Status: Active

Dear God

Chapter 07

While Matt was in the shower I got the kids up and started on breakfast. Lilly was quick to show Carly and Jesse how breakfast was done in our house and they did it without complaint. It was refreshing to see young children raised with manners and respect, something I didn’t see very often when I was working my shifts at the diner.

“Sissy, what are we going to do today?” Lilly asked, as she pulled herself up into her chair.
Propping my hip against the counter, I smiled at her. “I don’t know, Lilly. What do you three want to do today?”

Understandably Carly and Jesse were quiet about picking something to do because they weren’t familiar with the area, but they were no less excited at the idea of doing something with their new friend. I already had an idea of what I wanted to do with them, but I wanted the kids to feel like they had a say in our activities.

“Can we do Adventureland?” My sister asked softly, looking down at the table.

I smiled softly, she didn’t ask for much because she knew there wasn’t a lot I could give her and I knew how special the amusement park was to her. It was one of the last places my mom took the two of us before she got too sick to go places. While Lilly was young when mom got really sick and later passed away, she still remembers her and the activities we did together. Her picking Adventureland showed me how much Matt and his kids meant to her and while I was happy about that, it also scared me. It sent a bunch of what ifs flying through my head and made my pulse spike and my breathing to become uneven.

Lilly was looking at me now with hope and disappointment in her eyes and I felt my own eyes begin to sting. I knew money would be a little tight with going to the amusement park, but I couldn’t disappoint the little girl in front of me. “That sounds like an amazing idea, Lil. We haven’t been there in a long time. I think Jesse and Carly will really like it.” I smiled.

“Jesse and Carly will really like what?” Matt’s smooth voice said from the living room where he was slipping his shoes on. I looked up at him and smiled, loving the way his wet hair was hanging around his face. He looked young and carefree at that moment.

“Adventureland!” Lilly yelled, clapping excitedly.

Matt looked over at me with amused confusion and I chuckled. “It’s an amusement park, pretty low-key. Not too many big rides. It’s pretty fun. Lilly and I haven’t been in about two years.”

“Yeah, mommy took us.” Lilly said quietly, a total 360 from her expression a mere minute ago. It made me question if taking her there would be a good idea. Would it set her back emotionally? I was just getting her out of the little dark world she was lost in for the last year or so.

Matt’s eyes held sympathy, but didn’t let the little girl see it. “I agree with Carrie, that sounds like a wonderful idea. You can show me all of your favorite things because we have never been there before, so you’re the expert.”

I melted. There was no other way to describe how I was feeling. Matt handled what could have been an extremely emotional situation like a pro and kept the situation about Lilly and our activity which Lilly loved and I was thankful for.

“So it’s settled, we’re going to the park.” I looked at the quiet Sanders kids and smiled. “Does that sound fun to you guys? Do you like amusement parks?” Carly nodded but Jesse barely smiled. “What’s with the frown, Jesse?”

The little boy sighed, “Daddy is too big to go on the rides with me and mommy never went with us. Uncle Johnny or Uncle Zacky would go with me, Uncle Brian too.”

My heart broke for the young boy in front of me, this wasn’t the first time in the little time he’s been here that he has mention something Melony wasn’t a part of. I looked at Matt and he looked helpless and I felt for him. I knew that feeling and it wasn’t a good one.

“Tell you what, Jesse. I love going on rides, so if there is a ride you want to go on you just let me know and I will go with you. How does that sound?”

His eyes lit up and mine burned once again with unshed tears. “Really?! That would be so cool!”

“What about me, Carrie?” Carly asked, not to be left out. “Will you go on rides with me too?”

“Of course! I will go on with anyone who wants to ride. We’re all about having fun today, so I don’t want anyone to feel left out.”

“What about dad? He’s too big for our rides. He will be left out.”

Matt smirked, his dimples on full display. “Yeah, Carrie. What about me? What will I ride?”

I snorted and blushed at the double meaning to his question. I turned to the coffee maker so he couldn’t see the effect his words had on me. “I’m sure your dad will have plenty of fun with us today. He can try and win us all a teddy bear.” I turned and winked at Carly who giggled and nodded.

Matt just smiled and kissed the top of Carly’s head. Breakfast was filled with chatter from the kids talking about everything they wanted to do today. Matt and I just kept an eye on them as we stood in the kitchen and ate our own breakfast. Which was embarrassing because here I was with guests and unable to offer a seat for everyone.

“Are you still blushing from my comment or is it something else?” Matt asked gently.
“I’m sorry.” I blurted.

