Shadows From the Abyss

After Shawn got home from California, he didn't leave the house for a week. As bad as he wanted to see Art, he preferred to lie in bed snuggled up with his dog and watching movies to help come back to center. It was nice just being alone and drinking tea in front of his laptop, not talking to anyone besides his grandparents. After the trial he had deleted his Facebook account and he rarely ever used Instagram since he hardly knew anyone who followed him. It truly is amazing how fans of your father will follow you and try to talk to you thinking they know your relationship or try to claim to know you, thinking you're some type of way in to the circle. That's also a quick way to get blocked. His Dad had called to check in and make sure he was doing okay, but otherwise had given him plenty of space, which he greatly appreciated. He was just relieved that Art had been so understanding and supportive of him staying home and decompressing.

So when Saturday night finally rolled around and Art invited him to an 'End of Semester/Excuse to Drink' apartment party his building was throwing, Shawn was beyond ecstatic to go, finally feeling ready to be around other humans again.

"Be a good girl," He cooed to Bayley as he scratched under her chin, "I'll be back for snuggles tonight."

"So, is there gonna be a lot of drinking there tonight?" Papa Dave asked, pushing the back door open for Shawn to leave the small kitchen.

"Probably, why?"

"Well, if you're gonna drink, I'll give you a pass on curfew tonight and you can stay there if you need to. If you decide not to drink, that's totally fine too, but if you feel you're safer staying there I'll forgive it."

Shawn's face lit up. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. I just want you to be smart about it, okay? Pace yourself." Dave pulled his grandson into a hug. "I love you. Now go have fun and get out of my house for awhile."

Finding parking was madness when Shawn arrived at the brick apartment building, but he finally lucked out when someone was leaving and he was able to steal their space at the very edge of the packed parking lot. When he got out he could tell everything was in full swing and it was going to take forever to get past everyone and up to Art's apartment.

The building was so close to the UNCG campus that the majority of its residents were students, Art being one of the few exceptions. Blue and gold balloons were tied to the railings of the small balconies on all four stories, a 'Congratulations Spartans' banner hanging over the front entrance. Clearly though, this party had grown from just UNCG graduates to students from all the colleges in the city. Shawn saw decals and parking passes for A&T, Guilford College, Greensboro College and Guilford Tech as he walked towards the building. Every window was lit up above him and loud music and conversations rained down, making him a bit worried of how many people were actually here. Art had already told him to just come straight up to the apartment, so at least he had a destination to make it to and wouldn’t just aimlessly wander.

As he took a breath and prepared to pull the door open, it burst open in front of him, causing him to jump back as two drunk girls fell forward arm in arm, laughing hysterically. He grabbed the door as they stumbled away and peered inside. The lobby was packed wall to wall with people, all different levels of drunk and fucked up, swaying to the music as The Weekend’s Starboy played over the Bluetooth speaker on the hall table beside the keg. All he had to do was make it to the stairs and he’d be in the clear.

As he made his way through the crowd, the song changed from Starboy to Humble by Kendrick Lamar and everyone lost their mind, jumping around and slamming Shawn around. Nope, can’t do this shit! He pushed through harder and faster, finally bolting up the stairs to what he thought would be a much calmer second floor. It wasn’t. The second floor was just as packed, but instead the crowd was more clique groups with different parties that had all spilled out into the hallway. Instead of one lone speaker, every apartment had its door propped open and music was drifting out. As he pushed through to the back stairs he heard Panic! At The Disco, Luke Bryan, NSYNC, Bruno Mars, Kid Cudi, Bring Me the Horizon, even Holiday from one room, all mashing together with loud conversations and laughter, forming the perfect soundtrack to an introvert’s nightmare. Finally he broke through and reached the back stairs case, stepping around a drunk couple bickering about why they shouldn’t day drink.

To his relief, the third floor was much more subdued with only a few groups of grad students having laid back conversations about what they were planning to do with their careers or what they wanted to do over what little break they had. When he reached 308 a blissful wave of calm washed over him. He had finally made it. He opened the door slowly, hearing laughter and yelling from inside the small apartment all to the soundtrack of Freaks and Geeks by Childish Gambino.

“Oh go to hell with that blue shell!”

“Fuck yeah, bitches! First place!”

Chillin' with my n-words, say it like a white kid
Yes, your booty's big as hers, say that to my white bitch

Shawn rolled his eyes and smirked before stepping inside, immediately met with the smell of hookah smoke, making him cough.

