Status: Active

Dear God

Chapter 06

**A/N This is the 2nd update of the night, so make sure you read Chapter 5 first! Also this chapter has some adult content. Enjoy!**

Happiness. That’s what I was feeling at the current moment. I had my kids with me and I had Caroline back in my life. I looked over at the woman in question and smiled softly when I saw that she was still watching the movie but absentmindedly stroking Jesse’s hair as he slept in her lap. My heart clenched at the scene in front of me. Carly was passed out on my chest, Lilly was asleep with her head on my shoulder and her arm around Carly. If I was being honest with myself, this was the happiest I’ve been in a while but the what ifs dampened that happiness just a little bit. This is what our lives together should have looked like. We should have ended every day just like we are currently, curled up on the couch as a family and watching a movie. Suddenly I wanted more nights like this and I wanted them with Caroline . It made me wonder if Caroline would accept an apology and give me a second chance…give us a second chance.

As if she knew I was staring at her, Caroline looked over at me and smiled. She looked down at the kids asleep and her smiled softened into a fond and loving smile. One I haven’t seen on her in many years.

“Let’s just put them in Lilly’s bed for tonight. I don’t want you have to wake them up just to put them to bed again. You all had a long day, so you guys can just stay here.” She said softly, stroking Lilly’s hair now.

I smiled gratefully. “Thank you, that would be great.” I knew how inconvenient it was for her to suggest that we stay and I was highly grateful for it. Gently, I gathered Carly and Lilly in my arms before following down the hallway with Jesse in her arms.

Quietly and efficiently the two of us got the kids changed and in bed. I couldn’t help but notice how natural Caroline was at being a mom and how much she cared for Lilly. I couldn’t even imagine how hard it was for her to take on the responsibility of being a guardian at such a young age…and I could see that now. I knew how hard it was to raise not one, but two kids, and I didn’t do it alone. I knew from talking with Brian that Corey and his wife really helped Carrie out when her mom was sick and even after she passed away. Thinking about her mom had a wave of regret and guilt crashing through me. I was so selfish six years ago that I didn’t even know she had passed away. I know there is nothing I could say or do now to make up for how I acted all those years ago and during all the time in between. I mean hell, I hated the sweet little girl asleep in her bed before she was even born. Who does that? Who hates a child before they’re even in the world and breathing? Mel maybe, but not me. Watching the three kids sleep peacefully, I felt the self hate creep up in my chest because of the hate and selfishness, I missed out on so much and it was all my fault.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts of the Harper sisters, that the feel of Caroline’s small hand on my arm caused me to jump. I looked down at the woman standing next to me who was smiling up at me.

“Come on, we can go watch a non animated movie.” She giggled, her eyes lit with excitement. If she lived like I did, I know for a fact that she hasn’t watched a movie that wasn’t a children’s movie in a long time. I turned on the night light and left the door open a crack before going back into the living room and waiting for Caroline to join me. Walking into the room, I knew from my first visit here that this apartment only had one bed room and it was the one the kids were currently sleeping in. That only left the couch for Carrie to sleep on and that was sad to me. She does so much for Lilly, that she was cutting herself short and it was only going to get worse the older the two of them get. I knew if I brought it up that Caroline would freak out and get defensive about it. I needed to find a way to help her out without her knowing I was helping.

“You know it’s a pull out couch right?” Caroline said as she entered the living room. I turned around with a snarky comment on the tip of my tongue but it was lost when I took in her appearance. She wasn’t wearing anything that could be considered sexy but she took my breath away. She was wearing flannel pants and an oversized VU shirt that was clearly Zacky’s and she also had pink fuzzy socks on her feet.

“What movie do you want to watch?” She asked, taking a seat next to me on the couch. I shrugged and she rolled her eyes with a laugh. “There is Netflix or I have my normal DVD collection.”

“Why not “Fear and Loathing?” I grinned, waiting to see if she got the connection.
I chuckled when she rolled her eyes again, but got up and put the movie in. I took the chance to lay out on the couch and wait for her to return. The ball was in her court, she could either lay in front of me or sit on the chair across the room. When Caroline turn around, she paused for a second before sitting down on the couch in front of me. She made sure that we weren’t touching, but still close enough that there wasn’t an awkward distance between us. I shifted on the couch so that I was sitting up with my back against the arm of the couch, giving Caroline more room at her end of the couch. If I was being honest with myself, my heart was pounding away in my chest at the possibility of being very close to her again.
I had no intentions of crossing any lines while here, but it was almost like the past five or six years were just a nightmare. I wanted to be near her, to have her in my arms, but I didn’t want to push her. So I turned my attention to one of our group’s favorite movies, occasionally glancing at Caroline.

A few times I looked over at her, she was biting her lip and looking at me out the side of her eye. Every so often, I’d hear her sigh and feel her shift, sending my heart rate spiking once again. Part of me wanted to just reach over to her and pull her down with me, but I knew that wouldn’t go over well with her. Eventually, Without a word Caroline reached over and shut the light off before laying down on the couch with me. Internally I fist pumped as she got comfortable. Deciding to take a chance and risking a head to the nose, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her in a little closer. I felt like such a girl when my heart literally skipped a beat when I felt her warmth pressed against me. I was nervous. I haven’t been nervous around a girl in years….well since I started pursuing the girl currently in my arms. It all came back to her.

“Don’t get any ideas, Matthew.” She whispered, but moved with me.

I grinned and leaned down close to her ear. “Feels like old times.”

