Monster in Hiding

Sighing, I set the journal down on the coffee table in front of me before pushing my hair out of my face. Matt was right, we were able to make it through everything together. But that was the past and I’m not sure things are going to be that way anymore.

The house around me was hauntingly empty. It felt strange without him here with me, it was like I was lost without him. But I had to remember that he wasn’t my Matt anymore.

Th events of earlier kept replaying in my mind. The guards dragging him into my office, and chaining him down to the metal chair that sat in front of my desk. I was so confused, at first I honestly thought it was some kind of cruel prank. There was no way he could’ve done whatever it was he had been accused off. I just couldn’t believe it, at least not until they handed me his file.

It was sitting on the coffee table in front of me, along with a half empty bottle of tequila. I hadn’t dared to begin reading it yet, it felt like some sort f gross invasion of privacy. What secrets would I uncover by reading the papers inside of that folder?

My eyes flashed to my hand, the rings that were resting on my finger. One held a good sized rock in the center, while the other was just a plain black band. The rings that symbolized my marriage to Matt, oh how our wedding had been absolutely wonderful- so how did we end up here?

Gulping down the puddle of saliva that had been pooling in my mouth, I reached out and grabbed the file. The very first page contained a picture of him, and all of his personal information.

Name: Matthew Charles Sanders
Alias: M. Shadows
Age: 36
Date-of-birth: July 31st, 1981

Charges: Felony drug possession, trafficking, and manufacturing. First degree murder, vehicular homicide, second degree Murder, and involuntary homicide.

My heart ached in my chest, how could he have been charged with all of these things? The Matt I knew, the one I married never would have done these things- what happened?

With my left hand, I reached out and grabbed the bottle of tequila off of the coffee table, while my right hand turned the page.

All the details I never wanted began on the second page, apparently he was pleading innocent to all of it except for the involuntary homicide. I scoffed to myself before taking a swig from the bottle of tequila. The liquid burned as it made its way down my throat, I put the bottle back down as my eyes continued to scan over the paper.

How could someone try to plead innocent to the manufacturing of drugs? I could understand the trafficking, someone else could’ve brought it on to the bus, he might not have known it was there- no where on the paper, in his statement, does it say if the drugs were his or not. But manufacturing? In order to actually charge him with that wouldn’t they have had to actually catch him in the act?

Another swig of tequila.

He had no problem admitting that he had beat two men to death with his bare hands, and then shot the third. The first two he beat due to them attacking him and his friends, and the whole thing just got a bit carried away. The third man was also involved with that scuffle and pulled a gun from under his jacket, Matt claims that he wrestle the gun away from the man, but in the end the man wouldn’t give up. So Matt had to end it.

That was how he got caught, it happened outside of one of the arenas they had been playing at on their tour and he was extradited back to California. I guess that explains why I hadn’t heard from him in so long...

Another swig of tequila down, and then another just for good measure.

A sob built itself up in the back of my throat. I just couldn’t believe that I never noticed that anything was out of the ordinary in my marriage. This is something a good wife would have noticed, isn’t it? That something this drastic was going on with her husband, in her home.

I closed the file, and pushed it away from me. I didn’t want to read anymore, I don’t think I’d be able to stand it if I did. Instead, I leaned back against the couch with the bottle in my hand and I downed as much of it as I could.

What the hell was wrong with my life, why did things always seem to turn out this way?

More and more sobs racked my body as I thought about it. For the first time in a long time, I thought about my father- what he had done to my family. He had never been a violent man, not once did he ever strike any of us, my mother especially.

He seemed to have an all but perfect life, so what had made him snap in the way he had? What had happened in his life, in his mind that made him come home one day and kill all the people he said he loved?

Then my mind immediately flashed to Anna. Oh Anna. She took me in when no one else would, she took care of me, and raised me. And now look.

Tears fell from my eyes as I downed the last of the tequila in the bottle. Instead of getting up to throw the bottle into the recycling bin, I instead sent the bottle flying across the room and it went crashing into the wall. Shattering into a thousand sharp shards. I would regret that in the morning when I forget it’s that and all those shards go into my feet.

Hearing someone suddenly banging on my front door, my entire body jumped about a foot off of the couch. My legs shook as I climbed to my feet, and all the alcohol suddenly hit my system. Whoever it was, banged loudly on the door once more. “Keep your fucking pants on!” I growled out, gaining my balance before making my way over to the door.

I barely even got the door open before I was sent flying a few feet back. A pair of arms wrapped tightly around me, pulling me tightly against the man towering in front of me. The lanky frame against my own was comforting, and the familiar cologne filled my nostrils. Once more I broke down, wrapping my arms around the man I front of me.

I couldn’t stop the tears that fell from my eyes, staining his shirt as I buried my face in his chest. “I don’t understand.” I cried, clutching the man. His hand moved away from my back and moved to rest on the back of my head, his fingers tangling through my hair.

“Shhhh, it’s all gonna be okay. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner, but I’m here now. We’re going to make all of it right.” His voice was comforting in this moment. I continued to cry into his chest, I just couldn’t believe that this was happening.

When he pulled away from me, he put his hands on either side of my face- suddenly I was back in the hospital all those years ago. He had the same look in his eyes now as he did then. “We are going to make it through this, Elle, just like we make it through everything else.” He spoke softly, his eyes found my own.

Something about his amazingly bright blue eyes comforted me. Even though it wasn’t the same as looking in Matt’s eyes, no where near as comforting, but this is what I needed right now.

“How the hell did we get to this spot, Jimmy? What the hell happened to him?” I began crying once more. Sighing, Jimmy pulled me against him once more and just held me there. “I don’t know, Elle, I really don’t know.”