Meant to Be

”Keep going, Charlotte!”

Chick took another step towards the door, away from her bed. She couldn’t help panting as she strained to move her numb muscles and the heavy metal that threatened to trip her in her narrow movements.

“A couple more steps, you’re almost there.”

Chick noticed at that moment that Dr. Wright had hung back after those first few steps. She was flying solo- finally.

She noticed that her right slipper had fallen off her foot, causing the silver to scratch the ceramic tile. She winced at the sound and attempted to pick the leg up higher as she staggered.

Dr. Wright met her by the door as she took her final leap to her goal. She took his hands as he helped her into the wheelchair waiting next to him. She caught her breath and played with the cast that covered her left wrist. She twisted it and squeezed the skin that was sucked into the plaster. She smiled widely, closing her eyes and taking in the moment.

After four days of detoxing and intense physical therapy, she had finally managed to walk all on her own.

“Congratulations, Charlotte,” Dr. Wright said, patting her shoulder kindly.

“Let’s do it again,” she whispered.

Chick hugged her father one last time, lingering for a while, not ready to let go. The sun had begun to set, though it was still very early. Tony’s assistant’s, Happy, intervention in their conversation pushed for his departure. He had said to ‘hit the road before the ex-SHIELD agents hit him.’ Thomas had laughed, but Chick wasn’t sure that he wasn’t joking.

“I’ll see you soon, princess. Love you.” Chick was sure she was blushing at her pet name. She imagined Happy and his company snickering and mocking her behind her back. She hugged her father tightly for a moment more and let him go.

“Love you, Dad. Thanks for coming.”

Happy escorted him back to the front door, and they waved at each other. She stood alone in the same place, watching them drive away, sending flurries of snow flying. She didn’t move even after they left, but sighed, watched the snow, and longed for his company.

“That was your father?” Chick took in a breath, startled by the soft voice that chimed behind her, and turned.

”Why shouldn’t I blame him for this?” Chick asked Dr. Norris. Dr. Norris took a pause before continuing.

“Let’s say you have very reason to blame Sergeant Barnes for your misfortunes.” Chick huffed and rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. It was as if she wasn’t listening to what Chick was saying. “Holding onto this anger is causing you more problems.

“Something so horrible as what happened to you is not something that you’re ever going to forget. But, why shouldn’t you be allowed to forgive Barnes, and move on with your life?”

Chick scrunched her face, unable to disguise her distaste for such an idea.

“Because he’s the goddamn Winter Soldier. He’s a criminal; he’s killed hundreds, and I was almost one of them. He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”

“Chick, look at how worked up you get about him. It’s hurting you and Barnes feels none of it. The forgiveness is not for his benefit- it’s for yours.”

Chick relaxed her face, shaking her head and covering her eyes with her right hand, avoiding touching her wrapped thumb to her face.

She focused on her breathing, trying to calm down. She was worried that she would overheat or chip her teeth, which she was still getting used to having to worry about at all.

“How?” Chick muttered. “How do I even begin to forgive him, or let go of all this anger?” She let her hand fall back to her lap and looked at Dr. Norris desperately.

“You start by acknowledging the negative, and then concentrating on the positive.”

“Sergeant Barnes,” Chick breathed out, shocked. He gave her a crooked, closed smile, rubbing his hands down the sides of his white T-shirt and gray sweatpants. His new metal arm and wrist implant shone in the overhead lights. In a room of neutral whites, grays, and beiges, Barnes’s blue eyes stood out like aquamarine gems.

“He seemed nice.” His voice was timid- as if he was afraid to take up too much space with his presence.

“He is. It was nice of Tony to let him come visit.” Chick returned his nervous smile, twisting her left cuff again.

“I just, uh…” Barnes took a step towards her, clearing his throat. “I talked to Steve, and I just wanted to apologize to you.” Chick gaped at him stupidly.

“Oh,” she said, completely caught off guard.

There had been so many things she wanted to say to him over the last four years. There had been so many things she pictured him saying. An apology was never something she expected from him.

She cleared her throat.

“Thanks,” she continued, still reeling and unsure of what to say in response. Barnes nodded quickly, tucking his hands in his pants pockets and turning to go. “Sergeant-” she found herself calling. Barnes turned back, surprised. She took in a breath, letting it out sharply. “I meant it, you know.” He cocked his head.

“Meant what?” he asked. Chick took a step toward him and Barnes looked at her intensely. She smiled and took a calming breath. She had to look away from him finally, choosing to look at her hands as she fiddled with her cuffs.

“It took me a while to get over losing my leg. And, I’ll admit I was really angry about it- about… you. I blamed it all on you.” She swallowed hard. “But, you saved my life, Sergeant. I wouldn’t have lived if you hadn’t found me and tied off my leg. So… I owe you my life, really.” She looked back up at him, anxiously expectant.