“What are you sorry about? Blushing? I love when I can make you blush, I always have. You know this.” He smirked, mischief twinkling in his eyes. A twinkle I saw quite a bit when we were younger and he and the guys had something up their sleeves.

I shook my head, a smiled playing on my lips. “That’s not it. It’s just I’m sorry that I don’t have enough chairs or a big enough table for all of us to sit down and eat.” I looked down at my plate of pancakes, unable to see the sympathy in his eyes directed at me.

Matt reached over and squeezed my hand and waited until I looked up at him. When I didn't, he used his other hand to lift my chin until my eyes met his “Caroline, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You’ve been so generous with letting us stay the night and then cooking us breakfast this morning. So what if you don’t have enough chairs for the five of us, you’re still being hospitable.”

“Look at you using big words.” I teased. “Thanks, Matt I know things aren't the most comfortable around here but it works for Lilly and I.”

“Can I ask something without you getting upset with me?”


“What happened to the money from your mom’s house? I remember Brian saying that you sold it.”

“I used some of it to rent this place, and pay off some of mom’s medical bills and put the rest in a trust fund for Lilly that way she has money for college.”

Matt nodded. “Are you sure about going to the park today?”

I sighed. “Matt, I may not be rock star but I know how to save my money so that I can do stuff like this without breaking the bank. As long as nothing major comes up, I should be fine. I appreciate the concern but I’ve been doing this for five years now.” He didn't need to know that things were a little tight right now and that doing this activity would require more hours at the diner, but it was worth it to see Lilly happy again.

“I know you got a handle on this, Caroline, but I just want to make sure you’re doing okay.”

I was so confused. Part of me wanted to rip his head off for starting this conversation right now, the other part of me was happy that he was worried about me. “I don’t want to start an argument right now, just know that it’s appreciated that you worry but that it’s a little late for that.” I stood up and put my plate in the sink. “I’m going to go get Lilly and myself ready for the day. Do you guys want to wait here or go back to the hotel and we’ll pick you up?”

Clearly sensing my refusal to discuss him worrying, Matt took the bait. “We will go back to the hotel. Pick us up in about an hour?”

I nodded and said my brief goodbyes to the Sanders kids before taking Lilly to her room to get her dressed. The entire time the two of us were getting ready, Lilly was talking a mile a minute about our day ahead and how excited she was. I on the other hand was answering my sister the best I could as my mind ran a mile a minute thinking about not only our day ahead but also the real, child free, talk Matt and I needed to have in order to get over whatever is still between us because now that I’ve had him back in my life, I don’t want to lose him again.

I needed someone to watch the kids for us and wasn't comfortable hiring a random teenager to do it with Matt's kids being here, so I sent Alison a text begging her to watch the kids.

I will only do it if it means that you two finally have hot make up sex ;p

I blushed at her comment but agreed to it if it meant having a kid free evening with Matt. Once I was satisfied that things were in order, I grabbed Lilly's jacket and soon the two of us were on our way to the hotel in town where Matt and the kids were staying.

The drive to the amusement park was filled with giddy chatter and laughter from the kids that sent Matt and I into a fit of giggles as well, the earlier tension gone. Once we got to the park, Matt insisted on paying for Lilly and I and as hard as I tried to fight him on it he didn’t cave So I made sure to give Jesse and Carly spending money with the promise of buying them ice cream on the way home.

As the day wore on, it was quickly becoming one of the best days I've had in a long time. The kids were having a blast at the park and Matt did in fact win all the girls a teddy bear, including me, and a stuffed Captain America for Jesse. Being around Carly and Jesse for the past twenty four hours made me realize once again how much I was missing out on with Matt. If finding out he had kids had hurt all those months ago, actually getting to spend time with them was killing me.

"Carrie, will you go on the scrambler with me? Carly and Lilly don't want to go on." Jesse asked, clearly bummed that his sister and their new friend didn't want to ride.

I smiled. "Of course, give your stuff to your dad." I smirked at Matt. "Why don't you take the girls and grab us lunch? Jesse and I will meet you guys at the burger place at the front of the park." Matt nodded and took the girls' hands, chatting with them as they walked away. I started for the ride and jumped when I felt a tiny hand slip into mine. I looked down at Matt's clone and smiled when matching hazel eyes looked up at me with excitement.

"Thank you for bring us here today, Carrie." Jesse said softly. "I'm having fun."
"I am so glad you're having fun, Jesse. I'm having fun too. Are you enjoying your trip to Iowa?"

The little boy nodded. "I am! I'm glad daddy brought us with him. I like you and Lilly, but I wish you lived closer." He said sadly.

