‹ Prequel: I Need a Gangster
Monster in Hiding
Think of Me
August 1st, 1999
Two short months after graduation, the boys were leaving to record their first album and I was leaving for school. It was honestly the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Leaving the boys, leaving Matt. Even though we weren't really leaving- we would both be in LA. Only about twenty minutes apart from one another.
The record label that had signed the boys would be putting them up in a few apartments over the course of time that they were recording. Meanwhile, I was moving into a dorm on campus.Unfortunately when I applied for on-campus housing they didn't have any rooms that I could be alone, so I was going to have a roommate for the time being. I could survive living with a roommate, but knowing I wouldn't get to see Matt as much made me feel sad.
Never had we gone more than just a few hours without seeing one another, now things were all about to change. Drastically and all at once.
"What are you doing sitting back here with that sad look on your face?" Matt's heavy footsteps could be heard walking up the small ramp, into the Uhaul truck. I was sitting in the now empty truck with my legs crossed, and my fingers pulling at one another. I didn't look up at Matt, my eyes stay down on my hands. "Just thinking." I mumbled, my shoulders shrugging ever so slightly.
Matt slowly made his way over to where I was standing and crouched down in front of me. When I still didn't look up at him, he reached out and grabbed my chin, making me look up at him. "Tell me what's wrong." He coaxed me. Finally, I looked up at him. I could never resist those gorgeous eyes of his. "Everything's about to change isn't it?" I whispered, tears starting to build up in my eyes. Something flashed through his eyes, some kind of emotion that I wasn't able to tell what it was. A slight puff of air came out from his nostrils and he shook his head.
Ever so slowly, he moved to where he was sitting in front of me before pulling me into his arms. He situated us so that my back was pressed up against his chest, and he held my hand in his own. "Why do you think that anything is going to change?" He hummed, intertwining our fingers.
I couldn't stop myself from leaning back into him. He was the only person who could make me feel as safe as I feel in this moment. Safe, loved, and cared for. My eyes found themselves closing as I leaned back into his embrace. "Because we're both moving on to a new part of our lives. It's gonna be difficult, and I just feel like something bad is bound to happen." I confessed.
His hold on me tightened ever so slightly as he held me there. "Nothing bad is going to happen, baby. The studio is only fifteen minutes away from here, and when I'm not there, I'll be right here with you. Whatever gets thrown at us, we'll face head on together." I knew that his words were meant to be reassuring; but I just wasn't able to shake the feeling that something extremely horrible was heading our way. Before I could say anything, another pair of footsteps could be heard walking up into the truck, before whoever it was clapped their hands together.
"Alright love birds. We're finished!" Anna had a large smile on her face. Her long, dark hair had been pulled up into a pony tail on top of her head. Her eyes were shining bright and there were a few beads of seat rolling down her forehead.
Looking over her shoulder, I could see the rest of the guys approaching the back of the truck. "Everything is unloaded and in the apartments so now all you have to do is unpack!" Anna's smile never faded. We had all been working hard today. We took everything the guys would need to their apartments, and we had moved a vast majority of my belongings into the dorm I would be living in. Everyone was tired and covered in sweat.
"Or do you need us to do that too?" Johnny muttered under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the truck. I sent a nasty look his way. "Don't act like you did all the work. Between all three places we've unloaded things all you've carried is two boxes and a lamp. I've done more work than you, so why don't you go change your tampon." I glared at him.
Everything was deathly quiet for a few moments as a shell shocked expression came over Johnny's face. The other boys snickered ever so slightly as Matt and I climbed to our feet.
Anna was the one who stepped forward and placed her hand on my shoulder. "You're staying here tonight, right?" She questioned me. The look in her eye was that of a mother who was leaving her five year old in kindergarten. The look of a mother whose only child was leaving the nest for the first time.
"Yeah, I am. I need to unpack, meet my new roommate and learn my way around campus before classes begin Monday." I nodded my head. I was beginning to feel like a child who didn't want to leave their mother on their first day of school. I wanted to cling to her and not let her leave. This woman had taken me in when she didn't have to, and took care of me. This woman was all I had known since I was a little girl, and now it's all changing.
