Dreaming with a Broken Heart

You woke up with a sore throat and eyes, everything from yesterday, the memories from last night playing in your head. Seeming almost like a bad dream until it all came rushing back along with a sharp pain in your chest making you suck in a deep breath.

Your mind kept replaying the last conversation you had with him. The moment your life was no longer as it was.

You just returned from a trip home to Arizona to visit your family. So excited to get back into the swing of things in your new home and desperate to return to your love. It hadn’t been easy starting uni in a new place and working on top of that was quite stressful, all the while trying to be there for Aus with his none too normal job made things hard but to you it was all worth it. You were together and thats all that mattered.

But things weren’t always perfect.

Things had been bit weird with Austin for a while now.

You put it down to it being extremely hectic with the team and him having a lot of pressure with he playoffs not going to plan. Of coarse his fuse would be little short. He was stressed. He had a lot on his plate.

When you noticed him constantly checking his phone, something he never quite did but he almost seemed obsessed with having it at all times.

You had never been a jealous person but his recent behaviour had you little worried and you just wanted to make sure he was okay. So when his phone rang while he was in the other room you went to answer it, not thinking anything of it when he came storming into the room and snatched it out of your hand.

“What is wrong with you? I just wanted to answer it because you were in the shower” you said quietly, him never having spoken to you this way.

“ Well I don’t need you going through my things, what don’t you trust me?” he said getting worked up, his hands waving his phone around in the air.

“Why are you being so defensive?” you asked now becoming concerned with his reaction.

“I’m not being defensive I just don’t need my girlfriend being all jealous and controlling. I’ve got enough on my plate” he continued. his responses seeming almost frantic.

“Aus, I’m not doing that. I thought it might have been your mum. She said she was going to call today..” you explained watching him get increasingly more paranoid and worked up.

His face immediately relaxed, “Your right, I’m sorry, I just…. never mind babe. Sorry for snapping” he said giving you a kiss on the forehead and walking back into the bedroom seemingly nervous.

This played on your mind the remainder of the afternoon but you pushed it down again. Wanting to believe that if something was truly wrong he would tell you. You had never kept secrets from each other.

That was until while cleaning your bedroom you found something. And something deep down inside you knew something was wrong.

You walked out into the lounge room holding the piece of clothing, your body almost frozen in fear. You stopped at the edge of the lounge he was sitting on playing some game.

You stood their for almost a minute, truly unable to speak words before you said;

“Auston these aren’t mine….” looking at him, waiting for him to come up with an explanation as to why there were womens lingerie in their bedroom. Lingerie that was not her own.

He just stared back at her lost for words and then trying to stutter out, “Babe their yours…”

Something in you knew something wasn’t right. He was lying.

Then you spoke the words out loud. Words you never thought in a million years you would need to utter to this man you had loved for so long.

“Aus did you cheat on me…” you said with glossed eyes, finally looking him in the eyes.

“Tell me the truth…: you followed. Something in you hoped he’d have a better explanation. Anything to make this not true.

But as your eyes met his, you know the truth and that is when your heart truly breaks.

“Y/N I….” he replied. He was unable to come up with the words. His mouth opened and closed several times before his elbows dropped to his knees. “It was a mistake.. I… I … was lonely I just, and drunk I fuck I”

He continued rambling but all you can hear is silence.

He had cheated. You hand flew to your chest, almost like it was trying to keep your heart together. The pain becoming overwhelming. You didn’t think anything could ever hurt this badly.

Then you hear the words “few…. times” fall from his lips and you freeze.

“Wait what…. a couple…omg” you whispered. “You did it more than once,” you questioned.

His head fell again as he didn’t answer. His hand tugging on his hair as he looked up at you unable to speak, completely lost for words.

You said “The least you could do is look me in the eyes and tell me the truth Auston. Everything” your hand shaking as you tried to control your breathing, trying to keep it all together.

“She’s… I met her out one night and it was just a kiss, at first,” he said unable to meet your eyes. “Then the last time you were in AZ I got a little too drunk while out wiht the boys, and I was lonely and it was a mistake. A stupid mistake I wish I could erase baby, It wasn’t meant to go any further but we came back here with everyone for more drinks and I just ….” and he continued a story which you didn’t think could get worse “The house was so empty without you here. I…..”

“You had someone here, in our home?” you said not really needing an answer, the damage already having been done. He had broken your trust, had tried to lie and claw his way out and finally the truth was there. What he hadn’t wanted you to find out, you had and there was no going back now.

You suddenly got up and began to walk to the bedroom you shared….well used to share. You were shaking, beginning to feel yourself but you didn’t want to do that here, not in front of him.

He had already taken so much, including your heart and you couldn’t have him see you break.

He began following you, asking “Baby please, we need to talk about this, “ His voice taking on a desperate tone as he began watching you throw clothes into a bag.

You continued packing your bag as he stood helplessly, watching

“ I…..I need to go” you whispered looking down at your bags.

“Baby, please…..I..I…it was a mistake. Please just stay” he said desperately grabbing your wrist gently needing some type of contact.

You gently removed your hand from his stating “The sad thing is, I thought we were happy. I was so proud of you. Everything you’ve accomplished. I would have done anything for you. The thing is, I don’t even know who you are anymore,” as silent tears fell down your face, your eyes meeting his for the first time since he said the words that ruined everything.

“Y/N..” he said his eyes bloodshot with unshed tears.

“I’ve got to go, I can’t stay here. I just can’t. I need time,” you said walking away and out the front door.

As you closed the front door you could hear the crashing of furniture and a loud “FUCK” screamed out as you let out a gasp. Your resolve finally starting to crack you got out your phone, calling Steph.

“Can I, can I stay at yours for a while,” you managed to get out through tears.

And with that you got into your car and drove off into the distance.