Meant to Be

”Dad?” Chick asked hopefully. She was able to silence her shivers when she spoke as to not alarm her father.

“Charlotte? Chick, is that really you?” he replied. Chick was surprised to feel her heart swell with joy. Hearing his voice made her happier than she had been in months. She had been sure, after the surgery, that she would never feel this happy again- that she would never feel anything again.

“Hi, Dad, yeah, it’s me.” She took in a deep breath and clutched her heart. Her sight was blurry and she blinked until she was able to focus again. She wiped tears from her face, beginning to understand how her emotions influenced physical reactions, even if she couldn’t feel them.

She fought to control both the shivers and her wavering voice.

“Mr. Stark told me you were safe, but I’ve been worried sick. Everyone at the station’s been praying for you, Chick.” She smiled and let out a silent, breathy laugh, feeling silly for appreciating such a gesture.

“Thanks, Dad. I’m okay- really. Mr. Stark helped me with my leg. He gave me a new prosthetic, and he- he even helped me with the pain.”

She didn’t want to worry him. She wanted to focus on the positives- for her father.

“I started physical therapy yesterday, and I’m close to walking like I used to before the accident. Mr. Stark…” She sighed shakily with tense shoulders, and rubbed her tired eyes. “He’s given me a new start…”

Chick twiddled her thumbs with her clasped hands tucked around her right knee, draped over the left. She bit her lip and fidgeted nervously, watching the snow fall outside the hospital doors. It was beginning to pick up more as the day went on.

She looked at the shiny, metal analogue clock on the wall behind reception. The nurse there smiled at her and Chick smiled back.

11:57.

She turned around in her chair and continued to watch the snow begin to stick to the freezing ground outside. She played with the fabric of her black jeans, wishing she could feel the simple, soothing texture. She also wore a black sweater and black snow boots. All of her new wardrobe had been given to her by Tony- well, rather, by his fiancée, Pepper.

Though she had only met her once, Chick found that Pepper was elegant, kind, and sharp. She had provided Chick with several articles of clothing after giving her the news about her apartment and her belongings- all destroyed in the fire fight between Tony and HYDRA. So, Tony was doing his best to compensate the tenants of the building for the damages done, working with the Salvation Army and Red Cross, along with his many resources. Pepper was kind enough to save Chick the embarrassment of shopping at the mall, alone, in her hospital sweats, understanding that she was a somewhat special case now- Tony’s special charity case.

Chick felt like a new person, conveniently eager to begin the new year tomorrow.

Chick let a small smile sneak onto her lips as she thought about seeing her father again for the first time in a year.

Being able to see him for New Year’s Eve, nonetheless, was the greatest gift she could have asked for. And, even though her therapist and the doctors did not think it was wise to let her leave the hospital, yet, Tony allowed her father to come to the clandestine bunker to visit for the day.

Chick had a special place in her heart for New Year’s, in particular. New Year’s Eve always reminded Chick of her mother. Specifically, she would usually recall a memory she was hardly sure was real.

When she was alive, this was Chick’s mother’s favorite time of year. In Georgia’s final months, she hid her sickness from her family quite well, and before either her daughter or her husband had realized that the cancer had terminally relapsed- she was gone.

Chick twisted again to look at the clock.

11:59.

She licked her lips, wringing her left wrist cuff underneath her sweater. He would be there at noon, but she was still somehow afraid that he might not come at all. The snow fell in big flakes and already covered the ground in a thin layer.

That first day, when Barnes was under the knife and Chick was in withdrawal, Chick’s therapist had really begun to dig up her past and disrupt the dormant nightmares. When her therapist told her that it was for the next part of Stark’s Protocol, Chick didn’t quite understand. She wasn’t really sure if she wanted to play along with it all- she just wanted to finish her physical therapy, start walking, and go home.

But, really, this step in the Protocol was the reason for Chick’s progress, both physically and emotionally.

When the black SUV pulled up to the door, Chick heard a nurse’s watch beep- 12:00. Chick stood up quickly, tightening her hands into fists. She stared with wide eyes at the car door, waiting to see her father step out into the cold.

