Monster in Hiding

January 2nd, 2000

I didn’t get released from the hospital until after the new year....a few days my ass that was a fucking week. Dr. Harper very obviously didn’t know how to tell time.

During the rest of my stay at the hospital, the guys spent a majority of visiting hours with Justin, who had only just woken up this morning.

Once the nurse came in and took out all of my IV’s and gave me the discharge papers to sign, Anna was the one to help me get dressed into a change of clothes she had brought from home. Underwear, sweat pants, and one of Matt’s shirts. No bra, it would just put pressure on my ribs.

I would be stuck either on crutches or in a wheelchair for the next six months until my leg healed, and would have a cast on my wrist for at least six weeks. I would be back at the hospital once a week for check-ups and to see how everything I healing.

“How am I supposed to keep up with all of this? School starts back in three weeks!” I groaned, throwing my head back lightly. As every hospital requires, I was sat in a wheelchair while I left. Anna stood behind me, smiling as she held onto the handles of the chair. “Don’t stress about it, we’ll figure it all out.” She chuckled ever so slightly.

She wheeled me out of the room and won’t the hallway a ways before we reached Justin’s room. As much as I didn’t want to be here right now, we had to tell all the boys that we were leaving.

“Elle.” Justin’s voice shook when he saw me in the doorway of his room. The noise of everyone talking died down as they all turned around to see me sitting in the doorway with Anna standing behind me. “Matt, Anna’s just gonna take me home. Her house I mean, I’m not going back to the dorm.” My eyes flashed over to Justin before narrowing. Matt looked between Justin and I, confused at what had just happened.

“Alright baby, I’ll be by in a few hours. After visiting hours are over.” Matt mumbled, stepping forward he pressed a small kiss to the top of my head. I still hadn’t told him the truth about what the doctor had told me.

“Elle, can we please talk?” Justin voiced from his hospital bed. He was the one who deserved to be there more so than I did. “No. Anna let’s go.” I was quick to reject the idea of having a conversation with him. I could feel Anna’s grip on the chair tighten, meaning she knew I was uncomfortable. “Elle, please.” Justin questioned again. This time it was Matt that stepped forward, obviously not happy with not knowing what was going on.

“What’s happening here?” Matt asked calmly, looking between myself and his band mate. I shifted in the chair, all of my injuries suddenly aching at once. “What’s happening, is I’m not allowing the person who attacked me to apologize just because now that he’s sober he feels guilty.” I growled out.

The room was deathly quiet.

Suddenly, Jimmy jumped up to his feet and came walking over to where I sat in the doorway. He crouched down in front of me and place his hands on the side of my face. “You’re a hundred percent sure it was him?” His voice was so soft, I don’t think I’d ever heard Jimmy be this quiet.

“I’m sure....he took so much away from me Jimmy.” I whispered in return. Saying nothing else, Jimmy rose to his feet and took Anna’s spot holding the chair. I was moving now, being pulled backwards before turning and realizing that Jimmy was pushing me down th hallway, towards the exit. Anna, still relatively shocked, walked along next to the lanky boy without saying a word.

None of us said a word as we walked out of the hospital, and made our way to Anna’s car. The large SUV was more than enough for the three of us. Jimmy effortlessly picked me up and transferred me over to the back seat before climbing in next to me.

The short ride to Anna’s house from the hospital was relatively awkward. No one said anything about what had just happened, and I was kind of glad for it.

“Jimmy can you get Elle set up in her bedroom for me?” Anna hummed as she pulled into the driveway. “No problem, miss Anna!” Jimmy saluted her from his spot next to me in the back seat. When he climbed out of the car he immediately turned around and pulled me into his arms once more. “Just put me on the couch, Jimbo.” I said with a sigh, clinging to the front of his shirt.

He looked down at me, almost sadly as he began walking to the house. “Are you sure?” He mumbled, looking over my face for some kind of reaction.

“Yeah, I don’t want to attempt the stairs tomorrow. Plus the couch is closer to the bathroom than my bed is.” I shrugged my shoulders ever so slightly. “But your bed would be far more comfortable to be laid up in.” He pointed out as we finally walked over the threshold of the house.

“I’m not sure there’s a way to be truly comfortable when you’re as broken as I am.” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. In the end, we came to a compromise. Jimmy got me set up on the couch, but he also pulled the bed out so I would be more comfortable.

He and Anna surrounded me with all the pillows and blankets I could possibly ask for. “Let me know if you guys need anything, I’m gonna go take a quick shower.” Anna waved awkwardly as she disappeared up the stairs.

