Doing Better
wet dreamz
We got to his apartment twenty minutes later. We basically booked it into the elevator where he repeatedly pressed the button to shut the doors. Once we were out of sight he leaned against the wall and pulled me into him by the loops of my pants. I rested my hands against his chest, while we kissed the whole way up to his floor. Once there he grabbed my hand and led me to his room number where he fumbled to get the keys out of his pocket as he kissed me some more. We laughed between kisses. I couldn't tell if he was nervous or not, but we both knew I was.
When he finally got the door open he pushed me inside, clumsily leading me to the bedroom. We kicked off our shoes and I threw his jacket and shirt on the floor. He pushed me onto the bed and began undoing the button of my jeans with his one hand, while he ran the other through my hair. Despite my heart racing, I somehow felt calm. Like this was meant to happen. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, but he protested. He pulled away and smiled. “Is this enough for you?”
I sat up, leaning on my elbows and just stared at him. He was so beautiful. “Jack.” I breathed heavily. “Please shut up.”
He laughed as he ripped off my shirt and kissed me. He cupped my breast and ran his fingers along my stomach. I shivered. He pulled away. “Are you cold?”
I rolled on top of him. “Shh.” I worked on the button of his pants and shoved my hand inside. His dick was average, which made me thankful. I'd been with a few guys, both big and small and I was definitely the kind of girl who liked the norm. It felt the best. I worked my hand back and forth as I kissed him. I could feel him breathing heavily in my mouth. I smirked. Something about making a guy squirm like this made me feel confident as hell.
I kissed down his chin and stopped at his neck, giving him a few nibbles here and there as I continued. He made some soft sounds, but never came. Instead he grabbed my arms and threw me down. He sat on top of me, pinning my arms above my head. “That was rude.”
“What was?”
“What you just did.” He laughed. He gave me a quick kiss. “I wanted to touch you first.”
“Beat you to it, I guess.” I rubbed my leg against his.
He sat down on the bed and pulled me close so I was kneeling between his open legs. He kissed my neck gently, making his way down until he got to my breasts. He reached around and unhooked my bra. He put one in his mouth and suckled my nipple, which felt weirdly good. I breathed heavily and kissed him tenderly on the forehead.
“I like you. A lot.”
He stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. “I like you too.”
“I know talking is kind of a mood killer.” Something came over me. I knew if I didn't ask him now I wouldn't get the chance to. This was important. I needed to set boundaries. What were we? What did we want out of this? What was going on now? “I just feel like I need to ask what we are... if we are.”
He pulled me to the top of the bed so that my head was resting on a pillow. He laid beside me, pulling the blankets over top of us. After that he laid on his side and stared at me. I laid on my side too and stared back.
“I like the idea of being a we,” he said, “but not in the conventional sense.”
I wasn't sure how to feel about what he said. “Okay.”
“What I mean to say is I'm constantly away. That isn't fair to you. I like you a lot Frankie, like more than anyone I've ever liked, but I don't want to hurt you. And I feel like if we make this official that might happen.”
“Why?”
“Because I'd feel like I was abandoning you.” He ran his thumb along my cheek. “I don't want to be the guy who leaves his girlfriend all alone for the majority of the year.”
“Alex does it.” I argued. Honestly, this wasn't the outcome I was looking for. Yes he liked me and he cared about me, but even though part of me felt like it was enough I knew deep down it wasn't. I'd need him to need me. To want me. To be with me no matter what. He clearly wasn't ready for that, which was a major let down, but what was I supposed to do?
“Alex is different. Him and Lisa are meant for each other.” He pulled me against his chest. “You mean a lot to me, but we're 23. We don't have our lives together yet. We don't know if we're meant to be together. I don't know about you, but I don't want things between us to get messy and we stop being best friends.”
I wanted to cry. I was so heartbroken, but I couldn't let it get to me. He was right. We had no idea what any of this was and rushing into it was a bad idea. If we wanted to keep things between us going smooth we had to respect each other. We had to communicate. Ultimately we just had to be there for each other.