Barnes didn’t say anything. His eyes looked solemn and unsure. He looked anywhere but at Chick, as if he wanted to escape.

“You don’t owe me anything, Ms. Abbott.”

“Chick-” she interrupted. “Call me Chick.” Barnes gave her another crooked smile and let out a breathy laugh through his nose.

“Is that a nickname?” His voice was still quiet and cool.

“Eh, yeah,” she said smiling and looking down at her hands again. “My name’s Charlotte. My dad started calling me Chick when I was a kid.” Bucky nodded thoughtfully.

“Well, you can call me Bucky.” She looked back up at him, surprised- another thing she never expected to hear from the Winter Soldier.

He looked so tired. Even after being asleep for a week of surgery, he looked exhausted. His blue eyes were ringed by dark circles which contrasted against his pale, run-down skin. She couldn’t help searching his face, drinking in the small details that she hadn’t seen before. Past his long, brown hair, and his thick beard, she saw his bone structure and eye shape; his pointed nose; his arching brows. She felt as though he was doing the same to her with such an intense gaze. She felt naked in front of him.

And this confused her.

”Hey,” she heard Steve say from the door.

Chick had to stop herself before she whipped around to see him. She turned slowly, holding her balance on her own. She was practicing walking from her bed to the wall close to her. She needed to try, even without the doctors there to help her.

“Steve.” Chick was actually glad to see him, though he seemed very cautious to enter her room. The last time she had seen him was when she was knocking him through a wall, and clearly he wasn’t sure how she would perceive his presence.

She had asked one of the nurses to pass along the message to him that she wanted to talk to him. She wasn’t even sure if he would come, but she had to try. After Dr. Norris had tried to help her that morning with the process of forgiving and moving on with her life, she decided that an easy start would be to patch things up with Steve.

“Steve,” she said as she waved her arms to balance, falling back to her bed. He took a few steps towards her with his arms out. “I’m okay. Thanks for coming.” She strained to pick her leg up onto the bed. “Come sit, please.” She motioned to the armchair in front of her. Steve smiled gently, sitting with her.

“I just wanna say I’m sorry. I wasn’t really in my right mind- which isn’t an excuse,” Chick rambled nervously. She couldn’t look at him. “Thank you for trying to help me. I know Tony was trying to help me for his own reasons, but you had no reason to help me, other than just trying to make my life better. And I didn’t understand that.” She took in a quick breath and let it out before looking squarely at Steve. “I get it now. And, I’m sorry.”

Steve’s eyes glittered when he smiled, so handsomely, which cause Chick to feel the same fluttery feeling that she had felt the day they watched the movie together. She tried to flatten this feeling, embracing numbness once again.

“You don’t have to apologize, Chick.” She shook her head.

“Of course I do. You didn’t deserve to be treated the way I treated you.” Chick clasped her hands together and squeezed nervously. “I’m trying to figure out… how to heal, I guess. I wanted to start with you.”

“I’m honored.” There was a moment of silence between the two, but it was comfortable and warm as they held eye contact and smiled. “Can I help you practice walking? Maybe we can tour the hospital.” She took in another breath, trying not to let her heart flutter again.

His kindness was the attention she never thought she deserved, and she couldn’t help but swoon at how often he extended himself for her benefit.

Chick hadn’t had a boyfriend since she lost her leg. She broke up with him while she was in the hospital because she no longer thought she was a woman deserving of another man’s love. She was incomplete- but now, after the surgery and after the therapy, she felt like she could put herself out on a limb and accept love and attention from men without feeling the need to run away.

Not that Steve was giving her his love- she didn’t dare jump to such a conclusion with Captain America. But still, she wasn’t used attention like this, and couldn’t help but feel herself drawn to him, with his glittering eyes and boyish smile.

“I would really like that. Thank you, Steve.”

He stood up and extended his hand for her. She placed her right hand in his and wished she could feel his warmth and softness. Now though, she felt nothing but excitement.

Chick took another step towards Bucky, extending her hand to him.

“Thank you again, Bucky.” He looked at her hand like it was going to bite him, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He placed his hand gently against hers.

“Anytime,” he replied quietly.

Her skin was soft and warm, and her hand was small and fragile. Her eyes were grassy green and pulled him in. Her long eyelashes lined her eyes naturally; her lips were full and pink; her hair was wavy and thick.

Bucky let go of her hand and took a step back.

“I’m out of my room for the first time in weeks,” he started. Chick smiled, trying to forget the moment they shared. “You think you can show me around?” Chick felt like she was reliving a memory. She nodded, her lips parted in surprise.

“Of course. I know this place like the back of my hand,” she joked. She moved to stand alongside him and they started to walk together down the hallway, keeping a calculated distance between them.