My heart broke, as if I didn't already miss my friends in California, this little boy was making me miss it even more and he and his sister haven't even left yet. I picked Jesse up and held him on my hip as we stood in line. "I know, bud. I wish we lived closer, I miss all of your uncles and aunts. Plus I know Lilly is going to miss you and your sister when you leave."

"Will you miss us?"

"Of course I will. I'm just as glad that your dad brought you two here to visit as you are to be here. He talks so much about you guys, your uncles too. I'm just happy to finally meet you."

"Do you miss my daddy?"

I nodded. "Your daddy was one of my best friend's when I was living in California. We started dating when I was about eighteen years old and we were together for four years before I had to move back here to be here for Lilly and my mom."

"Did you love my daddy?"

"Very much so." I was surprised with how easy it was for me to admit that, especially to someone who could easily spill the beans before I get the balls to admit it to the man in question.

The two of us were quiet as we waited out turn to ride. I thought the guys had told Jesse and Carly all about Matt and I, but wasn't about to stop Jesse from asking questions even if it brought up bad memories of past fights and what ifs. It was clear the five year old was curious about my connection to his father and his uncles.

“Do you know my mommy?” He asked softly, watching the ride spin around.

“No. I never met your mommy. Tell me about her.” I knew this was just asking for trouble but I didn’t want to show how much I hated and was jealous of this sweet little boy’s mother.

“She’s pretty but not as pretty as you." His little face lit up when he complimented me but then fell again, breaking my heart, when he continued about his own mother, "She’s nice...sometimes. She doesn’t like when daddy leaves for a long time but then yells at him when he’s home. I like spending time with daddy more than mommy. Mommy yells at us a lot when daddy isn’t around.”

I was appalled. Why wouldn’t anyone yell at their children more than necessary? Soon it was our turn on the ride and all questions about his mom, my connection to his dad and uncles, and my feelings for the Sanders, all stopped and pure laughter replaced it. Jesse and I couldn’t keep ourselves sitting up straight as the ride spun us around. Jesse’s high pitched giggles brought out his dimples and I smiled at the carefree look on the child’s face. This is what children are supposed to feel. This is what they’re supposed to worry about, they’re next ride during a fun day. Not if his mom loves him or if people in his life are going to leave.
The five of us stayed at the park for a few more hours before we left and I started driving towards Corey and Alison’s place.

“Where are we going?” Matt asked softly as all three kids were asleep in the backseat.

“Alison and Corey’s. They’re watching the kids for the evening so you and I can have some adult time.” I smiled trying to ease the tension that was blossoming between the two of us because we knew what was going to go down.

“They don’t mind?”

I shook my head. “Ali said that as long as hot make up sex is involved she’s game to babysit.” I blushed, mentally smacking myself for letting that bit out.

Keeping my eyes on the road, I could feel Matt’s gaze and smirk. “We can make that happen if it’s part of the deal.” I took one hand off the steering wheel to smack the man next to me as he laughed his deep laugh, sending chills up my spine and causing my cheeks to flush. Get a hold of yourself woman! I scolded myself.

“We will have an adult conversation, Matthew. One that is very needed to get us past all of the shit between us.” I cursed to myself as the sentence slipped out of my mouth. I hadn't meant to bring out the dark elephant in the car, but the man next to me made my brain to mouth filter malfunction.

Matt nodded but didn’t say a word for the rest of the drive. It was clear he didn’t want to talk just as much as I didn’t want to, but both of us knew it was needed. There was too much history and time between us that we needed to work through before we could be fully comfortable around each other. Today was a step in the right direction and I didn’t want to mess it up, especially since we still had a few more days together.

When we got to the Taylors’ place, the kids were still sound asleep. We needed to wake them up though so they wouldn’t be scared when they did eventually wake up.

“Sunshines.” I said gently, turning in my seat to look at the three of them. “You guys need to wake up. We’re at Corey and Alison’s.”

Lilly whines as she looked around. “Why here? You don’t work.” She pouted, clearly enjoying the extended time we have had together the last day and half.

“Don’t worry, Lilly. I’m not working. Ali and Corey are going to watch the three of you so Matt and I can go have a big people dinner.” I unbuckled myself and slipped out of the car as Corey came out, followed by his wife. I smiled when Corey went over to Matt and they embraced. Quickly Matt opened the back door and introduced his kids to one of his friends that they yet to meet. Once the kids were settled, Matt and I took off for town but then I decided that I wanted to have this talk in private because if we started yelling I didn’t want to make a scene.