”No… I don’t know… I don’t remember much about my mom,” Chick said quietly.

Dr. Wright said that the shivering should be over by the next day, and she was thankful for that. It was hard for her to control it, and it was tiring her quickly.

“Do you talk to your dad about her?” her therapist, Dr. Norris, asked. Chick laughed shortly, looking down at her lap and shaking her head. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and neck with her sweatshirt sleeve.

“I don’t talk to my dad about anything.” As soon as she had said it, Chick regretted it. She scolded herself, frustrated and exhausted from lack of sleep.

“Why’s that?” Chick shrugged, shaking her head dismissively.

“I just mean… I don’t talk to him about sad shit like that.” She looked back up at Dr. Norris.

“What did you talk about today when you called him?” Chick didn’t say anything, which prompted the doctor to continue. “Did you tell him about your leg?”

“Of course.”

“About the withdrawal?” Chick was silent again. “About not being able to walk? About the nerve damage?”

“No!” Chick shouted, frustrated. “Jesus, why would I tell him about that? What good would that do?” Chick leaned forward in her seat holding onto her torso tightly to try and stop her violent trembling. She stared at the beige carpet, wishing she could feel its texture.

“He’s your father. He would want you to feel like you can tell him anything.”

“Well maybe I don’t want to tell him everything,” Chick said quietly with a sigh. Dr. Norris continued to jot notes down on her notepad, without looking at it. Neither spoke for a moment.

“Let’s circle back to your mother, Chick.” Chick closed her eyes briefly.

“There really isn’t much to talk about, doctor.” Dr. Norris shrugged.

“Well, let me ask my earlier question once more- even though you may not remember much of her… Do you have any happy memories of her?” Chick thought for a little while, gathering her thoughts and memories before speaking.

“I have a maybe-memory.” Chick’s voice was somber and quiet. “I was so young when she died. I think I made up memories of her.” Chick paused, closing her eyes and rubbing them with the tips of her fingers. “I guess I was four. It was two months before she died- New Year’s Eve. We didn’t know she was sick again- she didn’t tell Dad or me when the cancer came back.”

Chick didn’t lift her head back up. She kept her eyes closed, envisioning her mother. She tried to recall the ‘happy’ memory of spending New Year’s Eve with her parents.

“I remember… Mom started crying at midnight. I had fallen asleep on the couch, and they didn’t know I was awake again.” Dr. Norris nodded, waiting patiently for her to finish her story before she began probing her again. Chick tried her best to keep her voice even, without shivering and trembling. “I know this doesn’t sound like a happy memory, but it’s the first thing I think of when I think of ‘love.’

“She couldn’t stop crying and sobbing. I didn’t know what to do so I just stayed quiet. I was scared for her. But Dad held her, and rocked her, and kissed her… He wasn’t afraid or sad. He just wanted to make her feel happy again. They just kept thanking each other, and saying how much they loved each other. Over and over again. She wouldn’t stop crying or thanking him.” Chick took in a deep breath as her vision blurred. She blinked tears away, feeling nostalgic and emotional.

“They were really partners. They were so in love… How could I ever think of hurting my father by talking about her?” Dr. Norris picked up the box of tissues on the table in between them and offered them to Chick, who accepted them shyly. “Jesus, I don’t even know if that memory is real or not.” She dabbed at her eyes and nose with the tissue.

“It’s a nice memory. It doesn’t matter if it’s real, Chick. I’m so glad you have that, and I think your father would love to share that memory with you.”

Chick wrang her left wrist cuff, twisting her skin, stitches, and scars. She found that this was becoming a new nervous habit. She wished more than anything that she could feel the twinge of pain that came with disturbing her scars.

“Well… maybe I don’t want to share it. Maybe I want to keep it to myself.” She sniffed defiantly.

“Are you afraid that he’ll tell you it’s not real?” Chick shrugged, throwing the tissue in the small trash can next to the table. “He can’t take it away from you, Chick. All he can do is give you validation… or the truth.” Chick found that she still could not look Dr. Norris in the eye. “And there’s nothing wrong with the truth.”