“You okay?” He grabbed my chin and pulled it up so I was making eye contact with him.
“I don't know.” I replied.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. I pulled him into me. I kissed him hard and told him I wanted to stay.
When he finally got the door open he pushed me inside, clumsily leading me to the bedroom. We kicked off our shoes and I threw his jacket and shirt on the floor. He pushed me onto the bed and began undoing the button of my jeans with his one hand, while he ran the other through my hair. Despite my heart racing, I somehow felt calm. Like this was meant to happen. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, but he protested. He pulled away and smiled. “Is this enough for you?”
I sat up, leaning on my elbows and just stared at him. He was so beautiful. “Jack.” I breathed heavily. “Please shut up.”
He laughed as he ripped off my shirt and kissed me. He cupped my breast and ran his fingers along my stomach. I shivered. He pulled away. “Are you cold?”
I rolled on top of him. “Shh.” I worked on the button of his pants and shoved my hand inside. His dick was average, which made me thankful. I'd been with a few guys, both big and small and I was definitely the kind of girl who liked the norm. It felt the best. I worked my hand back and forth as I kissed him. I could feel him breathing heavily in my mouth. I smirked. Something about making a guy squirm like this made me feel confident as hell.
I kissed down his chin and stopped at his neck, giving him a few nibbles here and there as I continued. He made some soft sounds, but never came. Instead he grabbed my arms and threw me down. He sat on top of me, pinning my arms above my head. “That was rude.”
“What was?”
“What you just did.” He laughed. He gave me a quick kiss. “I wanted to touch you first.”
“Beat you to it, I guess.” I rubbed my leg against his.
He sat down on the bed and pulled me close so I was kneeling between his open legs. He kissed my neck gently, making his way down until he got to my breasts. He reached around and unhooked my bra. He put one in his mouth and suckled my nipple, which felt weirdly good. I breathed heavily and kissed him tenderly on the forehead.
“I like you. A lot.”
He stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. “I like you too.”
“I know talking is kind of a mood killer.” Something came over me. I knew if I didn't ask him now I wouldn't get the chance to. This was important. I needed to set boundaries. What were we? What did we want out of this? What was going on now? “I just feel like I need to ask what we are... if we are.”
He pulled me to the top of the bed so that my head was resting on a pillow. He laid beside me, pulling the blankets over top of us. After that he laid on his side and stared at me. I laid on my side too and stared back.
“I like the idea of being a we,” he said, “but not in the conventional sense.”
I wasn't sure how to feel about what he said. “Okay.”
“What I mean to say is I'm constantly away. That isn't fair to you. I like you a lot Frankie, like more than anyone I've ever liked, but I don't want to hurt you. And I feel like if we make this official that might happen.”
“Why?”
“Because I'd feel like I was abandoning you.” He ran his thumb along my cheek. “I don't want to be the guy who leaves his girlfriend all alone for the majority of the year.”
“Alex does it.” I argued. Honestly, this wasn't the outcome I was looking for. Yes he liked me and he cared about me, but even though part of me felt like it was enough I knew deep down it wasn't. I'd need him to need me. To want me. To be with me no matter what. He clearly wasn't ready for that, which was a major let down, but what was I supposed to do?
“Alex is different. Him and Lisa are meant for each other.” He pulled me against his chest. “You mean a lot to me, but we're 23. We don't have our lives together yet. We don't know if we're meant to be together. I don't know about you, but I don't want things between us to get messy and we stop being best friends.”
I wanted to cry. I was so heartbroken, but I couldn't let it get to me. He was right. We had no idea what any of this was and rushing into it was a bad idea. If we wanted to keep things between us going smooth we had to respect each other. We had to communicate. Ultimately we just had to be there for each other.
“You okay?” He grabbed my chin and pulled it up so I was making eye contact with him.
“I don't know.” I replied.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. I pulled him into me. I kissed him hard and told him I wanted to stay.