"You're sure this is what you wanna do?" Anna questioned, looking me in the eye. This was the first moment in which the smile faded away from her face and was replaced with concern. She was questioning my choice of major. I had chosen to go to school for Criminal Psychology, and eventually aimed to be a therapist at the prison.
Something in me longed to know what was happening in the minds of people who did terrible things. I always assumed it was mostly because I wanted to know why my father did what he did that day when I was a little girl.
I nodded my head softly, "I'm sure. I have to know." My voice came out as a whisper. Matt was the only one I had ever told both my past and why I had chosen what I would be going to school for. No one else would be able to understand, not the way Matt did. When I told him about everything, it was like he understood. He didn't judge me or look at me like I was crazy. He simply looked at me and told me if this was something I felt I had to then he would support me the entire way.
Her hand dropped away from my shoulder, and fell down next to her side. "Boys, do any of you need a lift? I need to get this Uhaul back otherwise they'll charge me for another day." Anna clapped her hands together awkwardly. "No need, Anna. We can all fit into the truck. "Matt flashed her a reassuring smile.
Once more she said she should get going as we all made our way out of the back of the moving truck. Anna pulled me into a hug before finally pulling herself away and leaving. It was a hard thing to do. We had never really been apart like this.
I never really did sleepovers as a child, I just couldn't stand being in other peoples houses. I always felt like something was going to go wrong. Once I was older the only time we ever really spent apart was when I was at school, or with Matt. Of course, I would occasionally spend the night with him at his parents house, but even that was a rare occurrence. To be completely honest about it, I had slept at his home twice last year, and that was only due to a hurricane. It rained so bad on those two days that the roads were flooded and the wind was blowing so hard I didn't dare go out in it. Mr. and Mrs. Sanders were more than happy to let me stay in their home during those two days.
"Are you sure you don't need anything else before we leave?" Jimmy was the one to ask me. My eyes snapped over to his tall frame. His shaggy black hair was pointing up in all directions, and he was rubbing the back of his neck. "I think I should be alright. I'll just unpack and start getting settled in; and I'll just order some Chinese take out since I'm too lazy to go to the store."I planted a smile on my face.
It was painfully obvious how awkward this was between all of us. The girls and I had said our good-byes this morning, knowing that it was going to be a long drawn out process. Michelle cried.
"Well, are you sure you don't want us to stay?" Zacky spoke next. He was standing a few feet away, with his hands shoved down into his pockets. Wrapping my arm around Matt's waist, I leaned into him. "I'm sure. You guys have your own unpacking to do, don't you?" I reminded them as Matt in turn threw his arm around my shoulders.
Why was saying good-bye so difficult? Even though it wasn't even really saying good-bye. Hell we were going to be in the same city!
"Okay, let's not make this even more awkward than it is! We're only going to be fifteen minutes away, we'll see each other all the time!" Brian spoke up. He was the only one without an awkwardly sad look plastered on his face. I agreed with him though. Pushing myself away from Matt, I gave each of the boys standing around me a hug and a small kiss on the cheek.
"Brian's right, we'll see each other soon." I smiled. Something about Brian's little out burst filled me with confidence. Bravery. I was brave enough to walk into this dorm and start life as an adult, a college student.
Matt was the one I gave the longest good-bye. As the rest of the boys piled up into his truck, I threw my arms around Matt and clung to him. I buried my face in the crook of his neck as his large arms wrapped around my waist. We held each other like that, and once more I found myself with tears in my eyes.
"Hey now, I'm only going to be fifteen minutes away, remember? It's not like we're never going to see one another." He chuckled ever so slightly as we pulled back from one another. "Things are just going to be so different now." I said with a sigh. Reaching up behind his neck, Matt pulled my hand down so that I would be able to see it. "Whenever you're scared or stressed, or just want to think of me. I want you to look at this ring. When I'm not there, this is what I want you to do. I want you to look at it and remember that I'm not going anywhere, no matter what."
With that, he leaned down and pressed his lips against my own.