“How ‘bout I make dinner and we talk?” I asked, heading for my place.

“Why does this sound like it’s going to end badly?” Matt asked hesitantly

“I hope it doesn’t.” I admitted.

Neither one of us said anymore about the talk because we were both dreading it. I knew I didn't want to end this day with drama, but it was one of the only chances that we would have to talk just the two of us. When we got back to the apartment, Matt followed me into the kitchen where I silently began getting things together for lasagna, one of Matt’s favorite meals. I wasn’t sure what to say and for the first time since I met Matt, I was nervous. I didn’t have an excuse to walk away from him like I did the last time Matt and I had some form of alone time. What if I ruined what little there was between us? Could I handle losing him again? My heart skipped a beat at just the thought of losing Matt again and i knew that the answer was a hard no. I couldn’t lose him.

Finally getting over myself, I turned to Matt who was intently watching me. I blushed under his gaze and turned to the fridge to grab us some beers because alcohol was going to be needed. I opened both beers and handed one to the lead singer who tipped his bottle in thanks before taking a sip .

“I had fun today with you and the kids.” I finally told Matt, taking a sip of my own beer.

“I did too. I’m glad Lilly came up with that idea.” Matt smiled. “You were really good with Jesse today. I haven’t seen him smile and laugh like that in a long time.”

I smiled softly at the compliment before taking a deep breath. “Can I ask you something about Melody without sounding jealous or petty?”

“Of course. What do you want to know?”

“Is she abusive? Physically? I’m gathering that she is emotionally but I'm worried she’s hitting them.”

Matt scoffed and looked like I had slapped him. “What makes you ask that? Did Jesse say something to you?”

I shrugged. “Mother’s intuition? He was asking me if I knew her and then was telling me that she yells at them especially when you’re not there. I didn't ask Jesse because I didn't want to upset him, but if she yells at them as much as it sounds like she does and if she resents them and you that much, what's stopping the abuse from turning physical?”

"I have no reason to believe she's physically abusing them, but then again she acts totally different around me. But now that you brought it up, I will have to keep an eye on it."

I looked at Matt. “I just don’t understand why people feel the need to yell at children all the time. Like they’re pretty much defenseless and rely on the adults in their lives and then to have those adults turn on them...who does that?”

“People who shouldn’t have kids.”

I scoffed. “Yet you did have kids with someone like that. Makes sense.” I shrugged trying to hide my cringe. It hit me at that point how truly pissed i was at Matt and that comment came out a lot harsher than it was intended.

“I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when I got with her, I told you that. I should have never slept with her.”

“Then why did you? What possessed you to sleep with her?” I asked, frustration clear in my voice. He’s explained it a few times but i just couldn’t get past the jealousy of the life Melody had, to fully understand it. The jealousy itself made my anger of the whole situation even worse.

Matt rolled his eyes. “We already went over that. I was not myself during that tour and I distracted myself from thoughts of you with Melody. She was at one of the shows and We started talking at an after party and then went to the bus. She was an easy lay and she was eager to follow us, so she was always there.” He shrugged like what he said wasn’t the douchiest thing he has ever said. He was currently channeling Synyster Gates and I wanted to smack him.

“Did you ever think about what you were doing? About the affects it would have on you? Or were you to strung out to worry about that?” My tone was biting, but I couldn't help myself.

Suddenly unable to stay seated, i shot up and Matt quickly followed suit. We were now face to face with nothing between us. He towered over me. His brow furrowed and I could tell he was struggling to rein his anger in as he pointed a finger in my face, “I didn’t care what happened, Caroline. I was in a dark place because you left me. I wanted to stay mad at you for that, to hate you, but seeing you that first night a few months back changed all that. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to stand up and pull you into my arms.” His words betrayed how mad he looked.

“Why didn’t you?” All the fight left me at his words. I couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t take me into those tattooed arms that i loved so much.

“Would you have had accepted a hug from me? Be honest.”

“I don’t know. I’d like to say that I would but in that moment seeing you was like seeing a ghost, Matt. I wanted to run and hide but at the same time I wanted to run to you.” My temper flared once again, "I was just so angry, Matt! After how great we were together, why didn't you just fucking call?! You claim you were hurting, but so was I! Did you even think about that?! I needed you and instead of being there for me, you were off fucking groupies!?" The tears threatened as I couldn't stop the word vomit.
Matt's hand slammed down on the counter and made me jump. He was seething into the Shadows I'd only heard about, eyes sparking darkly, "I can't keep fucking explaining it, Care, because I KNOW it doesn't make sense!! I. WAS. AN ASSHOLE! Do you get that I get that!?! I know asking for your understanding is impossible, and that's not why I'm here! Get it off your fucking chest so we can move on, because I don't want to talk about HER anymore!" We just stood there, breathing hard and staring at one another. As angry as we both were, it's like now that the anger was all out on the table, we could finally, FINALLY, let it go. Both of us calmed slightly and I saw the anger slowly die in his hazel eyes. He tentatively stepped closer to me,

“What would you say to giving us another chance? A chance for us to make up for the last six years. A chance for me to get you to forgive me. A chance for us to do this the right way.” Matt said softly. “Hmm, Care? What do you say?”

