Lisa, knowing Jack would be around made it complicated. It didn't help that he was in a committed relationship now either. Ever so often articles about him would pop up on my news feed and in moments of weakness I would read them. Not much was said about his girlfriend, but I knew was beautiful. Tan, long legs, with dark hair. Absolutely gorgeous. I remember when I first clicked the article about them I started crying when I saw the picture. They were at a Raven's game, cuddling together in their seats. I wanted to die when I saw it. I wasn't the same for weeks after that.

“I'm sorry.” Lisa sighed. “I forgot about the whole Jack thing.”

“It's fine.” I was almost relieved she knew right away. I felt bad for lying. “I just don't think I could be there, especially with his girlfriend around.”

“Fiancé.” She corrected.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

“Sorry. I always have to correct Alex.” She laughed.

“It's fine.” The pit in my stomach grew larger the longer I talked to Lisa. I didn't want to be that guy, but I was over talking to her. I made some excuse to get off the phone and once I hung up I could feel the sadness inside me start to take over. I tried to distract myself with work, but I could tell my brain was done for the day. I needed to be alone. I packed up my stuff and told my boss I was going home to work. She didn't even question me. I went home and laid on the couch for hours. I watched half a season of Parks and Rec before I pulled out my phone and noticed the mass amount of drunk texts I'd received from Lisa.

HEY MISS YOU.

YOU OKAY???

PLS COME TONIGHT.

PLS PLS PLS.

I GET YOUR MA D AT JACK BUT HE'S DUM DON'T LISTENN TO HIM.

U R PERFECT.

ALEX SAYS HI.

JACK IS GRUJMPY.

CAN I AXL YOU?

I'M CALLING YOU.

My phone began ringing almost immediately. I sighed deeply and put it on silent. I wasn't ready to talk to anyone. I just wanted to keep being alone for a little while longer. It felt nice to not have to worry about anyone, but myself. Instead of dwelling on it, I watched the rest of the season of my show before heading off to bed. I checked my phone one last time. I had a couple of more messages from Lisa, stating she was mad I wasn't answering my phone. She called two more times too. I didn't reply to anything. I turned off my phone and laid in bed. Was I being a shitty person for ignoring her?

I caved. Grabbing my phone from my nightstand I composed a quick text, before going to sleep.

Hey. Sorry I haven't been talking much. I just need time on my own for a while.