Caroline hummed her response but kept her eyes on the television. It was evident that she was nervous too, but she was relaxed in my arms so I didn’t have to worry about her being uncomfortable. We continued to talk softly as we watched the movie, but eventually Caroline stopped responding and she went even more limp in my arms. It was the type of relaxed one gets when they’re asleep and pretty soon her heavy breathing could be heard. I smiled to myself and looked down at her. The lights of the television making her already glowing skin glow a light blue. Her eyelashes casting long shadows on her slightly flushed cheeks. For what seemed like the umpteenth time, my heart skipped a beat. She was so beautiful. How could I have let her go so easily?

That was the question that was buzzing around my head as I drifted off to sleep myself.


The following morning I woke up to the sun shining on my face and a warm body pressed against me. In the past when this was my wake up call, I’d sneak out as quickly and quietly as I could, but not this time. This time, I didn’t want to go anywhere. In fact I wanted the person next to me even closer, so I pulled her closer. I smiled when she shifted as she woke up and turned to face me.

“Morning.” She whispered

“Morning.” I smiled. God I want to kiss you. I thought to myself as I looked over the sleepy woman in my arms. It had been a long time since I’ve felt this way about a woman…hell it’s been six years since I’ve felt like this. I began rubbing Caroline’s back and she hummed softly, her eyes closed, as she snuggled closer to me. Fuck it. I shifted so I could lift Caroline’s chin and lightly kissed her, and there goes my heart skipping another beat when she kissed me back.

My pulse spiked even more when she moved in tighter and wrapped her arm around my shoulders the best she could for our current position, deepening the kiss. It honest to god felt like coming home. Everything felt right with Caroline in my arms and my mouth on hers. I groaned when Caroline opened her mouth to my invading tongue and quickly flipped us so she was underneath me.

“Matt” She gasped.

I looked over her as she laid there and tried to catch her breath. Her eyes were shining bright with lust, her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were red from our kissing. She looked absolutely beautiful and I couldn’t resist kissing her again.

Caroline responded the same way she does with everything, passionately. Her hands were in my hair, pulling slightly sending desire coursing through me. I was never in love with my long hair, but in this moment it was my favorite hair style I’ve had. I pulled away from Care’s lips and kissed down her jaw to her neck where I began to lick and bite, causing her to moan loud.

“Shhh.” I chuckled, kissing her collarbone. “You’re going to wake the kids up.”

“Lilly sleeps through anything.” Caroline giggled, then gasped as I bit down lightly.

I laughed and went back to kissing Caroline’s neck, enjoying the sounds she was making and wanting her to keep making them. Using my knees, I spread Caroline’s legs so I could settle myself between them, making sure she felt what her noises and light hair pulling were doing to me. I rolled my hips just once, making sure to brush up against her most sensitive part. When she moaned, I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face. My Sweet Caroline, always so responsive to my touch. It was something that didn’t change during our times apart. I knew exactly where and how to touch her to turn her into putty in my hands. I used it to my advantage quite a bit when we were dating, especially when we were out with friends. I was all about teasing her at times.

Without breaking the kiss, I began running my left hand underneath her shirt, stopping just below her bust. With another roll of my hips, I deepened the kiss even more as I moved my hand to caress Caroline’s breast. Her breath hitched as I squeezed her flesh before finding my target. Her hard nipple. Smirking, I pulled from the kiss and watched the woman beneath me pant and squirm trying to find some relief. I kept my eyes on her as I pinched her nipple not so gently, knowing the exact response I’d get from her. Sure enough, her back arched off the couch and she let out a mix between a gasp and a moan.
“Fuck Matt. That feels so good.”
“Then you’re going to love this.” I winked, leaning down and kissing my way up Caroline’s stomach, pushing her shirt up as I go. Glancing up at her, I ran my tongue around her pert nipple before biting down on it lightly.

The groan she let out had me rock hard in an instant and pushing my lower half into her. “Fuck, Care.”

“Matt, please!”

“Please what, Care? What do you want?”

I watched as Caroline opened and closed her mouth before swallowing hard. She looked up at me with wide, lust filled eyes. She bucked her hips and moaned when she felt how hard I was. I was about to ask her what she wanted again, but decided to kiss her again.

“Daddy!” The sound of Carly yelling for me was the cold bucket of water Caroline and I needed. I groaned as Caroline giggled some more, pushing against me. When I sat up and looked down at her, I coouldn’t stop the next groan that escaped me. Caroline’s clothes were askew and she was flushed from our make out session. Caroline flushed even more and looked away from me, sitting up herself. After she took a few deep breaths and the air around us turned from sexual tension filled to awkwardness.

“Go shower, I’ll get the kids up and get them fed.” She said, standing up and throwing her hair into a ponytail as she walked out of the room. Before she disappeared down the hallway she turned to look back at me and smiled. “You’re staring, Sanders.”

“Yes I am. I’m just glad you’re back in my life, Caroline. I’ve missed you.” I said softly, smiling when I saw a deep blush spread across her cheeks, one that was different then the blush that I had put there not too long ago.

“I’m glad you’re back in my life too, Matt.” She whispered softly before walking down the hallway and into the bedroom. “Good morning, sunshines!” She said brightly.

I continued to stand in the living room and listen to Caroline talk to the kids for a little bit longer before jumping in the shower like she suggested. I turned the water on and looked myself over in the mirror as it began to heat up. I looked just as ruffled as Caroline did when we were pulled apart by Carly. I couldn’t help but smirk to myself as I recalled Carrie’s responses to our make out session, but I couldn’t help but wonder what she wanted from me.
Was I just someone familiar to sleep with or did she still have feelings from six years ago?
I don’t know why these thoughts were swimming through my head, but I didn’t want them there. I didn’t want any negative thoughts to cloud the possibility of a second chance between us, but at the same time I couldn’t stop wondering. I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the warm spray, my body instantly relaxing but it did nothing to shut my mind off. I made a vow to myself that I wasn’t going to dwell on my concerns and let things play out as they may. I just hoped I didn’t get my heart broken again.