“I’m scared, Matt.” I whispered.

“Why are you scared, baby?”

There’s that word again, making me feel things that i haven’t felt in years. Making me feel just a little less scared.

“Because I don’t think I can take any more heartbreak.” My voice cracked with emotion. “I know Lilly sure as hell cant take more. She’s already been through so much and I can’t risk her well being to make myself happy. She’s my priority.” Sobbing, I covered my face so Matt didn’t have to see my cry. I hated crying in front of anyone. “You don’t know what it was like to lose my mom and not have you there with me. To have you hold me together at night when I cried myself to sleep on the floor next to Lilly’s bed. I needed you and because we were both too fucking stubborn, you weren't there. I don't know that I deserve a second chance with you, Matt.”

Matt took a step towards me, but I couldn’t let myself cave so i took a step back from him. “You weren’t being selfish and i see that now. I met Lilly and I fully understand why you left, back then I couldn’t grasp that but now that I am older and i have my own kids, i understand. You have nothing to apologize for. Now me on the other hand, I betrayed you when I slept with Mel and I’m going to spend all my time getting you to forgive me because i need you to forgive me, Care.”

“Is that what you think, Matt? That you betrayed me by hooking up with Melody?” Matt nodded, looking away from me. I wasn’t having any of it and moved so I was in his line of sight. “You wouldn’t have those two amazing children if you would not have met Melody. Who knows where you’d be today but she was a pretty big part of your life...of your kids lives and i’m finally Understanding that as much as i hate to admit it.” I sighed.

“But she wasn’t...isn’t you. I didn’t have those kids with you. It should have been you, Caroline. All of it. It was meant to be you.”

“It’s always been you too, Matt. It’s in the past. All we can do is move on...together.” I told him quietly, kissing him lightly.

“Do you mean it? That we can move on together?”

My heart broke at the insecurity that Matt was clearly feeling in that moment. It made me wonder how much Melody fucked him up.

“Yes, I mean it. You, me, and the kiddos. I’m in this with you, Matt. I want to be with you again.”

Matt smiled broadly and stepped into me, cupping my face. The tender look in his eyes melted my heart and I felt myself swoon under his stare. His eyes darted all over my face until they settled on my lips. Instinctively I licked my lips and stepped closer to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “I love you, Matt.” I whispered before his lips crashed down on mine in a passion filled kiss.
Matt groaned, spinning me around before he pinned me between the table and his body. “Say it again.”

“I love you, Matthew Sanders. You and those two wonderful children of yours.”

Matt kissed me roughly before pulling away and resting his forehead on mine. “I love you too, Caroline. I always have.”

I swooned at his words and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me and kissing him like my life depended on it. I let out a little moan as Matt’s tongue pushed between my lips and started a tango with mine. Matt growled deep in his throat as I ran my hands through his hair and tugged on it as his teeth sunk into my bottom lip.

“Couch.” I gasped. “Let’s move to the couch.” Once again the embarrassment set in at my lack of furniture in my apartment but Matt didn’t seem to care as he led me to the living room by my hand and stopped at the couch. He looked over at me with a smirk before reaching between the cushions and pulling out the bed. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment once again and I had to turn away from Matt so he wouldn’t see. Sensing something was wrong, he placed his hands on my
shoulders and pulled me into his chest.

“What’s wrong, Care? We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I don’t want to rush things with you and ruin it before we even got started.” He spun me around so I was now facing him. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t have a real bed.” I whispered, not looking at him again. The conversation from earlier playing through my head. “Not having a real bed was never an issue for me. I was fine sleeping on the couch, but now with you here I feel like the couch isn’t adequate enough.”

“Caroline, we talked about this. So what if you don’t have a room with a bed. You still have somewhere to sleep and that means there is somewhere for me to make love to you.” He brushed the back of his hand on my cheek and smiled down at me. “Because, baby, I’ve waited six years to make love to you again.” His voice husky with arousal.

