'F' Is for Forbidden

It was sometime after one in the afternoon and I was sitting in the cafeteria, munching on gluten-free pizza, when the whispers became more than just hot air.

Some were harsh, whereas other had some truth to them. The rumours that were destined to fly around about me and Nikolai just got worse as the day droned on.

One of them was that I had thrown myself at Nikolai, saying that I needed a good fuck and he's all I wanted. It painted him as man of the hour, he who would never dare put a finger on an intoxicated woman. Apparently, I kissed him and he had to reassure me I wasn't available.

I mean, really? I despised Nikolai, everyone knew that. I'd rather kiss a cockroach than his STD inflicted face.

Rumors I was used to. Being frozen out, on the other hand, I was not.

Approaching other people, they giggled at the sight of me and wandered off. Or turned their backs.

For once, I wanted the company... only no one wanted mine.

"Jensen, are you even listening to me?"

I squeezed my eyes together. I guess I'd zoned out with my thoughts. When I re-opened them, Dominic was sitting in a chair next to me, although I couldn't remember when he got there.

I shook my head curtly.

He sighed.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore..."

My head snapped sideways, catching his eye immediately. What did that mean?

He continued before I even got the chance to ask.

"Every day, no matter where we are or what we do, you're centre topic. I'm always asking how you are – even if I don't get a response, which is often. Just once I'd like for you to ask how I'm doing."

When I shaped my mouth to do so, he held up a hand. I shut up again, looking all around me. Thankfully, nobody had caught onto us yet, there was still time to salvage this before it became a scene.

"And I know you're not good with expressing yourself, I've had two years to figure you out." He sighed again, as I pressed my lips together. "I look at you and I see a queen. A woman so powerful, so beyond the touch of others, I'm surprised I've been so close. You're amazing, in every way anyone can ever fathom – but I'm just the stable boy."

Metaphors had never been my thing, so I knew why I was upset with Dominic. He was spurting this all out to me, knowing I'd have to catch up. How was that fair?

"You're so incredible. And I'm so incredibly in love with you..."

My jaw trembled, as my heart stopped pumping its blood flow.

"But you don't love me – and I don't think I can be with somebody who doesn't appreciate me." His voice was soft, steady, like he'd rehearsed this through a million times.

I swallowed. I couldn't bring myself to say anything. What was I supposed to do? Beg him to stay and promise I'd be there for him through and through, on the ups and downs? That... didn't sound like me. I wasn't the kind of girl who begged, never mind who stooped as low as to need someone.

Which is what he was yearning for. He was looking for a girl he could spoil, who liked being an 'us' and not a 'me'. I was all I truly had, in the end, what did he expect from me?

"If you learn you can do that, just know I'd spend all my years waiting for you." Kissing my forehead softly for the last time with those buttery sweet lips, he rose from his chair and left the canteen.

I sat back, wondering if I really was an ice queen. I mean, sure, I was wary of people, but what human with common sense wouldn't be? Maybe it had developed from my childhood. I'd grown up independently, believing I could only rely on myself, as people were transitory; replaceable. My own life wasn't.

I was more important than them, because I was me and they... well, weren't.

Avoiding the stares of my peers, I picked up my apple and crunched into it.

Their problems were far from their own minds – so why should I consider them too? Because all it seemed to be that they only cared about mine.

It had always been about me...

Is that why Dominic left me?

My spotlight shifted, to the reason this was happening to me in the first place, as he chuckled with his mates, football under one arm. In the other, he held his tray full of school-made goop.

Before I even knew it, I was rising out of my seat. My feet marched, fast and unpredictable.

I put myself squarely in his way. After charming his way out of paying a dollar or so for his fries, he turned – only to turn completely still once our eyes met.

I'd never seen Nikolai pant before. Even on the football field, it seemed like his only fuel was adrenaline.

With a flick of my wrist, food was catapulted upwards to his face. It clung on to his clothes, which were no doubt of the highest fashion, dribbling sweet disgustingness all over.

"I wouldn't think of that as an act of revenge, by the way." I winked, making sure I looked every bit as dangerously seductive as I could. Going by the eyes that followed me, and their growing amazement, I didn't doubt myself.

"Think of it more like... justice."

With that said and done, I sauntered out the hall.

Today had been tough on me already, but I bet with that scene I just created – the possibilities of it changing could never cease.