Angels

*****
(Teegan's POV)

Here I was two months later, sitting on my living room floor, watching music videos of Chester, crying my eyes out, alone, at eight in the goddamn morning. It was Halloween today. Also the third month of his passing and what would have been my seventh year wedding anniversary. We always said we were already married for that long, but never actually got to celebrate it. I hadn't talked to Zacky since our incident, if that's what you call it, with each other. Because to be honest, I felt too ashamed and confused as I'm sure he did too. So without much thought, I had sent him home to deal with his own problems as I tried to make sense of mine. I didn't want to admit it, but I regret it ever happening. Mike and the other guys had put together an amazing tribute show in honor of Chester's life a couple nights ago, multiple artists and various bands had signed up to honor him and preform Linkin Park songs with the band.

I had made an appearance too, giving a speech and all to the fans, telling them how much I loved them and how much Chester would have loved to see everyone there, having fun and remembering all the wonderful things about him. Matt and Brian had even did a couple of songs too while everyone else had watched from the audience. Zacky was there, but he stayed far away from me. I remembered holding onto River so tightly, him asking me why I was crying so much. I knew he understood some of what had happened the day Chester had died and he had been to the cemetery with us before, but it still hurt to explain to him why. But he was a lot smarter than I thought. "Aunt Tee, are you sad because Uncle Chester is in heaven and you're here?" I didn't know how to answer him, I was so sad and so heartbroken because it was true, so I had just kept it as simple as possible. "Yes baby, I miss him a lot."

I refused to leave the house today as the memories haunted me continually. I watched my wedding video, I watched it over and over, crying and screaming at the T.V every time. I had made so much progress over the last couple of months but now it all seemed to be crumbling down around me. I refused to let anyone come over. I just wanted to be alone today, just me and the memory of my once happy life with my amazing husband. I watched countless interviews, even some before he met me, and you could just see how much more upbeat and happy he seemed after we had met. I truly felt like I had saved him but I guess I was wrong in the end. I beat myself up for it every day, always saying that if I hadn't fell asleep, if I had just stayed awake, I could have stopped him and prevented this from ever happening. I could have saved his life like he saved mine. If only, I had been more aware to the way he was acting and the things he had said. He would still be here with me right now, watching scary movies, eating candy, and just celebrating our love for each other. I still remember it like it was yesterday. Our vows, the promises we made, how much we loved each other. God, I missed him so fucking much.

"Baby, the guys are here!" Chester shouted from downstairs as I finished the final touches on my make up. It was our one year wedding anniversary and we were hosting a costume party at our house to celebrate. Matt, Johnny, Brian, Zacky and all the girls had come so far, now we were just waiting on the others. I was dressed up as Sally while Chester was Jack Skellington. We had always seemed to do couple ideas every year so far, it was my favorite thing about Halloween, besides being married of course. "Hey guys, thanks for coming." I smiled at everyone as I made my way around. Matt and Val were dressed as Beauty and the Beast, while everyone else did separate costumes. Zacky's was by far the best, he was the Headless Horseman. I exchanged countless hugs and kisses with every person I passed until I finally made it back to Chester. He was talking with Mike and Brad but quickly focused his full attention to me when I came near. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. I smiled up at him, hugging on to his waist. "Are you having fun baby?" I nodded, standing up on my tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. "When I'm with you, of course, everything is always fun." He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "You two are something else. I knew it was only a matter of time before he wifed you up." I blushed at Mike's comment, trying to hide my face in Chester's arms. They all just laughed with smiles all around. "I picked a queen, that's for sure."

I wiped away the tears, sobbing loudly as I shook away the memories. This happened all the time, 24/7, no matter what day it was or where I was. Everything reminded me of Chester and what our lives used to be. I was reminded constantly, especially when I looked at all the pictures and posters that lingered on the walls. I had placed candles and prayer cards underneath my portrait of him above the fireplace, symbolizing that I was always there and never forgot about him. Every letter, every message, it all made me happy yet sad to know that people were just as effected by his death as I was, to know that I wasn't alone. I know I had said it before, but it truly did mean a lot to me. I never emptied my voicemail so I always had Chester's sweet voice with me whenever I needed to hear it. I stared up at the screen again, seeing it was the video for "Talking To Myself". I tried to fight off the tears as they attempted to fall again. Chester had written that song for me. He didn't think I knew, but I did. When he had his episodes, there was no way of getting through to him sometimes. But regardless of it all, I loved him unconditionally, I still do. I just wish he knew.