His voice sent shivers up my spine like it always did when it took that deep, dark tone. I’d never forget the first time I’d heard it in a song. That tone was one I had been dying to hear directed at me again for so long.

“Please, Matt.” I whispered, looking up at him through my lashes. No bed be damned. I wanted this man and I wanted him now

Without a word, Matt leaned down and kissed me fiercely. No preamble, just all tongue and teeth. His kiss was demanding and I was all too eager to give into it. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled myself closer to Matt, loving the feel of his hard body against mine. It made me feel small and safe, something that was comforting and familiar.

I moved my hands from around Matt’s neck and into his hair, loving the softness of it between my fingers. I couldn’t resist tugging on it harder than the last time, wanting to hear him make the noises he made this morning before we were interrupted. With a groan deep in his chest, Matt ran his hands down my back and stopped once he was cupping my ass. He used his hands to pull me even closer to him before hoisting me up so I could wrap my legs around him. Feeling his large body between my legs made desire pool in my core. My kisses became harder and deeper, and Matt responded just the same.

Without breaking the kiss, Matt backed up until he was falling onto the sad excuse for a mattress, taking me with him. The motion had me landing in his lap causing us both to break away from another with gasps of pure arousal. Enjoying the sounds Matt was making and the feeling of him underneath me, I couldn’t help but move a little on his erection.

“Fuck, Carrie. It’s been too long.” Matt groaned, gripping my hips tightly.

“Tell me about it.”

In a flash my shirt was over my head and on the floor and Matt’s lips were on my neck, kissing a path down my collarbone to my chest and back up again. I leaned my head back as he continued his path, adding little nips here and there as I groaned with pleasure. Matt’s hands moved from my hips to my back where he expertly undid the clasp of my bra and brushed the straps off my shoulders, throwing it on the ground with my shirt. The cool air of the apartment caused my nipples to pebble and I silently begged for Matt to touch me. I needed him to touch me. To feel those warm, rough hands on me, touching me in ways I haven’t been touched in years.

As if he could read my mind, his hands moved from my back to my chest where his large hands covered my breasts completely. I moaned at the feeling on his hands that I’d missed for so long, and nearly lost it when he used his thumbs to tease my nipples. When he pinched them between his thumb and forefinger, I couldn’t help but yelp and arch my back, bringing my core in direct contact with the bulge in Matt’s pants. This caused him to make more beautiful noises from deep in his throat……

“Baby, you gotta stop moving like that.” Matt’s voice was a husky whisper as he removed his hands from my chest. Effortlessly, he stood up and gently tossed me on the mattress, wincing an apology when the springs squeaked and the frame groaned. We were going to break this thing, I thought with a giggle. “What are you giggling about missy?” Matt asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Just thinking about how we’re probably going to end up breaking this piece of shit.” I giggled again.

Matt’s eyes darkened as he looked down at me, his smirk now a full blown smile, dimples and all. “I will just buy you a new one if that happens.”

I rolled my eyes at him but didn’t say anything, instead I moved to my knees and took the hem of Matt’s shirt. I looked up at him as I lifted his shirt, kissing his stomach--loving the way he tensed underneath my lips. Matt ripped his shirt off and threw it somewhere in the room, but I didn’t care. I was focused on the inked skin in front of me. I had always loved his tattoos and time did not change that, in fact they made him even hotter. I worked my way up from his stomach to his chest, stopping to swirl my tongue around his nipples. I knew that was one of the areas that really turned him on, especially when he had them pierced.Matt groaned and ran his hands through my hair, pulling me away from him with a low growl.

“Two can play that game.” Matt smirked, gently pushing me on my back. “Don’t think I forgot about all the places to touch you to drive you crazy, Carrie. Like right here,” He gently ran his fingers from the base of my neck to the valley between my breasts, sending goosebumps all over my body. “Or here.” Once again his hands moved from my chest, to my side down near my hip. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of my pants and slowly pulled them down.

His lips followed the path of his hands, stopping to tease my nipples with his tongue much like I did to him. The only difference was this time, he bit down on my nipple. I moaned and arched my back as I ran my hand through his hair, holding him to me. “You like that don’t you?” He didn’t wait for my response. Looking up at me and holding eye contact, he swirled his tongue around the neglected nipple. “I know you do, you always did.” He smirked before biting down harder than the first time.

“Fuck Matt, you know me too well.” I gasped.

Matt pulled away from me with a deep, menacing chuckle, the one he had started using in songs. The one that always sends a surge of desire through me. “I’m just getting started, baby. Just you wait. I remember everything that makes you tick.”

