‹ Prequel: My Angel in Disguise
Status: Finished- Thank you all for everything!

Angels

Decisions

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(Teegan's POV)

When I woke up the next morning, I felt like a completely different person. I stared down at my stomach, it still looked the same but this time I knew there was a human growing inside of me. It made me sick to my stomach and ultimately scared the living shit out of me because I had to do this alone, but I knew that this is what Chester had wanted for us. He wanted me to continue his legacy and keep going forward with or without him. But I still missed the thought of us being a family together. I still missed him, worse now than before. I knew if he were still here I never would have done what I did with Zacky. I know it's wrong for me to blame him entirely for this, but truthfully I just wanted it all to go away. I felt bad enough as it was and I just didn't need the added stress by letting him be there for me. "Well it's just you and me today, little one." I sighed, placing a hand to my stomach before heading downstairs to the kitchen. I settled on a simple bowl of cereal and toast, not really feeling very hungry as I flipped on the TV. I always seem to have such shitty timing as I stared up at the screen, seeing Chester's face front and center. It was a live show, the Halloween one we did in New York already a whole 8 years ago. A single tear rolled down my cheeks as I kept watching, seeing myself appear a few times in between. God, my life was so much more simpler and happier then. I really missed Chester and now being pregnant just made things a whole lot worse. I know I was supposed to remain strong and keep going for everyone's sake, but it just didn't seem doable anymore. I quickly turned it off, not able to handle the sadness as I put my dishes in the sink and headed into the living room.

I looked at the picture of Chester everyday, begging and asking for his guidance and his strength to keep going. I pleaded everyday that he would appear, that he would talk to me, something at least. But of course it wasn't going to happen, because death was a horrible thing and it doesn't let you get what you want in life. Sure, I got to smell him and feel him there sometimes, but it wasn't enough. I wanted to hear his voice, I wanted to really be able to feel his touch, I just wanted the real thing. I know I sound repetitive, but it was the truth. I absolutely had no idea what to do as I sat on the sofa just day dreaming away. I didn't want to go anywhere or really see anyone, but my body seemed to be growing more and more restless. I scrolled through my phone casually, somehow stopping at Mike's number. I hadn't talked to him a while and felt it was only right that I let him know about the news. He answered on the third ring, my heart racing as I struggled to even say hello. "Hi Mike, sorry for calling so early. I just had some news I wanted to share with you." He yawned softly before saying to his wife that it was me on the phone. "We're listening Tee, go ahead." I took in a shaky deep breath not really sure how exactly to say it. "Well, before Chester died, as you know we were trying really hard to have a baby. I know this isn't really easy to fathom, but I am pregnant. Just about three months give or take. I go to the doctor in a couple of weeks to find out if it's a boy or girl. And I want you guys to be there when it's born."

My ears suddenly went deaf as I heard loud cheers and screams of joy. I didn't have the heart to even think about telling them that it might not be Chester's, so I just let them enjoy the moment. "Oh my God Teegan, congratulations! Of course we will be there, there is no question about it! When do you think you're due?" I pondered it for a moment, not exactly sure. If it was Chester's, I had to guess maybe I would be due in April. But the same would probably go if it was Zacky's too. "Sometime in April, I haven't found out exactly when. But I'll let you guys know ahead of time and everything. Thank you again for everything, I love you guys." I said sweetly, trying to fight back the urge to cry but only lost in the end. We said our goodbyes before I hung up, tossing my phone aside to dry my eyes

"If you guys ever have a baby together, can I be like, the uncle who spoils them consantly and does whatever they want even when you guys say no?" We laughed loudly at Mike's comment as we all sat around the backstage area of the venue we were playing at in England. Somehow the talk about our future children had came up and Mike was determined to make it known he wanted dibs on being the favorite. Chester and I just kept laughing as he kept insisting that he was serious. "Yes okay yes, you can be the favorite. But you have to agree to babysit our future child so that we can have romantic date nights whenever we want." I smiled, looking up at Chester who just wiggled his eyebrows at me with a coy smirk, suddenly making Mike fake gag in disgust. "Eww, I guess so!"

There was a loud knock at my door which instantly tore me away from any of my thoughts. I walked over cautiously, peeking through the peephole. It was Sandy, the secretary from the record company. I opened it slowly, seeing a smile instantly come to her face. "Oh hi, Mrs. Bennington. I'm so sorry to be bothering you at home, but Jim had asked me to stop by. I have the final prints for a tribute magazine for Chester but I just needed you to go over the final copy and approve all of the photos and what not." I sighed deeply as a sudden wave of sadness overcame me. I let her in, motioning to sit at the table. She carefully sat down the stack of paperwork. I scanned over each picture, each word, everything to make sure that it was absolutely perfect. I rubbed my thumb across a section that had to do with just us. I made sure to include our wedding pictures and any other ones I had from over the years. We looked so happy, so in love. I quickly wiped away at the tears, not wanting to let them fall onto the photos. I wrote a poem and included a few words in my part, expressing how much that I truly loved him and how I couldn't wait until the day we were reunited again. I suddenly felt her place a hand to my shoulder as I sniffled lightly. "I know this must be hard for you, I'm really sorry we had to do this." I shook my head, giving her a reassuring smile. "It's okay, I know this has to get done. I want everyone to know how important he was and still is. Chester would love to be here to help, so that's what I want to do." She smiled back as we continued on for what felt like a few good hours, the time soon changing from morning to afternoon before I knew it.