Two short months after graduation, the boys were leaving to record their first album and I was leaving for school. It was honestly the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Leaving the boys, leaving Matt. Even though we weren't really leaving- we would both be in LA. Only about twenty minutes apart from one another.
The record label that had signed the boys would be putting them up in a few apartments over the course of time that they were recording. Meanwhile, I was moving into a dorm on campus.Unfortunately when I applied for on-campus housing they didn't have any rooms that I could be alone, so I was going to have a roommate for the time being. I could survive living with a roommate, but knowing I wouldn't get to see Matt as much made me feel sad.
Never had we gone more than just a few hours without seeing one another, now things were all about to change. Drastically and all at once.
"What are you doing sitting back here with that sad look on your face?" Matt's heavy footsteps could be heard walking up the small ramp, into the Uhaul truck. I was sitting in the now empty truck with my legs crossed, and my fingers pulling at one another. I didn't look up at Matt, my eyes stay down on my hands. "Just thinking." I mumbled, my shoulders shrugging ever so slightly.
Matt slowly made his way over to where I was standing and crouched down in front of me. When I still didn't look up at him, he reached out and grabbed my chin, making me look up at him. "Tell me what's wrong." He coaxed me. Finally, I looked up at him. I could never resist those gorgeous eyes of his. "Everything's about to change isn't it?" I whispered, tears starting to build up in my eyes. Something flashed through his eyes, some kind of emotion that I wasn't able to tell what it was. A slight puff of air came out from his nostrils and he shook his head.
Ever so slowly, he moved to where he was sitting in front of me before pulling me into his arms. He situated us so that my back was pressed up against his chest, and he held my hand in his own. "Why do you think that anything is going to change?" He hummed, intertwining our fingers.
I couldn't stop myself from leaning back into him. He was the only person who could make me feel as safe as I feel in this moment. Safe, loved, and cared for. My eyes found themselves closing as I leaned back into his embrace. "Because we're both moving on to a new part of our lives. It's gonna be difficult, and I just feel like something bad is bound to happen." I confessed.
His hold on me tightened ever so slightly as he held me there. "Nothing bad is going to happen, baby. The studio is only fifteen minutes away from here, and when I'm not there, I'll be right here with you. Whatever gets thrown at us, we'll face head on together." I knew that his words were meant to be reassuring; but I just wasn't able to shake the feeling that something extremely horrible was heading our way. Before I could say anything, another pair of footsteps could be heard walking up into the truck, before whoever it was clapped their hands together.
"Alright love birds. We're finished!" Anna had a large smile on her face. Her long, dark hair had been pulled up into a pony tail on top of her head. Her eyes were shining bright and there were a few beads of seat rolling down her forehead.
Looking over her shoulder, I could see the rest of the guys approaching the back of the truck. "Everything is unloaded and in the apartments so now all you have to do is unpack!" Anna's smile never faded. We had all been working hard today. We took everything the guys would need to their apartments, and we had moved a vast majority of my belongings into the dorm I would be living in. Everyone was tired and covered in sweat.
"Or do you need us to do that too?" Johnny muttered under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the truck. I sent a nasty look his way. "Don't act like you did all the work. Between all three places we've unloaded things all you've carried is two boxes and a lamp. I've done more work than you, so why don't you go change your tampon." I glared at him.
Everything was deathly quiet for a few moments as a shell shocked expression came over Johnny's face. The other boys snickered ever so slightly as Matt and I climbed to our feet.
Anna was the one who stepped forward and placed her hand on my shoulder. "You're staying here tonight, right?" She questioned me. The look in her eye was that of a mother who was leaving her five year old in kindergarten. The look of a mother whose only child was leaving the nest for the first time.
"Yeah, I am. I need to unpack, meet my new roommate and learn my way around campus before classes begin Monday." I nodded my head. I was beginning to feel like a child who didn't want to leave their mother on their first day of school. I wanted to cling to her and not let her leave. This woman had taken me in when she didn't have to, and took care of me. This woman was all I had known since I was a little girl, and now it's all changing.
