Spectacular Ever Afters
Katherine Kingston
Everyday, when I was a child; I woke up to a body I hated. I looked in the mirror at myself and wanted it all to go away, it didn’t feel right. Nothing ever felt right. I never understood why it didn’t feel right, everyone said maybe I will figure it out when I got older. But I got older and went to High School and it all still felt wrong, I was bullied, and ridiculed on the daily. I found that when I wore women’s clothes or wore make-up and did my hair I felt so much better on the inside and the outside. Of course, this only made the bullying so much worse, because I was a guy wearing girl clothes and wearing make up. Not something that was truly accepted in society back then. I didn’t care what people thought about me though, I dressed how I wanted and I felt so much better in my own skin. My parents made me see a therapist because they thought I was messed up in the head, but I’m not and never was. I’m simply transgender.
Once I had figured this out, everything seemed to make sense. My entire childhood flashed before my eyes and I understood why I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I always enjoyed to play dress up and steal my sisters clothes. My parents always thought it was a phase I would grow out of, but it wasn’t a phase. It’s simply who I am. I used to burn myself purposely as well, I was feeling so numb inside that it made me feel something for awhile. Even if it was pain, it was something. When I told my parents, at first they didn’t believe me. They assumed again that it was a phase I would just grow out of; but after some time and research on their part, they finally came to terms with who I am. The love and support they provided me was the most love I have ever felt in my entire life. They allowed me to start hormone treatments, and go shopping for female clothes. I was also allowed to change my name legally, I went from Kolton to Katherine and they stuck to it.
I attended a support group for other people like me, we met three times a week and I made some new friends and even found love. I know right now it sounds like I found my happily ever after, but I didn’t. Not even close.
The love I had found, was truly a lie. “She” had told me she was transitioning from male to female as well, I identified as bisexual and I was interested in woman at the time. We hit it off straight away, went shopping together, spent the night at each others houses, told each others secrets and we fell in love.
Or so I thought.
About after six months into my transition, and five months into our relationship she started getting overly jealous of everyone I ever spoke to or had associations with. Nothing I ever did was good enough, and she started making fun of my decision to become a woman. I thought it was odd considering she was doing the same with her body. But after some research and digging, I had realize she was never a he to begin with. How could I have been so stupid? It made sense though after sometime thinking about it. She would never change around me, and I thought maybe she was just insecure about her still changing male to female body. But, it was so I didn’t figure out that she was never a he and never had the male parts I was still cursed with.
We also never did anything intimate except for kissing, but that’s about it. I never really desired to take the relationship further, and she never initiated anything either. I just wanted to know why she would do this to me, I thought maybe she was just confused about her identity and was trying to figure herself out. That wasn’t the case though, it was lies, all of it was lies. She was also dating other guys behind my back, saying she wanted a ‘real man’ and not a fake one like me. But, I was never a or a boy.
There was one day I was at a bar with some friends, it had been months since our relationship had died, and I had gotten super drunk and I feel like someone had spiked my drink as I was feeling woozy and sick to my stomach. At this point in my life I was also miles from home going to college, only my closest friends knew about my transition and accepted me for who I am. I decided to walk back to my dorm that night; I knew that in my drunken state that it was a stupid idea, but I figured since it wasn’t a far walk that nothing bad would happen.
Again, I was so wrong.
Not even a meter out of the bar, and I felt someone hit me hard over the head with what felt like a metal bat. I was instantly knocked out and the world around me turned into black.
Once I had figured this out, everything seemed to make sense. My entire childhood flashed before my eyes and I understood why I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I always enjoyed to play dress up and steal my sisters clothes. My parents always thought it was a phase I would grow out of, but it wasn’t a phase. It’s simply who I am. I used to burn myself purposely as well, I was feeling so numb inside that it made me feel something for awhile. Even if it was pain, it was something. When I told my parents, at first they didn’t believe me. They assumed again that it was a phase I would just grow out of; but after some time and research on their part, they finally came to terms with who I am. The love and support they provided me was the most love I have ever felt in my entire life. They allowed me to start hormone treatments, and go shopping for female clothes. I was also allowed to change my name legally, I went from Kolton to Katherine and they stuck to it.
I attended a support group for other people like me, we met three times a week and I made some new friends and even found love. I know right now it sounds like I found my happily ever after, but I didn’t. Not even close.
The love I had found, was truly a lie. “She” had told me she was transitioning from male to female as well, I identified as bisexual and I was interested in woman at the time. We hit it off straight away, went shopping together, spent the night at each others houses, told each others secrets and we fell in love.
Or so I thought.
About after six months into my transition, and five months into our relationship she started getting overly jealous of everyone I ever spoke to or had associations with. Nothing I ever did was good enough, and she started making fun of my decision to become a woman. I thought it was odd considering she was doing the same with her body. But after some research and digging, I had realize she was never a he to begin with. How could I have been so stupid? It made sense though after sometime thinking about it. She would never change around me, and I thought maybe she was just insecure about her still changing male to female body. But, it was so I didn’t figure out that she was never a he and never had the male parts I was still cursed with.
We also never did anything intimate except for kissing, but that’s about it. I never really desired to take the relationship further, and she never initiated anything either. I just wanted to know why she would do this to me, I thought maybe she was just confused about her identity and was trying to figure herself out. That wasn’t the case though, it was lies, all of it was lies. She was also dating other guys behind my back, saying she wanted a ‘real man’ and not a fake one like me. But, I was never a or a boy.
There was one day I was at a bar with some friends, it had been months since our relationship had died, and I had gotten super drunk and I feel like someone had spiked my drink as I was feeling woozy and sick to my stomach. At this point in my life I was also miles from home going to college, only my closest friends knew about my transition and accepted me for who I am. I decided to walk back to my dorm that night; I knew that in my drunken state that it was a stupid idea, but I figured since it wasn’t a far walk that nothing bad would happen.
Again, I was so wrong.
Not even a meter out of the bar, and I felt someone hit me hard over the head with what felt like a metal bat. I was instantly knocked out and the world around me turned into black.