Art turned and his eyes lit up. “Baby!” He hopped off the couch and almost spilled his beer as he hustled from the small living room at the back of the apartment. “I’m so glad you’re back!” He pulled Shawn into a tight embrace, his heart pounding against his chest.

Shawn smiled, melting into his lover’s embrace, his familiar scent filling his nose. “I missed you so much.”

“Not as much as I missed you,” Art whispered with a warm smile before kissing Shawn’s nose. He turned his attention back to his two friends sitting on the couch playing Mario Kart. “Yo, finish this round and then fuck off for awhile.”

One of them lost and tossed their controller aside. “Go to hell, Justin!”

“Stay mad about my communist blue shells!” Justin cheered before putting his controller down and turning to looking back at the couple behind him. “Sup, man?”

“Oh shit, is this Shawn?” The other one said. “Hey man, I’m Andrew and this is Justin.”

“Hey yall,” Shawn replied sheepishly.

“And they were just leaving,” Art smirked, “weren’t you?”

“Fine, I can take a hint,” Justin said, standing up.

"One more shot for the road," Andrew insisted, standing up and heading to the kitchen. "Shawn, do one with us."

“One more and then you two gotta fuck off,”

“Is the couch still open for crashing tonight?” Justin asked as Andrew handed out shot glasses of Evan Williams.

“Yeah that’s fine,” Art replied, “just let me know before you get back up here.”

"Gentlemen, to getting fucked up tonight, maybe in more way than one," Andrew smirked before downing his.

As soon as the dark whiskey hit Shawn’s tongue he almost gagged. It was much harsher than what he had been drinking with Mike. He swallowed and shuddered before putting the shot glass down on the counter.

Justin raised an eyebrow. “You good?”

“Not my go to whiskey,” He replied.

“It will be if we have anything to do with ya,” Andrew smiled. “Alright, let’s roll.”

The duo left to go back downstairs and keep drinking with everyone else, leaving the couple alone. As soon as the door swung closed and latched behind them, Shawn looked at Art and grinned. “Hey.”

Art shook his head and laughed lightly. “Let’s get caught up first, then we can screw around. Now sit your fine ass down and tell me about your trip.”

“It was great seeing my sisters and step brothers but I really do despise Billie after that trip,” Shawn sighed, sitting on the couch with Art after he had turned the stereo down. “As soon as I saw him, all those feeling of hate and lust rushed back in so I just threw a wall up and avoided him all I could. That first night I just hung out with Gloria, Jake and Joey while Dave and Billie got caught up and jammed.”

“So what went so wrong the next night?”

Shawn smirked and sighed happily. “I smoked with Joey and Ramona and we got fucked up at dinner. G was pissed, as was Billie. My Dad was just amused.” His smile weakened, slowly fading from his face. “When we came back down…that’s when I lost my shit.”

Art slide next to Shawn and pulled him close. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I just…the last time we I had been at that house with Mom was for my ninth birthday and it was a great time until she almost lost my sister the next morning. All I could hear was her screaming in pain in my head…and I fell apart.”

“Fuck…”

“Billie and Dad got in a huge fight after that and scared the younger kids. Apparently Dad punched him so hard he knocked him out, which he fuckin deserved. But we all got the hell out of there and had a therapy session of just screaming and being delinquents under the freeway and it was a blast before we had a giant dog pile sleepover at Mike’s. Oh! And Ramona, Joey and I got bonding tattoos!”

“Fuckin sick, babe,” Art smiled, glad to see Shawn was happy with at least one aspect of his trip. He sat back and listened to his boyfriend gush about his time with his step brother and half sister and showed him pictures of the adventures they went on in the short time they had together. The sheer look of joy in his eyes and the excitement in his voice was so adorable and breathtaking that he couldn’t help but smile.

“What’s up, babe?” Shawn finally asked.

“Nothing, you’re just really cute when you get excited.”

Shawn smiled and put his phone away before turning his attention back to Art. “I missed you when I was gone.”

“I’m sure I missed you more,” Art smirked, picking his beer up from the coffee table in front of them. “So I was filling out one of those time wasting quizzes about how well do you know your significant other and I realized I don’t know jack shit about you.”

Shawn scoffed. “I’m a mess, that’s all you need to know.”

“Oh come on now,” Art laughed lightly after sipping his beer. “What are your hobbies? I should know this by now.”

“Well…” He bit his lip and thought for a moment, “I used to play hockey until I got in a fight with some other kid and smashed my head on the ice so hard I fractured my skull. After that, Mom made me take piano lessons. I wasn’t very good but I can play by ear decent enough. I used to paint and I can draw pretty well but I’ve always preferred doing graffiti.”