"You're sure this is what you wanna do?" Anna questioned, looking me in the eye. This was the first moment in which the smile faded away from her face and was replaced with concern. She was questioning my choice of major. I had chosen to go to school for Criminal Psychology, and eventually aimed to be a therapist at the prison.
Something in me longed to know what was happening in the minds of people who did terrible things. I always assumed it was mostly because I wanted to know why my father did what he did that day when I was a little girl.
I nodded my head softly, "I'm sure. I have to know." My voice came out as a whisper. Matt was the only one I had ever told both my past and why I had chosen what I would be going to school for. No one else would be able to understand, not the way Matt did. When I told him about everything, it was like he understood. He didn't judge me or look at me like I was crazy. He simply looked at me and told me if this was something I felt I had to then he would support me the entire way.
Her hand dropped away from my shoulder, and fell down next to her side. "Boys, do any of you need a lift? I need to get this Uhaul back otherwise they'll charge me for another day." Anna clapped her hands together awkwardly. "No need, Anna. We can all fit into the truck. "Matt flashed her a reassuring smile.
Once more she said she should get going as we all made our way out of the back of the moving truck. Anna pulled me into a hug before finally pulling herself away and leaving. It was a hard thing to do. We had never really been apart like this.
I never really did sleepovers as a child, I just couldn't stand being in other peoples houses. I always felt like something was going to go wrong. Once I was older the only time we ever really spent apart was when I was at school, or with Matt. Of course, I would occasionally spend the night with him at his parents house, but even that was a rare occurrence. To be completely honest about it, I had slept at his home twice last year, and that was only due to a hurricane. It rained so bad on those two days that the roads were flooded and the wind was blowing so hard I didn't dare go out in it. Mr. and Mrs. Sanders were more than happy to let me stay in their home during those two days.
"Are you sure you don't need anything else before we leave?" Jimmy was the one to ask me. My eyes snapped over to his tall frame. His shaggy black hair was pointing up in all directions, and he was rubbing the back of his neck. "I think I should be alright. I'll just unpack and start getting settled in; and I'll just order some Chinese take out since I'm too lazy to go to the store."I planted a smile on my face.
It was painfully obvious how awkward this was between all of us. The girls and I had said our good-byes this morning, knowing that it was going to be a long drawn out process. Michelle cried.
"Well, are you sure you don't want us to stay?" Zacky spoke next. He was standing a few feet away, with his hands shoved down into his pockets. Wrapping my arm around Matt's waist, I leaned into him. "I'm sure. You guys have your own unpacking to do, don't you?" I reminded them as Matt in turn threw his arm around my shoulders.
Why was saying good-bye so difficult? Even though it wasn't even really saying good-bye. Hell we were going to be in the same city!
"Okay, let's not make this even more awkward than it is! We're only going to be fifteen minutes away, we'll see each other all the time!" Brian spoke up. He was the only one without an awkwardly sad look plastered on his face. I agreed with him though. Pushing myself away from Matt, I gave each of the boys standing around me a hug and a small kiss on the cheek.
"Brian's right, we'll see each other soon." I smiled. Something about Brian's little out burst filled me with confidence. Bravery. I was brave enough to walk into this dorm and start life as an adult, a college student.
Matt was the one I gave the longest good-bye. As the rest of the boys piled up into his truck, I threw my arms around Matt and clung to him. I buried my face in the crook of his neck as his large arms wrapped around my waist. We held each other like that, and once more I found myself with tears in my eyes.
"Hey now, I'm only going to be fifteen minutes away, remember? It's not like we're never going to see one another." He chuckled ever so slightly as we pulled back from one another. "Things are just going to be so different now." I said with a sigh. Reaching up behind his neck, Matt pulled my hand down so that I would be able to see it. "Whenever you're scared or stressed, or just want to think of me. I want you to look at this ring. When I'm not there, this is what I want you to do. I want you to look at it and remember that I'm not going anywhere, no matter what."
With that, he leaned down and pressed his lips against my own.
♠ ♠ ♠
I am so grateful for the feedback I've been receiving! Thank you all so much, it means so much to me.Heres something else for you all, things will start picking up in the next few chapters, and I really hope you stick with me!!!!