I was sitting up on my little make-shift bed. The crutches the hospital provided were leaning against the coffee table that was to my immediate right. Also on the coffee table were the remotes, my pain medicine, and a cup of hot tea that Anna had made me while Jimmy was setting the bed up. Speaking of, Jimmy was laying sideways across the bottom of the bed like a dog would.

“What’s going to happen with the band?” I mumbled suddenly, twiddling my thumbs in front of me. My words caused Jimmy’s head to snap up and look sat me. “We’ll just find someone else, can’t be too hard.” He shrugged his shoulders.

Before I could say anything else, the front door slammed open and revealed the rest of the guys standing there. All of them had rather solemn looks on their faces. Matt looked pissed.

“Jim, you mind if Elle and I have a minute alone?” Matt questioned his drummer as he stepped further into the house. All of the guys seemed to understand and made their way out into the backyard probably to smoke or something.

Only once we heard the sliding glass door close behind them, did Matt move to sit down next to me on the bed. He took one of my hands in his, and gently rubbed his thumb of the skin of the back of my hand. “Why didn’t you say something? I know you remembered everything, you could’ve said something sooner.” He choked out. I could feel his eyes on my face as he waited for my answer.

“He’s your friend Matt, your bassist. I didn’t want to cause any problems when you all have finally made it. You just got signed, they want to send you on tour!” I almost felt like a small child that was being scolded by a parent. The kind of scolding where the parent had to explain why what the child did was wrong.

“Elle, we’re going to get married. We’re supposed to tell each other everything.” My wyes finally found his face, and saw the pained expression that resided there. We’re supposed to tell each other everything. My heart ached in my chest and I knew it was now or never. I had to tell him. “Matt, that night you came and surprised me at the dorms, I don’t think either of us were really thinking about the situation.” I choked out, unsure how to really say what I wanted to say.

I could see the confusion pass over his features. “What are you talking about?” He questioned, still holding my hand. “I was pregnant Matt. It was very early, but I lost it.” Once more I could feel the sadness washing over me. Matt’s body seemed to freeze upon hearing my words.

His eyes flashed down to my stomach briefly before once more finding my eyes. “What?” He choked out, more than obviously shocked by the news I had given him. I said nothing, hoping to give him a second for the news to sink in just a little bit.

“Is that the doctor told you that made you so upset? That you felt you couldn’t tell me?” He was actually taking this a hell of a lot better than I had imagined he would.

I simply nodded my head. Once more he was quiet. Shifting on the bed next to me, he once more wrapped me in his arms and pulled me into his side. He pressed his lips to the side of my head before allowing me to rest my head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. We’ll get through this, I promise.” His voice was soft and I knew he meant it.

We were like that when the boys finally came sauntering back into the living room from outside. They all gathered around the room, making themselves comfortable and we turned something on the tv that we could all watch.

A while after Anna had showered, she ordered some Chinese food for dinner. It was a hell of a lot better than the bullshit that the hospital had been serving me during my time there.
Since my hand was in a cast, I had a bit of trouble holding a fork-let alone using the chop sticks- so Matt had to occasionally feed me bites of the food.

This, of course,earned torment from the boys who were all sitting around us. I couldn’t help but laugh at what they had to say about the two of us.

“I’m going out to LA in the morning. Talk to the studio producers and explain that we can’t finish the album since we no longer have a bassist. Maybe they’ll just let us use what we have as a demo or something.” Matt shrugged his shoulders as he looked around the room. Things grew a bit tense in that moment. So they really had kicked Justin to the curb after the truth came out.

“I guess the search for a new bassist is on.” Brian sighed, leaning forward and grabbing his drink. I couldn’t help but feel bad. Justin had attacked me, caused everything that happened- so why do I feel guilty that he got kicked out of the band?

“What about me?” Johnny said suddenly, putting the idea out there in the universe. Everyone paused briefly and turned to look at the boy. “Yeah fucking right!” Zacky laughed loudly, clapping his hands together in front of him. “No really! I’m sure I could learn whatever you already have written- can’t be too hard.” Johnny spoke again, a slight pout present in his voice.

Once more the guys all began laughing at what seemed like a ludicrous idea from the youngest of our group. “Why not?” I spoke up, coming to Johnny’s aid. “I mean, you already spend all of your time with one another, so it wouldn’t really make a difference would it?” I pointed out.

Everyone thought over what I had said silently, looking to one another as if asking what they all think. “I mean, I guess we could give it a shot.” Jimmy was the one who spoke up, shrugging his shoulders.

I couldn’t help but laugh along with them ever so slightly. “You never know, the short shit over there might make you even bigger than Justin ever could.” I joked.