Chick ran to the doors to meet her father halfway, jumping into his arms and letting herself be wrapped in his arms. She threw her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest.

“Hi, Dad,” Chick quietly. Thomas took in a couple of breaths, too emotional to speak yet.

“Hey, Chick.” His voice was weak, as if he was trying to push past his emotions. “I’m so happy to see you.” They separated and Thomas held Chick at arms length. He shook his head, smiling. “You look more and more like Mom every time I see you. You’re beautiful, kiddo.” Chick smiled and imagined that her heart would have ached at that sentiment, if she could have felt it.

“Strong, too.”

Chick turned to find Tony standing at the reception desk.

“Mr. Stark-” Thomas started, moving closer to him. “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve given my daughter.” He held out his hand for Tony to shake. “And it’s an honor to meet you.” Tony smiled at him and slyly grinned at Chick.

“The pleasure’s all mine, Mr. Abbott. How about I give you the grand tour and show you to our cafeteria? We can chat on the way.” Tony put his hand on Thomas’s back, leading him down the hall, leaving Chick standing alone. She pressed her lips into a straight line and narrowed her eyes at the back of Tony’s head.

“Of course,” she muttered. Her right hand found her left cuff, twisting it gently to pull her puckered skin back and forth, and headed after them.

When Tony had told her that her father would be allowed in the bunker for a ‘supervised visit,’ Chick figured that meant a nurse, or a doctor, or a $8/hour babysitter might accompany them for lunch- not Tony.

She listened to Tony give her father an elaborate speech about the hospital, the laboratories, the garages, and the gyms on his campus- as if he was an investor, and not some nobody firefighter from Brooklyn. As she listened, Chick couldn’t help thinking of what Steve might be doing at that moment. If he and Bucky were catching up… if Steve was telling Bucky about her… if Steve felt anything similar for Chick as she felt for him.

Still, even with Steve filling her thoughts, she couldn’t stop thinking about how Sergeant Barnes had looked at her the previous evening. The turmoil that he suffered was unbearable for her to watch. She could see it so plainly in his eyes, and all she felt for him was pity. She couldn’t understand Steve’s unending patience for this torture, but it made her admire him all the more. He was so good- through and through, a truly good man. She wished that her father could meet him, but she knew better.

Steve and Bucky were still fugitives. Chick supposed that Tony’s presence for her lunch with her dad was so that she didn’t expose them or any IEA secrets. Tony could show her father the surface of this world and he would feel relieved and satisfied with the simple truth he was presented.

“Please, call me Tony.”

Chick gagged silently, still trailing behind the two. She replaced the disgusted look on her face with a smile when her father turned to her, reaching an arm out to her and wrapping it around her shoulders to pull her closer. She let out a genuine laugh, smiling happily. She took in the scent of his cologne, reminding her of Sunday mornings. Her father showering and getting ready for church, the hallway filled with this scent. It was comforting and lit off fireworks in her brain.

“Tony, I wouldn’t call this a cafeteria,” Thomas said in awe as they all came upon one of Tony’s restaurants. Chick refrained from rolling her eyes again. Tony was showboating again- really, it was his sole talent, and he hardly ever stopped.

“They’ll take good care of you.” Tony slapped his hand into Thomas’s. “I’ll let you two have some alone time. It was a pleasure to meet you, Thomas, I’m glad you could come.” Chick raised her eyebrows in surprise. She had been so sure Tony wouldn’t dare to leave her side. But, maybe he did trust her, after all.

Tony gave Chick a pointed, knowing look before heading back down the hall.

After she and her father were settled and ordered their food, there was some time for them to finally talk. Chick felt the familiar tightness of anxiety as she readied herself for this discussion. She covered her bases and talked about the simple things, first. She shared with him the bare bones of the surgery she went through, and let him peak at her metal ankle. She talked about Tony and his generosity, and tried to fight every instinct telling her to trash the Stark name. Finally, she talked about the therapy she underwent to sort out the traumas she experienced.