(Zacky's POV)

I hadn't spoken to Teegan in two months and to be honest, it was killing me inside. The only time I had gotten to see her was at the memorial show Linkin Park threw to honor Chester a few days ago, but I kept far away. Of course I felt terrible for taking advantage of her emotional stability, but I truly thought she finally wanted me. I knew today was her wedding anniversary and I was worried she was going to shut down completely. She had made so much progress since he had passed, I didn't want her to throw it all away. I tried calling Matt and Val to see if they had talked to her, but neither had since yesterday. "I'm worried about her. Can't someone go check on her?" Matt sighed deeply, yelling for Val. "I'll drive over there soon after we drop River off at school. And no, you can't come." I instantly felt my stomach twist in a knot. "I'm sure this is somehow your fault, so we'll go see how she is by ourselves. I'll call you later." I hung up the phone with a grunt, clearly bothered now. He was right in a way, this was my fault, but I knew I couldn't tell them why because then no one would ever forgive me. I stared out of my front window seeing all the cars and children passing by on their way to school. I instantly felt lonely which only made me realize that I seriously needed a fucking hobby.

With not much else to do while I waited for Matt to call me after he saw Teegan, I turned on the T.V, settling on watching the final SAW movie. As I got more and more into it, I suddenly recognized a familiar face staring directly at me on the screen. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." It was Chester. I had forgotten all about him being in some movies. I was tempted to change it but instead took it as a sign and left it on. I then stared up at the ceiling with a soft smile, sighing some.

"Happy Anniversary up there, man. I hope you're looking down on her today. She needs you now more than you know."

(Teegan's POV)

I was in the middle of another interview when a swift knock came at my door. I hesitated greatly before eventually slowly getting up from my spot to answer it. To my surprise, it was Matt and Val. I reluctantly let them in, not wanting them to really see the mess I had caused. I hugged them both tight, already feeling the urge to cry. "It's so beautiful in here Tee, I love the memorial you made." Val gushed as she stepped into the living room, looking up at the portrait and pointing over at the display case. No one else had been to my house after Chester's funeral besides Zacky. I smiled weakly, walking over towards her. "Thank you, it took a lot to get it done. How are you guys? I'm sorry I haven't called much, I've just been dealing with too many things." I apologized sadly, looking away at the ground. She put a hand on my shoulder, giving it a good squeeze. "Oh hun you don't ever have to apologize to us for anything. We understand that you're still in the grieving process, it's only been three months! But you're so strong, you've made such good progress. We're all so proud of you." I wiped away the tear that rolled down my face, smiling at the both of them. "You guys don't know how much I needed that. It's been really hard especially today. I've watched my wedding maybe fifty times so far this morning? Countless interviews, music videos. I feel like I've lost it. I miss him so much." I now cried, looking down at my arm. His name was tattooed across it, his entire portrait was tattooed across my chest, I always had him here with me in spirit, but it just wasn't the same. I knew I had to tell Val what had happened between me and Zacky, I just didn't know how.

Thankfully on cue Matt had to step outside to take a phone call from their tour manager. I had pulled Val aside, sitting down with her on the small sofa. "So tell me, what exactly happened with you two? Because he called us freaking out this morning, he's really worried that you're not doing too good today." I put my head in my hands, clearly ashamed at what I was about to say to her. "I had-We had-Oh God, Val we had sex. On my kitchen floor. And I feel so ashamed by it, I feel so dirty. I feel like I had cheated on Chester, regardless if he's here or not. But I'm not going to sit here and say that I didn't want it, because I'm not going to lie, I insisted we take it that far. But I was crying and so upset, I tried to tell him how much I had missed Chester and he understood and it just ended up happening. I've missed the feeling of someone holding me, someone kissing me, someone telling me that things are going to get better. I just miss my husband so much, I miss him more than anything in this world. And it's not fair that I did that to Zacky, because I know he was just trying to be there for me, he was just trying to keep his promise to Chester that he would take care of me, but I went and turned it into something complicated. And to top it all off, I haven't been on my birth control since Chester and I started trying to have kids. You and I both know that it is basically impossible for me to get pregnant because of my accident, but this one time, I haven't gotten my period. I'm so scared that I may be. That it might end up being Zacky's and not Chester's. I just really fucked it up this time, Val. And I will regret it for the rest of my life now."