The Crazee Life

"I'ma just head on home, then." I said, standing up. I had been over Priest's house for about three hours. "Money is calling." Priest shakes her head. "Well, aight man. Be careful, okay? We wanna be done with this stuff sometime soon, right?" she asked, making sure I heard her. "Hey, you heard what I said. If you stop, I will, too." She smiled brightly. "I am so excited about this. Thank you, man. Thank you. It'll be a challenge, but God is with us."

I tried not to roll my eyes. "Yeah, I guess so. Call me if you need me, okay?" She nods, and I walk out of the house. My Lexus still sat in the drivehway of Priest's big ass townhouse. I didn't really understand why she had that house if she was the only one who lived there. She could barely stand the fact that she liked girls, so she wouldn't ever live with one. So, who the hell was occupying all that space?

As I contemplated this, I opened up my car door and re-read my text from my new client, Baxter. He told me to meet him at a parking lot at Eckerds, a pharmacy only a couple blocks from Priest's house. When I get there, I notice a black SUV. I pull up next to it, and look through my drivers' window to see a skinny light skinned dude with fierce eyebrows. I quickly raised my eyebrows. He wants me to take someone out? I double checked. "Hey, are you Baxter?" I asked, through the window. "I am, if you're Ash." he said, in a high pitched voice. "That's me."

"Great," he said, and unlocked his car door. "

"What do you need me to do?"

"Basically, there's this dude at my job who is threatening me. He's always talking shit in my ear, so I figured, it's time he stopped."

"Wait, why don't you just fight him?"

"Girl, are you kidding? I'm too pretty for all that. All I do is go to work to make money, not hear slurs. I'm tired of it. I need him gone."

"Are you serious?"

"Hey, do you wanna get paid, or not?" he asked. I said nothing.

"Okay, now... his name is Jermaine Collins. He's tall, like 6'4. Fine, chocolate brother. You know, we had a fling back in '08, and then he left me for this one bitch. Ever since then, he's been harassing me in public. He refuses to acknowledge our relationship. But that's okay," Baxter said, grinning widely. "'Cause we gon' get his ass. And if he's with that girl of his, she could get these bullets, too."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. I don't have a problem with an extra body, but you know I gotta charge you extra."

"Oh we good, girl. You see my make-up? I have a makeup page. Check out my instagram, @_baxtermua. I'm a local makeup artist. I got plenty bands. All the girls in the area come to me. Matter of fact, I got a wedding next week. You don't worry about the money, okay? I got you."

"You know, Baxter, you're crazy. I like you." I said, cracking up.

"Well, you're not so bad yourself, Ash. Actually, I wanna help you."

"Well, I have perfected my craft, and I can't really risk anyone fuckin' it up."

"No, not with that. I can give you some fierce ass brows, girl. I could do it, free of charge."

I trace my brows with my fingers. "Wait, is that shade? I think that was shade."

Baxter only smirks. "Nah, I was just saying."

"My girl would leave my ass if my eyebrows are better than hers, so no thanks." I said, chuckling.

"Well, yeah. You can get him on Tuesday. He and his girl both work at the same job, Wendy's. Get him while he's there, so nobody thinks I had anything to do with it. I would let you get him on my off day at Home Depot, but then again, I want absolutely no association with him or his murder, okay?"

"Gotcha." I say. "Damn, he got two jobs? His girl is probably real happy with him."

"Yeah," Baxter says, smiling. "But she won't be so happy when she sees her man sprawled out on the ground."

"You are a G, you know that? Shit." I said. I dapped him up and took the cellphone with me to my car. I decided I would go back home, and take a nap. I drove back home to my house and called Kady.

"Hi, baby." She answers, gleefully.
"Hey, uh, what happened? Why are you so happy?"
"I was gonna tell you later, but.... I got an A on my psychology test! You remember what I told you I'd do if you helped me study, and I passed?"

She took the test a week ago, and we studied for ages before that. "Nah, what did I say?"
"You know what, Zee? I'll just keep it a surprise. Just know I got something up my sleeve, and I think you'll be very appreciative."

I grinned. "I will?" Hell, yeah. I couldn't imagine what Kady had in store for me, but I imagined it was sexual.

For the next hour or so, I chatted on the phone with Kady, and heard a knock on the door.

"Zee, hurry up! Hell," I rolled my eyes. I knew that voice anywhere. My friend Wynn had come to visit without texting me first.

I open the door and glare at her. "What did I tell you about showing up to my house and not letting me know?"

Wynn pushes past me. "Girl, move. You act like I'm your side ho or something."

"You know how Kady is. The girl thinks I'm cheating on her with every girl I lay eyes on. To her, everybody is a side ho. "

"Why are you even with that girl, huh? She does too much, I can't deal with her." I roll my eyes at Wynn's slander. She had always been the outspoken friend who spoke her mind. On the outside, she looked like she could be a model, but the girl was mean as hell. I respected her bluntness, though.

Kady was the exact opposite. She absolutely cannot stand Wynn because she believes Wynn is my type of girl. I mean, yeah, Wynn was gorgeous, but I saw her as a sister. An annoying ass little sister. That must explain why my sisters love her, too.

I make my way to the couch and Wynn sits on the other end, and we began recounting our high school memories. "Remember when we both showed up to class with a bowl of mac & cheese?" Wynn asked.

"Yeah, I remember. That detention was worth it. Oh, you remember when Mr. Hayes caught us in the parking lot, trying to leave school?"

Wynn sucked her teeth. "We almost got away with it, too! His daughter just had to break her damn leg."

"In her defense, nobody just wakes up and decides to injure themselves."

"Have you not seen A Thin Line Between Love and Hate? That crazy bitch hurt herself on purpose to get the dude in trouble. I'm certain Mr. Hayes' daughter had it in for us."

"She was in middle school!"

"So, what? It's still her fault."

This girl was psycho.

Three hours later, I woke up to a screaming Kady. "Zee! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Instantly, I rubbed my forehead. "Yo, what are you talking about?"

Kady is fuming. Only now do I notice she's wearing a long trenchcoat with her legs out, and some red bottoms.

I was too tired and shocked to be excited.

"Why are you sleeping on top of her?"

"Nobody was sleeping on top of anybody, Kady. Stop trippin'."

"Oh, so you think I'm stupid! You know what, Zee? I'm done." She turns to Wynn. "You can have her."

"Ohhhh my God, Kady. You're so dramatic." Wynn began. "I don't want her ass. In case you didn't notice, I'm straight."

"Yeah, that's what they all say." Kady scoffs. "Zee, tell her to leave."

"No." I say. "Who do you think you are, coming into my damn house, screaming like a maniac?"

"Your girlfriend, Zee!! You gave me the keys to your place!" she screeches, jingling the keys in my face.

"Whoa, hold up. Just because I gave you a key doesn't mean you can run up in here, thinking you can do whatever. Hell, just like I gave you that key, I can also take it away."

Kady gasped as if I said the worst thing ever.

"Yeah? Well, keep your stupid key, then." she says, and storms out.

I rolled my eyes for the 59th time in the 12 hours I had been awake.

"Seriously," Wynn says. "That girl is a nutcase."

"Whatever, she's fine. She'll be aight by midnight." I said.

Wynn only scoffs and falls back asleep.

Then, I heard my business phone go off. I go into the bathroom and answer the call.

"This is Ash. Got the shotgun blast for that ass, how may I help you?"

My mouth dropped when I heard the voice on the other line.

It was Kady.