Not About Angels

Tears blurred his vision and his eyelids felt heavy – his body like dead weight and his heart ached in a way he’s never felt. He caressed the face that laid beneath him and he felt his breath catch in his throat. A stifled sob escaped from his mouth as a tear fell onto the cheek of the man below.

“Dean c’mon its time.” A voice echoed through the room.

We know full well that there’s just time

“Sammy I can’t, please man don’t do this…” His voice trembled and broke in the end.

“Dean it’s time. You heard what the doctor said, this is only prolonging it.”

His brother walked over to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in closer to him. Dean wrapped his arms around his brother’s body and sobbed into his shoulder.His body shook with each breath and his knees nearly gave out twice but Sam held him tight and allowed his older brother to grieve.

So is it wrong to dance this line?
If your heart was full of love
Could you give it up?

“I don’t want to give up, this family doesn’t give up on each other,” Dean cried into the younger man’s shoulder.

Sam didn’t know what to say and he knew no words would ever make Dean feel better about this. After losing Jessica nothing made Sam feel better unless it had some form of bourbon in it. No amount of ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘Time will heal all wounds’ will bring them back from the dead and Sam knew this so he did what no one else would do, he didn’t say a thing back. Dean tugged onto Sam’s shirt as he fell to the floor while he let out a gut wrenching sob, one Sam has never heard before.

“Sammy, please. I can’t live without him,” Dean begged from the floor

‘Cause whqt about, what about angels?
They will come, they will go, make us special oh oh oh
Don’t give me up
Don’t give,
Me up

The heart monitor beeped catching the attention of both brothers, Dean flew up from the floor and rushed over to the man’s bedside. “Cas its okay I’m here. I got you babe, I got you.” Dean whispered into his lovers’ ear.

How unfair, it’s just our love
Found something real that’s out of touch
But if you’d searched the whole wide world
Ho oh oh would you dare to let it go?

“I’m not letting you go Cas,”

Dean crawled into the man’s bed and wrapped his arms around the unconscious man. Dean inhaled the scent of honey from the man’s skin and laughed when he realized that the last thing Castiel must have been doing before the aneurysm was play with his very small bee colony that he had begged Dean to help him build just months prior.

He remembers walking in through the front door and calling out for his husband, the same thing Dean does every day he comes home from work. He threw the car keys onto the table next to the door and it always drove Castiel crazy."This is why I made the key holder Dean!" Dean felt a smile for the first time in three days as he remembered everyday Castiel would tell him this as he placed the keys where they rightfully belong.

He remembers calling out Castiel's name over and over again, Dean figured he was outside with the bees when Dean walked into the kitchen that's when he saw his husband on the floor unconscious still dressed in his bee keepers outfit and water all over the floor. Dean ran to his side and frantically searched his pocket for his cell phone and finally it fumbled out of his pocket and frantically dialed 911. He cradled his lovers head in his lap and cried and rocked them back and forth until the ambulance arrived and carried his husband away.

“My angel, my sweet angel, you’ll be okay. I’m here now.” Dean said as the ambulance arrived and carried Castiel away on the stretcher.

---
“Dean it’s time now.”

His eyes puffy and red – his cheeks tear stained and his nose stuffy from days of non-stop crying. He looked up the doctor and his voice caught in his throat before he could even think of saying ‘no’ the nurse walked over to him and grasped his hand in hers and let out a long deep sigh.

“Dean, it isn’t him breathing it’s the machine. You have to let him go sweetie, you have to let him go so he can be with the angels now. I know it hurts but it’s time. Let his soul be at rest and let heaven take him now. Let him fly with the angels.” The nurse said holding onto Dean's hand.

Cause what about, what about angels?
They will come, they will go, make us special oh oh oh
Don't give me up
Don't give,
Me up

“He doesn’t need heaven, he needs me! I need him! This isn’t about the fucking angels and heaven and letting his soul rest in peace. This is about keeping the one thing in the world that makes sense to me here, keeping him bound to me!”

The doctor walked in and excused the nurse and she walked over to the bed and checked Castiel's vitals, “Dean I’ve been keeping him on life support out of respect for you and your broth-” The doctor only got halfway through the word before Dean interrupted her.

“I’m his husband god dammit and I have the final say!”

“It isn’t recognized by state law and I’m sorry, I really am, but you have no legal say in this. Castiel has no next of kin and so this is left up to the hospital and the hospital has determined that Castiel is brain dead and there is no medical reason to keep him on life support. We have decided to terminate the life support at noon today, you have until then to say your final goodbyes.” The doctor said before walking out of the room.

Dean crawled into the bed of his husband and held him close to his body. He inhaled the scent of honey just one more time before kissing the very top of his head and whispering sweet nothings against his skin. Tears streamed like a river down his cheeks all of them falling onto his husbands face, Dean couldn’t breathe and his chest hurt from trying. His heart beat was fast and he started to dry heave, Sam tried to pull his brother away from his husband but Dean only held tighter onto his lover.

“Dammit Sammy, I’m not leaving him. He isn’t dying now get out!” Dean yelled, his voice scratchy and nearly gone. Dean used the back of his hand to wipe some of the tears off of face.
“My love please don’t go, please don’t leave me,” He whispered over and over again into the unconscious man’s ear.

Dean never left Castiel’s side he waited till noon came and the doctor kept her word. The heart monitor beeped steadily for an hour after and with each second that passed Dean grew hopeful that Castiel would pull through. Dean felt Castiel’s heart stop and he begged his husband to come back.

“Please Castiel…. Please, my love, not like this.” Was all Dean could mummer as the doctor worked around him and turned off the heart monitor above him.

Sam pulled Dean off of his husband and held him tight as the nurses wheeled the bed out of the room hours later and watched as his brother collapsed to the floor and pounded his fist against the floor. “He’s in heaven now.” A nurse whispered to Dean and silently left the room.

“This was never about the angels.” Dean cried.

Cause what about, what about angels?
They will come, they will go, make us special
It's not about not about angels, angels