I didn’t say anything…I couldn’t. He was turning me on more and more by the second and he had barely touched me. I should be feeling nervous at this point, as he pulled my pants off me and left me in nothing but my pale purple panties, but I felt nothing but want and desire. This wasn’t some random hook up, this was Matt. My Matt. The man I lost my virginity to when I was nineteen years old. The man I gave my heart to when I was twenty. The man I finally had back in my life. This was familiar.

“Matt, please.” I didn’t know what I was asking him, but I wanted something.

“What do you want, Caroline?”

“Touch me, please.”

“Oh baby, I am touching you.” He winked, running his hands up my thighs.

I groaned in frustration. He wasn’t touching me where I needed him to and he was going to keep teasing me until I told him what I wanted. I bucked my hips in hopes that he would get the message, but instead he placed a hand on my lower abdomen and pushed me back on the bed. The move made me even wetter than I already was.

Fine, he wanted to play this game then I was all in. I brought my legs up and pushed against his chest, pushing him off balance. When he was caught off guard, I pushed him on his back and straddled his lap, moaning when our pelvises made contact. I locked eyes with Matt’s warm hazel ones and grinned as I brought my hands down on his chest, digging my nails into his skin, dragging them down to his winged skull tattoo.

Matt growled and bucked his hips into me, causing me to moan. At the rate we were going, I wasn’t going to last long once he was inside me, I was so turned on. I lifted myself off of him and ran my hands further down his stomach, only stopping when my hands reached the bulge in his pants. Running my hand over it, squeezing gently, I bit my lip as Matt’s eyes fluttered shut and he threw his head back.

“Fuck, that feels good.” He whispered, bucking into my hands.

Needing to feel his skin on mine, I made quick work of the button and zipper on his jeans before shoving my hand down his pants and wrapping my hand around his dick. Matt bucked into my hand again and slammed his fists into the mattress with a curse. I smirked to myself and began pumping him slowly, loving the feeling of his smooth yet hard skin in my hand. I knew he was well endowed, but his size never stopped amazing me or turning me on.

“Carrie, if you want me to last, I’m going to need to you stop.” Matt seethed through gritted teeth. “I’ve waited so long for this and I’m not about to come in my pants now that we’re finally here.” He sat up and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me away from his body. “No ma’am, when I come, it’s going to be buried deep inside you.”

I whimpered like a fucking puppy in his arms at his words. Fuck, there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to have him inside me. “Please Matt, I need you, now.” I nearly screamed.

With a smirk, Matt leaned down and kissed me deeply, pushing me on my back once again. He continued to kiss me as he reached down and removed my panties. He settled himself between my legs and rolled his hips so his erection was teasing my clit. I moaned into the kiss and bucked up, wanting to feel him more.

“Lose the pants, Sanders.” I demanded, breathless.

“So demanding.” He tisked, but stood up to rid himself of his pants and boxers. I moaned at the sight of him naked in front of me. I took in every inch of him and noticed the areas that had subtle changes from the last time we were in this situation. He was still fit, but was starting to rock the “dad bod” something that totally fit him. His “v” wasn’t as defined as it was when we were dating, but it was still there and still sexy as sin. I licked my lips as my gaze locked onto his erection. He was huge. Thick and long, the head of his penis purple and dripping pre-cum. I felt my insides tighten and I bit back another moan.

“Please, Matt.” I begged, spreading my legs as an invitation. Not that he needed one.

Reaching into his discarded pants, Matt pulled out his wallet and removed a condom. I sighed in relief that he was prepared because I wasn’t. I hadn’t slept with anyone in quite some time so there was no need for me to keep a stash of condoms anymore. Once he was sheathed in the rubber, he lowered himself to the bed and crawled over to me. Gently, he brushed hair out of my face and brushed his knuckles against my cheek.

“You’re so beautiful. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.” He kissed me lightly. “Last time to back out of this, Caroline because I can’t wait to be inside you any longer.”

I reached up and ran a finger over his lips. “I’m so sure, Matt. I want you…I need you.”

With another passionate kiss, Matt shifted so he was hovering over me. With one hand he steadied himself on the mattress while the other guided his hardness into me. I nearly came at the feeling of him entering me, but couldn’t help the wince of slight pain that followed. Matt paused his movements and pulled away from the kiss to look down at me. I assured him I was fine with a kiss of my own as well as a lift of my hips to get him deeper. A few thrusts later, Matt was fully seated inside me with a low growl.

“Fuck, Caroline, I’m not going to last. You’re so tight.”

“Fuck me, Matt. I’m close already.”