“Ever do any tagging?”

“Cargo trains, mostly. I befriended one of the night guards at Desert Yard so he’d turn a blind eye when I’d turn up. Usually I’d have two hours before he’d come around and give me the signal to get lost. They put up a fence in 2014 but it was flimsy at best and not hard to get over.”

“Ever get caught?”

“Out there, no. Just stay away from the Southern Pacific lines and Amtrack and you’re fine. The homeless people didn’t care as long as you didn’t mess with them or their stuff. Here, however, it’s almost impossible at the Pomona yard on Oakland Avenue.”

Art smirked and sipped his beer again. “I bet the graffiti revolution thing downtown gets under your skin a bit, huh?”

Shawn shook his head. “Nah, they’re way more talented than I am. I wish I was good enough that they’d pay me to do a mural.” He looked over at Art, who was just gazing at him, a slight grin on his lips. “What?”

“I like watching you when you talk about things you enjoy. Your eyes light up and your face glows, it’s beautiful; you’re beautiful.”

He shook his head again. “This face is all Dad, man, you don’t have to lie to me.”

“You wear it better than he does,” Art finished his beer and sighed. A silence fell between the two, neither sure which way to take the conversation from here. They both had things they wanted to say, but weren’t sure if it was the right time.

Shawn finally drew in a breath. “So I don’t have a curfew tonight.”

Art raised an eyebrow. “At all? Like you can stay here if you wanted to?” He couldn’t contain his joy when Shawn nodded. “Oh hell yeah, baby! It’s gonna be a great night! Now take your damn shoes off and get comfortable, I’ll make you a drink. Rum and coke good?”

“That’s fine, babe,” Shawn smiled, watching his lover as he walked to the kitchen. He kicked his shoes off and lay back against the arm of the couch, glad to hear Art wanted him to stay for awhile.
The sounds from the party raging downstairs drifted up through the floor. The music and conversations had gotten louder, as had the shrieks of drunken delights. It sounded like a hell of music melding, people loudly slurring about who shot first, what to order from Cookout later or if they should just have something delivered.

“Let’s just drown that shit out,” Art mumbled, reaching for the remote and turning the TV up as Chucky vs. The Giant Tortoise by Dance Gavin Dance popped up on the playlist. He handed Shawn his rum and coke before sitting down beside him.

“Way too fitting right now,” Shawn smirked, sipping his drink, which was perfectly mixed and a lot more pleasant than the shot from earlier.

“How so?”

“Oh you’ll see,” He smiled.

Pass me some poison let me take a hit
I'm just embarrassed and comfortably numb
But failure is painful and lying is fun

“You should come a little closer,” Art whispered, “I’ve missed kissing you.”

Shawn bit his lip and put his drink down, trying to contain his excitement and desires to throw himself across his boyfriend. Be cool, play it coy. Don’t seem desperate. “Oh yeah? How much?” Yeah Shawn, that was real smooth. You’re excellent at flirting. You really got your Dad’s charm, fuckin idiot.

Art grinned. “Come here and I’ll show you,” He reached and gently but firmly took Shawn’s hand and pulled him closer.

As soon as contact was made, Shawn couldn’t help but moan softly. The warmth and softness of Art’s skin was a dream to feel against him. “Shit.”

“If I’m being too forward, tell me and I’ll stop.”

Don't let this moment go to waste
You don't know when the feeling could happen again

Shawn looked up and smiled. “Don’t stop.”

Touch me, taste me, tell me I'm not fading
Tell me that I look just like a man
'Cause lately baby I've been going crazy
Trying not to be an embarrassment

Art grinned wickedly, pulling Shawn on to his lap and kissing him deeply. He grabbed his hips and pulled his love closer as they lost themselves in each other.

Don't close your eyes tonight
Perfect melodies are hard to find
I got a feeling we can touch the sky
Let's live in this delusion that we don't live in perpetual confusion
And there's meaning to our lives
*******************************************************

Looking down on the lights in the parking lot below made Shawn feel powerful as he stood out on the small balcony, smoking the last cigarette from his California pack. His mother was right; a mind blowing orgasm really will change your attitude. Being on cloud nine was nice and all that remained was working up the courage to confess to Art that he loved him; he just had to figure out how.
The sliding glass door opened and closed behind him. “Hey beautiful,” Art slipped his arms around his lover and kissed his neck.

Shawn blew out a pencil of smoke and sighed happily. “Tonight has been absolutely perfect.”

“Not nearly as perfect as you,”

“Stooop,” He giggled, blushing.

