Angels

*****
(Teegan's POV)

I woke up the next morning feeling completely exhausted and worn out from the other day. I cried myself to sleep basically, because I honestly felt like I had betrayed Chester when Zacky had kissed me. I knew he was just thinking with his heart but I wish he understood the way that I feel. I had only been single for a month and it honestly broke my heart to even say that kind of thing in the first place. So the thought of even being with anyone so suddenly made me feel sick to my stomach. I said my usual good morning rant to Chester, asking him to please give me the strength to keep moving forward today and that I love him, and to not be mad at me for what had happened with Zacky at the cemetery yesterday. I slipped on a pair of shorts and one of his shirts, the smell of him seemed to always be on them so I felt more at ease whenever I wore any, and headed downstairs.

Oddly enough I didn't find Zacky sprawled out on the sofa, which made me wonder if he had finally went home. To my surprise I saw him sitting out front on my porch, cigarette in hand, talking out loud to someone. But when I got closer, I realized no one was there with him. I pressed my ear against the door, listening in to the conversation. "She's a really great girl, I've loved her for as long as I can remember. But I know she's yours, she always will be. And I'm not saying that is a bad thing, but I just want to show her that she's capable of being loved again. I would never make her give up your last name either. I just want a sign man, that you'll be okay with me trying to get close to her. I know you had made me promise you to take care of her, but I can't, she won't let me." I pulled away, suddenly realizing that he was talking with Chester.

Instead of interrupting his moment I decided to go call Val. I needed her advice now more than ever. Thankfully she picked up by the first ring. "Hey hun, how are you doing? ” She answered sweetly as I heard the sounds of the waves crashing in the background. "I'm just really lost. I know Chester has only been gone a month and Zacky has been helping me with everything ever since, but fuck. He kissed me yesterday, at the fucking cemetery." I could hear her gasp slightly. A few tears had ran down my face as I talked, looking down at my ring. "Babe, I'm not saying that what he did was right at all but at the same time, it's Zack we're talking about. You know he's been crazy about you and ever since this horrible tragedy happened, all he's been is determined to finally get a chance with you. You need to be firm and tell him that you're not ready." I sighed, peering out the window. He was still out there smoking a cigarette. "Yeah well, I tried but he cut me off. I don't think I'll ever be ready, Val. I can't ever imagine loving anyone besides Chester again. I made a vow to him, even in death that I loved him. I don't think it will ever happen." I could overhear River and Matt arguing over the color of a jellyfish before she spoke up, making me smile. "You just need more time. Come over later or something, I could use some company. These two are always together." I agreed, saying that I would try to be over later tonight to have dinner with everyone before saying my goodbye.

I took another quick glance outside, noticing Zacky wasn't there anymore. I walked to the kitchen and sat at the table, deciding to start sorting through more fan mail I had gotten over the last few days. I read a couple, the tears stinging my eyes as I looked at pictures they had sent me of Chester. He looked so happy, so carefree, you never would have expected this type of thing to ever happen to him. I made sure to write back as many people as I could a week, I wanted all of them to know that I truly did appreciate all the letters and gifts that I received from them and that I was so proud of them for keeping Chester's memory alive.

Tonight we were on tour in France, a few short months later after we had gotten married. It was going to be the first time Chester had ever introduced me to the fans as his wife tonight and I was more nervous than ever. He had brought me on stage before and all, but never with this title. The fans were cheering and screaming loudly as we entered the center stage together, holding hands. People were genuinely excited, which brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. "So have you guys met my wife yet?" He spoke with a grin as he held up our hands, my ring shining bright under the lights. The crowd erupted into cheers, yelling "Congratulations" and for us to kiss. We did, and my heart seemed to explode into millions of pieces. I knew we were meant to be forever.

When I finally looked up, wiping away the stray tears that lingered on my face, I saw Zacky sitting across from me. He scratched the back of his neck, clearly nervous. "Teegan, I really hope you do know that I am so sorry for what happened yesterday. That wasn't the right thing nor the right time for me to do what I did. I should have respected your feelings and I am sorry I didn't. I fucked up big time, again. I completely understand if you don't wanna talk to me ever or want me to leave, I just hope you know that I really just want you to be okay." I didn't respond right away, which he took as I sign as he started to get up to leave.