“I actually talked a bit about Mom,” she began. Thomas took a sip of water.

“Oh?” he asked, not very surprised. Chick swallowed hard, trying to sift through her thoughts.

“Why don’t you ever talk about her?” Thomas’s eyes glazed over as he was pulled into his memories.

“I didn’t know you wanted to talk about her,” he replied with a shrug. Their food was placed in front of them and he immediately started eating french fries from his plate. “Feel free to have some of my fries, princess.” Chick smiled tightly, looking down at her own food and biting her lip.

“Dad, did you know she was dying?” Thomas didn’t look up from his food.

“We all knew she had cancer, Chick.” She looked around the room helplessly, trying to encourage herself to press forward.

“I just mean, did you not tell me when she was dying? Were you trying to protect me, or something?” She stared at him while Thomas took a few moments before he replied.

“Chick, we had enough problems without putting the burden on you. You can’t imagine what your mother was going through. We never wanted to expose you to… to that nightmare. Those last few months- they were a nightmare, Chick.”

“Months…” she repeated quietly. “I’m sorry you went through that alone, Dad.” Thomas looked up quickly, his face pale and his eyes tired. He scratched at the back of his head.

“I didn’t know not telling you could still hurt you. I’m sorry, Chick.”

“No, Dad, it’s okay…” Chick shook her head. “I just wanted to start sorting out the truth, and putting the past behind me.” Chick watched her father eat a couple more fries, hesitating to continue. “Can… can you tell me about New Year’s? Before she died… Can you tell me what happened at midnight?” Thomas searched Chick’s eyes, confused.

Georgia and Thomas kissed as the clock hit midnight. The TV celebrations faded into the background as they embraced. Charlotte was fast asleep on the couch next to them. She had been so determined to stay up with her mom and dad for the new year, but this year she still couldn’t make it.

When they pulled apart, Thomas noticed Georgia’s tears before she was able to dry them.

“Gee, hey,” he said quickly. He cupped his hands on her cheeks and rubbed the tears trails with his thumbs. “What’s wrong?”

The fireworks and glittering New York City lights reflected onto them both in the darkness of the room. Georgia’s eyes twinkled in the colorful lights.

“Thank you for this incredible life, Tom.” She let the tears flow helplessly. She leaned in quickly and embraced him, kissing him passionately. He pulled away, confused.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded. Georgia looked down at Charlotte’s sleeping form, letting out a sob.

“I’m so sorry, Tom. The cancer came back. And, the doctors say it’s spread to my other organs. I’m not going to make it this time.” Thomas felt as though he had been punched in the gut. He could hardly breathe.

“What,” he whispered in disbelief. Georgia shook her head, closing her eyes tightly. “Hey,” he said, grabbing her chin with trembling fingers and turning her face to him. “We are going to fight this. And we are going to kick this cancer’s ass again. And I’m not going to let you go anywhere.”

Georgia collapsed into her husband and he held her tightly, rocking her gently.

“I love you so much, Tom. Thank you so much for everything you have given me.” He swallowed to fight the lump that began to form in his throat.

“I love you, Georgia. Thank you so much for everything you have given me.”

“I remember,” Chick said. “I remember that night.” Thomas frowned.

“I’m sorry, princess.” Chick smiled and shook her head.

“No, it’s one of the happiest memories I have of you. I think the only memory I have of Mom. I cherish that memory.”

“I can’t believe you still remember it. You were, what, four at the time?” Chick shrugged.

“Well I don’t remember every perfect detail. I just remember enough.” Thomas gave her a weak smile.

“I’m glad you have some memory of her. She was so perfect.” He seemed lost in thought once more. Chick tried to take a mental picture of her father in this moment- his eyes full of love and serenity, thinking of the love of his life.

“How’s your food?” she asked quietly. Thomas took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I’d say it’s up to the Stark standard.”

Thomas began to pick at his food once again, but reached his other hand out to grasp his daughter’s small hand in his. He squeezed it and held it until they both finished eating.