“Not my fault you’re adorable,” Art laughed lightly, resting his head on Shawn’s shoulder. “I like seeing you this happy. It makes me feel like I’m doing something right, ya know?”

“Can I tell you something?”

Art lifted his head. “Anything, what’s up?”

Shawn took a deep breath, turning and staring at Art in the soft light radiating up from the street below and spilling out from the apartment behind them. His messy blonde hair, dark eyes, perfectly curved and sculpted muscular body. Screw it, this was the perfect moment. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. I love you, Arthur Miller.”

Art bit his lip and looked down, trying not to blush. “Fuck, you’re some kind of wonderful. Honestly, from that first night when you kissed me I knew we were meant for each other.” He looked up and smiled warmly. “I love you, Shawn Wright. As fucked up as we both are, we’re perfect for each other.”

“Awww,” A chorus of voices came from above. The pair looked up to see three women leaning over the balcony railing above.

“Good for you guys!”

“That’s so sweet.”

“Shut up and kiss him already!” The drunkest one slurred.

Art and Shawn looked at each other, smiled and shrugged. Shawn was nice enough to put what remained of his cigarette down before they embraced, kissing each other deeply.

“Whoo!”

“Hot!”

“I want Taco Bell.”

Art laughed and took Shawn’s hand. “Alright, enough of a show, let’s go back inside.”

“I’ll be there in a second, gotta finish this first.” He watched as Art went back inside and closed the door behind him. He picked his cigarette back up and squealed with delight before taking one last long drag. Tonight really was perfect. When he finished and went back inside, he found Art pulling out a shaker and glasses.

“Want a daiquiri? I was thinking we could snuggle up and watch a movie while the idiots get fucked up downstairs. Unless you would rather go join everyone else.”

“Do you want to go downstairs?”

“Honestly? Not really. I deal with enough drunken people at the bar. But if you want to I’ll suck it up and tag along.”

“I’d rather just be with you,” Shawn smiled, kissing his cheek. “Besides, I don’t want to put real pants on.”

“You find a movie, I’ll make the drinks,” Art winked, grabbing the blender from a lower cabinet.

The sounds of the blender filled the small apartment as Shawn scrolled through Netflix, trying and failing to find a decent movie to put on. Why is it when you’re trying to find one specific thing, everything else is interesting but when you’re open to suggestion nothing of value pops up? The universe is weird like that. “Babe I’m coming up empty handed over here,”

Suddenly, the door burst open, causing both Art and Shawn to gasp and turn around.

“Guess who’s drunk!” Justin yelled out, standing triumphantly in the doorway.

“Jesus fucking Christ, dude!” Art yelped.

“I guess Justin,” Shawn replied.

“You guessed right!” Justin smiled.

“I told you to fucking text me before you came back,” Art groaned. “You almost gave me a fucking heart attack.”

“Yo, someone downstairs had coke!” A second voice called out from the hallway.

“Hello, Andrew,” Art sighed, grabbing the two glasses off the counter and walking over to Shawn.

“Here ya go, babe.”

The pair sat with the incredibly drunk Justin and Andrew, who were fascinated by a Magic 8 Ball they had found, or more than likely stolen from an apartment downstairs. Eventually Live PD was turned on, keeping the group entertained for the next two hours as they watched other fucked up idiots across the country get busted by the cops. This was accompanied by several more drinks and shots. When midnight rolled around, Justin was asleep on the couch and Andrew had passed out in the recliner against the wall.

“Baby,” Art yawned. “You about ready to go to bed?”

Shawn nodded, finding it nearly impossible to keep his eyes open. He took Art’s hand and let him lead him to the bedroom and help him slowly crawl into bed, so drunk he could barely stand up right. “Make the room stop spinning,”

“Stay here babe, I’ll be right back.”

Shawn groaned, trying to focus on not moving as the spinning got faster. He hadn’t been this drunk in months. At least when he got high with Joey, it was enjoyable, but this was just awful. A deep rooted feeling of nausea crashed over him, making him gag.

“You’re okay, love,” Art said softly after he had locked the door and turned all the lights off in the living room. He put a small glass of water on the bedside table before cutting the light off and crawling into bed beside his boyfriend. “Come here,”

Shawn slowly slid back, letting Art pull him into a firm embrace, feeling his body heat against his back. “Whiskey is the devil,”

“Yeah but alcohol is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy,” Art smirked, kissing Shawn’s head. “Did you enjoy your night out?”

“Good shit,” Shawn whispered, barely awake. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetness. Get some sleep.”

Shawn’s eyes finally shut and he was instantly asleep.