Eventually settling on the cover and agreeing on all the other items, I stared at everything in awe. It was going to be amazing and I couldn't be happier with the final results. "Well thank you again so much, Mrs. Bennington. I'll let you know the minute this is published." I hugged her gently as we headed to the front door. Suddenly feeling the need to share the news, I stopped her. "Hey, Sandy. I just wanted to let you know, I'm pregnant. Chester and I are finally having a baby." Her eyes widened as she proceeded to hug me again and again. "Oh my God, congratulations! You must be so excited." I chuckled slightly, she couldn't be more wrong about that. "More like nervous, I've never done this before." She took in a quick breath before laughing herself. "Me either but I'm sure you will do great, you have lots of support." I just smiled, saying goodbye once again before heading back inside the house and sitting down on the sofa. I literally had nothing but time, so I decided to call Val. "Hey momma, what are you doing?" I picked at the nail polish on my fingers as I could hear Matt in the background, saying something about food. "Just deciding on where to go eat, how are you feeling today hun?" I shrugged even though I knew she couldn't see it. I didn't really know how I was feeling. Everything seemed to be happening so fast and all at once, it was throwing me out of my comfort zone completely. "I'm scared, nervous, sad, regretful, happy. I'm so lost and confused, I'm not even sure I want to do this anymore." I felt a tear slip down as I now stared at my stomach. "It's not fair I know, but I asked Zack to stay away. I just need time to figure this out on my own." It was silent on the other end until eventually I could hear just Val's voice.

"I know you're scared love, you have a lot of decisions to make and I know it is pretty crazy, but I promise you we all will be here for you, through whatever you choose to do. If you decide to keep it or not, is entirely up to you. But the time to have that option is running out fast. And as for Zacky, I mean it is up to you if you want him around or not. I mean I'm sure the news wasn't easy for him to handle, but he's just going to have to accept it. Whether it is his or not, which I'm almost 90% sure it isn't, you have total control of the situation." I put my hand to my forehead and sighed deeply. She was completely right. I knew the time to decide was growing thin, but I just wasn't sure. If it ended up being Zacky's baby, I was almost more than positive that it would break my heart into a million pieces. Even though it would be my own fault and I'm not saying that I would love he or she any less, I still would much prefer it to be my late husband's child. And if I gave up, I probably never would find out at all. "Thank you hun, I'm really happy that I have you guys in my life. I mean, I still haven't made any final decisions, but I think I should at least think it through a bit more. Do you think you could come over tomorrow and help me figure out some ideas for a nursery and stuff?" She squealed excitedly before catching herself which ultimately made me smile. "Of course! I'll see you bright and early sunshine." I laughed at her nicknames, even though they always seemed to cheer me up. "See you tomorrow. Give River a kiss for me."

When we finally hung up, I noticed that I had four text messages from Zacky. He kept begging for me to let him come over and to talk with him about everything. I shook my head, clearly annoyed and overwhelmed. But instead of texting out an entire ten pages, I reluctantly called him. He picked up on the first ring, immediately bombarding me with questions and asking for answers I didn't have. "Zacky, can you please chill the fuck out? Look, I don't want you involved, I don't want you near me. But at the same time, I don't want to be unfair to you either. I'm so fucking lost and scared Zee, I don't know wha to say or even do. So I'm going to make you this offer and only this. I have a doctors appointment to get an ultrasound to find out more info in a couple of weeks. If you want to be there or ever have a chance to see it, I suggest you show up at my house that morning and take me. Got it?" I heard a long exhale before he responded. "Of course I want to be there Teegan. I will be there bright and early, just tell me what time and day and I will come. I love you, Teegan. Whether this baby is mine or Chester's, I just want to be there for you. To help you, to help raise it. Please, just give me a chance." I stayed silent as I tried fighting off the urge to break down into tears again.

"I'll text you the day before the appointment to confirm if you're going with me. Goodbye Zacky." I grunted before hanging up on him once more, not giving him any time to say anything further.
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Thank you all for continuing on with this story and being so patient with me on the uodating! I hope you all are enjoying! I appreciate all the feedback, it helps keep me going! Love you all!