Angels

*****
(Teegan's POV)

I haven't slept in two days, I haven't eaten. I haven't even showered or bothered to leave the house. Everything reminds me of him. I have to stay out of my room completely, because the memory tears me apart. I've stayed in the living room between the floor and the sofa. People keep calling, keep saying they're sorry for my loss. They keep coming over to see how I'm doing, how I'm handling things. What the hell am I supposed to say? I found my husband dead two days ago. He died in his sleep while holding me. After I had just spent an entire day and night with him, laughing and loving each other like nothing was ever wrong. So why would I be anything else but numb? "Chester, I wish you would answer me. Why won't you?" I had found myself talking out loud to him again, staring at the shiny ring still on my hand, the tears never once stopped flowing. I cuddled with my Linkin Park teddy bear tight against my chest as I laid in a ball on the floor, the faint smell of his cologne still lingering on the material only made me cry harder. "Chester, why did you leave me? We were supposed to start our family." I sobbed uncontrollably, breathing in deeply of his smell. Suddenly all the memories came flooding back to me, hitting me like a ton of bricks in the heart.

"You know, I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time." We were on a day off from tour in Texas, reminiscing about our first encounter with each other. "What's that?" I asked as we walked hand and hand down a small street. He smiled sweetly at me, before stopping and kissing my lips softly. "That I'm gonna marry you some day." My eyes widened some but I couldn't help it as my cheeks turned bright red, smiling back at him just as big. "Oh really? You think so huh?" He wrinkled his nose as I teased him, playfully shoving me aside "No, I know so. You'll be Mrs. Bennington before you know it."

Fans had come from far and wide to mourn his death, the media, other big names in music, my friends. They all came to pay their respects and it honestly overwhelmed me to the fullest. Having to tell my story multiple times to the police and coroner, to my mom, I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted Chester back. I wanted my life back. I wanted my dreams to keep being real. But now it all seemed like a distant memory. Everything and anything reminds me of him. I'm haunted by the sounds of his laughter as they echo throughout the walls and in every room, the way he would whisper sweet words in my ear whenever I was feeling down as we cuddled in bed. When he would sing quietly in the middle of the night while he held me in his arms. But what I will always remember the most are the last words he said to me before he died. Right after we had made love together for what would be the final time, as I was falling asleep snuggled into his chest "I love you Teegan, you're the best wife anyone could as for. I know you'll understand someday."

I still had a funeral service to plan, his will to be read, something that I just can't seem to let myself do. I didn't want to know what it said, because I don't want to be burying my husband. I don't want to say goodbye to him. It's not fair. Why did he do this to me?

(Zacky's POV)

When I had heard of the news that Chester had passed away from suicide, I knew Teegan was never going to be the same person I used to know. Having to deal with losing your best friend and then your own husband years later unexpected I'm sure definitely has traumatized her. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted her to know that this wasn't her fault, that I know for a fact that Chester had loved her as much as possible. But everyone agreed that I should keep my distance from her for the time being, because she really wasn't handling the situation at all, because they were worried that any little thing could set her off and cause her to have a breakdown. But regardless of all that, I knew damn well she just wanted someone to help take away her broken heart.

I decided to take a chance and call her, even though she more than likely wasn't going to answer. But to my surprise after the last ring, she picked up. ”Hey. It's me." I didn't really know what else to say, partially because I felt like somehow this was my fault. "I'm not sure if I ever want to talk to you again in my life. You hated Chester. You made our relationship hell in the beginning. Are you here to finally try and get me back?" Her words were sad and angry, her voice sounded like it was going to crack at any given moment. I felt like hanging up, but I knew I had to get this done. "Teegan, I know that nothing I could say will help ease your pain. I know you miss him. And I am so sorry that this happened, but you have to understand that people are here for you. Especially me, I feel like this is somehow my fault. I know I fucked up, but it's been 7 years since then, Tee. He would want you to keep going on. You have to be strong and make sure that his memory stays alive. People need you Teegan."

(Teegan's POV)

I was considering hanging up the phone on him, he had caused most of this damage anyway. But deep down I knew he was sort of right. Obviously Chester intended on my life to keep going on without him. Why else would he have said all the things he did? It still didn't help though, I wanted my husband back."Look, I'm not leaving his house. But I have a lot to do, so I suggest if you want to remain in my life for good, you'll be here in an hour or two to help me start cleaning. I haven't moved from the sofa in two days." It was true, I completely have stopped functioning all together. I wasn't sure being left alone was such a good idea anymore. " I'll be there in less time. Don't do anything to yourself Tee. " His voice sounded worried and upset. I didn't even want to get up from the floor, so the chances of me hurting myself were slim to none. "Don't worry, I won't." Were the last words I said before hanging up and hysterically crying out loud, screaming for Chester.