Not needing any further encouraging, Matt’s hips snapped into mine repeatedly. The force of his thrusts sent me moving up on the bed, but I loved it. I clung to his shoulders, digging my nails into him as he pounded into me. I gasped his name when he shifted angles and hit the bundle of nerves deep inside me.

“Oh Matt, please. I’m so close. Keep going, baby.” I begged, breathless. Wanting him as close to the edge as I was, I clenched my muscles around his dick and grinned when he shuddered above me.

“Carrie, you keep doing that and I’m going to cum.” He warned.

I giggled. “That’s the whole point, Matthew.”

Matt leaned down and bit at my neck as his speed picked up. I could tell that he was close and the feeling of his teeth sinking into me, sent me over the edge with a scream. If at all possible, Matt’s speed picked up even more and soon his thrusts became choppy and a few deep thrusts later, he stilled and came with a roar and collapsed against me.

The room was silent except for our deep breaths as we both came down from our orgasms. I basked in the feeling of Matt on top of me, but I was soon becoming too hot and needed him off of me. I nudged him a few times, but he just groaned at me.
“Get off of me, Matt. You’re radiating heat and I’m dying under here.” I laughed, pushing his side.

Matt rolled off of me and threw his arm over his eyes, smiling. I turned to face him and propped myself up with a hand and let the other one rest on his still heaving chest. His large hand covered mine and he laced his fingers through mine.

“Do you regret it?” He asked softly.

I leaned forward and kissed his shoulder. “Not in the slightest. I thought it would be awkward afterwards, but it’s not. Nothing about this even feels wrong.”

Sitting up, Matt took my chin in his fingers and looked me in the eyes. I wanted to look away, but something told me not to. “It wasn’t wrong, Caroline. Everything that just happened was right, so right. It was the best sex I’ve had in years. You hear me, Caroline. Years. “

I knew what he was saying, but that didn’t help the subtle guilt from rising in my chest. I looked Matt over as he laid next to me. His skin was still flush and was covered in a thin layer of sweat making his tattoos glisten. He had a smile on his face, one that I dreamed about seeing again for so long. Really taking him in, I squashed the guilt and just enjoyed myself. He wasn’t married to Melody so it wasn’t like he cheated on her, so he was right. There was nothing wrong about what we did.

I settled back down with my head on Matt’s chest and he wrapped his arm around my waist, resting his hand on my hip, pulling me just a little closer. I laid my hand on his stomach and just basked in the post orgasmic bliss. That is until Matt’s stomach growled something fierce, making me bust out laughing.

I looked up at him still chuckling. “You’re such a man.” I teased, pressing a kiss to his pec before sitting up.

“Where are you going?” He whined, reaching for me.

“To get you food, you animal. I didn’t slave away in the kitchen making Mama Baker’s lasagna for you just for it to go to waste.”

I grabbed Matt’s shirt off the floor and slipped it over my head as I walked into the kitchen, throwing my hair up in a messy bun. I turned the oven on again and let the lasagna warm up. Matt joined me in the kitchen and walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I smiled at the gesture and laid my hands on top of his arms, just enjoying the feel of being wrapped up in him again. Of all the things about Matt that I missed, being right where I currently was, had to be the top thing I missed.

I could feel myself slipping back into old ways with things between Matt and I. It’s almost like the last six years didn’t happened and that scared me because I wasn’t the same person I was back then and I know Matt isn’t either. There is no way that things could be this easy to pick back up. Plus, how could things work out for us when we lived several states away from each other?

“What’s got the wheel spinning so fast in there?” Matt asked softly, kissing my temple.

I sighed and spun around to look at him. “How is this going to work, Matt? How are we going to work?”

Sighing, Matt dropped his arms and took a step away from me. His eyes ran all over my face as if the answer was written there. We stood in silence for a minute before the timer on the oven went off. With a sigh of my own I pushed past the man in front of me and retrieved our dinner. When I turned around to place the food on the table, Matt was right there causing me to run into him.

Matt steadied me with hands on my arms, but he didn’t let me go. He just continued to hold on to me. I looked at him questioning, wondering to myself what was going on but before I could ask, Matt dropped a bomb on me which lead to me dropping the glass casserole dish.
“Wh-what what did you just say?” I whispered, oblivious to the glass and lasagna all over the floor.

“Move back to California.”
♠ ♠ ♠
I know, we’re all thinking it....FINALLY!

In FIVE DAYS VioletShade and I will be seeing our favorite guys at Rock on the Range and there isn’t a word to describe how excited we are! I can’t wait for the inspiration to hit