I quickly pulled him back down, telling him to stay. "Zee, I'm not mad at you. I know you did it because you care for me and everything. But yes, you should respect my feelings. I want to be honest with you, I don't think I'll ever be able to be with anyone else again. I don't think I could let myself. So it's not fair for you to feel like you'll have a chance, because you probably won't ever. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth Zacky. When we kissed yesterday, it scared me. I felt like I had cheated, as crazy as that sounds. But it mostly scared me because I felt that spark between us. That same spark that I had felt when I first kissed Chester. So the thought of anything happening, just scares me." I watched his gaze shift to the floor as he left his hand on the table. I grabbed onto it tight, intertwining it with mine. "If you felt it like I did then don't say that it's ever not going to happen. I feel like in time, maybe this could work. Chester will always be a part of you, Teegan. But I'm definitely sure that he would want you to be happy, that he wouldn't want you to be alone for the rest of your life." I let go quickly, feeling the tears fall again. He probably was right, but I didn't want to believe it.

(Zacky's POV)

I couldn't control the urge any longer as I had started to cry too. We both somehow ended up holding each other as we broke down. I knew this was hard for her and I knew I wasn't making this any easier, but I loved her. I truly, wholeheartedly loved her and I didn't want her to think that I was only trying to get her to fall in love with e because I knew he was gone and wouldn't pose a challenge, because I missed him too. After they had gotten married, he had forgave me for all the things that had ever happened and he had asked me to look after her if anything was to ever happen to him. I promised that I would without any hesitation and he was extremely grateful for it. Now I was just simply trying to get her to understand that. "I know you two made a promise, Zee. I found a letter he wrote saying it. That you're supposed to look after me in case anything ever happened to him. But I'm scared Zacky, I'm so fucking scared. I don't want to forget about him, he's my husband, but he fucking left me." She broke down harder, crying and sobbing loudly into my chest. I just held her close while I tried to control my own tears.

But when she finally did look at me, both our eyes red and our faces tear stained, she shoved me down onto the floor of the kitchen, starting to kiss me. I hesitated kissing her back, I didn't want her to do anything she was going to regret or beat herself up over for because she was acting on emotions but eventually I couldn't take it anymore. We kissed sloppy as we still cried, she sat on top of me, straddling my waist. I wasn't about to let it go any further, but she insisted as she began to pull at my belt and undoing my pants. I grabbed her hands hard but she fought back. "Don't." I warned as I tried to keep it under control. She still resisted, fighting me on it. "Shut up." She cried as she began to bite my lip hard, blood beginning to surface. I pushed her off me gently before switching positions so she was underneath me. We continued kissing before eventually she pulled down her shorts, exposing everything to me. I carefully positioned myself in between her legs before giving in and pushing myself inside her. She let out a sharp cry, instantly making me stop. But she begged for me to keep going, the tears never once stopping as I kept up my pace.

"Oh God, Zacky." She moaned softly as I kissed her hard, trailing down to her neck. She kept her hands dug into my back clawing at the skin. My head was spinning as I tried to comprehend exactly what was going on. We kept at it hard and fast. I didn't want her to only be doing this because she felt she needed to but because she truly wanted to. But I knew this was a desperate cry for both of us that we needed to feel that sort of affection from someone. I could feel her growing tighter around me as I thrust myself deeper into her. She kept groaning and saying my name which only made me want to finish faster. I couldn't take it anymore as I felt my hips smash against hers hard, me finishing myself inside of her. We were both out of breath as I moved away from her, the look of confusion and sadness clear in both of our faces. She didn't say another word to me as she got up and fixed her clothes, heading upstairs to the bathroom.

I sat down at the table, putting my head down. I began to cry silently to myself, not entirely happy with what I had just done. "Why is this all happening? Why? Why did you have to leave man? She needs you, not me. I'm nothing like you, I can't make her happy or give her anything like you could. That's why she married you. Now I'm supposed to take care of her because you left. This is all so fucked up. I'm so lost, I'm so confused." I vented angrily as I continued to cry, slamming my fist into the table. I knew Chester was troubled but I honestly thought this would never happen, especially with Teegan by his side. But I guess life was just fucked up that way and now I'm left stuck and confused.

I really don't know what to do anymore.