As promised Zacky was here in an hour flat. The years had obviously done him well, he looked great. "Hey Tee." He gave me a light hug which I actually anxiously returned. I haven't felt the touch of another human being until now simply because I wouldn't let myself. I felt too uncomfortable, I was so used to having Chester to hug and comfort me for everything, letting anyone else get close to me felt odd. "You look like hell, we need to fix that. I'll help you, you have to go upstairs." My hands began to violently shake, tears waiting to fall as he said that. I didn't want to go up there if it was the last thing on earth. "Zee, I can't." I sighed, shaking my head. I could already imagine scenes in my head as I stared at the staircase. Like the time I had hid at the top when Chester was walking up, jumping out to scare him. Not a good idea might I add, because it worked and he almost fell. Or the first time we moved in and he carried me up to our new room, saying that I never had to walk again as long as he was here. I suddenly snapped out of it, breaking down into sobs again. Zacky kept his distance but I reluctantly let him hold me. "Shh it's okay, I'm here for you. Let it all out." My heart hurt hearing those words as they only reminded me of what Chester would always say to calm me.

"I-I can't do this, Zacky. I want my husband back, I want him here with me. Why did he leave me?" I saw his face stiffen some as he simply shrugged his shoulders, a sad look in his eyes. "I really don't know, Tee. I don't know how to answer that. But what I do know, is how much he loved you and how much he cared about you. There's no denying that, he was crazy for you. I know it would break his heart to see you this way." Again I bawled loudly, throwing myself into his chest. I wanted to hate to him, I wanted to blame him for this, but that wasn't possible. I know Chester could never hate anybody and he had forgave Zacky long ago, but my heart just wanted someone to blame. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier too. It's not your fault he's gone..." I choked on the last words, unable to talk anymore. He grabbed my hands before gently pulling me up the stairs. I struggled and tried to fight him to break free, but I was just too weak to win. When we made it to the top step, I fell to the floor. "No, hey Teegan come on. You have to be strong. You have to try and at least shower." Unable to say anything I let him bring me to my feet and walk me to the bathroom. He turned on the hot water before fetching me a towel. "Thank you. Can you get me clothes too, please? I can't go in there." He nodded with a faint smile before shutting the door softly.

I must have stayed in the shower for at least two hours because by the time I had gotten out the water had since run freezing cold but I honestly hadn't noticed, it was nearly impossible to feel anything besides pain. "Zee? You still here?" I called out to him from inside the bathroom still. There was no response. I decided to wrap my towel around me before stepping out, noticing that mine and Chester's bedroom door was open. I immediately felt the urge to throw up but fought it off as hard as I could once I walked closer towards the door. I peaked in quickly noticing that Zacky was standing by my closet. He was just staring at the wall, looking at the picture of Chester and I during our wedding. It was one of my absolute favorites. I tiptoed in quietly not to catch him off guard before clearing my throat to announce my presence. He quickly whipped his head to the side, putting his hands up in defense. "I'm sorry, fuck. I didn't mean to stay in here. I just got caught up looking at all your pictures. I am so sorry Teegan. Here." He stammered over his words nervously as handed me a pair of clothes. I put my hand to his face, shushing him. "It's okay Zee, I don't mind if you look around. Just don't sit on or touch the bed okay?" He just stared at me blankly as I walked out back to the other room to change.

When he finally came out and joined me on the sofa, I could see a desperate and sad look in his eyes. He instantly pulled me into a tight hug, letting out a deep breath. "Oh my God, I can only imagine how you feel. It's clear that he loved you though, Tee. I mean you can just see it in all the pictures and read it all in the articles and the letters he's written you. You are truly loved Teegan and I know he still loves you whether he's physically here or not. You will always have a part of him, he's always gonna be here with you. Just like Jimmy. You have two people to watch out for you now." I felt a tear slip down my cheek at that thought. My two angels were always watching over me. "Listen Zee, this isn't really easy and I know everything is a mess, but can you please stay here with me tonight? I don't feel safe being alone." He grabbed onto my hand softly, giving it a light squeeze. "I'll stay here and help you as long as you need me, okay? You just have to worry about you getting through this. But I'm here." I smiled a genuinely grateful smile at him. "Thank you, Zee. I couldn't do this without you."